froyo01 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I went on a second date with this guy but we had been texting back and forth a month beforehand. He was very forward on this date. We cuddled, made out and he started talking about sex e.g fetishes and turn ons. After the date we kissed goodbye and he said he would text me. Three days pass by and I haven't heard from him so I get advice from my friends. They tell me that from the date it seems like he was only interested in sex and then lost interest when he found out I wouldn't give it away easily. I'm quite naïve when it comes to this sort of stuff but when they explained I thought of course he's a player! I texted him: "I assume that since you haven't texted me back that my suspicions of you being a player are true. I hope you find a girl who makes you stop chasing skirts." He texts back: "Excuse me? I have been busy with work and other stuff. Don't assume." I read the text 5 hours later and replied: "I apologise for making assumptions but when you talk about sex on a second date it could lead someone to believe that it's all you want. I still really like you though." I haven't heard back from him in more than a day. My plan is to just wait it out and give him some space. Am I wasting my time in expecting a reply from him? Do you think my friends are correct? Is he a player? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I went on a second date with this guy but we had been texting back and forth a month beforehand. He was very forward on this date. We cuddled, made out and he started talking about sex e.g fetishes and turn ons. After the date we kissed goodbye and he said he would text me. Three days pass by and I haven't heard from him so I get advice from my friends. They tell me that from the date it seems like he was only interested in sex and then lost interest when he found out I wouldn't give it away easily. I'm quite naïve when it comes to this sort of stuff but when they explained I thought of course he's a player! I texted him: "I assume that since you haven't texted me back that my suspicions of you being a player are true. I hope you find a girl who makes you stop chasing skirts." He texts back: "Excuse me? I have been busy with work and other stuff. Don't assume." I read the text 5 hours later and replied: "I apologise for making assumptions but when you talk about sex on a second date it could lead someone to believe that it's all you want. I still really like you though." I haven't heard back from him in more than a day. My plan is to just wait it out and give him some space. Am I wasting my time in expecting a reply from him? Do you think my friends are correct? Is he a player? Sending that first text was not the best move but completely understood; justified, even. I wouldn't put any more thought into it. The guy came on too strong IMO. A man should wait to put the moves on a girl until like the third date. Unless the girl comes onto him first. lol Don't sweat it. There's more options out there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 You went kinda crazy pulling all that out simply because he hadn't texted you in 3 days. Some people don't text until they have something to say or ask you to. You don't know what he's like. Now he's probably put off by you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 He probably is put off, but honestly, the guy sounds like a jerk. He's definitely only into sex, so I wouldn't worry too much about him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author froyo01 Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 You went kinda crazy pulling all that out simply because he hadn't texted you in 3 days. Some people don't text until they have something to say or ask you to. You don't know what he's like. Now he's probably put off by you. It wasn't really because he didn't text me in three days. Things got very heated with us and then I didn't hear from him. So I put two and two together. I don't buy that guys text when they have something to say or ask. If he likes you he'll find any reason to talk to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Levite Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 The fact that you still like him signifies that you are attracted to players. Otherwise you would be finding classier guys. The proof is in our actions, not what we say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Am I wasting my time in expecting a reply from him? Do you think my friends are correct? Is he a player? I think you're wasting your time expecting anything of him. He seems to be a very shallow individual. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 It wasn't really because he didn't text me in three days. Things got very heated with us and then I didn't hear from him. So I put two and two together. I don't buy that guys text when they have something to say or ask. If he likes you he'll find any reason to talk to you. Well, then, I guess he doesn't like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author froyo01 Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 The fact that you still like him signifies that you are attracted to players. Otherwise you would be finding classier guys. The proof is in our actions, not what we say. I made an assumption. I don't know if he's a player or not that's why I'm asking the question. I don't have a track record of dating players. Link to post Share on other sites
Levite Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I made an assumption. I don't know if he's a player or not that's why I'm asking the question. I don't have a track record of dating players. That's not relevant. It only matters that you THINK he is a player and are still attracted to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author froyo01 Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 That's not relevant. It only matters that you THINK he is a player and are still attracted to him. When I sent that text I thought he was a player but now I don't know what to think. Like I said before I'm quite naïve and find it difficult to trust my own judgement. Maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking he's not a player because I like him and part of wants to believe it's not true? Link to post Share on other sites
