"Men want sex; women want love".

[NGC1300]

Why are we constantly fed this complete and total BS?

 

If women care so much about love, why are they statistically more likely to leave the man than vice versa?

 

If women care so much about love, why does the woman place greater emphasis on career, income, and social status than the male typically does?

 

Women say they "don't want to be used for sex" and yet if the male can't satisfy her in bed he can be kicked to the curb despite whatever level of genuine affection and love he can offer her.

 

Why is male suicide over breakups a common occurrence, while he opposite is essentially unheard of?

 

I would say there's very clear reasons to believe men not only want love as much as women, but actually love more. But instead men are immediately marginalized and painted as only caring about sex.

 

This is wrong.

[Under The Radar]

Why are we constantly fed this complete and total BS?

 

If women care so much about love, why are they statistically more likely to leave the man than vice versa?

 

If women care so much about love, why does the woman place greater emphasis on career, income, and social status than the male typically does?

 

Women say they "don't want to be used for sex" and yet if the male can't satisfy her in bed he can be kicked to the curb despite whatever level of genuine affection and love he can offer her.

 

Why is male suicide over breakups a common occurrence, while he opposite is essentially unheard of?

 

I would say there's very clear reasons to believe men not only want love as much as women, but actually love more. But instead men are immediately marginalized and painted as only caring about sex.

 

This is wrong.

 

A lot of black and white thinking here ...... generalizations like this don't help either gender ...... not all women are as you describe ...... men can be just as shallow.

 

You'd be better off concentrating on INDIVIDUALS rather than stereotyping the sexes ...... you'd honestly be much happier in the long run.

[contact1]

Can't we all just have both?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Why are we constantly fed this complete and total BS?

 

If women care so much about love, why are they statistically more likely to leave the man than vice versa?

 

If women care so much about love, why does the woman place greater emphasis on career, income, and social status than the male typically does?

 

Ok, your first mistake is ignoring the realities of life. Love cannot pay your bills or put a roof over your head. While it is definitely important, it in no way cancels out the genuine necessities like food and shelter. In more traditional eras when men supported entire families, a woman would be a fool not to care about things like career and income. Naturally this attitude has spilled over into modern times.

 

Women say they "don't want to be used for sex" and yet if the male can't satisfy her in bed he can be kicked to the curb despite whatever level of genuine affection and love he can offer her.

 

Not wanting to be used for sex has nothing to do with leaving a relationship in which the sex is unsatisfactory. I'm not even sure how you made this connection.

 

Sex is very important to many people, in fact, I'd say it's important to most people. It plays a very large role in the overall heath of a relationship. Low quality, infrequent or otherwise unsatisfactory sex has effects both in and outside the bedroom. Feeling dissatisfied and/unappreciated in the bedroom can rarely be compensated for because someone offers their "affection" elsewhere. At the end of the day, your poetry and tender cuddles (or whatever you consider affection) is not about to give me an orgasm, I'm sorry to say.

 

Why is male suicide over breakups a common occurrence, while he opposite is essentially unheard of?

 

Unfornatuely, men are simply many times more likely to successfully commit suicide period, so that some do so over heartbreak isn't indictaive of them loving more. However, women are more likely to attempt suicide over heartache, though the survival rates are obviously much greater for various reasons.

 

I would say there's very clear reasons to believe men not only want love as much as women, but actually love more. But instead men are immediately marginalized and painted as only caring about sex.

 

This is wrong.

 

No, your basic premise - or at the very least the examples given - are what's wrong. Obviously as we progress as a society the idea that men can and do love and want to be loved, just as deeply as women is becoming more widely acknowledged however I've seen little evidence that it is men who "love more".

[Gloria25]

IMO....

 

Sex, for men - especially when they are in a committed, loving RL - is how they get a woman's approval and expression of love (on top of the physical release).

 

Men are naturally created to "provide and protect". When they provide and protect for women, they get sex. And, that's how our species procreates and survives.

 

That's why men strive to get a job/career. When they get money and/or status, they are more attractive to women - cuz, women are naturally created to look for a suitable mate, so that they can get preggo. And, that's how our species procreates and survives. I mean men buy cars, homes, etc. all to impress us. The only way they can get that is by working. That's why they can do crappy jobs all day - cuz they want "us" and will do what it takes to win us over.

 

When men lose a mate - especially divorce, their "purpose" is pulled right from under them. Hence, how it can drive some men to suicide. And, that's why with the women's movement - we have less men going to college and/or becoming perpetual "boys" sitting at home playing video games. They are losing their purpose.

 

Why, once women get the "ring" do they put everything (i.e. career, friends, kids) above their husbands - especially having sex with him? THAT, is a mystery I have yet to solve.

