Mark1 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I commute to class and I met a girl in class who walks to class. We started talking, and I offered her a ride home since its cold this time of year. She agreed. I was a bit surprised because it was the first time we talked. Does she want something more? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Based solely on what you posted it's impossible to know. Do you want something more? If so be chatty & after a few rides ask her on a date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Based solely on what you posted it's impossible to know. Do you want something more? If so be chatty & after a few rides ask her on a date. We were pretty chatty before I asked her. She complimented my clothes as well. But I think she may have just been being nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 also, she mentioned she lives alone, before I offered her a ride. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Still not enough info to determine what she wants. What do you want? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark1 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 Still not enough info to determine what she wants. What do you want? I want to follow her right in and make out with her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I want to follow her right in and make out with her Yea there isn't enough info here to determine if she wants anything romantic with you. If my classmate offered me a ride and he didn't seem insane and it was cold outside I'd take it. It wouldn't necessarily mean anything other than I am happy not to walk in the cold. Give her a ride and see. But please don't try to follow her into her home and make out with her unless invited. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 You see....?! Guys always have a f&*%@ing agenda!! "Maybe if she accepts a lift it means I can get my leg over....." She's agreed to a ride home because it's cold!! Please, please do not come on too strong.... I suggest a regular month of lifts home, with no hint or discussion about dating... then if she's still happy to accept lifts and you get chatty enough, ask if she'd like to go for a coffee some time... or on a date.... but be detached, non-committal..... Holy mother of god.... is it not possible to be friends with a guy WITHOUT being thought of as c0(K-fodder....?! Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 You see....?! Guys always have a f&*%@ing agenda!! "Maybe if she accepts a lift it means I can get my leg over....." She's agreed to a ride home because it's cold!! Please, please do not come on too strong.... I suggest a regular month of lifts home, with no hint or discussion about dating... then if she's still happy to accept lifts and you get chatty enough, ask if she'd like to go for a coffee some time... or on a date.... but be detached, non-committal..... Holy mother of god.... is it not possible to be friends with a guy WITHOUT being thought of as c0(K-fodder....?! Yeah, it seems a bit wrong to do what he's doing. But if there's any attraction on one side, than a vast majority of the time men & women can't be just friends. Why do you think trouble usually always starts when a woman wants to hang out with one of her guy friends. Men know how other men think more than women do, so they know a lot of guys would love to have sex with their friend if they had the chance & have attraction to her. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 You see....?! Guys always have a f&*%@ing agenda!! "Maybe if she accepts a lift it means I can get my leg over....." She's agreed to a ride home because it's cold!! Please, please do not come on too strong.... I suggest a regular month of lifts home, with no hint or discussion about dating... then if she's still happy to accept lifts and you get chatty enough, ask if she'd like to go for a coffee some time... or on a date.... but be detached, non-committal..... Holy mother of god.... is it not possible to be friends with a guy WITHOUT being thought of as c0(K-fodder....?! It is... Just because this particular guy feels this way it's a leap to now assume EVERY and ALL guys think this way or have ulterior motives, simply by reading OP's thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Yeah, it seems a bit wrong to do what he's doing. But if there's any attraction on one side, than a vast majority of the time men & women can't be just friends. Why do you think trouble usually always starts when a woman wants to hang out with one of her guy friends. Men know how other men think more than women do, so they know a lot of guys would love to have sex with their friend if they had the chance & have attraction to her. The problem, as I see it, (and I'm speaking form a woman's perspective, coupled with a few years' back-experience) is that guys think like guys, but women would love a guy to think like a girl. In other words, guys need to understand - REALLY understand - that a woman is extremely happy, and very comfortable having friends of both genders, without any hidden agendas - no jealousy/competitiveness between her and female friends, and no subtle frissons of sexual desire between her and guy friends. As I have repeatedly said (quite a bit, recently!) this is perhaps one of the reasons women love having gay guy friends. No pressure. No hidden agenda, no sexual desire, no carnal undertones. Just good ol' friendship where everything and anything can be discussed, and the responses are always male-oriented, but with feminine understanding! PERFECT!! Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 It is... Just because this particular guy feels this way it's a leap to now assume EVERY and ALL guys think this way or have ulterior motives, simply by reading OP's thoughts. Having been round the block a few times, sadly the majority of men DO think carnally when faced with having a female friend. how many threads have there been here, discussing friendships with exes being impossible, because the guy still has feelings.... or women expressing discomfort at their guy still being in touch with his exes.... or guys expressing suspicion at their GF's having guy friends (because, as pointed out by NJ123, "Guys know how guys think"....?) The constant jealousies, insecurities and secret desires here, are legion. And I'd be very happy for you to prove me wrong and find one, but I don't remember a single thread here, begun by a guy developping a friendship with a girl, who actually only wants it to ever be just a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) The problem, as I see it, (and I'm speaking form a woman's perspective, coupled with a few years' back-experience) is that guys think like guys, but women would love a guy to think like a girl. In other words, guys need to understand - REALLY understand - that a woman is extremely happy, and very comfortable having friends of both genders, without any hidden agendas - no jealousy/competitiveness between her and female friends, and no subtle frissons of sexual desire between her and guy friends. As I have repeatedly said (quite a bit, recently!) this is perhaps one of the reasons women love having gay guy friends. No pressure. No hidden agenda, no sexual desire, no carnal undertones. Just good ol' friendship where everything and anything can be discussed, and the responses are always male-oriented, but with feminine understanding! PERFECT!! But that's just not the case. Men can't help when there's attraction to someone they like even if there just a friend. If there's physical attraction than they would love to have more than just to be a friend with her. They'd jump at the chance to have sex with her in a heartbeat if given the chance. That's why a lot of women don't have male friends & as you said if they do a lot of them only have gay male friends. And it's because women think differently for why they can more easily have friends of both genders without hidden agendas. But sometimes if they hang out with a guy friend a lot, feelings start to develop even while in a relationship with some other guy. Especially if there hanging out with them a lot. So it still goes both ways where there could be problems for both genders having friends of the opposite sex. Edited January 12, 2015 by NJ123 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Having been round the block a few times, sadly the majority of men DO think carnally when faced with having a female friend. how many threads have there been here, discussing friendships with exes being impossible, because the guy still has feelings.... or women expressing discomfort at their guy still being in touch with his exes.... or guys expressing suspicion at their GF's having guy friends (because, as pointed out by NJ123, "Guys know how guys think"....?) The constant jealousies, insecurities and secret desires here, are legion. And I'd be very happy for you to prove me wrong and find one, but I don't remember a single thread here, begun by a guy developping a friendship with a girl, who actually only wants it to ever be just a friendship. And in all those threads many other people point out that some people's jealousies and insecurities are unfounded and counter with their own experiences of it not being like that for them. Likewise, logically, those here who have secret feelings for friends are here to discuss their secret feelings for friends, it says NOTHING about those who don't have secret feelings for friends so aren't posting about that. I have lots of guy friends. Majority of them have not tried to have sex with me when giving me a ride or doing me any other favor. If they are secretly attracted to me, then that's one thing, which I've said before in another thread, it will always be POSSIBLE that you could develop an attraction to a friend but it doesn't mean it's an active lust that you're living daily. I have guy friends I think are attractive and it's possibly given the right confluence of circumstances it could be more, but in our everyday life no, we're just friends and I'm sure MANY people have perfectly normal friendships with the opposite sex or can offer a ride simply to be a nice person without it being anything untoward. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 But that's just not the case. Men can't help when there's attraction to someone they like even if there just a friend. If there's physical attraction than they would love to have more than just to be a friend with her. They'd jump at the chance to have sex with her in a heartbeat if given the chance. That's why a lot of women don't have male friends & as you said if they do a lot of them only have gay male friends. We're basically saying the same thing here.... And it's because women think differently for why they can more easily have friends of both genders without hidden agendas. But sometimes if they hang out with a guy friend a lot, feelings start to develop even while in a relationship with some other guy. Especially if there hanging out with them a lot. So it still goes both ways where there could be problems for both genders having friends of the opposite sex. I don't disagree, but I think there are several factors.... I think it's rarer, and I think first of all the attraction is mutual, and secondly, there already has to be a glitch in the existent relationship for the temptation to be given in to.... I think that's a whole different topic though, and we're veering, here.... Not saying you're wrong, but it's going off at a tangent.... Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 And in all those threads many other people point out that some people's jealousies and insecurities are unfounded and counter with their own experiences of it not being like that for them. Likewise, logically, those here who have secret feelings for friends are here to discuss their secret feelings for friends, it says NOTHING about those who don't have secret feelings for friends so aren't posting about that. I have lots of guy friends. Majority of them have not tried to have sex with me when giving me a ride or doing me any other favor. If they are secretly attracted to me, then that's one thing, which I've said before in another thread, it will always be POSSIBLE that you could develop an attraction to a friend but it doesn't mean it's an active lust that you're living daily. I have guy friends I think are attractive and it's possibly given the right confluence of circumstances it could be more, but in our everyday life no, we're just friends and I'm sure MANY people have perfectly normal friendships with the opposite sex or can offer a ride simply to be a nice person without it being anything untoward. But men don't see it that way. If a woman with a boyfriend has some guy friends, don't you think the guy would at least be a little bit concerned for why she has all these guy friends to begin with? They would know if their g/f is attractive that most of those guy friends would bed her in a second. And that's why you always see threads on here about this type of stuff with titles being something like "she's hanging out with her guy friend without me tonight". Or "she's going to a work party with a co-worker male friend tonight without me". Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 I want to follow her right in and make out with her Well . . . don't do that. Instead, talk to her during the ride. After a few days -- I don't think you have to wait a whole month -- ask her on a date. It doesn't have to be anything grand. Once she's in the car, say how about I drive over to the coffee shop & get us some drinks, my treat? If that goes well, when you drop her off, ask for something else such as would you like to go to the movies with me on Friday? After that date, when you drop her off, go for the goodnight kiss. From there you can progress to following her inside to make out. Patience! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) But men don't see it that way. If a woman with a boyfriend has some guy friends, don't you think the guy would at least be a little bit concerned for why she has all these guy friends to begin with? They would know if their g/f is attractive that most of those guy friends would bed her in a second. And that's why you always see threads on here about this type of stuff with titles being something like "she's hanging out with her guy friend without me tonight". Or "she's going to a work party with a co-worker male friend tonight without me". I don't hang out with my guy friends alone, so for the guys whose gfs are doing this they are right to find it weird that she would decide to go out alone at night to hang out with this friend, that's their girlfriend's choice and not about the guy. Like I said, the people posting here about their problems are the folks having a problem. The problem is because of their particular SO's indiscretions or something they've imagined and are unduly worried about. But many other people do not have these problems. It's not like the whole world is posting about that topic...only some people, so it's in no way a reflection on the fact that men and women can be friends and have a relationship and still be respectful or that a man can give a woman from his class a ride without it meaning anything other than that. I also don't have so "so many" guy friends. What's so many anyway? I went to school with guys and know most of them from them being classmates and such and in my case we're not BFFs but we're casual friends. If a woman wants to assume every time a man is nice it's because he wants sex that's her right but in my experience that hasn't been true and I don't go around assuming every action a man does is for an ulterior motive. The ones who have ulterior motives tend to reveal themselves quickly, I've had guy friends I've known for over 8 years and at no point when they gave me a ride, helped me move, loaned me a book or any other thing did they ever seem to be doing it to cash in on sex. Do you always have ulterior motives? Are you only polite, helpful or nice to women you want to bed? If so...then that's a strange way of being in the world but a lot of the guys I know tend to be way more mature in how they approach women and can treat them like normal human beings and not just sexual objects whom they only are nice to for sex. Do I know guys who are that way? Hell yes, but it's not the majority of my guy friends and like I said, IME the ones with ulterior motives tend to make themselves pretty obvious after a while. Edited January 12, 2015 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
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