ejobity Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Been dating my gf of 22yrs for 3 yrs and I am 30 yrs. My gf had borrowed my phone, so she had installed fb messenger on my phone and used it for a while. I then asked for it back to do some mobile programming. She however forgot to remove fb messenger and her account. So I was able to view a conversation with one of her guy friends. It seems like he was having problems with his gf too from the conversation and she was giving him some advice. He asked her how he could make his gf happy and such. She replied: "lmao okay. well my situation may be different but id say it maybe you can learn something. well i am easily bored and uninterested. so i always need some form of stimulation either intellectual or otherwise. routine too i guess. everything just monotonous. monotonous to the point that i find him annoying and unattractive to me. and i question why i liked him in the first place and now i cant remember. i guess what contributes to it too is that im not seeing him progressing like he say he would. we dont do anything, we dont go anywhere again, his jokes are corny he is annoying. sometimes is like a task to have a conversation. and i like my space but he always wants to be up under me. i dont think i want my interest regained. i want to be by myself." she also advised him: "and well dont be boring in the bedroom, change up how you look and dress and do things differently." She also said, "I love him, but i am not in love with him." She wrote this to the guy, in 5th May 2014. And still with me together Jan 29th 2015. She is going to school, I am working a full time job and started a teaching business at the side and busy trying to get a web company off the ground that i got an entrepreneurship award and option to financing for. I have my Bsc. in Computer Science, Associate in General Business Administration, and Associate Degree in Information Systems Design. Started my Masters Degree in Computer Science, but put a pasue on it. Right now im just trying to focus on buying my own house. In june we broke up. I started gym, and bought new clothes. I made a tack back bringing her flowers to her school, and in august to September we went to restaurants, beaches and did things . Had to recharge my finances in October, and in November went on a weekend trip vacation to an island which was really good. We went to a wedding in December and recharge my finances in January. At the end of the Feb month id take her out again. she is busy doing exams and studies currently so thats good. Gives me time to focus on me. However with the info I just found on the phone, i realize its a wholeeeeeee lot of this i got to do and change for her to see me attractive again. I love her and i want her to fall in love with me again. I am not going to bitch, I think she really wants me to improve and pushing me to my potential, it benefits me at the end. i will try to balance my personal life and my relationship and improve on them all in small increments, consistently. Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 It's really good to hear that you're doing improvements. However, you should do those improvements for YOURSELF and not for others, otherwise you might not maintain this in the long run. Don't do it to win back your gf's affections but because you genuinely believe that you need to. Believe me, if you do it solely to appease her you're just going to lose your identity. Be very cautious because in my experience when a girl loses her attraction to someone it's nearly damn impossible to get it right back. Especially true with the young ones who have lots of options and opportunities. The ILBNILWY speech is quite dangerous, tread carefully and with your eyes wide open. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Not sure you can or should save it, but you're on the right track trying to refresh yourself. I think the place to start isn't giving her flowers and MORE attention. If anything, I think she wants less of you "all up under her all the time." So don't smother her with flowers and things like that. Do continue to plan fun activities and also find something to do for yourself that will give you something new to talk to her about. Don't demand as much of her time. Lots of people just don't like that and feel they can't have any time to themselves. I'm that way. I can be in love and still be that way. I need my alone time. So give her plenty of alone time. Keep going out and keeping her busy in that way, but give her space at home a lot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Just curious here... What has "she" done to improve the RL? It takes two to tango here...and, I've seen this too many times. Women sit around and expect men to read their minds. They also don't do anything with themselves and rely on their guy for their source of happiness. You'll never please chicks like that cuz they have no life, are "slugs", and won't get off their duff to do anything with themselves. And, why does making her happy have to involve spending money most of the time? I could grab my guy and be like "let's go on a hike, to the park, on a walk"...shoot, I might even pack a picnic basket. You can even drive downtown and take a walk and check out your local riverwalk/city. I could also "surprise" him with a candle lit dinner... That's why so many divorces are initiated by women...women are so hard to please and men are much more simple. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ejobity Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 (edited) i have been asking myself that question everyday. She typed this to another guy tonight: "well i have ideazz of how i want my next man tuh be. i dus live too much in my head yes i need 2 start actualizing. this guy was real in love with me but i was busy with ejobity now she rich and making money, u see how life is." what the **** is she really saying. She is talking to more and more of her boyfriends negatively about me. 3 that i know of so far. The question is, Why is she still with me??? if she talks little about me and is disgusted with me. My cousin told me its me hanging on to the relationship and its not her. she is just waiting for the next best thing to come her way. Edited January 30, 2015 by ejobity Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 i have been asking myself that question everyday. She typed this to another guy tonight: "well i have ideazz of how i want my next man tuh be. i dus live too much in my head yes i need 2 start actualizing. this guy was real in love with me but i was busy with ejobity now she rich and making money, u see how life is." what the **** is she really saying. She is talking to more and more of her boyfriends negatively about me. 3 that i know of so far. The question is, Why is she still with me??? if she talks little about me and is disgusted with me. My cousin told me its me hanging on to the relationship and its not her. she is just waiting for the next best thing to come her way. Like I said, chicks who expect guys to "entertain" them while they sit on their throne can never be pleased....maybe it's time to initiate launch sequence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 "Love but not in love" is such a load of crap. It's just a euphemism for the fact that they no longer find you attractive or want anything to do with you. Her getting bored easily is absolutely a reoccurring theme with most women. They think it should be a mans job to entertain them all the time, as if they're incapable of having their own life or seeking fulfillment through passions, hobbies, friends, etc. Sorry to the women on here, but this is the truth. You get bored too easily and think every waking moment needs to be spectacular. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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