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Do Any of You Prefer a Clinger?


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I've always found it a little confusing because many people seem to panic if they don't hear back from people constantly and that sort of thing; but then it seems that most people don't really like a clinger once they have one.

 

So I'm curious: Does anyone like a real clinger, someone who wants to know your every move, wants to go and do everything with you and even stay in communication while you're at work, needs to know who everyone is you're talking to or texting, follows you around like a puppy dog, and won't make any decisions on their own?

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Clingers turn me off, no matter how physically attractive they initially are.

 

I think there's a healthy balance to be reached. Too little contact suggests disinterest, too much = neediness. I like contact somewhere in the middle, you know, the "checking in" texts/ calls between dates.

 

It would be okay for an SO to text/call when on lunch, but I wouldn't be a fan of those who needed to contact me during the rest of the workday. It would be an un-needed distraction.

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I've always found it a little confusing because many people seem to panic if they don't hear back from people constantly and that sort of thing; but then it seems that most people don't really like a clinger once they have one.

 

So I'm curious: Does anyone like a real clinger, someone who wants to know your every move, wants to go and do everything with you and even stay in communication while you're at work, needs to know who everyone is you're talking to or texting, follows you around like a puppy dog, and won't make any decisions on their own?

 

Maybe super jealous, controlling and insecure people might enjoy this. :confused:

 

As for me, nope. I don't need "constant" communication, but I do require open communication and consistency. My top two ranked love languages are quality time and physical touch. I don't need someone under me constantly, but I do need quality time. For me, I just need to know you're there when I need you and that we have periods of spending quality time connecting together. Once I am secure in your feelings and availability and you are consistent then all is well. :)

 

I have my own life and I prefer a man to have his. That's part of what keeps things exciting for me, having a man who does stuff and has stuff outside of me that I can share in and we can talk about. Nothing is attractive about a man who seems to have nothing to do but follow me around and check up on me. I like a man who keeps in touch and wants to know what I'm doing out of interest because he cares and is interested in my life but not one who does it in a suffocating way because he is insecure.

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Too much stuff listed to Yes/No all of it in one swoop.

 

I tend to enjoy frequent communication and lots of time spent together when I am smitten. I do need some down time but probably not as much as average. I don't need very frequent communication or to be attached at the hip with the person, but I will admit that I do enjoy it and welcome it, if that's how the person is and I am seriously smitten with them.

 

But interrogating me about everyone I talked with all day, where I am at all times, my "every move", etc is more like a controlling stalker to me than a clinger.

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Up there with the biggest turnoffs in my book!

 

 

someone who wants to know your every move
Absolutely not!

wants to go and do everything with you No!

even stay in communication while you're at work
Send me a funny picture of the dog or your opinions on ...streetlights, beef vs lamb, whatever - but don't expect me to reply quickly.

needs to know who everyone is you're talking to or texting
Absolutely not!

follows you around like a puppy dog
Deal breaker

and won't make any decisions on their own?
Deal breaker
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I've always found it a little confusing because many people seem to panic if they don't hear back from people constantly and that sort of thing; but then it seems that most people don't really like a clinger once they have one.

 

So I'm curious: Does anyone like a real clinger, someone who wants to know your every move, wants to go and do everything with you and even stay in communication while you're at work, needs to know who everyone is you're talking to or texting, follows you around like a puppy dog, and won't make any decisions on their own?

 

I think its nice to be wanted. So a timely response rather than an immediate is nice. Same day is fine.

 

One or two texts a day is fine and no problem. More and it gets a bit much. Also depends on the text. If its something funny thats just happened, don't let me forget to pick up milk on the way home and Gosh I am having a rubbish day and need a hug type texts are fine. Not the gushing I love you need you can't be with out you kind... Just as no texts are fine too lol I am trying to work after all!

 

Following me round like a puppy dog would really piddle me off. This is my space that is yours. You can invade my space sometimes but not all the time. I want to be able to have time to myself so I can do all those gross things I don't want you to see me do like fart and pick my nose!

 

As for not making decisions... Just get on with it. Ok to check on things that are personal preference or should be a joint decision but continual faffing is a night mare. I find it hard enough on my own let alone with someone else dithering.

 

So no I don't like clingers. But I do like someone to be there and think of me.

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regine_phalange

God it sounds awful. Thankfully I never dated or had a relationship with a practically clingy person (because when in love I guess we all make clingy thoughts that we may not share :o).

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Well, someone out there MUST like them because there's a million of them out there, both men and women.

 

I think most people fall for clingers in spite of their clinginess...not because of it.

 

I'd be very concerned if anyone actually preferred it!!

 

I think you'd have to be rather unhealthy to enjoy this trait and/or encourage it.

 

Definite deal breaker for me.

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I like the feeling of being always connected, but that's not the same as a clinger. In the best relationship I've had we talked every night, a few texts during the day, and when we were together we were very much together. It was nice.

 

Contrast that with a recent online experience... we messaged online and when I said I was ready to go to bed (after an hour) she had some kind of meltdown. Then, she expected to text all day long. If I took a break she wanted to know why... was I talking to someone else, etc., etc. I had to let her go- we hadn't even met in person and she expected to be entertained around the clock.

 

On the other extreme... people who act aloof, don't want to share much, aren't curious as to what's going on with me, don't initiate- the type that expect me to chase and do all the work while they pretend to be disinterested... they fall off the radar almost immediately.

