Is the numbers game really the only way for men to date?

[somedude81]

After ending the year with things falling apart with every girl I liked, I feel that I really need to change my methods.

 

The first thing I believe I need to change is to stop caring about or even becoming interested in a girl before I date her. Trying to get to know a woman and see if we have common interests is a waste of time. Spending time and effort seeing who she is as a person is pointless if she rejects me in the end.

 

Instead I think that I should just ask out women quickly and solely based on their appearance. Once she rejects me, I should quickly move on and never talk to her again. That way I don't waste time and emotional energy on liking a girl I'm never going to date.

 

Hopefully after who knows how many attempts somebody will say yes. At that point I can take the time to see if we may or may not be compatible.

 

Is that the proper way to try and date?

[carhill]

After ending the year with things falling apart with every girl I liked, I feel that I really need to change my methods.

 

Adapt and overcome

The first thing I believe I need to change is to stop caring about or even becoming interested in a girl before I date her.

Good start.

Trying to get to know a woman and see if we have common interests is a waste of time.

It's OK to get to know her while dating.

Spending time and effort seeing who she is as a person is pointless if she rejects me in the end.

She may still reject you, at any time, so don't count on anything. Make consistent, methodical investments as indicated by lack of rejection and increasing intimacy over time.

 

Instead I think that I should just ask out women quickly and solely based on their appearance.

Initially, sure. Approach ladies who give you that buzz in your balls.

Once she rejects me, I should quickly move on and never talk to her again. That way I don't waste time and emotional energy on liking a girl I'm never going to date.

I'd change 'once' to 'if' and yep, no need to continue; she's one of billions.

Hopefully after who knows how many attempts somebody will say yes. At that point I can take the time to see if we may or may not be compatible

It might be one; it might be a thousand; it might be never. It's unknown. When opportunities arise, take them. Let life happen.

 

Is that the proper way to try and date?

It's one way. Try it and see what happens.

[ktya]

Trust me it works. Over this year I have gotten about 50-60 girls numbers, been on about 25 first dates slept with 15, still in contact with 2. Had some fun times and most definitely some drama. Keep at arms length from them and dont get too connected until you've known them 4-6 weeks (every time I've gotten too hooked in a time period shorter than that I've been burned really bad) and if the dating frequency is low even longer.

 

Always keep at least 5 on the go that you are dating, if you have the time and the texting plan, 10. Its not to be a player but rather it gives you confidence. The women have the ability to play fish and get tons of responses and they know it so they already have this confidence, you must match it by having a decent sized roster.

 

When you have this confidence that you have at least 4 or 5 girls you can text and set something up with at any time you will not "need yourself out". Forget what women say they want a man who is somewhat unattainable and aloof and a guy who texts and calls them all the time because he has no other female attention will drive them away. They need to wonder what your up to and why your not texting them back.

 

Dont bite off more than you can chew or it will blow up in your face. You have to send them a good morning every morning or two and say hi periodically and have decently long conversations with them on the phone or by text in between dates. This can take a large amount of time, which if you are a single guy you should have, but it will eat into your hobby or buddy time.

 

A good place to start is Tinder, its the most brutally efficient way to get phone numbers once you get the hang of it. Dont spend forever on OLD apps chatting women like that often just like the attention. Ask for the number and take it to text after some basic introductory messages. Once you start getting lots of dates going on you will have the confidence to cold approach in person which will increase your pool outside of the internet zone, which can be loaded with lonely crazy women, take it from my experience.

 

As you get to know these women they will naturally fall off. They wont like you that way, they will friendzone you, they will blow up and turn out to be crazy, they will meet someone else, an ex bf comes back into the picture. Keep it in stride and replace each girl that falls off with another to keep your roster at the maximum level you can handle.

 

You will get far more sex this way and the women will be better behaved. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LIE AND SAY THEY ARE THE ONLY ONE. Tell them that yes you are seeing other people. Do not be afraid. You'd be surprised how many women will not trip out about that. In fact they will jump into the sack with you quicker knowing there is competition.

