Are relationships really worth it?

[Chris715]

Maybe it's just me being a cynic but I was thinking about this today. For all the time, money, and stress that people put into trying to find relationships, keep relationships, and get over broken relationships, are they really worth it? I understand that in many ways it's an instinctive human thing to desire the opposite sex, want companionship, etc. but if you could choose to shut off your desire for a relationship would you?

 

I might not be the best person to ask this question. I've only had two relationships in my life so far (I'm 23), both short, both failed, and both making me miserable after the fact, so I'm definitely coming from a biased point of view. Still, interested to hear some other opinions on this.

[d0nnivain]

When you find a good one that sticks you will understand why relationships are worth it.

 

 

My past relationships & my husband brought a great deal of joy & peace into my life. Although the ends of relationships suck & the pain can be excruciating, you do heal & move on.

[Mister Zen]

In modern times relationships are usually not worth it for men IMO. I would say they are totally worth it for women though.

 

In most cases men have a lot to lose and little to gain. Usually the man gets the most out of the relationship during the stage when he is sleeping with the girl but has not committed yet. This is when she is on her best behavior.

 

Once he commits.. he is ironically punished for doing so as his girlfriend or wife becomes more demanding while offering him less affection, respect and sex.

 

Confused by this.. the man will feel guilty and try to offer more to his partner.. believing he is suppressing all her worthwhile qualities, which are, in fact, nowhere to be found.

[nofeelings22]

 

Once he commits.. he is ironically punished for doing so as his girlfriend or wife becomes more demanding while offering him less affection, respect and sex.

 

Where does this idea come from? I've heard some cases of it, but it's not the norm.

 

Did this happen to you?

 

Maybe every girl I've ever been with knows I'd dump them if they played games, but I've never experienced this in my life... even in a 10 year marriage.

[Mister Zen]

Where does this idea come from? I've heard some cases of it, but it's not the norm.

 

Did this happen to you?

 

Maybe every girl I've ever been with knows I'd dump them if they played games, but I've never experienced this in my life... even in a 10 year marriage.

 

Well a divorce rate of over 50% is the norm.

 

Maybe you have no idea what "the norm" is. Maybe you should pay more attention to what is happening in the world around you.

[LisaSmith_1970]

Yeah, I think they are worth more for women than men. Men don't care about relationships, their dream life are to be with different women/escorts/prostitutes, etc, etc. Men can be single and not worry about anything. Women need protection from men.

[Allumere]

In modern times relationships are usually not worth it for men IMO. I would say they are totally worth it for women though.

 

In most cases men have a lot to lose and little to gain. Usually the man gets the most out of the relationship during the stage when he is sleeping with the girl but has not committed yet. This is when she is on her best behavior.

 

Once he commits.. he is ironically punished for doing so as his girlfriend or wife becomes more demanding while offering him less affection, respect and sex.

 

Confused by this.. the man will feel guilty and try to offer more to his partner.. believing he is suppressing all her worthwhile qualities, which are, in fact, nowhere to be found.

 

ah....no. This may have been your experience but it is not always how things roll.

[Mister Zen]

ah....no. This may have been your experience but it is not always how things roll.

 

Maybe not always but often.

 

50% divorce rate. And the failed relationships among people who never make it to marriage are an even higher percentage.

[Mister Zen]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/506085-messed-up

[Allumere]

I can't argue the divorce rate. I am part of that statistic. With that said, the scenario you have presented has not been my experience in any of the relationships I have had. I am a chick for the record.

[Chris715]

Yeah, I think they are worth more for women than men. Men don't care about relationships, their dream life are to be with different women/escorts/prostitutes, etc, etc. Men can be single and not worry about anything. Women need protection from men.

 

This is a huge generalization. Maybe in general more women care about relationships then men do but there are still plenty of men out there that do care.

 

Yes, as a young guy I have become very jaded and cynical about relationships from my experiences in the past few years, but even after just thinking about it tonight and going through some stuff I realized that I'm not going to give up on a relationship. Even through all of the painful stuff they can be wrapped up in that I mentioned above maybe they're still worth it.

[ponchsox]

When you find a good one that sticks you will understand why relationships are worth it.

 

 

My past relationships & my husband brought a great deal of joy & peace into my life. Although the ends of relationships suck & the pain can be excruciating, you do heal & move on.

 

A "good" relationship seems more like a pipe dream than a reality at this point. If you find a good one, hold onto them! I've been searching for 38 years to no avail.

[Allumere]

well aware that guys talk, well guy talk, when with each other although there are always exceptions. But have been down the rabbit hole with more than one male friend and would dare say I know more than their buds, girlfriends and sadly their spouses about their perception of a situation. Are there cases in the world that are as you describe...sure. Is it always the case or becomes as you describe? Nope. Not only are you not giving the gals much credit but you really aren't painting the men as too sharp either. Your scenario comes down to some people just suck sometimes. Whether it's immaturity, unrealistic expectations, selfishness, insecurity or whatever, it happens.