 

You need a nice balance. Neither extreme feels right, and in fact, making it feel right for both is the key, isn't it?

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Frank2thepoint
So I'm curious: Does anyone like a real clinger, someone who wants to know your every move, wants to go and do everything with you and even stay in communication while you're at work, needs to know who everyone is you're talking to or texting, follows you around like a puppy dog, and won't make any decisions on their own?

 

Majority of the examples are not attractive and a huge turn off. But I do like a woman that shows interest in my life and hobbies. Wants to be with me and shares her life and hobbies with me as well. Not all of the time of course, and not sparingly either. Somewhere in-between that is comfortable for both of us. Same goes for communication. I have no problem talking on the phone or texting while at work, in moderation of course.

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If you show too much interest you are a clinger but if you show too little you are not making them enough of a priority. Some people just like to complain and have permanent grass is greener syndrome.

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If you show too much interest you are a clinger but if you show too little you are not making them enough of a priority. Some people just like to complain and have permanent grass is greener syndrome.

 

I think there's definitely a reasonable middle ground that you're skipping here, and I'd certainly be complaining about either of the extremes that you outlined.

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Clingers are desperate, obsessive compulsive types, and as such are unhealthy and a major turn-off. As the old joke says, I'd prefer a moaner or a yeller.

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Well, someone out there MUST like them because there's a million of them out there, both men and women.

 

these kind of threads are silly in the sense that you will not get honest replies. lots of girls (and I imagine guys) DO want constant check-ins throughout the day, but I doubt those people will like to admit they are needy.

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It waxes and wanes. To begin with I like frequent communication and always wanting me around, so I feel wanted and secure in the attention. Later on once I'm confident of their interest and commitment, I don't want to spend all night texting or calling and I want to get back to cultivating my independent lifestyle apart from them a bit, so if they're still all over me it chafes. But then again, if I don't hear from them for days, I want to reconnect and splurge out all day together to be reassured. There's a balance to be struck that's really about establishing routine.

 

Disclaimer: I've never cohabited with a partner so I don't have experience of what it's like never being physically apart from someone. It's always been possible for me to control how much I see of someone.

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Rejected Rosebud
Well, someone out there MUST like them because there's a million of them out there, both men and women.
very insecure people end up with them, like attracts like.
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Well, someone out there MUST like them because there's a million of them out there, both men and women.

Other clingers?

 

 

They say there's someone for everyone! - would be a weird relationship though..

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If you show too much interest you are a clinger but if you show too little you are not making them enough of a priority. Some people just like to complain and have permanent grass is greener syndrome.

 

Just curious if you read the examples the OP gave about what they meant by clingy and if for YOU you prefer these qualities? They made sure to give very specific things so I found your response odd as it made it seem like clingy was an ambiguous thing that means nothing and the only people who don't like it are people who have GIGS yet most sane people wouldn't want to date someone who behaves in the ways the OP listed:

 

someone who wants to know your every move, wants to go and do everything with you and even stay in communication while you're at work, needs to know who everyone is you're talking to or texting, follows you around like a puppy dog, and won't make any decisions on their own?
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I've always found it a little confusing because many people seem to panic if they don't hear back from people constantly and that sort of thing; but then it seems that most people don't really like a clinger once they have one.

 

So I'm curious: Does anyone like a real clinger, someone who wants to know your every move, wants to go and do everything with you and even stay in communication while you're at work, needs to know who everyone is you're talking to or texting, follows you around like a puppy dog, and won't make any decisions on their own?

 

Some people like a little cray cray. :laugh:

 

In all seriousness, this is like whether someone likes to be micromanaged. If you ask people that they say no. But I will tell you have found a few people that actually do like it (though they say/think they don't). I will be on them like white on rice due to work performance issues and they thrive on the constant interaction. When things get where they need to and they just need to sustain, no dice and they back slide.

 

So yes, I am sure there are many souls out there who like a clinger.

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very insecure people end up with them, like attracts like.

 

I have seen polar opposites together a time or two. I think some really irresponsible guys who just want to sleep around will stay with a clinger sometimes and keep sleeping around because although the clinger may drive them crazy trying to keep tabs on them, they will put up with it and never leave of their own initiative.

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I've seen relationships where both were major clingers. Stuck at the hip, won't do anything without the other, can't do anything or go anywhere without the other knowing (and sometimes without the other's approval), quick to drop everything if their partner snaps his/her fingers.

 

I would never want a relationship like that. But if it works for the two people involved, more power to them.

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^ I have a friend who is joined at the hip to her husband, but I don't consider either of them clingers or even codependent. I don't think either is riding the other about anything and one reason I believe that is because even though she does nothing without his endorsement, he used to include me in dinners and stuff willingly and many of my girlfriends' men didn't like me and vice versa. When telling other people about them, they get the impression there's something really wrong with them because he does everything for her and she does nothing without his guidance, but she wasn't that way until she met him and she said she would never have believed she could ever be that way. She said it was hard to get used to letting him do everything for her and almost like think for her, but she got used to it and really misses him when he's gone on business, which is fairly regularly.

 

So i guess my point being you can be joined at the hip without being clingy, exactly.

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todreaminblue

I also need time and consistency of contact to feel the relationship is mutual, I understand life gets busy and sometimes contact might slip but if it happens all the time it shows a complete lack of interest in my books....and i move on...........deb

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