 

Do not buckle when they try to be your one and only until you are absolutely certain. Remember that if and when you do this this woman will now friggin own you and once that happens she will change because you will have nobody else to call and you will likely "need yourself out" and she will probably either put you in your place or leave you anyway.

 

When you are absolutely certain that you are ready to dump another 4-9 women and only be with this one you will definitely know.

 

Do not listen to the women who will ultimately flame me below. Yes they all want a romantic red wine walking on the beach man who is sensitive rich with a good job and who will massage them every night while spoon feeding them peeled grapes. But they will actually be having sex with the rough and tumble mechanic who never returns their call unless he wants to get laid and when they pull their trips he puts them in their place and slaps them on the ass while they string this guy along for dinner after dinner and date after date.

 

It works without fail. Every time I've deviated from the above formula I've been horrifically burned.

[CALOVELY]

Trust me it works. Over this year I have gotten about 50-60 girls numbers, been on about 25 first dates slept with 15, still in contact with 2. Had some fun times and most definitely some drama. Keep at arms length from them and dont get too connected until you've known them 4-6 weeks (every time I've gotten too hooked in a time period shorter than that I've been burned really bad) and if the dating frequency is low even longer.

 

Always keep at least 5 on the go that you are dating, if you have the time and the texting plan, 10. Its not to be a player but rather it gives you confidence. The women have the ability to play fish and get tons of responses and they know it so they already have this confidence, you must match it by having a decent sized roster.

 

When you have this confidence that you have at least 4 or 5 girls you can text and set something up with at any time you will not "need yourself out". Forget what women say they want a man who is somewhat unattainable and aloof and a guy who texts and calls them all the time because he has no other female attention will drive them away. They need to wonder what your up to and why your not texting them back.

 

Dont bite off more than you can chew or it will blow up in your face. You have to send them a good morning every morning or two and say hi periodically and have decently long conversations with them on the phone or by text in between dates. This can take a large amount of time, which if you are a single guy you should have, but it will eat into your hobby or buddy time.

 

A good place to start is Tinder, its the most brutally efficient way to get phone numbers once you get the hang of it. Dont spend forever on OLD apps chatting women like that often just like the attention. Ask for the number and take it to text after some basic introductory messages. Once you start getting lots of dates going on you will have the confidence to cold approach in person which will increase your pool outside of the internet zone, which can be loaded with lonely crazy women, take it from my experience.

 

As you get to know these women they will naturally fall off. They wont like you that way, they will friendzone you, they will blow up and turn out to be crazy, they will meet someone else, an ex bf comes back into the picture. Keep it in stride and replace each girl that falls off with another to keep your roster at the maximum level you can handle.

 

You will get far more sex this way and the women will be better behaved. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LIE AND SAY THEY ARE THE ONLY ONE. Tell them that yes you are seeing other people. Do not be afraid. You'd be surprised how many women will not trip out about that. In fact they will jump into the sack with you quicker knowing there is competition.

 

Do not buckle when they try to be your one and only until you are absolutely certain. Remember that if and when you do this this woman will now friggin own you and once that happens she will change because you will have nobody else to call and you will likely "need yourself out" and she will probably either put you in your place or leave you anyway.

 

When you are absolutely certain that you are ready to dump another 4-9 women and only be with this one you will definitely know.

 

Do not listen to the women who will ultimately flame me below. Yes they all want a romantic red wine walking on the beach man who is sensitive rich with a good job and who will massage them every night while spoon feeding them peeled grapes. But they will actually be having sex with the rough and tumble mechanic who never returns their call unless he wants to get laid and when they pull their trips he puts them in their place and slaps them on the ass while they string this guy along for dinner after dinner and date after date.

 

It works without fail. Every time I've deviated from the above formula I've been horrifically burned.

