Should I cut off the friendship with my ex-boyfriend???

[BlueIvy]

My question is should I just end our friendship???

 

So, I dated a man 2wice my age for nearly 2 years. It was a good relationship and we fell in love. he even gave me a house key and asked me to move in a few times, each time declining. However, there is no future since he's done getting married and already has grown kids. However, he did mention marriage and said if we were closer in age, he would marry me.

 

Anyway, we never cooled off aka stop talking/hanging out so feelings are sill there. However, I did go on a date a few months ago, which didn't pan out. But I consider myself single and we haven't been intimate.

 

It was a good relationship but his insecurities and lack of communication was the cons for me...

For instance, anytime he would get mad at me, he would use the silent treatment for at least a few days. Also, because I am deemed beautiful by others, it made him insecure as he sometimes questioned why I was with him when I am young and beautiful. For instance, one time a friend's teenage son who he was helping him do yard work said, "Excuse me but you're very beautiful." I was flattered an said thanks. When I went upstairs with my ex, he said, "I can't believe you're blushing because a 15 year old called you beautiful." I replied, "I think it's cute." And then he said, "A lot of people think you're beautiful but I've seen all your flaws." Then he tried to criticize me. He is basically one of those people who can talk **** but can't take it themselves.

 

Last week, he told me loves me and he doesn't want anyone else but me. The week before that he told me how he misses me and misses me as a girlfriend. As I said before, we still talk or hang out but only like every 2 weeks. However, he never said he wanted to get back together with me. In fact he said he wants me to have a future with a younger man, but I feel he doesn't want to let me go.

 

Long story short, he asked me multiple times what I am doing for my birthday and he wants to take me out, he even suggested us going to a bordering state for my birthday so we can go to dinner, see a play. We were gonna celebrate my birthday early as my bday is on a work day. The first times he asked me, I kinda of didn't reply and he basically said, "Include me in your birthday plans." "We should do something." I finally said yes because I love the state we are going to and I still enjoy his company."

 

Anyway, he told me to come to his house (we live in same town) to finalize plans...and he asked me why I didn't tell him an event that happened with my family, and how I usually tell him what happens with my family. I told him he wasn't my confidante anymore and we broke up a few months ago I was kinda joking but in a truthful way. . He basically got upset and cancelled the out of state trip. I asked him for the past 2 days if we are going and he still ignored me. I have a feeling on my actual birthday he wont even acknowledge it. I feel this is selfish and very immature and see this. So, it's been 4 days since he replied to me.

 

I feel like it's messed up that he basically begged me to spend my b day with him, to then cancel because of mere words. He could just say no way. At this rate, I feel like maybe we shouldn't even be friends because clearly it's not working. I am also a little bit hurt that he would hurt me like this. And I am upset he would be offended by what I said, because he knows we aren't together anymore. Also, I bought a new dress because I thought we were going and took Friday off work to get nails,packing,etc done.

 

I would appreciate any insight and respectful criticism...

Edited December 6, 2014 by BlueIvy

[BlueIvy]

No one has any advice,lol? :bunny:

[Toodaloo]

Too messed up. Move on.

 

Sounds like you are toying with him a bit too... Seeing each other for 2 years and not wanting to move in because he has already done the kids thing but you still keep seeing him.

 

Throw the fish back and stop torturing it.

[salparadise]

You are both needy and more interested in driving the other crazy than actually meeting each other's needs. He was hurt that you didn't confide in him about the family matter, and when he asked he was hoping for some words of affirmation and acceptance. Instead, you basically kicked him in the balls. The silent treatment is one of the most hurtful, disrespectful, dysfunctional things a person can do to someone they care about. It's an out-of-bounds tactic.

 

If you two can't quit hurting each other, work through or accept the differences, and come together as a loving couple, then you should part ways permanently and completely. Staying involved in something as dysfunctional as what you describe keeps you stuck in the past and precludes moving on and finding a healthy relationship. You don't have to hate to cut the ties, you just need to accept that it's never going to work.

[BlueIvy]

Too messed up. Move on.

 

Sounds like you are toying with him a bit too... Seeing each other for 2 years and not wanting to move in because he has already done the kids thing but you still keep seeing him.

 

Throw the fish back and stop torturing it.

 

I am not toying with him. The reason I didn't want to move in is because I am traditional, in that I don't believe in living with your partner unless you guys are engaged/married.

 

I never tortured him. I would break up with him because I felt he was trying to push me away because of his insecurities and guilt, so I didn't feel happy. But then I break up with him, and it's like he still wants to be with me. He even said it last week that he loves me and if he didn't say anything, the relationship would go on.

[BlueIvy]

You are both needy and more interested in driving the other crazy than actually meeting each other's needs. He was hurt that you didn't confide in him about the family matter, and when he asked he was hoping for some words of affirmation and acceptance. Instead, you basically kicked him in the balls. The silent treatment is one of the most hurtful, disrespectful, dysfunctional things a person can do to someone they care about. It's an out-of-bounds tactic.

