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Why do Less and Less Women Want Marriage or Even a Relationship?


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I've seen a trend.

 

Certainly, marriage is on the decline. Seems nobody wants to do this anymore. I think I'd take a second crack at it, but hardly any currently unmarried people see it as a viable option.

 

Now, as a single guy, I'm seeing the that the vast majority of single women are not looking for a relationship of any kind!

 

Literally nothing. It's right in their profiles. They seem to be content to just have strings of dudes in and out the door, multi dating or just just changing guys every week .

 

What's the story here?

 

Anyone understand this trend?

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I've seen a trend.

 

Certainly, marriage is on the decline. Seems nobody wants to do this anymore. I think I'd take a second crack at it, but hardly any currently unmarried people see it as a viable option.

 

Now, as a single guy, I'm seeing the that the vast majority of single women are not looking for a relationship of any kind!

 

Literally nothing. It's right in their profiles. They seem to be content to just have strings of dudes in and out the door, multi dating or just just changing guys every week .

 

What's the story here?

 

Anyone understand this trend?

 

 

Confirmation bias. You're looking for trends that can help you deal emotionally with the fact that you're struggling with dating and relationships. More than half of adults are married and the vast majority are in committed, monogamous relationships. Where there certainly are minority that don't want to be in a relationship, most people want the type of intimacy and closeness that only a longterm monogamous relationship can bring.

 

If you actually looked at it objectively, you'd certainly see that most women do want a monogamous, longterm relationship, and some of those would certainly think about marriage as well. For some reason you're choosing to focus on the few that don't. Why is that?

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^^^^

True

 

Also, feminism.

 

We live in an era where women stage slutwalks to stand up for their right to dress like whores.

 

The era of girls being sugar, spice, and everything nice are long gone.

 

Todays young women aspire to be whores more than housewives. Theres good girls out there, but they are shamed into silence by their peers.

 

Sad.

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Because we no longer need to depend on a man to support us as we did in the 60s and earlier, pre-birthcontrol and women's lib.

 

We, like men, only want a relationship when it serves to make our existing awesome lives better.

 

That said, most men who gripe about women not wanting relationships are those who aren't really relationship worthy for anyone. So, it stands to reason they'd be quite frustrated.

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Confirmation bias. You're looking for trends that can help you deal emotionally with the fact that you're struggling with dating and relationships. More than half of adults are married and the vast majority are in committed, monogamous relationships. Where there certainly are minority that don't want to be in a relationship, most people want the type of intimacy and closeness that only a longterm monogamous relationship can bring.

 

If you actually looked at it objectively, you'd certainly see that most women do want a monogamous, longterm relationship, and some of those would certainly think about marriage as well. For some reason you're choosing to focus on the few that don't. Why is that?

 

 

Not even close.

 

Do a search of single women, age 25-35 on POF.

 

A good 75% have "not looking for a relationship" as their preference. Especially if they are even remotely attractive.

 

I noticed this on pof, not so much in my own experience because my experience pool is too small to get any reasonable trend from.

 

It's *quite* evident in OLD sites.

 

I'm with you.,. definitely most women want a marriage or ltr. But most SINGLE women, as you can clearly see in an OLD site search, do not.

Edited by nofeelings22
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Because we no longer need to depend on a man to support us as we did in the 60s and earlier, pre-birthcontrol and women's lib.

 

We, like men, only want a relationship when it serves to make our existing awesome lives better.

 

That said, most men who gripe about women not wanting relationships are those who aren't really relationship worthy for anyone. So, it stands to reason they'd be quite frustrated.

 

This thread isn't about me. It's about wha one sees when they search 1000's of single women online and look at their relationships preferences. I have way more girls than I can handle. I just keep/ chickening out. But this trend is both clear and very interesting.

 

I don't really have data on anyone alive in the 1960's. I don't search for them and wasn't alive back then either. 20-35 yrs old is the age range.

 

Things may be quite different generationally.

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^^^^

True

 

Also, feminism.

 

We live in an era where women stage slutwalks to stand up for their right to dress like whores.

 

The era of girls being sugar, spice, and everything nice are long gone.

 

Todays young women aspire to be whores more than housewives. Theres good girls out there, but they are shamed into silence by their peers.