 

You must have excellent time management skills! I'm curious, what is your end goal? Have fun and date around or are you looking for a relationship and possible marriage?

[ktya]

You must have excellent time management skills! I'm curious, what is your end goal? Have fun and date around or are you looking for a relationship and possible marriage?

 

Modern cellphones have calendar apps for managing meetings. My BlackBerry automatically merges all social media by different people into one unified messaging system and when I hit their name in contacts it gives me all modes I can contact them through and shows all their recent posts on everything.

 

My goal is undefined. I've met girls I would marry, but for whatever reasons, they're not ready for that or it wouldnt work now. I've met party girls where the relationship had an obvious expiry date. Girls with boyfriends. Girls who just turned into friends. Bang buddies, booty calls. Whatever.

 

I'm out to meet cool people and have an enjoyable time. I find going into it with the goal of "marriage" just leads to expectations that will lead me to ignore warning signs. I would get married if it worked and it was the right girl. I'd have a girlfriend if it was the right girl.

 

Its a matter of filtration. You have a universe of prospects, say all available women in your area. Filter that down to your pipeline, ones you have engaged somewhat with, and then your pipeline by how far along you are with them and where you're going with them and whether its working. Some will bounce out of the pipeline for whatever reason (crazy, met someone else, whatever) and some will make it all the way (having sex, talking to them for months and months or years).

 

I may sound cold and calculated about it, but I do sales of investment products. The sales process is very relationship based, and it translates extraordinarily well to dating. An example of how to contrast dating with a predefined goal to my business would be to say I am looking for a long term client who has a portfolio of $1,000,000 who wants to invest in mutual funds. Well there arent very many of those, and if I work a prospect for 10 months and then get their statements and they only have $350,000 and they want a bond portfolio, I will be very disappointed. If I say I am going to go out and find some clients, I have the flexibility to work with them and figure out what their needs wants and desires are and try to put together a solution that works for them.

Edited December 22, 2014 by ktya

[CALOVELY]

Modern cellphones have calendar apps for managing meetings. My BlackBerry automatically merges all social media by different people into one unified messaging system and when I hit their name in contacts it gives me all modes I can contact them through and shows all their recent posts on everything.

 

My goal is undefined. I've met girls I would marry, but for whatever reasons, they're not ready for that or it wouldnt work now. I've met party girls where the relationship had an obvious expiry date. Girls with boyfriends. Girls who just turned into friends. Bang buddies, booty calls. Whatever.

 

I'm out to meet cool people and have an enjoyable time. I find going into it with the goal of "marriage" just leads to expectations that will lead me to ignore warning signs. I would get married if it worked and it was the right girl. I'd have a girlfriend if it was the right girl.

 

Its a matter of filtration. You have a universe of prospects, say all available women in your area. Filter that down to your pipeline, ones you have engaged somewhat with, and then your pipeline by how far along you are with them and where you're going with them and whether its working. Some will bounce out of the pipeline for whatever reason (crazy, met someone else, whatever) and some will make it all the way (having sex, talking to them for months and months or years).

 

I may sound cold and calculated about it, but I do sales of investment products. The sales process is very relationship based, and it translates extraordinarily well to dating. An example of how to contrast dating with a predefined goal to my business would be to say I am looking for a long term client who has a portfolio of $1,000,000 who wants to invest in mutual funds. Well there arent very many of those, and if I work a prospect for 10 months and then get their statements and they only have $350,000 and they want a bond portfolio, I will be very disappointed. If I say I am going to go out and find some clients, I have the flexibility to work with them and figure out what their needs wants and desires are and try to put together a solution that works for them.

 

I like your investment metaphors as I used to be in the business as well. I agree that casting a wide net is beneficial and the proverbial "putting all your eggs in one basket" in the early stages will often lead to disappointment.

 

While I don't agree with all of the items you mentioned in your previous post, many were pretty accurate. I do think that confidence is really the key though to attracting women, which is something the OP is struggling with.

