Honeybunnies Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I am about to be 24 and have always been on the curvier side. I know I am genetically not meant to be a size 0 or size 2, and I am usually okay with this. In high school, I was the biggest in my group of friends, so my self esteem suffered a lot. Despite my figure, I am definitely healthy - my doctor says so. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. When we first started dating, we had the ex talk and he mentioned his ex is a model. I saw pictures of her, and seriously, her waist is like the size of my forearm. I saw another picture of another ex of his, and again, I was much bigger. My breasts are much larger and my hips are basically ready to birth a ten pound baby. My butt is big and I have thunder thighs. It doesn't help that I'm also bigger than my boyfriend. He wears a small medium while I wear a large/XL in clothing. I read an article about a woman in a similar situation who said she felt like King Kong everytime she had sex with her bf. I feel the same!! I feel like this beast attacking my smaller boyfriend. I hate being on top because I feel like I'm crushing him!! My boyfriend calls me beautiful every day but never calls me sexy. Is he not attracted to me sexually because I'm bigger than what he's used to? After a year, is it normal to never call the other person sexy? Knowing I am the biggest woman he has been with, why does this bother me so much?? Does anyone else feel this way?? Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 My boyfriend calls me beautiful every day but never calls me sexy. Is he not attracted to me sexually because I'm bigger than what he's used to? After a year, is it normal to never call the other person sexy? Knowing I am the biggest woman he has been with, why does this bother me so much?? Does anyone else feel this way?? Guys are very easy to figure out. If he thinks you're sexy he will initiate sex with you and will have an erection at some stage in the process. He thinks you're beautiful - did it ever occur to you that you are what "turns his crank" and his exes weren't. And maybe that's why they're exes? Why it bothers you is for you to figure out, because it's about you. Does your size bother you regardless of your boyfriend? 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeybunnies Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Guys are very easy to figure out. If he thinks you're sexy he will initiate sex with you and will have an erection at some stage in the process. He thinks you're beautiful - did it ever occur to you that you are what "turns his crank" and his exes weren't. And maybe that's why they're exes? Why it bothers you is for you to figure out, because it's about you. Does your size bother you regardless of your boyfriend? Thanks for the quick reply! He does initiate sex. I guess I should just remember actions speak louder than words. It just bothers me that I never hear it. He doesn't really comment much on other women, now that I think about it. I've never heard him make comments about a random woman walking down the street or on tv. The only times he does comment on other women is when he doesn't like something: such as Nicki Minaj. He doesn't like her body, but mine is pretty thick and curvy?? I don't get why he's with me... My size doesn't bother me when I think about myself. It bothers me when I compare myself to other couples. I don't like seeing "normal" couples: small, cute girl with bigger boyfriend. It just makes me feel like an elephant with a mouse. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Sounds like this is all in your head. I get the comparing, I'm guilty. My BFs ex is freaking gorgeous...but they're exes for a reason. She may glitter on the outside, but she's not his gold.....I am. Build your confidence some. I'm sure if he had any issue he wouldn't be with you. Pay attention to how he treats you. If that falters, then you have an issue. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Don't worry about what he doesn't say, or what his exes were like. He's stuck with you for a year, and assuming you're having sex regularly, his actions and responses speak louder than anything he doesn't say. Believe it - he likes you enough to want you and stay with you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeybunnies Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Wow, that comment about "but she's not his gold, I am" really struck me! That's a great thing to think when I am having bad thoughts! I agree, I should build my confidence. They are his ex for a reason, I need to remember that. Thank you both very much for your comments! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Thanks for the quick reply! He does initiate sex. I guess I should just remember actions speak louder than words. It just bothers me that I never hear it. He doesn't really comment much on other women, now that I think about it. I've never heard him make comments about a random woman walking down the street or on tv. The only times he does comment on other women is when he doesn't like something: such as Nicki Minaj. He doesn't like her body, but mine is pretty thick and curvy?? I don't get why he's with me... My size doesn't bother me when I think about myself. It bothers me when I compare myself to other couples. I don't like seeing "normal" couples: small, cute girl with bigger boyfriend. It just makes me feel like an elephant with a mouse. There's no point in comparing other couples to yourself because they are not you and you are not them. It doesn't matter what other couples are like because they don't play any role in your relationship. Your boyfriend is with you, not with his exes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 