Almond_Joy Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Alright, Me and my bf went out to a friend's party for New Year's Eve. Drank a LOT of wine. We were both hammered when we got home, I hit the couch and passed out. Got up in the morning, the kitchen sink (which was already full of dirty dishes) REEKED of vomit. I could see speckles of wine soaked food bits all over the dishes, the washrag, part of the faucet. The idea of cleaning that up grosses me out. I've thrown up before from drinking too but always wipe down the sink or toilet or whatever. I've also never ralphed in the kitchen sink. It's kind of pissing me off because he's made no mention of it and made no move to attempt to clean anything. Our kitchen has to be cleaned, so it will get done, but I'm not cleaning that up by myself and it's pretty sad to me that I have to tell him to clean up his own vomit. Mostly a rant....but am I kind of being childish or b****y about this? I'm not particularly squeamish about vomit.....this just seems screwed up to me. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 My words to him would be 'Get your ass in the kitchen and wash those dishes and the sink'. It's sad that you have to ask. I know I wouldn't have to ask my husband. If, however, he was still sick and couldn't look at the mess, I'd do it for him if it was bugging me. But only because I know he'd do it for me, without me asking. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
HorseLuck Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Eew. I'd probably pester him about it until he takes care of it, but I happen to be grossed out by vomit. It's bad enough seeing it splattered on the ground in a train station.. let alone my kitchen sink. Do you guys generally divide chores and such? How did he respond when you asked him to help? Doesn't sound childish or b*tchy to me. Maybe it just flew over his head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Mm crazy things can happen while drunk, in regards to bodily fluids. Two NYE's ago I was at a small party at a friend-of-friend's house. At one point one woman had peed her pants and another woman had vomited all up in the bathroom sink, and then tried to clean it up but was way too drunk (bless her heart lol) so just got it everywhere instead. Another guy was puking in the kitchen sink. It was the first time I had been to a part where apparently damn near everyone was a newby drinker and didn't know their limits. The guy who owned the house and myself were outside having a cigarette and at one point we could hear the sound of someone just wretching through the screen door and the look on his face was hysterical, but I dared not laugh. However, we ALL cleaned that house up spotless the next morning and the guy who owned the place didn't have to ask/demand. Oughta give your boyfriend a swat on the butt. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Be thankful that he didn't pee in a drawer while he was in there. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Eew. I'd probably pester him about it until he takes care of it, but I happen to be grossed out by vomit. It's bad enough seeing it splattered on the ground in a train station.. let alone my kitchen sink. Do you guys generally divide chores and such? How did he respond when you asked him to help? Doesn't sound childish or b*tchy to me. Maybe it just flew over his head. If I don't clean, he won't clean. I always have to initiate cleaning. We've had arguments about this but it's still an "I'll do it when you do it only" thing with him. But this......just ridiculous to me. This is the one thing that sends me into a rage very quickly, so I'm hesitant to say anything because it will just come out angry and hurtful and mean. I'm going to write a note and leave it for him in the morning, I'd have to think he's a glutton for punishment if he gives any flack about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Be thankful that he didn't pee in a drawer while he was in there. Alright that made me laugh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 If I don't clean, he won't clean. I always have to initiate cleaning. We've had arguments about this but it's still an "I'll do it when you do it only" thing with him. But this......just ridiculous to me. This is the one thing that sends me into a rage very quickly, so I'm hesitant to say anything because it will just come out angry and hurtful and mean. I'm going to write a note and leave it for him in the morning, I'd have to think he's a glutton for punishment if he gives any flack about it. The only people I would clean up vomit for are my children. Your boyfriend is a grown man who can clean the throw up that came out of his own mouth after a night of poor choices. That is not being mean, that is holding him accountable. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 How do you know it was his vomit and not yours ? Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Be thankful that he didn't pee in a drawer while he was in there. That's the stuff you find much later. I found my favorite coffee cup full of urine after my ex husband helped me move. I guess we weren't on as friendly of terms as I thought. (Side note, I know, but I was reminded of it. Thanks, Amay. ) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 If I don't clean, he won't clean. I always have to initiate cleaning. We've had arguments about this but it's still an "I'll do it when you do it only" thing with him. But this......just ridiculous to me. This is the one thing that sends me into a rage very quickly, so I'm hesitant to say anything because it will just come out angry and hurtful and mean. I'm going to write a note and leave it for him in the morning, I'd have to think he's a glutton for punishment if he gives any flack about it. You have bigger problems than this one sink of leftover vomit. Seriously, you do all of the cleaning? And you ALLOW this to happen? I don't understand women who get upset that their partner never cleans and expects them to do it all... newsflash, we teach people how to treat us, and you've clearly