 

Sad.

 

Narcissism. They are incapable of being in a relationship because that requires you to sometimes put the needs and wants of another above your own. As you say, they also like all the attention they get from having a ton of guys kissing their behind constantly. I have seen women take selfies constantly to post on social media just to have their collection of male admirers complement them.

 

BUT HERE'S THE KICKER!!!!

 

They still want all the perks of what women got in the 60's or whatever!!!

 

They "shack up" instead of getting married. They even have kids in these shack-up situations. But, when he doesn't split the bills and/or chores like she sees "fit"...OMG, he's a jerk. If you want to be treated like a wife, then get married.

 

They get into FWBs/FBs, but when he moves on...she's heartbroken. Then, get a bf...stop sleeping with a guy w/o even knowing what kind of RL you are getting into.

 

I could go on and on.

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There was a time in the not so distant past when a woman couldn't even borrow money from a bank without having a man as a co-signer. Hence, women needed men.

 

 

Now women are not economically dependent on anyone & they have more freedom. Some do "want it all" but some just want the freedom to not be tied down.

 

 

I think there are still women who want a healthy relationship but that doesn't translate to stay at home mom for most of us.

 

 

Perhaps if you are only finding people on OLD who don't share your values or your vision, get off OLD & look for a mate IRL.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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This thread isn't about me. It's about wha one sees when they search 1000's of single women online and look at their relationships preferences. I have way more girls than I can handle. I just keep/ chickening out. But this trend is both clear and very interesting.

 

I don't really have data on anyone alive in the 1960's. I don't search for them and wasn't alive back then either. 20-35 yrs old is the age range.

 

Things may be quite different generationally.

 

You and I are of the same generation. You're asking why there's been a change. There's a historical reason.

 

As for the bolded, if that's true, why do you care?

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BUT HERE'S THE KICKER!!!!

 

They still want all the perks of what women got in the 60's or whatever!!!

 

They "shack up" instead of getting married. They even have kids in these shack-up situations. But, when he doesn't split the bills and/or chores like she sees "fit"...OMG, he's a jerk. If you want to be treated like a wife, then get married.

 

They get into FWBs/FBs, but when he moves on...she's heartbroken. Then, get a bf...stop sleeping with a guy w/o even knowing what kind of RL you are getting into.

 

I could go on and on.

 

 

Totally. My ex shacked up with me and i broke up with her a year ago. She brought to the table that she wasnt working no degree despite a hundred grand in student debt. The deal was she pays the utilities and her and daughter live with me and i cover everything else.

 

Good deal huh? She gets to play housewife and gets effectively to live in a house for a few hundred bucks a month.

 

Well. She fed the kid school lunch snacks and made dinner out of a box. Didnt clean up after herself or her daughter. Id run the dishwasher two or three times back to back. 70 cubic feet of unfolded clean laundry in a pile in the basement. 14 empty packs of cigarettes on the table, 3 days worth of the kids breakfast cereal dishes in varying stages of science experiment. 16 emoty 2 liter bottles of cola littered around her "nest" on the couch. Id have to take the kid to school in the morning myself because she wouldnt wake up half the time. Shed sometimes sleep through the afternoon and the school wouod call me to get her at work.

 

This woman got mad at me for not wanting to get married and have more kids! When we broke up, she wanted to.get back together and gave ME a five page list of demands. When i said id like to still see the daughter (9 years old, i taught her how to read) she told me i was never much of a father because i never opened a joint bank account with her.

 

That woman was lucky i didnt turf her and her kid out years before we broke up. I would have, but that little girl was what kept me going.

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spanishchick00

Well, I don't want marriage, I've seen too many people that I know getting a divorce. And I certainly don't want to make anything legal. But I do want a committed relationship/domestic partnership. And there's nothing wrong with that.

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As for the bolded, if that's true, why do you care?

 

Because I find these things fascinating. :)

 

It's why I'm on LS. Aside from my own problems taking anything to a serious level with any of the million friggin girls I'm trying to sort through (See my thread on being too lazy to date), I find societal trends extremely fascinating.

 

Why would it be so many *single* women wish to stay that way?

 

Same reason I majored in physics. It's just very interesting.

