Boyfriend lives with two girls that he hooked up with in the past..

[Eliza1984]

Hey,

 

So me and my boyfriend started dating at the beginning of the summer, it was kind of a rocky start.. he had gotten out of a 3 years relationship and wasn't really expecting to meet someone and start dating again.

 

Anyway, needless to say at first there were mixed signals, we all got really drunk one night and he ended up having sex with a girl in his bed while I was standing right outside the door.. Probably should have just ran then.

 

But anyway we weren't dating at that point and he assured me it meant nothing and wanted to commit to me. So we dated and it was really nice, I still felt something was off however he seemed really standoff ish.

 

Then one night he came over and broke up with me, he said that he just wasnt ready for something so heavy etc. I was pretty heartbroken but in the next two weeks kinda moved on was having fun with friends, then he decides that he made a huge mistake and wants me back and wants to spend his life with me blah blah so I took him back.

 

Everything was pretty amazing, until he got a new female room mate whom I wasn't really too sure about. We ended up being friends and did everything together.. And i mean everything. She was always there watching movies, going for hikes doing groceries (eating all the food me and my boyfriend cooked), and it was really getting on my nerves that she wouldnt back off and give us space.

 

Anywho, I knew something was fishy, and later found out that while my and my boyfriend were broken up in the summer he had actually hooked up with this girl.. and yeah. Oh and ps he has two female roomates, he hooked up with the other one before we had met so i let that go.

 

But anyway, so now i never go over to his place, the girl he hooked up with during the summer who moved in isnt paying rent, is eating all his food, and he is pretty much going broke living at this place but is stuck in his lease so he cant leave.

 

Its driving me pretty nuts, most of the people I talk to either say suck it up he'll be out in four months just be the bigger person, other people just say screw him and leave his ass.

 

It is complicated since he is pretty much the sweetest man on the planet, he is so good to me and so good to everyone, but that is where the problem arises since people are taking advantage of his generosity.

 

Anyyywhhhooo... If anyone has any thoughts on what they might do in this situation I would really appreciate it!

 

 

Cheers,

 

Frustrated Girlfriend

[Gloria25]

Awww, poor thing...

 

All these chicks just walking all over him, eh?

 

I don't know, story doesn't sound right to me. You don't live there, so you don't know for sure what's going on I imagine?

 

If these chicks aren't paying their way, there's something called "eviction".

 

And, playing devil's advocate - that these chicks maybe gave him a "taste" (sex maybe once or twice to trick him into paying for them), do you really wanna be with a guy who is so naive/gullible? Again, in this case, eviction is an option. I mean, if he knows these chicks are playing him and still is going broke in hopes they'll "looove" him one day - on top of dating you - then, really, really he's got issues with his ego.

 

BTW, he can even take them to small claims court so they can pay up their end if they decided to share the lease with him. If he's having money problems, then there's pro bono lawyers and legal advice out there - a lot of them are offered in landlord/tenant issues.

Edited December 21, 2014 by Gloria25

[Eliza1984]

Hey thanks for the quick reply!

 

Yeah.. I initially said that if she doesn't pay she's gotta go, period. But its hard I think there are laws in Canada that you cannot evict someone in the winter.. or you need 2 months notice or something..

 

She told my boyfriend that she gave him the money put it in his drawer but he never actually got it.. Everything that comes out of her mouth is like I love you so much and we are family and I just want whats best for you and your bf..Its things like that that bother me so much about her.. She plays a lot of games and tries to turn me and the other female room mate against each other by telling me all these horrible things she says about me (Which now thinking about it probably were fabricated).

 

My boyfriend is 30 and I am 24, he pretty much just wants to clean up the mess he made and try and find someone to take over the lease.. or just live there for 4 months (he pretty much always stays at my place now but it is hard on him) and then put everything in the past and move forward.

 

I am just trying to decide if I will be able to deal with this feeling for the next 4 months. Oh and by the way they also work together! Haha so she is pretty much stuck in my life for now.. I know i sound really jealous.. I am a scorpio and am a pretty jealous creature.. But mostly I just hate to see someone I love being taken advantage of..