 

If you two can't quit hurting each other, work through or accept the differences, and come together as a loving couple, then you should part ways permanently and completely. Staying involved in something as dysfunctional as what you describe keeps you stuck in the past and precludes moving on and finding a healthy relationship. You don't have to hate to cut the ties, you just need to accept that it's never going to work.

 

I am not needy,lol. You don't know me...

I agree about the permanent thing.

 

He finally responded to me to tell me my tire is flat, which has been going flat like once a week. Which means that he had to drive down my street to know that. I never replied.

[BlueIris]

My question is should I just end our friendship???

...

At this rate, I feel like maybe we shouldn't even be friends because clearly it's not working.

 

I agree with you. You shouldn't be friends, because this isn't really friendship. Why prolong this? He’s double your age. He can’t give you the life you want. He’s jealous and puts you down. He’s being possessive even though you’re supposedly broken up. I say, break up with him for real this time, wish him the best, and be single long enough to resolve that relationship in your own heart and mind. Then find the man who can be the kind of partner you want to build a life and family with.

[Toodaloo]

I am not toying with him. The reason I didn't want to move in is because I am traditional, in that I don't believe in living with your partner unless you guys are engaged/married.

.

 

Oh for goodness sake.

 

Get a grip. If this is how you feel and he doesn't want to get married why bother at all?

 

This relationship is going nowhere. Never was.

 

The reason why you probably felt all these emotions is because deep down you knew that this one was not for you but you don't want to let go.

 

As I say - stop leading him on and being nice and just cut the man loose.

 

The only reason to hang on to this is to get self gratification from messing with his head and attention seeking from him... Are you that person???

[d0nnivain]

News flash: you were never friends with him. You dated. You broke up with him because you felt he was pushing you away. His version of "friendship" was dating light. It was his way of hanging on to you, maintaining contact until in his mind you came to your senses & dated him again.

 

 

If you don't want to get back together with him, stop giving him false hope. If you go NC as a way of distancing yourself from him for his own good he may finally get the message but unfortunately right now you basically have to break up with him all over again.

[serial muse]

Huh, I guess I have a different take - I didn't really see that she was leading him on. He's a big boy and he apparently is the one who made the decision about the limits of their relationship, which she decided weren't for her. Nothing wrong with that. He knows that she wants kids/marriage, but he doesn't want those things; and yet he asked her to move in with him even though he wouldn't give her that. Then he taunted her by saying if they were closer in age he would marry her! WTF.

 

And the fact that he put her down when other men called her beautiful is just appalling. And now tells her he still loves her but doesn't want to get back together, gets upset when she reminds him that they're broken up, then decides to set up a birthday plan presumably as a gift but then goes silent when she displeases him by not acting like his girlfriend anymore...basically, he's a child in a grown man's body.

 

OP, end this. Nothing good will come of staying in touch. You need to move on from him, and that won't happen while you're still entangled. You are not friends, you are in some weird no-man's-land of not-dating, not-friends. He's not going to be the partner you want, but he's not going to let you go, either. So you really should end it.

Edited December 9, 2014 by serial muse

[BlueIvy]

I agree with you. You shouldn't be friends, because this isn't really friendship. Why prolong this? He’s double your age. He can’t give you the life you want. He’s jealous and puts you down. He’s being possessive even though you’re supposedly broken up. I say, break up with him for real this time, wish him the best, and be single long enough to resolve that relationship in your own heart and mind. Then find the man who can be the kind of partner you want to build a life and family with.

 

I guess because I still love him. But also, I think if were able to meet high quality guys, I probably would have moved on long time ago. I did go on a few dates while we broke up but none of it didn't pan out. The men were attractive but didn't really have much else going for them. Well, see I was in my early 20s when we dated so I didn't think of the future. I just was in the moment, now I am older I can see things from a more logical perspective. Even if we got married or whatever, I would be a young widow.

 

Huh, I guess I have a different take - I didn't really see that she was leading him on. He's a big boy and he apparently is the one who made the decision about the limits of their relationship, which she decided weren't for her. Nothing wrong with that. He knows that she wants kids/marriage, but he doesn't want those things; and yet he asked her to move in with him even though he wouldn't give her that. Then he taunted her by saying if they were closer in age he would marry her! WTF.

 

And the fact that he put her down when other men called her beautiful is just appalling. And now tells her he still loves her but doesn't want to get back together, gets upset when she reminds him that they're broken up, then decides to set up a birthday plan presumably as a gift but then goes silent when she displeases him by not acting like his girlfriend anymore...basically, he's a child in a grown man's body.

 

OP, end this. Nothing good will come of staying in touch. You need to move on from him, and that won't happen while you're still entangled. You are not friends, you are in some weird no-man's-land of not-dating, not-friends. He's not going to be the partner you want, but he's not going to let you go, either. So you really should end it.

 

Thank you! I never lead him on. I would break up with him because I felt he wasn't as on it as before. But the breakups would be short term because he would reel me in. For instance, when we broke up, he asked me to baby sit his house while he went out of town and asked if I missed up and tried to kiss me. I stupidly said yes and when I tried to give back keys, he said it's for me to keep until he asks for it back.