He calls you beautiful because you are beautiful. Sexy is exuded. I think sexy is more of an attitude - that's what I think at least. Sexy is confidence and just exuding sexuality, You seem insecure and I think that makes it harder to project 'Sexy'. You must be beautiful though - and he knows it. Work on your confidence. Honestly, it seems like what you and your bf have is awesome. He's into you, he wants you, he sees your beauty. It's not about the exes (although I totally understand what you're feeling and the comparisons and everything) - but it really doesn't sound like you got anything to worry about - you're beautiful, you're in love, you got a nice bf that knows it - work it girl 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Your insecurity about it was developed while you were in high school from a teen-aged point of view. Maybe it's time to figure out why you're allowing notions thought up by your child self dictate what you believe in your adult life? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeybunnies Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I just asked why he never calls me sexy and he said that he believes being beautiful is more important - but he can call me sexy if it would make me feel better. As before, I do need to work on my confidence. I'm not sure why feelings from high school still reside - or more importantly, why I let those feelings affect me so much. As far as my boyfriend telling me his ex was a model, I don't think he was trying to make me feel insecure. It was more of a "she started modeling and really changed. She became self-obsessed." The emphasis wasn't that she was a model - I think it was more of how it changed her into someone he didn't want to be with anymore. As far as the pictures, that's my fault. I'm the one who looked them up I'm now realizing it really is all in my head... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 As far as my boyfriend telling me his ex was a model, I don't think he was trying to make me feel insecure. It was more of a "she started modeling and really changed. She became self-obsessed." The emphasis wasn't that she was a model - I think it was more of how it changed her into someone he didn't want to be with anymore. As far as the pictures, that's my fault. I'm the one who looked them up Being a model is just a job. You don't have to trash this girl simply because she does modelling. Its just a way to make money, like any other job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeybunnies Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I was not trashing her? I was quoting my boyfriend on the conversation we had. I know modeling is a job - I was stating the context in which he mentioned her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Hi Honey I am female and have dated male models. I didn't love them. The men I have loved are so insanely gorgeous to me that I would think they were the most beautiful thing I had set my eyes on even if they were naked in a pile of cow dung. Your other half clearly adores you and thinks that you are beautiful so instead of questioning it why not accept it. Heck he must know what beautiful is if he has dated others who are paid to look beautiful!!! Thats some compliment! Good on you! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 It's not about him, this is all about you. And I guess you know this. I have been with all women of all shapes and sizes, and I don't even think twice about that. If the guy is into thin models, he wouldn't be with you right now. Work through your insecurities, the guy most likely is very attracted to you. But your assumptions, and your analyzing of each and every word, or action, may be corrosive to your relationship. So keep that in mind when you think like that. Challenge those negative thoughts as they enter your mind. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Thanks for the quick reply! He does initiate sex. I guess I should just remember actions speak louder than words. It just bothers me that I never hear it. He doesn't really comment much on other women, now that I think about it. I've never heard him make comments about a random woman walking down the street or on tv. The only times he does comment on other women is when he doesn't like something: such as Nicki Minaj. He doesn't like her body, but mine is pretty thick and curvy?? I don't get why he's with me... My size doesn't bother me when I think about myself. It bothers me when I compare myself to other couples. I don't like seeing "normal" couples: small, cute girl with bigger boyfriend. It just makes me feel like an elephant with a mouse. It's mostly your idea of what is normal, that is the issue here. It almost sounds like you don't want him because he is thin. Are you bothered with his size maybe? Don't question why he's with you. It really has no purpose. Unless you have a million dollars in the bank. IF this relationship makes you feel a certain way, because of looks, then maybe change your thinking patterns. As I have said, this may become an unnecessary issue that can be avoided. Good luck to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 it wouldnt matter if you were with a good looking guy or a not so good looking guy....it wouldnt matter what his ex gfs were before or what they werent ....your insecurities are internal...your doubts all yours......your self image is yours to own.....everyone is beautiful to someone.....sometimes guys just dont actually go by aesthetics some guys look deeper..... quite a few guys i have gone out with...have been honest with me.....they have said that i am not really their type....i am so different from the women they have been with.. one guy told me at first