[ktya]

I like your investment metaphors as I used to be in the business as well. I agree that casting a wide net is beneficial and the proverbial "putting all your eggs in one basket" in the early stages will often lead to disappointment.

 

What side of the business? I'm in brokerage retail.

[CALOVELY]

What side of the business? I'm in brokerage retail.

 

It was institutional bond sales.

 

So back to your post, you are a confident guy but the OP is not. Playing the numbers works for you because you have the charisma to do it. Many men though don't have any and what you are advising is like trying to rope the moon for guys like that. What advice would you give a man to build confidence so that he can work up to the plan you suggest?

 

OP, I'm not sure if you want a womans input on this but perhaps taking a public speaking class or two will help you. It teaches you how to effectively communicate and hold a crowd, which boosts your confidence in spades.

[ktya]

It was institutional bond sales.

 

So back to your post, you are a confident guy but the OP is not. Playing the numbers works for you because you have the charisma to do it. Many men though don't have any and what you are advising is like trying to rope the moon for guys like that. What advice would you give a man to build confidence so that he can work up to the plan you suggest?

 

OP, I'm not sure if you want a womans input on this but perhaps taking a public speaking class or two will help you. It teaches you how to effectively communicate and hold a crowd, which boosts your confidence in spades.

 

Advice for the OP I would give on building the confidence is just fly at it. With every 99 rejections you'll get a yes. Learn to become immune to rejection, the confidence will follow.

 

A broker friend of mine has a strategy he follow picking up women in bars. He finds the hottest girl in the whole place. Tries to pick her up, expecting to get rejected. Once that occurs hes got his rejection immunization out of the way, and he doesnt care what happens after that. He usually beds someone every time.

 

Cold approach is hard so I'd reccomend tinder. Just focus on the phone number at first, not finding true love. Once you get the number, you can text them, then focus on step two setting up a date. Dont get trapped into endless texting or messaging on OLD apps, go for the jugular be brave.

 

Next step is at the end of the date kiss them. Kiss them all at first if you lack confidence. If you dont kiss them they're not sure if you even like them. In the beginning, kiss them even if you dont really like them just to do it. A great way to succeed is to give the hug, slide the right hand from the back up to the nape of the neck, linger there and touch but dont grab, and just go for the kill. Most women will sort of freeze when they realize your about to kiss them, if they dont like you they will peck and if they peck nice and soft go for the tongue, nothing crazy just gently ease into it. peck, bit of tongue, if they dont squirm a little more and then a little more.

 

Once you do this a few times you'll get the hang of it. Having a wall behind you helps too. If they pull away or turn their face as you move in just do a cheek and leave it at that or if they're really squirrely just let go and say hey that was a nice date.

[ktya]

Oh and on public speaking, join Toastmasters.

[CALOVELY]

 

A great way to succeed is to give the hug, slide the right hand from the back up to the nape of the neck, linger there and touch but dont grab, and just go for the kill. Most women will sort of freeze when they realize your about to kiss them, if they dont like you they will peck and if they peck nice and soft go for the tongue, nothing crazy just gently ease into it. peck, bit of tongue, if they dont squirm a little more and then a little more.

 

 

This worked so well on me I married him.

[ktya]

This worked so well on me I married him.

 

Congrats. It does work. Im not full of it. lol

[CALOVELY]

Congrats. It does work. Im not full of it. lol

 

That it does. Hopefully OP can build up his confidence. Tall, short, built, skinny, a guy with confidence can work with what he's got to attract women. I've known men who aren't conventionally attractive to me but have an aura about them that is very attractive. I doubt I am alone in this.

[ltjg45]

OP, it's not the only way. I will say that much.

 

Another thing you have to consider is to not take what other people say completely and to take it with a grain of salt.

 

I have been mentioning to others that I am in contact with about my future trip to a foreign country for dating (I certainly won't call them my friends since almost all has something that just doesn't gem with me) and I am a little shocked just how almost every people is completely against the idea.