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Well, I don't want marriage, I've seen too many people that I know getting a divorce. And I certainly don't want to make anything legal. But I do want a committed relationship/domestic partnership. And there's nothing wrong with that.

 

There is nothing wrong with anyone wanting whatever it is they want.

 

As an extreme example, I saw my first poly triad in Manhattan this summer. Good for them.

 

But, it is a curious trend.

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evanescentworld

It's "Fewer".

 

Not "Less". "Fewer."

 

"Why do FEWER and FEWER women want marriage, or even a relationship?"

 

"Less" = Volume.

 

"Fewer" = numbers.

 

And that's probably as good a reason as any.

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This is pretty much what I was talking about.

 

No, it's not. You phrased it in a derogatory way focused only on one gender.

 

No one, man or woman, commits to something that doesn't benefit them in some way. It's a fact of life.

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It's "Fewer".

 

Not "Less". "Fewer."

 

"Why do FEWER and FEWER women want marriage, or even a relationship?"

 

"Less" = Volume.

 

"Fewer" = numbers.

 

And that's probably as good a reason as any.

 

 

Lololol :lmao:

 

It's not often my grammar is corrected, but thank you.

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I think there are still women who want a healthy relationship but that doesn't translate to stay at home mom for most of us.

 

I'm sorry, but "marriage" is not "shacking-up". Marriage is a promise - legally and spiritually - that you make to each other. In "shack-ups" the door is wide open. There are no laws, no rules, it's risky.

 

It's like calling "steak" (marriage) a hamburger ("shack-ups")...While both are forms of meat (well, you can get turkey or veggie burgers), they aren't the same.

 

IMO, there's nothing "healthy" about having kids without a nest (i.e. shacking up). That is selfish and dysfunctional. The day I'd have a child, I'd want the best for my child - not what "feels" right for me. That's not healthy to put yourself and/or a child in a shack-up situation.

 

My fav podcaster gets calls from women who are in shack-ups. They always have the same complaints. He's cheating. He doesn't wanna split the bills and/or chores "x" way. The sex stops. My fav podcaster has to "remind" them that he's not their husband. He has no obligation towards them.

 

Shoot, even Judge Judy gets tired of shack-ups. She pretty much says 'You all wanna play house, then when it fades, you want to come to me to split up this or that?'

 

My fav podcaster also says that if a man asked her to shack-up with him, she'd slap him. I don't blame her. It's lovely and honorable for a man to ask you to marry him, but for a guy to say "hey, move in with me", he's disrespecting you. He's pretty much telling you he wants your body, time, sex, cooking, cleaning - AND, to pay half of his bills before he'd lay down his life for you (getting married).

 

But, women settle for that because we are in a narcissistic society with "instant gratification" where women want the marriage (steak), but they'll settle for shack-ups (hamburger). Playing house, just like when you had little Barbies is fun, no? Instant gratification.

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evanescentworld
Lololol :lmao:

 

It's not often my grammar is corrected, but thank you.

 

At last! Someone who takes it in the spirit in which it was intended!!

 

I love you - let's get married! :D

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No one, man or woman, commits to something that doesn't benefit them in some way. It's a fact of life.

 

This is interesting too.

 

Is this what it has always been?

 

I got married because I loved someone. It didn't benefit me much at all. I saw it as sharing the experiences of life with someone I was compatible with. Any type of gain never entered my mind, though there were plenty of them later on.

 

Have people always seen marriages and relationship as ways to gain things, or is this new?

 

In a million years I'd never have known this.

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My fav podcaster gets calls from women who are in shack-ups. They always have the same complaints.

 

He's cheating.

He doesn't wanna split the bills and/or chores "x" way.

The sex stops.

 

My fav podcaster has to "remind" them that he's not their husband. He has no obligation towards them.

.

 

Are those not the some complaints heard from women in marriages too?

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Are those not the some complaints heard from women in marriages too?

 

Yes, but how far into a marriage? Trust me, doesn't take long for this to happen in a shack-up. Also, you can actually "do" something about it in a marriage (i.e. fix this, or we divorce) in a shack-up, there's no incentive to fix it, either party can walk away. You can't take a shack-up to court for alimony and good luck with trying to split up the bills and stuff.