 

Part of me thinks they do that, cuz women - especially with the women's movement - want things "their way". They want all the perks of having a guy, yet, do not see where they have to play their part.

 

I also think many women are ignorant as to what sex means to men (a form of love/acceptance), cuz women - while they enjoy sex - don't place that much value on it as a form of love from a guy. A woman can be happy with him satisfying her "emotional" and "monetary" needs. So, I think if women would only understand how important sex is to men, they'd be more willing to make time for it.

 

Then, IMO, women often make the mistake of turning into their husband's "mothers" and they use sex as leverage to "keep him in line" and/or to do what they want. I think they call it like "feminine wiles". But, problem is, they don't use it to motivate their men with positive results...they use it to hold over his head to keep him under their control.

 

While I'm a woman, I think women make a lot of decisions that are not logical - mostly on emotion. So, they may get bent out of shape cuz he didn't read her mind and get her her favorite nail polish on her 32nd birthday - and for that crime, he must be divorced. I'm not saying that cultures and/or religions that limit women's choices are always right, but I see why they do. Women, left to their own devices can just be like a ditzy top, spinning, and spinning, and spinning.

 

**Gloria25 now dawns her protective fire retardant suit to get ready for the flaming**

Edited December 20, 2014 by Gloria25

[Phoe]

Can't we all just have both?

 

Indeed.

 

I want sex, and I also would like it if the person I'm having sex with, loves me. That would be awesome!!

[carhill]

"Men want sex; women want love".

With regard to relationships, a gross generality but, regardless, it has enough traction to have standing over time, as a generality.

 

Why are we constantly fed this complete and total BS?

Society likes feeding us simple sound bites.

 

If women care so much about love, why are they statistically more likely to leave the man than vice versa?

You may have answered this question in your generality, in that women want love and, when they don't feel loved, they leave. That's very different than women loving, however it is consistent with them wanting to be loved. I think understanding the differences between loving and desiring love is key to resolving this.

If women care so much about love, why does the woman place greater emphasis on career, income, and social status than the male typically does?

This varies widely but, generally, IME women seek their equal or better. They can certainly find a wide range of men sexually or romantically attractive but are practical about matters of partnership and who they choose to love and allow to love them.

 

Women say they "don't want to be used for sex" and yet if the male can't satisfy her in bed he can be kicked to the curb despite whatever level of genuine affection and love he can offer her.

Again, the feeling loved thing. A man's prowess in bed is, to some women, an indication of his love, in that he knows how to connect with her sexually and express his love and desire in a manner meaningful to her. If he fails, or is mediocre, she feels unloved and, well, there ya go.

Why is male suicide over breakups a common occurrence, while he opposite is essentially unheard of?

Men are socialized quite poorly in the handling of strong emotions and, unfortunately, some never work that out.

 

I would say there's very clear reasons to believe men not only want love as much as women, but actually love more. But instead men are immediately marginalized and painted as only caring about sex.

IMO, that's a generalization which is difficult to address, as individuals vary sufficiently widely and, even allowing for groups of individuals, it's still difficult to resolve. The best answer I can provide is contained withing that of compatibility, in that certain individuals are compatible with each other, others may be compatible with certain compromises and others may never be compatible and should not interact at all. After all, interaction, love and relationships are a choice. We choose.

 

This is wrong.

It may be. IDK. I tend to feel it defines differences. If the generality were true, it only impacts my life in ways I choose it to. I make the choice to interact in the milieu. It's not a requirement of living.

[NGC1300]

In more traditional eras when men supported entire families, a woman would be a fool not to care about things like career and income. Naturally this attitude has spilled over into modern times.

 

In other words, women want to reap the benefits of a bygone era, while simultaneously ignoring the fact that in that same era she'd be expected to stay home and take care of all the cooking, cleaning, and caring of the kids. LOL!!!!

 

Not wanting to be used for sex has nothing to do with leaving a relationship in which the sex is unsatisfactory. I'm not even sure how you made this connection.

 

It shouldn't be so hard to understand. If a woman is willing to leave a relationship solely on the basis of sexual dissatisfaction, then all she DOES care about is sex, meaning she shouldn't be in a committed relationship at all. She should be getting her love and affection from family and friends while getting railed by random men on the side. This would benefit everyone because the woman could be emotionally and sexually satisfied, and no men would risk getting hurt because she abandoned him on the basis of poor sex.

 

I agree this applies to males as well, however I honestly don't see men complaining or worrying about being "used for sex". This is just another double standard.