 

Only one agrees with me out of like 10-12 people. Some even say that foreign women can't be trusted and will use you as a free ticket inside the United States. Some would just want to get with me only for my money.

 

Almost all tells me to keep looking here in the United States but, so far, I am a 28-year old virgin with no dating prospects. You would think if there is any potential here for me, I would at the least get a taste of it by now.

 

You get the idea. And yet, despite that, I have a hard time thinking all of these foreign ladies is a bunch of evil, greed sociopaths.

 

Which is why I am going against their "advice" and doing it anyway.

[d0nnivain]

Dating is a numbers game for everyone -- men & women. The more people you come into contact with the more likely you are to find someone with whom you click. It's unlikely that you will find somebody by doing the same old things you have always done which haven't worked to date.

 

 

As for asking them out based solely on appearance, that probably isn't the wisest course. You can initially decide to talk to somebody because you find them attractive but if once they open their mouth they lose all attractiveness just because the outside package may be pretty, that is no reason to move forward.

 

 

But somedude I do think you spend too much time trying to get to know them which lands you in the friendzone. The sole caveat is that your dating pool consists primarily of college students who do need a bit more build up / sense of trust then women in the real world.

 

 

Since what you have been doing isn't working, changing it up has to be a good thing.

[organizedchaos]

After ending the year with things falling apart with every girl I liked, I feel that I really need to change my methods.

 

The first thing I believe I need to change is to stop caring about or even becoming interested in a girl before I date her. Trying to get to know a woman and see if we have common interests is a waste of time. Spending time and effort seeing who she is as a person is pointless if she rejects me in the end.

 

Instead I think that I should just ask out women quickly and solely based on their appearance. Once she rejects me, I should quickly move on and never talk to her again. That way I don't waste time and emotional energy on liking a girl I'm never going to date.

 

Hopefully after who knows how many attempts somebody will say yes. At that point I can take the time to see if we may or may not be compatible.

 

Is that the proper way to try and date?

 

Yes.

 

I'm glad you decided to finally make some changes in your approach to dating. This really is the best way to do it and avoid wasting time and getting hurt before you've even had a date.

 

But, uh, these are things we've been telling you for a VERY long time.

[insert_name]

Some good advice here, one thing I would add to not taking rejection badly is never feel bad for asking someone for their number.

 

I found that tied in to rejection for me personally is a sense of shame for making an approach when it was unwarranted. For example a girl I was speaking to the other night. I had been chatting to her for an hour and we had been getting on well, she seemed to be enjoying herself in my company so when I had to leave I asked for her number, she seemed shocked and replied "that was unexpected" which bothered me a bit afterwards like I didnt do it right or made a fool of myself or was stupid and misread the signs even though she seemed interested.

 

After thinking about it, I was totally respectful in the way that I asked so her reaction is all on her. If a girl looks to be enjoying herself its only natural to make a move and see how the land lies - and every rejection is an opportunity to get used to asking and genuinely not caring if the answer is yes or no. The main thing to learn is that its the asking that matters, the answer is irrelevant. Remember that a rejection is another step on the road to meeting someone who will be a long term partner. As long as you are not disrespectful how they react is entirely on them.

[ktya]

But somedude I do think you spend too much time trying to get to know them which lands you in the friendzone. The sole caveat is that your dating pool consists primarily of college students who do need a bit more build up / sense of trust then women in the real world.

 

The key I have found (and I was a bit awkward in my teens) is you have to friggin kiss them. You have to make the move. Put your arm around them, hold their hand. These actions and body languages show them your interested in them in that way.

 

Simply talking and talking and talking to them does put you in the friend zone because you havent expressed an interest. Saying "I really like you" could be interpereted as friendship talk, I could say that to my high school buddy Bill and I have no physical attraction to him whatsoever.