 

Anyway, Thanks again for the feedback I really appreciate it

[SpiralOut]

 

It is complicated since he is pretty much the sweetest man on the planet, he is so good to me and so good to everyone, but that is where the problem arises since people are taking advantage of his generosity.

 

Anyyywhhhooo... If anyone has any thoughts on what they might do in this situation I would really appreciate it!

 

 

Cheers,

 

Frustrated Girlfriend

 

 

When you found out he had slept with these other women, did he tell you himself or did you find out through someone else?

 

 

The whole situation sounds sketchy. He is not being "generous" by allowing her to live with him for free. He is being a doormat.

And there is no law in Canada against evicting someone in the winter, not here in Ontario anyway. Normally if someone is not on a lease, and are just subletting, and they are paying rent, you can give two months notice. If they haven't signed any paperwork, or aren't paying any rent, you can probably kick them out even sooner. I am not sure of the specifics but I do know there is no law against evicting someone in the winter. If you want more specifics on rental rules, look it up online or call someone for legal advice. I find it very odd that your boyfriend isn't even trying to kick them out.

 

 

As for what to do, that depends on how much crap you feel like dealing with. This other woman isn't respecting your relationship, who knows what they are even doing when you aren't there. He should be telling her to get lost but he isn't. It sounds like too much drama.

Edited December 22, 2014 by SpiralOut

[Eliza1984]

I found out on my own. I confronted him and he admitted it.

 

Yeah.. that is also my biggest problem.. I said dude.. she's gotta go. Not only is she screwing with our relationship but she is a complete free-loader.

 

I really don't get why he is being so nice to her.. Its come up in fights almost every day because I pretty much am giving him money to pay for rent and hydro so she can live there? He said that if he isn't nice to her then he wont get any money... Then I said ok then why the F**k aren;t you kicking her out?

 

The thing is he works a lot, and if he kicked her out he'd have to either pay for the room himself or find someone to take the room for like 2 months (since we'd need to give her 2 months notice and lease ends in may).

 

Its honestly the most complicated situation.. she didnt sign anything the other people on the lease all moved away and left him to deal with the house find people to fill rooms. And now those people are saying he owes them money cuz they paid first and last and never got it back..

 

Lol so as you can imagine its been causing both of us a lot of stress.

 

Random side note I also moved into the place, was paying for my own room then i found out and moved out.

 

So right now he's paying for that room, well technically I am because I paid first and last and haven't seen any of that money.

 

Its hard because I know that all this is bull**** and I shouldnt have to deal with it but I have never felt this way about someone.. but I can't just put aside all the crap he's put me through.

 

Do men ever grow up?

[Gloria25]

 

Do men ever grow up?

 

How can they if they are being rescued?

 

I'm sorry, but as much as I want a penis deep inside me right about now, I'm not paying some guy's bills.

 

I've talked to gfs who pay their guy's child support and I just want to roll my eyes.

 

I don't play that. When I was young and naive I fell for that like "twice". I've grown up since then, and if "I", a woman in a man's world can handle my business, I'd expect a "man" to also.

[mammasita]

Oh lord. Get rid of the guy, this is a mess!

 

You're getting into ktya territory with this roommate BS

[Eliza1984]

Yeah.. I guess I just need to figure out if he is really worth all of this heart ache. Its like my heart is telling me one thing but my mind is telling me to gtfo.

 

I told him if she isn't out by the end of jan its pretty much not going to be able to happen.. I know that he would step up if it meant loosing me but should it really have to come to that?

 

 

He's put me through a lot, but ha also been the most loving, caring, fun boyfriend, we are best friends and probably soul mates, but he ****ed up so bad.. Love isn't enough I need support and trust and stability.

 

These girls have been bullying me and manipulating me and my boyfriend for so long.. And he has just let it slide because he doesn't want to deal with the confrontation..

 

Ahhh I don't know.

 

Let me know whay ya'll think I should do.

 

Cheers

[No Limit]

I didn't even read the whole thing and would advise you to let this go. Seriously. Unless you are fine with a polygamous relationship (talk to him about your "rights" though, that you are allowed to have other men too) he's not BF material. AT ALL.