[Els]

Chris, if you're just healing from a breakup, then it's definitely understandable you would think this way. Give yourself some time to heal and recover.

 

So far my answer is a resounding 'yes', so worth it. A relationship with someone who 'gets' you and you them, whom you're compatible with, whom you can trust to care about you and vice versa, who has stood by your side through the ups and downs of life - it's one of life's biggest joys IMO. On the other hand, I don't view casual dating or having a R just for the sake of having one to be worth it, but that's just my opinion.

[Woggle]

A happy and mutually loving and respectful relationship is more than worth it. That kind of relationship is very hard to find.

[BC1980]

You asked if I would turn off my desire to have a relationship, and my answer is YES. I was happiest before my last relationship when I genuinely did not desire a partner.

[2.50 a gallon]

BC

 

 

After the breakup of my marriage, I felt exactly like you. For the next 14 years I had what I thought was a second happy bachelorhood, in fact though I dated, when ever love or the desire to form a permanent relationship appeared on the horizon, I packed my bags and ran.

 

 

Then one night it happened so fast, before I knew it, it was too late to run.

 

 

Yes, I liked living alone, doing what I wanted, when I wanted. What I now realize that when it came to life in general I was on the outside looking in.

[Xiang]

idk buddy, i'm in the same boat XD.

I find myself pushing for all the wrong people and nothing ever happens. Bad relationships and cheating soo i'm quite over it.

I too think it's useless so i like never try, maybe once a year someone catches my attention but nothing comes of it.

 

Hmm idk if you can turn off those feelings, wish i could. But i can tell you something.

If you had never Felt them, you would of been a lot happier. xD

I never desired a relationship until i had my 1st and i liked it so i needed more, like a drug.

 

But before that i was perfectly fine alone, i didn't know what i was missing .

So i know of no way to turn it off...just that u shouldn't have felt it in the first place.

 

PS: That's why i don't ever wanna try smoking, i might like it XD. I can't let go of things i like. Even if bad for me.

[sillyanswer]

Maybe it's just me being a cynic but I was thinking about this today. For all the time, money, and stress that people put into trying to find relationships, keep relationships, and get over broken relationships, are they really worth it?

 

A good relationship is worth it.

 

One thing some people get better at as they grow older is avoiding getting into the ones that aren't worth it. Being pickier, some people call it.

[d0nnivain]

For all of those saying that there is no benefit to marriage for men, read this study from Harvard Medical School: Marriage and Men's Health - Harvard Health Publications

 

Married men are happier & they live longer.

[xxoo]

Marriages are getting stronger and divorce rates are going down since people have begun marrying for love rather than traditional roles:

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=1

 

A bad relationship is NOT worth it. But as we get older and wiser, it should get easier to avoid bad relationships. Great relationships are still tricky to find, but well worth the patience

[Got it]

Sure. Because when it works, when it is "on" there is nothing like the highs you get from a healthy, loving marriage/relationship.

 

I think this question is answered in how one answer's any question of this type, glass half empty or half full. Sure, it can suck at times, it can be bad, hard, whatever, but nothing and no one will teach you, and mirror for you, back the purest reflection of yourself, your childhood issues, your greatest strengths and weaknesses. No where do you strip yourself bare, be at your most vulnerable and give yourself to someone.

 

So the question is answered by the answer it. It really depends. Depends on the mental, emotional and psychological health of the person asking the question.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I think they're worth it. Few other things in life can enable you to experience such euphoric highs and devastating lows. For that alone, relationships are worth it. They help to broaden the breadth of human experience one person can taste in a lifetime. I have had my heart broken so badly I thought I couldn't ever feel 'right' again. I still think that pain was worth all of the great, loving times I've had with partners. Even though if I actually stop and think about it, the fear of going through that pain again sends a chill through me.

 

Hasn't stopped me starting a new relationship.

[nofeelings22]

Well a divorce rate of over 50% is the norm.

 

Maybe you have no idea what "the norm" is. Maybe you should pay more attention to what is happening in the world around you.

 

I'm divorced.

 

The divorce rate has nothing to do with your postulate that women decrease thier intimacy as time goes on in a relationship. Zero causation.

 

So... you haven't experienced this. I hear a lot of what you say on this forum and lots you do have right.

 

But this? Pretty much just imagining things here. This is a very uncommon situation.

Edited December 15, 2014 by nofeelings22

[Woggle]

For all of those saying that there is no benefit to marriage for men, read this study from Harvard Medical School: Marriage and Men's Health - Harvard Health Publications

 

Married men are happier & they live longer.

 

I think life just feels longer when you are married.