 

The biggest problem dudes with low confidence make is they keep spinning and spinning and never make the move. Women will NOT make the move under almost any circumstances. You have to first establish a rapport, then show interest, then kiss them so they know exactly what you want, and you have to do it pretty quickly in order to frame the relationship as a romantic one. You have to be able to take rejection in stride and not fear it.

 

In fact, a girl who isnt even attracted to you, once you make the move (to kiss her for example) will re-evaluate everything she thinks about you and may start being attracted to you just because you moved in and kissed her. It's really quite weird how they think from our male perspective.

[Frank2thepoint]

I agree with some of the things that ktya is saying and his methods. Aside from telling a woman you are interested, you have to also follow through with action. Asking her out, body language, flirting, lite touching, and a kiss are ways to show a woman you are interested in her. What you want your end goal to be with women is entirely up to you. But whatever that end goal is, be honest, and upfront about it.

 

Women love a confident man. An assertive man that is not afraid to pursue what he wants. But before you do this, you have to be sure as to what you want. Concerning confidence, a great way to start off is giving opportunistic yet genuine compliments to women you see out in the real world. For example, the other day I saw a young woman with blue hair. She stood out. I smiled at her, she smiled back, and I gave her a quick compliment on her hair. She continue to smile and said "Thank you". It was a positive interaction, and it boosted my confidence. I do that even with women that wear interest t-shirts, a book they are reading, a conversation they are having in my vicinity which I happen to hear. You can easily just give a quick genuine compliment or crack a tasteful joke.

 

From there, you can graduate to starting a conversation with a woman. If you see a woman reading a book, for example, that you recognize, just approach her and ask her about the book. You can say that you were considering reading that book, and you would like to know what she thinks of it so far. Do some quick banter, and go in for the kill. Offer to take her out on a date, talk more about books, and get her number. If she declines, now worries. Don't let the rejection get you down. Just be respectful, even to the end of the encounter. Just say "It was nice chatting with you." and "Have a nice day/evening." One of greatest benefit of cold approaches is if you do get turned down, you never have to see this person again. The other benefit is it is easy to boost your confidence and work on your approach and conversation starters.

 

In regards to securing dates via OLD, one way you can cheat and boost your numbers is give the non-gorgeous women a try. If I remember correctly somedude81 (and correct me if I am wrong) that you tend to go for young, big chested girls. Or at least that is what excites you. If so, flirt and ask out women close to your age, or even a bit older, but not as endowed with such physical assets as you prefer. But I do highly recommend to be honest that you are just looking to date, nothing more. This way you don't lead the woman on, giving them high hopes if she ends up liking you. Who knows, you may end up liking her. Anyway, you'll get plenty of practice with conversations and being on a date will definitely boost your confidence. And a single date is not a commitment for a relationship. Again, just be respectful. Even after the date ends, just thank them for joining you for a nice date.

 

To supplement showing a woman you are interest, kissing on a first date is a tricky method to properly execute. Some women like the bold move on the first date, some want to wait a little bit. The alternative, and an aid that helps build up to it, is physical flirting. Lite touching the arm and hands, such as stroking it during the date, holding her hand when walking, are great ways to ease a woman into getting comfortable with you, and convey your clear romantic interest in her. Also you have to project a confident body language, such as looking her in the eye, smiling, and be close in her physical space. For example, a date I had back in November, the woman and I were in some clothing store. We walked around, chatted, and watched her try on gloves and hats. There was one area where there were baubles, one of which were really small ornaments. I joke that they would make perfect earing decorations. I pulled her in and began playing with her ears, while we looked into each others eyes and smiled.

[ponchsox]

Yes and it's way too much time to expend and BS to put up with. I'm out of the dating game. I'm perfectly content single.

[somedude81]

I really want to post more in this thread but something else is actually more important than women. Hah, imagine that.

 

What really concerns me is getting frequently rejected. I got rejected by three women I liked recently. It hurt more with some girls than the other, but overall it did bring down my self-esteem. The thought of getting rejected by 50 girls a month really scares me.