 

No, your basic premise - or at the very least the examples given - are what's wrong. Obviously as we progress as a society the idea that men can and do love and want to be loved, just as deeply as women is becoming more widely acknowledged however I've seen little evidence that it is men who "love more".

 

The evidence is in the statistics. Women abandon men at a higher rate than vice versa. I'm sorry, but this is just a fact. Now, I'm sure many of those women had very good and justifiable reasons for leaving. I won't deny that. However, the fact that women leave MORE OFTEN than men is telling. Either all men are intrinsically flawed, or women as a whole are just more superficial in terms of love and relationships. Take your pick.

[contact1]

The evidence is in the statistics. Women abandon men at a higher rate than vice versa. I'm sorry, but this is just a fact. Now, I'm sure many of those women had very good and justifiable reasons for leaving. I won't deny that. However, the fact that women leave MORE OFTEN than men is telling. Either all men are intrinsically flawed, or women as a whole are just more superficial in terms of love and relationships. Take your pick.

 

I love how you use statistics in your argument and than greatly diminish its significance by only giving two possible extreme outcomes from it. One of the very first things you would learn from statistics that just because there may be a relationship between two aspect, it does not prove causation of one or the other.

[NGC1300]

I love how you use statistics in your argument and than greatly diminish its significance by only giving two possible extreme outcomes from it. One of the very first things you would learn from statistics that just because there may be a relationship between two aspect, it does not prove causation of one or the other.

 

Then by all means, explain why women leave more often.

[contact1]

Then by all means, explain why women leave more often.

 

You can't, that is the point. In trying to find a "reason" why "women" as just one category leave is not feasible because there are a near countless number of reason why any person would leave, and that is assuming that this statistic is in fact significant. What was the population model, a random sample of people throughout the whole country, or a sample of readers from a specific magazine who all have the same mindset, and thus just giving you a very bias analysis.

 

Regardless of the fact, even if women do leave a relationship more often than men, you can't define a specific reason why because people are different and have different trends. I'll give you one you probably would have never thought of, women may be more fearless in moving forward from a bad relationship than men. That doesn't mean they don't feel pain in leaving, but they are more willing to risk leaving and not settle for something bad. Or maybe the man has a nightmare of a mother that the woman could not stand. Religious differences? Or maybe girls just wanna have fun, take your pick

[elaine567]

Then by all means, explain why women leave more often.

 

Off the top of my head, I would guess the men just do not meet their emotional needs.

[ktya]

IMO....

 

Why, once women get the "ring" do they put everything (i.e. career, friends, kids) above their husbands - especially having sex with him? THAT, is a mystery I have yet to solve.

 

Part of me thinks they do that, cuz women - especially with the women's movement - want things "their way". They want all the perks of having a guy, yet, do not see where they have to play their part.

 

I also think many women are ignorant as to what sex means to men (a form of love/acceptance), cuz women - while they enjoy sex - don't place that much value on it as a form of love from a guy. A woman can be happy with him satisfying her "emotional" and "monetary" needs. So, I think if women would only understand how important sex is to men, they'd be more willing to make time for it.

 

Then, IMO, women often make the mistake of turning into their husband's "mothers" and they use sex as leverage to "keep him in line" and/or to do what they want. I think they call it like "feminine wiles". But, problem is, they don't use it to motivate their men with positive results...they use it to hold over his head to keep him under their control.

 

While I'm a woman, I think women make a lot of decisions that are not logical - mostly on emotion. So, they may get bent out of shape cuz he didn't read her mind and get her her favorite nail polish on her 32nd birthday - and for that crime, he must be divorced. I'm not saying that cultures and/or religions that limit women's choices are always right, but I see why they do. Women, left to their own devices can just be like a ditzy top, spinning, and spinning, and spinning.

 

**Gloria25 now dawns her protective fire retardant suit to get ready for the flaming**

 

Brilliant post. Im a man and ive been on the receiving end of most of this.

 

Ill elaborate on one sex/love/separation angle.

 

I was with this one girl for 9 years. By year 7 we were engaged, at year 6 she had had an affair and despite the engagement it never recovered.

 

By the time of the affair, the sex was bland, boring, and rare. She made me go through the exact same sequence each and every time. The back rubbing, the neck kissing the massaging, getting her in the mood to take her clothes off took usually around 20 minutes. Im all for sensual slow lovemaking but sometimes a quickie or a hot passionate bang bang is fun. Wasnt like she needed to fear getting used for sex by year 5.

 

I tried to get her to try some new things, like oral sex (god forbid to let a man go down) but she always denied it. For valentines each year i would buy her classy lingerie that would all match, one peice at a time. He silk teddy, the silk komono, nothing outrageous just to try to get her out of the flanel bedwear.