taught him that he can get away with not cleaning up, and either a) you will do it or b) you will tolerate living in a pig sty. No wonder it sends you into a rage, I would be hopping mad if I felt that my partner was taking advantage of me and expecting me to do all of any of the household chores. We split the cleaning, the cooking, the laundry equally. Sure, if I allowed it to happen maybe he'd love to sit back and let me do more than him... but the point is I'd never let it get to that point. Notes are passive aggressive. I'd be waking him up and saying 'what in the hell do you think makes it okay to leave the kitchen sink full in that state?' and telling him if he didn't buck up his ideas around the house I'd be leaving and he could employ a maid instead. He obviously doesn't respect you, or he wouldn't be making you beg him to do cleaning. Cleaning up your own vomit is gross, cleaning up someone else's vomit is... intolerable for me. It's the equivalent of leaving the blocked toilet full of faeces and expecting your partner to dig in and unblock it. It's his sick, he needs to get it sorted out. End of. How do you know it was his vomit and not yours ? Well, I personally imagine she would realise if she had vomited, or she wouldn't be posting about it here and blaming him... I've been in some SERIOUS states before, as a teenager, and I've never thrown up anywhere and not noticed it was happening! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 He may not remember. He may have thought he cleaned it up the night before, but in his state, only managed a half-assed job of it. Don't start the new year with passive-aggressive notes. Speak to him kindly, and ask him to clean up. Don't fly into a rage. Control your temper, and just communicate with him directly and maturely if at all possible. His reluctance to help around the house is a whole other issue that you should address, as it's clear from your post that resentment is building. Sort it out this year...it will only get worse, and your relationship will suffer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 How do you know it was his vomit and not yours ? Because as I said I passed out on the couch as soon as we came in. Had I thrown up I would have tasted it in my mouth when I woke up or smelled it on me, because I didn't change out of my clothes and I never made it to the bathroom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Yeah....after my last post I realized a note is pretty lame and doesn't help me learn to communicate better. I was able to be calm and rational and stick to the problem at hand. His response? "Yeah I know I was gonna take care of it." ......WTF. Whatever, it's getting done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 No wonder it sends you into a rage, I would be hopping mad if I felt that my partner was taking advantage of me and expecting me to do all of any of the household chores. We split the cleaning, the cooking, the laundry equally. Sure, if I allowed it to happen maybe he'd love to sit back and let me do more than him... but the point is I'd never let it get to that point. Notes are passive aggressive. I'd be waking him up and saying 'what in the hell do you think makes it okay to leave the kitchen sink full in that state?' and telling him if he didn't buck up his ideas around the house I'd be leaving and he could employ a maid instead. He obviously doesn't respect you, or he wouldn't be making you beg him to do cleaning. I guess if it gets me this angry it isn't exaggerated to frame it as a dealbreaker. I hate threatening to end the relationship but it seems like that's the only thing that gets a response sometimes. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Threatening to end the relationship to get a response, or to get him to do what you need him to do isn't healthy. It's emotionally manipulative, and really not good for either of you One day, he may call your bluff and follow through. These sorts of games create confusion and disconnection. It certainly doesn't foster a sense of love and security between the two of you, and is eroding your relationship. I can appreciate that you are resorting to these threats because you feel unappreciated and taken for granted. But, you're only making things worse. You guys should seriously consider some relationship counselling, and perhaps even individual counselling to work on your anger and communication skills. Work this stuff out, or walk. Don't keep going like this...you're basically condemning your relationship to a very slow and drawn out death. All the best for 2015, and I really hope things between you two improve <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Be thankful that he didn't pee in a drawer while he was in there. She may want to check around before she makes any assumptions... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I guess if it gets me this angry it isn't exaggerated to frame it as a dealbreaker. I hate threatening to end the relationship but it seems like that's the only thing that gets a response sometimes. Thanks. Sorry, I didn't meant to suggest you should threaten to end the relationship in order to get a response... I meant to actually legitimately be prepared to walk away if he keeps treating you like this. If you don't plan on walking away based on his ongoing behaviour, then absolutely don't threaten to do it. It's not healthy, and if it takes threatening leaving to get anything changed between you both, it already ain't working. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dj572 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 That is one thing I have zero tolerance for. If somebody drinks until they get sick they will clean it up. I can't clean up puke without getting sick myself and I'll be damned if I will clean up somebody else's puke especially if it is from drinking. Being drunk is no excuse. In fact I don't accept the excuse "I was drunk" for anything. Getting drunk is a choice it does not excuse bad behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
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