[thefooloftheyear]

I really want to post more in this thread but something else is actually more important than women. Hah, imagine that.

 

What really concerns me is getting frequently rejected. I got rejected by three women I liked recently. It hurt more with some girls than the other, but overall it did bring down my self-esteem. The thought of getting rejected by 50 girls a month really scares me.

 

 

 

You are getting rejected because you arent properly screening your prospects...Just like a tool salesman wouldnt go to a beauty salon to sell power tools, you need to know your market better...Its just as simple as that...

 

And no, I dont believe in the "shotgun" approach...Ive known guys that do/have done this...It just screams of desperation...Yeah, you will likely nab someone, because there are people out there that will just fall for anyone that shows remote interest, but you dont want that..if a real relationship is the goal..

 

I know its probably hard to believe, but there are likely women who are ideal matches for you....Its been said this a thousand times, but you are just going to continue to get your dick knocked in if you want to chase younger girls...Go play shotgun and all its going to do is knock you down further...You have nothing for them to hang their hat on.. Maybe if you had absolutely stunning good looks and strong alpha qualities, but even then it wouldnt be that easy..

 

Get a better understanding of the market and stop trying to sell power drills to hairstylists, so to speak...When you have something they want, then they buy...Period..

 

Good luck just the same..

 

TFY

[ktya]

Much has been written about the "science" of becoming the "master key" who can unlock women.

 

The fact is that women are just like men, they crave physical and mental attention and they are pretty easy to land in bed on the first date. If they are dating in the first place, chances are they have put themselves on the market and agreed to your date simply because they are hoping for this attention. In most cases the man who gives them this attention will cause them their mind to race and think, to rationalize that perhaps he is the man they have been looking for, so that they can be OK with dealing with the cultural objections (despite them being unrealistic) to them sleeping with and being with a man without some desperately long and unrealistic courtship phase.

 

I bed most of the women I've dated on the first date. The rest on the second and on occasion, the third. A girl I've been seeing a year who still on occasion sleeps with me once said to me, when I said I had been on some dates and not slept with them, "That is impossible." - because I slept with her on the first date. She did not feel like a tramp for sleeping with me, because I did not let her feel like a tramp; she is not one.

 

Women, when it comes to sex and rapid advancement, want a few things. For one, they do not want you to boot them out early the next morning and never talk to them again.

 

To ensure they dont fear this if they follow through, I let them know clearly, "I will never sleep with someone I wouldn't sleep with again." and I mean it. If I actually have sex with a woman I will have sex with her and call her and hang out with her again. It is entirely the fear of a woman to have given of herself only to have a man ignore her afterwards and to feel like a prostitute who has rendered her body and servitude for free.

 

Women are different than men. We stick our member in them and get our joy and when we're done we pull it out. For women, they are being stuck into. They want some reassurance, mostly due to biological imperative, that they are not being "violated" by a man and being merely used for their bodies. I get that- so the best way to deflect this objection is to assure them (without lying or telling them what they want to hear) that we actually value them as human beings. Human beings want and crave physical attention regardless of gender. Provided the woman feels confident she wont wake in the morning to never hear from you again, she will probably have no problem spreading her legs. Would you, as a man, not want to get laid? Women are rarely much different.

 

Women are much more cerebral than us men are. They want to imagine you shirtless with messy morning hair making them coffee and treating them like humans. While we men wouldn't much mind a girl dressing in sexy lingerie for us, giving us the sexual experience of a lifetime and then disappearing, women have much more to lose from such an encounter going sideways (ie. pregnancy, yeast infection, VD, pain). So they need more reassurance that you will be there for them.

 

An actual example in my life about six months ago was this timid, introverted medical researcher. She had an awkward and weird composure and was nothing like the type of woman you'd expect to just have mad pounding sex on the first date. I took her on a date to a pub and had a few drinks, I obviously got past her insecurities despite that I had learned that a friend of mine had ripped of the bar for $200, something which I gave him a boatload of hell for afterwards.