 

Well half her reason for the affair was, in her words, a "lack of passion". Boy did that sting. So we got through it and i doubled my efforts. We got engaged a year later and the sex was still bland and she wouldnt try anything new. Sex got down to once every two or three months. Honestly, for me, it was easier to just jerk off most of the time because sometimes id go through the half hour "ritual" and even get rejected for that.

 

Eventually she went off BC pills and didnt even discuss it with me. Imagine together for 7 years engaged and living together for 5 and having to go back to condoms! I went and went and could barely feel anything so i just called it off somewhat annoyed.

 

A year into the engagement she broke up with me at 5 am and left me little more than a note. When i managed to talk to her later she cited a lack of passion. Talk about frustrating! The woman wouldnt have known passion if it hit her with a mack truck.

[MissBee]

Why are we constantly fed this complete and total BS?

 

If women care so much about love, why are they statistically more likely to leave the man than vice versa?

 

If women care so much about love, why does the woman place greater emphasis on career, income, and social status than the male typically does?

 

Women say they "don't want to be used for sex" and yet if the male can't satisfy her in bed he can be kicked to the curb despite whatever level of genuine affection and love he can offer her.

 

Why is male suicide over breakups a common occurrence, while he opposite is essentially unheard of?

 

I would say there's very clear reasons to believe men not only want love as much as women, but actually love more. But instead men are immediately marginalized and painted as only caring about sex.

 

This is wrong.

 

The saying doesn't mean what you're implying it means. But I do agree that it is reductionist to think men want sex only and women want love only. As a woman I can say in my dating life I've probably dated more men who could take the sex and leave the relationship than the other way around. But doesn't mean all men "naturally" only care about that. I've also met men who wanted a relationship as much I did. I do think men and women are socialized to process sex differently though, with men receiving no tarnish for promiscuous sex and women being taught that their vaginas are something they can save up and give out and if they give it out too much they are "used goods."

 

In any event, wanting love does NOT mean you don't care about: career, sex, interests etc. ALL those things are part of what makes for a HEALTHY and loving relationship. So the idea that love is some amorphous thing that women should care about in a vacuum with no concern for practical things or other aspects of what makes a loving relationship is silly.

 

People have different love languages, different ways of feeling loved and those things influence what they consider to be a loving relationship. There is no such thing as love in a random vacuum not connected to any other thing. Everyone I loved and wanted to be with were for very specific reasons...and that love alone does not guarantee a relationship will work.

 

A woman leaving a man says nothing about love. It is very possible you loved this person then it came to an end and that's when you leave. Most people who leave a relationship felt love at some point, feeling love now doesn't mean it will be that way forever and also relationships are not just about feeling in love but practical stuff too which goes into the decision to leave. In affairs for example married women are statistically more likely to leave their husbands for the new man if they are in love with him than a man is likely to leave his wife actually.

[Thegreatestthing]

I really don't get this thing with women caring about moneybags,if I'm just some monkey trying to find a man with moneybags then why when two physicians messaged me on OLD today,did I not reply to either of them.I could not care less.

 

Yes this us all nonsense,I've never heard anyone say men love less either.

[BC1980]

Why is male suicide over breakups a common occurrence, while he opposite is essentially unheard of?

 

Okay, this statement is just silly. It is not common to commit suicide if someone breaks up with you, male or female.

[carhill]

In general, I tend to agree, though am unclear if statistics on suicide drilling down to such reasons exist. That said, men do tend to react unpredictably and often irrationally to breakups and, with men's natural propensity and tools to commit violent acts, suicide certainly could be a possibility. One of the fears I've often heard from women is that their husband will harm themselves or them (the woman and her family) during separations or divorces. Fortunately, during mine, the only victim was my lawnmower, and it survived. However, I do understand the impetus for the statement. Anger and despair are powerful emotions and not to be trivialized, or accept that one can (trivialize them) at their own peril.

[Gloria25]

In general, I tend to agree, though am unclear if statistics on suicide drilling down to such reasons exist. That said, men do tend to react unpredictably and often irrationally to breakups and, with men's natural propensity and tools to commit violent acts, suicide certainly could be a possibility. One of the fears I've often heard from women is that their husband will harm themselves or them (the woman and her family) during separations or divorces. Fortunately, during mine, the only victim was my lawnmower, and it survived. However, I do understand the impetus for the statement. Anger and despair are powerful emotions and not to be trivialized, or accept that one can at their own peril.

 

Do tell, what happened to your lawnmower?