 

NOW imagine that, in a shack-up the GUY actually stops having sex with her (cuz in marriages it's usually the woman) - well, maybe cuz she's more of a roommate than a spouse/lover?

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evanescentworld
....

Have people always seen marriages and relationship as ways to gain things, or is this new?

 

In a million years I'd never have known this.

 

The origin of marriage was totally and completely to do with gaining things! It had very little, if anything, to do with love and affection, at all!

 

Marriages were once considered to be a very good way for families to combine their forces and strengthen their reserves.

A woman married a man and her family paid a dowry, or sum of money, as a gesture of connection and permanence. The Groom's family often also had benefits and advantages, for the bride's family; land, property, numbers of men/workers.... So very often, men had young women betrothed to them, as portions of property.

Hence the father giving the bride away, hence the engagement ring - also a symbol of the woman being linked or now chained to her husband's domain.

 

It was extremely common for marriages to be built solely on financial advantage, which is why so many men had mistresses, other than their wives. They didn't love their wives.

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evanescentworld
Generally speaking, women are better at things like grammar. Whenever a woman points out my grammar mistakes, I like to ask them if they can bench press 400 lbs.

Apples and oranges.

I find correct grammar has far more professional and social advantages to it, than carrying around 3 extra stone of muscle, generally....

 

Today, I went to my help my GF do some work around her grandmother's house for her. There was nothing in it for me, I just did it. That's what relationships are about, and that's what the people who always look out for themselves will never understand.

Certainly, the mores and values, reasons and foundations for marriage, with regard to thought processes and mind-sets in the western world, have definitely changed for the better.

However, in some parts of the world, marriages are still carried out for both financial and social advantages, and much emphasis is put upon what social status one can gain through it.

The state of Marriage has jumped by leaps and bounds in the last decade.

I mean, look at this, as an example of that....

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I do not want to get M because my life is better being single.

Cannot speak on behalf of other women out there, but that's what it comes down to. Knowing both sides, I prefer the single (parenting) life. I love being a single parent. I love my social life, I love my professional life. I love the guys in my life. And the girls. I love my freedom. Wouldn't trade it for anything. But I wouldn't appreciate it that much if I didn't know the married / committed / living together lifestyle. I can compare them. I know the difference. I know which one I prefer. So, when it comes to younger, more unexperienced women, however, I think that many of them still hope for romantic love in form of a marriage. If you haven't tried it, you cannot know for sure what you want and which lifestyle suits you better.

 

It seems to me though, that men on the other hand, young and/or old, are more traditional when it comes to marriage and having a life-partner. Sure they want to date around and stuff, but most of them truly appreciate having a committed partner (aka wife) "around the house". They probably get more out of it than the women do. That's just my observation.

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The origin of marriage was totally and completely to do with gaining things! It had very little, if anything, to do with love and affection, at all!

 

Marriages were once considered to be a very good way for families to combine their forces and strengthen their reserves.

A woman married a man and her family paid a dowry, or sum of money, as a gesture of connection and permanence. The Groom's family often also had benefits and advantages, for the bride's family; land, property, numbers of men/workers.... So very often, men had young women betrothed to them, as portions of property.

Hence the father giving the bride away, hence the engagement ring - also a symbol of the woman being linked or now chained to her husband's domain.

 

It was extremely common for marriages to be built solely on financial advantage, which is why so many men had mistresses, other than their wives. They didn't love their wives.

 

 

 

You know, I was thinking about this type of marriage as I posted. Marrying for love seems to be relatively recent in human history.

 

I wonder, then... is it better not to couple for love?

 

I'm a fairly well off guy for my age. Do I then just grab up a gold digger at my convenience? There are plenty of attractive women looking to gain something. I could gain too in that case. I'd share what I have, plus the travel and adventure. They'd do the female part. More of a win/win than a marriage for love. It's what was done throughout history up until more recent times, right?

 

An interesting idea for someone who has already had a 10 year marriage.

 

Also, i found true love (like I'd die for her) grew over time, as we spent more and more time together.

 

So maybe something that starts as a coupling for the sake of money could turn into something real as well.

 

Humans are so very complicated.....

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