[SpiralOut]

Why should they get their first and last month of rent back? If someone moves out before their lease is over, the "last" month of rent goes towards their last month of living there. So if they are due to move out in December, but they move out in April, then their last month deposit pays for March because March was their last month living there. They don't get that money back. Or did your boyfriend not allow them to apply their last month of rent like he should have? Did he charge them an extra month when he shouldn't have?

 

 

You don't get your first month of rent back.

 

 

I think you should look up the law in your province and figure out how rentals work exactly, because I think your boyfriend is telling you a bunch of crap. Either that or he doesn't know what he's doing. I really don't know which is worse. It sounds like you don't know much about it either. And if he really did charge you an extra month in rent, you need to know what your rights are.

 

 

I think you should also stop giving him money for his rent. Don't tell him that you're going to stop it. Just don't do it anymore.

Edited December 22, 2014 by SpiralOut

[ktya]

Hey thanks for the quick reply!

 

Yeah.. I initially said that if she doesn't pay she's gotta go, period. But its hard I think there are laws in Canada that you cannot evict someone in the winter.. or you need 2 months notice or something..

 

I sublet and know all the rules for BC Canada. Other provinces are similar.

 

If he is the leaseholder and they are paying him he can basically give them their walking papers especially if they are not paying rent. The police dont get involved in room mate situations or even sublets as its civil. The one not paying rent with no agreement he can basically just give her notice to leave in 24 hours.

 

If he has a sublet agreement with the one paying rent its a bit trickier. He will have to give her one months written notice for leaving without cause and refund her deposit within 15 days of the end of her tenancy. If he is subletting she cannot go to the tenancy branch in most provinces to arbitrate and drag it out.

 

If the other girl is on the lease he cannot get rid of her until the lease expires unless he can get someone who BOTH will take over the remainder of the lease AND that the landlord approves of.

 

--

 

On the other hand...

 

You have a guy who is living with two girls who are cool with giving him casual sex. He may not be banging them now but you know how women are they are certainly going to try, as they say the only thing better than your crispy crunch is someone else's.

 

While he may resist when alcohol is involved it may be very difficult for him to resist seeing as he's dipped in there before.

 

I'm not against still being friends with people that you've had sex with in fact I think that makes them better friends. It depends how he and they approach the situation.

 

If I were you I would be wary of putting your foot down and demanding he get rid of them. The reason is because by doing that you will be causing drama and you could push him literally between the legs of one of them who console him and say your being a btch. Once that happens its going to be a mess for everyone involved especially if he regrets it keeps it a secret then you hear about it later.

 

I'd recommend that you just get over there and guard your territory and show them what a great girl you are for him. They may snipe and try to bed him if they're especially catty but if they're normal women they will talk you up and tell him what a great girl you are even if he gets loaded and tries it himself, they will try to keep him out of trouble which works for you when your not around.

[Purepony]

Your bf sounds like a scum bag but you allowed it

[redvelvet]

I can relate to your story in so many ways ... Minus the living with 2 girls thing.

 

My boyfriend has random outbursts of being stand off ish ALL THE TIME.

 

This could really emotionally upset you, like really bad. Trust me. If you think you should run, then run.

 

You deserve better

[elaine567]

Yeah.. I guess I just need to figure out if he is really worth all of this heart ache. Its like my heart is telling me one thing but my mind is telling me to gtfo.

 

 

Listen to your mind, it is talking sense.

[Eliza1984]

Hey thanks everyone for the feedback.

 

No neither of them are on the lease, he is the lease holder with another guy who moved to Toronto.

 

So yeah, I know that he is able to kick them both out.. but the fact is is that he is friends with one of them.. and he's not the kinda guy that would just kick someone out in the middle of winter.

 

I know that no one should have gotten their last months rent back, thats what a deposit is for.

 

Its all really just a big mess, I know he wont cheat on me with these girls its just hard for me because I know whenever he's home or at work she's there.

 

I had a big talk with him the other night, and he told me that is she doesnt pay him for jan1st right away when he needs it then shes out.

 

So we will what happens I guess!!

 

Thanks again guys, appreciate it!

[Lokin4AReason]

hope that it ll work out ..... between you too

[elaine567]

Watch -

- Women stop lying to yourselves

[Otter2569]

Are you dating Charlie Sheen?