Ebelskiver Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 He IS a player. You texted him and now he's gaslighting you. Gaslighting is when someone takes your valid concern and turns it around to make it seem like you're the one who is acting strange. If a guy gets really physical with you quickly, it's his job to initiate contact the next day. Precisely so you don't start to think that he's an a$$. That he NEVER contacted you is proof he wanted you only for sex. He'll deny this because he may still be able to get sex out of you if he drags you along. Just quit contacting him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author froyo01 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Thank you! This helped. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 The world player has some strong connotations. It's likely he doesn't see himself as one and was put off by that comment. It does sound like he wasn't as interested as you were. I'd forget about him. There are other fish in the sea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Note to self: Now I must "text" someone I met within three days of our first date - even if I have no reason to text them. Look, he may have been looking for sex, but 3 days and you're freakin' cuz you didn't hear from him? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 How do you know that he was a player?! Plenty of men like to fool around early on, on second dates - I have had men fool around with me on date two or even date one - and they still called/texted me the next day.... Waiting to get physical can serve you well IF you are looking for a long term thing and you want to weed out the men who are only after sex. However, I have had relationships with men who hooked up with me early on and yet they were still interested in me; they texted/called me the next day. They still wanted to get to know me. I think it was unfair of you to assume this guy was a player! He could have simply not been that into you - if a man is excited about meeting you, he will nearly ALWAYS reach out and text or call the next day - I have had guys who were non texter types, text me the day after we slept together - even the men who prefer to do their own thing and who do not enjoy texting women on a daily basis will change their tune if they meet a woman who they are really interested in. Men don't get too "busy" to send you a simple text. If you are on their mind, just about all men will shoot you a text or two each day, or every second day at the minimum.... Hooking up with you early + not texting you after does NOT = a player! He was insensitive and he should have texted you in order to tell you that he didn't think you were a match - I don't agree with men who keep women around when they are not that into you..... And yes your message scared him off! Big time! He would have thought " hmm psycho, I didn't text her for three days due to not being that into her and she assumes I am some player? Wtf... desperate much?" I have been there so yeah I have had to learn from my mistake.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spanishchick00 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I don't think you scared him away. Any girl would think if she hasn't heard back from a guy in a few days-it means he's not interested. And those assumptions are usually true. Heck, I've had plenty of great first dates only that I would want by the phone for days and poof! They never contacted me and weren't interested in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author froyo01 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Hooking up with you early + not texting you after does NOT = a player! He was insensitive and he should have texted you in order to tell you that he didn't think you were a match - I don't agree with men who keep women around when they are not that into you..... And yes your message scared him off! Big time! He would have thought " hmm psycho, I didn't text her for three days due to not being that into her and she assumes I am some player? Wtf... desperate much?" We didn't hook up first of all. As for him not being interested. He was coming on very strong. Giving me lots of compliments, initiating physical contact. I even mentioned a bar that I liked and he said, "We should go there next time." I don't think it was very fair for him too lead me on like that, if he wasn't interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author froyo01 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Note to self: Now I must "text" someone I met within three days of our first date - even if I have no reason to text them. Look, he may have been looking for sex, but 3 days and you're freakin' cuz you didn't hear from him? I already explained this before. It wasn't just because I hadn't heard from him in three days. He comes on very strong and I don't hook up with him. If he was interested in a serious relationship (and was interested in me) don't you think he would want to text me back promptly to reassure me that he doesn't want a casual fling? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 (edited) We didn't hook up first of all. As for him not being interested. He was coming on very strong. Giving me lots of compliments, initiating physical contact. I even mentioned a bar that I liked and he said, "We should go there next time." I don't think it was very fair for him too lead me on like that, if he wasn't interested. Oh really? That's good. I have had guys that weren't that into me do the following within the span of a WEEK to one MONTH of first meeting me: - want to spend every day with me after first meeting me -tell me how awesome and "amazing" I am constantly throughout the day - tell me that they don't usually bother with girls but I was special:lmao: - tell me they were taking down their dating profile after the first date expecting me to do the same - tell me they are falling in love with me/are in love with me - tell me they had never had that sort of an instant "connection" before:lmao: - tell me that they have told their family and friends all about me - told me they were worried that I would cheat and pleading with me to please " break up with them first":lmao: - want to please me badly in the bedroom without even needing me to repay them (yes they liked head jobs, but they were really attracted to me and happy enough to just make me feel good) - buy me expensive gifts None of those men were into me. Not to mention the guy who recently told me that he "could see us together for a long time". Guys say anything for sex and a good time with a girl they merely like well enough to tolerate. Edited January 27, 2015 by Leigh 87 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author froyo01 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Oh really? That's good. I have had guys that weren't that into me do the following within the span of a WEEK to one MONTH of first meeting me: - want to spend every day with me after first meeting me -tell me how awesome and "amazing" I am constantly throughout the day - tell me that they don't usually bother with girls but I was special:lmao: - tell me they were taking down their dating profile after the first date expecting me to do the same - tell me they are falling in love with me/are in love with me - tell me they had never had that sort of an instant "connection" before:lmao: - tell me that they have told their family and friends all about me - told me they were worried that I would cheat and pleading with me to please " break up with them first":lmao: - want to please me badly in the bedroom without even needing me to repay them (yes they liked head jobs, but they were really attracted to me and happy enough to just make me feel good) - buy me expensive gifts None of those men were into me. Not to mention the guy who recently told me that he "could see us together for a long time". Guys say anything for sex and a good time with a girl they merely like well enough to tolerate. I'm sorry that those guys did that to you. I guess I should just chalk it up as a learning experience. At least I now know what to look out for next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I already explained this before. It wasn't just because I hadn't heard from him in three days. He comes on very strong and I don't hook up with him. If he was interested in a serious relationship (and was interested in me) don't you think he would want to text me back promptly to reassure me that he doesn't want a casual fling? I have met guys who were non texters who texted me daily in order to hold my interest in them.. they didn't want me to forget about them and I was on their mind so they texted. Men who say " just chill.. relax... people have lives...":lmao: Yeah. They just weren't crazy about a girl - when a guy is nuts about you, he texts daily albeit some men do text more than others! Men that have full and busy lives find the time to text a women who is on their mind a lot.... The non texter - he texted me daily but not incessantly. Just one small exchange per day and a nightly phone call. His mates said that I was getting the special treatment because he actually texted me where as he didn't with girls he wasn't crazy about. A guy I met at al airport about a week ago... he is a beta type, nerdy new doctor just finishing up his honours paper - very busy, he runs marathons and has friends. He is not one to send a barrage of texts to a woman - but he texts me every day and he is not much of a texter.... If a guy is interested, he doesn't leave it days with no text OR call.... Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Lots of assumptions here. I've worked 70+ hour weeks in which I didn't text the woman I was seeing at all until the weekend. I have also dated women who were quite busy and I had no problems with them not texting me during the week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author froyo01 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Lots of assumptions here. I've worked 70+ hour weeks in which I didn't text the woman I was seeing at all until the weekend. I have also dated women who were quite busy and I had no problems with them not texting me during the week. That's true. I think consistency is key. If he consistently texts you once every week then it's not unusual. Not getting back to me in three days was not consistent with his usual texting habits. Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I think the nature of the message was a bit forward, confronting even. And all that based on an assumption. If the guy wasn't a player -and we don't know this- he may have been put off by such a comment. I sure would've. The fact he was talking openly about sex, and not hiding his motives, it seems that he was being himself, and being frank about it. Now he gets the pitch fork pointed at him for having such an open discussion, or more importantly, being open about his interests with you. There is nothing wrong with sex, nothing wrong in being into sex, the guy was rather upfront about it. So I don't see why this guy gets dragged through the mud here. If you are NOT into sex, then you can agree to go your own way, right? What if you guys were talking about knitting all evening, and then ceased texting you, would you still think he is a player? If he doesn't answer you in your preferred time limit, that doesn't mean he is a player, even though it would rationalize your feeling of rejection much better. But how would this be fair to him or yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
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