he liked my friend.....but once he got to know me that changed and he said he fell in love because of how i am.......i was the exact opposite to my friend..sometimes though a guy just cant figure out why they like you ....but they do....and you have to believe it.....maybe they arent just looking at the surface and they see who you are as a woman....maybe its your eyes or your mouth....or your quick laugh....who knows........and that woman rocks their boat....whatever it is that attracted him to you...why do you have to define it.....leave it be......his exes dont matter....they happen to be exes for a reason...you are his current gf and he cares for you....so be happy....have a blast ....enjoy spending time with him...and from me, best wishes to you.....deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 He's having sex with you, but he isn't attracted. How can that be? If he wasn't attracted you'd hear all kinds of excuses about why you can't have sex. And I don't particularly like "sexy" as a compliment. I mean, it's allright but doesn't do anything for me. I prefer "beautiful" a thousand times! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Guys who are good with women generally try not to give them compliments beyond what they themselves believe, and if he either knows or senses your history of feeling like the ugly duckling he's probably not going to lavish you with stuff like sexy. Even if he finds you very sexy. He might even enjoy the fact you're bigger than him, as horrifying as you might find that. As everyone else said there's a reason he's with you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 IMO you need to build your self esteem up. Do whatever it takes right now to really get past the issues you're still carrying from high school. Counselling is strongly suggested by me! BECAUSE I have a friend from HS that is STILL carrying massive issues from her HS experience and it's really disabled her where relationships and friendships are concerned. She still gets tears in her eyes when talking about it to me! Yet she's happily married, has a son, is financially very well off AND SHE WORKS AS A COUNSELLOR HERSELF! We are both 50 this year. Don't be her. Resolve them now so you are free of it asap. I was also thinking that because of your comparisons with bfs exes, you could be unconsciously sabotaging your relationship and causing issues where there are none between you and bf. He may be able to help a little but it's you who needs to fill you up. I bought a beautiful book last week called "What I know for sure" by Oprah Winfrey. Just like her, its gorgeous and all round helpful. There are plenty of others. Find them, read them but love yourself. And let's be honest, your guy is WITH YOU! So BE YOU! Let your awesomeness shine girlfriend. You're allowed to be happy! Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I guess beautiful = love and affection, gf material and potentially wife material. sexy = hook up material, FWB... Big difference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honeybunnies Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Wow, everyone has incredible advice and words of wisdom. I am so glad I wrote about this since it has bothered me for some time. Even just writing out my concerns makes me realize I shouldn't over-analyze everything unless a serious problem arises on his part, which thankfully, it hasn't. It's mostly your idea of what is normal, that is the issue here. It almost sounds like you don't want him because he is thin. Are you bothered with his size maybe? I agree, I should stop using the word normal. It is no use comparing. As for being bothered by my boyfriend's size, this is absolutely not the case! And I realize that might be how this is coming off I love him dearly and think he is the most wonderful man I have ever met! I love him the way he is, but outsides change - I'd love him regardless of looks. I now realize I'm saying about him what I should be saying about myself and our relationship: that he loves me for me. Guys who are good with women generally try not to give them compliments beyond what they themselves believe, and if he either knows or senses your history of feeling like the ugly duckling he's probably not going to lavish you with stuff like sexy. Even if he finds you very sexy. I never thought of this, but it makes sense. Even now, I tend to brush off his compliments. I will work on accepting compliments and start believing he is, indeed, sincere. He's having sex with you, but he isn't attracted. How can that be? If he wasn't attracted you'd hear all kinds of excuses about why you can't have sex. I know it is silly to think he isn't attracted to me when his actions show otherwise. I guess I'm just used to relying on words. Again, I sincerely appreciate everyone who has responded! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Not every guy uses the same words to compliment women. Some may say sexy, some may say hot, some beautiful, some cute, some adorable. Just because he uses one of these words doesn't mean he doesn't think the others apply (unless he's told you they don't). It just means those are the words he's comfortable with. For example, think of all the words you'd use to compliment a man: hot, handsome, gorgeous, cute, sexy, etc. I imagine there are a few on the list that you just don't use much. Could be because you think of him as hot rather than cute, or could be that hot and sexy mean the same thing to you. Maybe handsome sounds old-fashioned and cute sounds young. There are lots of reasons people use specific words, and it's very specific to the person using them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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