 

I had a few drinks with her, talked about whatever, and told her I was not looking for a girlfriend. But key, I told her I would never sleep with someone I would not sleep with again. We ended up coming back to my house, and I bought more rum for us to drink, I ensured she poured her own drinks because I did not want to make her think I was getting her drunk.

 

She poured her own drinks, and just like any human, she managed to pour drinks and drink them that got her drunk entirely of her own regard. Of course, she wanted to have fun. As the transit system came near to shutting down, I offered that she could stay if she wanted to. At every step of the way the date was at her option. I was not forcing or tricking her into anything.

 

She felt safe enough, so she decided to stay and we both got right loaded.

 

Here I was with this medical researcher, a very, truly introverted girl. She was right loaded by 2-3 in the morning and we ended up going to bed.

 

That girl was primed and ready, ripped her clothes off after a short makeout session and I went down on her for a while. She gave me a blow job, something she probably rarely does. We had mad crazy sex all night.

 

When we awoke the next morning, I made her coffee and breakfast. We sat and chatted about religion of all things (amish, christianity, menonitism) and how she had been part of all of these types of religion over coffee and breakfast until she had to go to work and had breakfast.

 

I saw the girl the following weekend and she had a yeast infection and forewarned me. I did not care - because I really cared - and sat and we watched movies and I held her and snuggled her and we slept together but no sex.

 

I banged that girl the next three weeks. She felt safe because she knew I actually cared. The relationship did not work out because she was busy with work and maybe I wasnt the guy for her.

 

The takeaway from this story is that I made her feel like a human being, and that I cared about her. So I got 5 weeks of sex with her (minus one week with the infection), we had a lot of fantastic conversations about a wide variety of issues, 5 breakfasts together. I got to learn how she had taken a university level course in farming and she showed me different plants and how to assist them in growing. I showed her my sailboat and how it worked and talked to her about investment banking and the business.

 

It was enjoyable overall, probably for the both of us although I cannot speak for her. I'm glad I got to meet her. I've adopted a few of her mannerisms and she has probably integrated a few things she learned from me into who she is.

 

Thats what dating is all about.

 

Dont go into dating expecting to meet Ms. Right. Sometimes Ms. Right Now is what you need and you will learn things. Just treat the girls as human beings who have needs, wants, fears, and desires. They want reassurance they will not be hurt or used.

 

Follow this way and you will have great success with women. It may seem like rocket science if you read the PUA websites, but those guys could never pick up an introverted medical researcher like the girl in my story. She would have run for the hills.

 

Ironically, despite presenting herself on the first date like a very oddball looking woman (wearing a fedora and matching long coat, she looked quite weird, almost like a witch) she once her clothes were off was an extremely beautiful woman with an amazing body and some pretty sexy tattoos on her inner thighs. I saw her dressing and undressing and had to remark on how beautiful she was. Chances are that nobody ever had looked at her that way for a very long time, given her oddball choice in clothing and style.

 

I'm sure she appreciated it. We've parted ways and havent talked in months. But I still look back on my 8 weeks with her in my life fondly.

[Sanman]

I agree with most of the advice ktya is giving. Goals are a personal thing though. I used to do the same thign and now I am engaged. The biggest problem as I see it is this:

 

Think of it like a job:

 

You can inteview, get to know, and woo many candidates. However, if they were never interested in the positio you are wasting your time.

 

The first thing to do is gauge their level of interest in the job (dating you). Once you have a pool of interested applicants, then get to know them and figure out who is right for the job. As you do this, many will fall away out of disinterest, to take other jobs, or because life happens. The good news is that you only need one candidate to accept the position in the long term.

[AVarma]

You'd be surprised how many women will not trip out about that. In fact they will jump into the sack with you quicker knowing there is competition.

 

 

What is this the hunger games or something?