[carhill]

Its function as an airplane was tested when it flew out the back of my pickup during a particularly difficult moment of disagreement regarding the divorce process. IIRC, it was after I had let my exW live at my mom's house (mom was in a dementia facility) prior to our divorce and I was over there mowing the lawn and we had an argument. I forgot to raise the tailgate on the truck and it flew out the back. I can laugh about it now, as it held no grudges and mowed the yard just fine only yesterday

[Gloria25]

Its function as an airplane was tested when it flew out the back of my pickup during a particularly difficult moment of disagreement regarding the divorce process. IIRC, it was after I had let my exW live at my mom's house (mom was in a dementia facility) prior to our divorce and I was over there mowing the lawn and we had an argument. I forgot to raise the tailgate on the truck and it flew out the back. I can laugh about it now, as it held no grudges and mowed the yard just fine only yesterday

 

Ah, well, at least you can look back and laugh at the issue. Not sure how the peeps for rights about lawnmowers would take this though....

[somedude81]

There is no doubt at all that women want and really enjoy sex.

 

Though I do feel that men need sex more than women.

 

I don't know if women experience the depression and sense of failure that men do when we go without sex for too long.

[Gloria25]

There is no doubt at all that women want and really enjoy sex.

 

Though I do feel that men need sex more than women.

 

I don't know if women experience the depression and sense of failure that men do when we go without sex for too long.

 

Well, I must say that when I'm not getting laid, I am a bit moodier. I'm a woman, BTW.

 

But, it's kinda like the less you get it, the less you miss it. I have my moments where I get horny, but like after I play with "Lady J" and orgasm, I'm all good. But, when I'm seeing a guy and actually having sex with a human being, it's like the world is beautiful, nothing bothers me....lol. That's why when I was going though my stressful period, it took me by surprise when it crushed my desire to have sex. I did some research and found out that people who go through extreme stress lose their sex drive, so I guess I'm not alone (whew!!!).

[spiderowl]

I suspect that men and women are initially drawn towards each other for the reasons mentioned - immediate physical attraction for men, women perhaps more likely to want love and romance too. However, I do think men become emotionally embroiled whether they intended to or not, and then suddenly the situation is different.

[littleblackheart]

The evidence is in the statistics. Women abandon men at a higher rate than vice versa. I'm sorry, but this is just a fact.

 

After a separation or a divorce, women are about 30% less worth off post-divorce, they have sole or main custody of the children in 80% of the case (only 10% of these cases are contested - this means that the majority of the time, there is no other choice than for the mother to be the sole custodian - social expectations), only 58% receive full maintenance from their children's father (maintenance is calculated according to the father's salary, not the mother's wants or the children/s actual needs, and statistics show that, in the majority of the cases, men only pay the minimum legal requirement, and nothing they can't afford), job prospects are notoriously low for women when they didn't work during the marriage / relationship: in short, there is no financial or practical incentive for women to leave a relationship.

 

 

Yet two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women - by the bolded logic (statistical evidence), women leave a relationship despite the fact that there is no real incentive for them to do so. Maybe they think that their mental / emotional wellbeing matters after all...

Edited December 21, 2014 by littleblackheart

[thefooloftheyear]

After a separation or a divorce, women are about 30% less worth off post-divorce, they have sole or main custody of the children in 80% of the case (only 10% of these cases are contested - this means that the majority of the time, there is no other choice than for the mother to be the sole custodian - social expectations), only 58% receive full maintenance from their children's father (maintenance is calculated according to the father's salary, not the mother's wants or the children/s actual needs, and statistics show that, in the majority of the cases, men only pay the minimum legal requirement, and nothing they can't afford), job prospects are notoriously low for single mothers, especially those who didn't work during the marriage / separation: in short, there is no financial or practical incentive for women to leave a relationship.

 

 

Yet two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women - by the bolded logic (statistical evidence), women leave a relationship despite the fact that there is no real incentive for them to do so. Maybe they think that their mental / emotional wellbeing matters after all...

 

No guy I know that is divorced is "just paying the minimum" ,,If there are kids involved they almost always do more....The problem is that its not recognized, because they just do it without court orders or documentation...

 

Also, in most cases where there are kids involved the woman usually stays in the marital home, while the guy usually gets the tiny apartment that resembles a college dorm...Again, I am speaking of personal experience here...For the majority of folks, there just isnt enough money for two seperate decent domiciles...So the bleak pictiure you painted really isnt entirely accurate..

 

IME, the reason women leave relationships is in their own nature and DNA..Most women are programmed to be overly idealistic when it comes to romance and relationships...some to the point where they wind up from the kettle right into the fire...Guys, on the other hand, are far more realistic and pragmatic..Hence far less of a likelihood for GIGS...

 

TFY