 

Marriage? He is the one who said I am his ideal women and would marry me if we were closer in age. I never talked about marriage especially since I am at the stage where I am trying to establish myself. Also, I don't have a strong desire to have kids, maybe that will change when I hit my 30s.

 

Beautiful? When we first dated, he would go on about how beautiful I am and how many of his colleagues thought so as well. Even two of his friends tried to hit on me,smh. But later on, it seemed he would give me a compliment while simultaneously mentioning a flaw.

 

Even his own friend who was supportive of the relationship and said age shouldn't matter told me to move on and is actually on my side. He agrees that my ex is insecure and puts out **** but can't dish it.

 

As for my birthday plans, he was the one who basically said multiple times for me to include him in my birthday plans. I was hesitant and didn't give him a response until he said a out of state trip. So, my intent was never to string him a long. He basically begged me and then cancelled on me.

 

Even today he texted me happy birthday, didn't apologize for ignoring me for 4 days or cancelling. Didn't return my calls.

 

He is the one who told me last week he loves me and misses me as a girlfriend and doesn't want anyone if it's not me.

 

So, I don't understand how I am stringing him along?

 

He makes it seems like he's much more mature than me, but I think it's quite the opposite. He could have just replied we aren't going or said sorry for acting like that. I wasn't even expecing him to do anything for my bday in the 1st place.

[BlueIvy]

News flash: you were never friends with him. You dated. You broke up with him because you felt he was pushing you away. His version of "friendship" was dating light. It was his way of hanging on to you, maintaining contact until in his mind you came to your senses & dated him again.

 

 

If you don't want to get back together with him, stop giving him false hope. If you go NC as a way of distancing yourself from him for his own good he may finally get the message but unfortunately right now you basically have to break up with him all over again.

 

I really thought we were friends. I mean we don't really hang out anymore, maybe 2-3 times a month. I went on a date with a guy a few months ago. I even tried to hook him up with a few older women I know so it can force me and him to move on. But he would be or act hurt and say he doesn't want anyone but me. Also, we haven't had sex in awhile either.

 

I still love him so I guess that's why I held on. But he held on too. When I would go NC or distance, he would say something to lure me in and I got weak.

[preraph]

Well, he may be twice your age, but he doesn't seem very mature, which would explain why he is dating younger.

 

Put everything aside and just continue to be up front and honest any time you have a reaction to something, just like you did that made him sull up, and once you've kept everything out on the table for awhile, it should become clearer if there's any reason to stay together or not.

[BlueIvy]

Well, he may be twice your age, but he doesn't seem very mature, which would explain why he is dating younger.

 

Put everything aside and just continue to be up front and honest any time you have a reaction to something, just like you did that made him sull up, and once you've kept everything out on the table for awhile, it should become clearer if there's any reason to stay together or not.

 

Well, I am one of two younger women he has dated. That relationship didn't last long.

 

Also, I just don't wanna deal with this **** anymore so I haven't been reaching out to him. One of the last things I said is I don't think we can be friends anymore. I did send him birthday pics though.

 

Anyway, only thing he has been saying is my birthday pics are beautiful. And when I said thanks Mr. So-so. He said "I am surprised you remembered my name." But he never apologized or anything. So, it's like whatever. He probably thinks it will be like it always is, where we go on like nothing happened. It's pathethic but this was kind of a usual thing for this to happen.

 

I had a male acquaintance take me out to a nice restaurant and he gave me flowers,lol. I am not interested in him romantically but it was sweet considering on my actual b-day I had no plans to do anything.

[Ducky71]

So if you're pretty sure the friendship isn't working why continue on with it?

 

 

Two sides to every story but from what you write, he sounds very insecure. I guess some people never grow out of that. Do you really want to keep dealing with that, even just as friends?

 

 

Something to think about...Say you do in fact move on, start seeing someone else, is this person going to have a positive effect on your new relationship? By the sounds of it, me thinks no.

 

 

Dating is hard enough as it is, why have a negative outside influence like that lurking around?

[BlueIvy]

So if you're pretty sure the friendship isn't working why continue on with it?

 

 

Two sides to every story but from what you write, he sounds very insecure. I guess some people never grow out of that. Do you really want to keep dealing with that, even just as friends?

 

 

Something to think about...Say you do in fact move on, start seeing someone else, is this person going to have a positive effect on your new relationship? By the sounds of it, me thinks no.

 

 

Dating is hard enough as it is, why have a negative outside influence like that lurking around?

 

 

I am not continuing with it? I haven't really been contacting him or asking him to hang out and he really hasn't as well. He is just saying he's surprised I remembered his name.

 

2 sides to every story but even his own friend said he's insecure. Well, even though I am considered attractive, I am rarely approached. And the guys that do approach me just want sex/losers.

 

But in regards to him, he's obviously insecure. It's funny because it wasn't really present in the beginning of our relationship or maybe I didn't notice.

 

No, I think he would intervene more than he should. He said that I will be his last serious relationship and I kinda believe it. Because in all of his serious relationships, the women pretty much ended it.

 

I think because he's shallow he wouldn't want to date a woman around his age, but he said he doesn't want to go as young as me. Anyway, women my age aren't checking for a man that much older unless they like that dynamic. I think a older woman wouldn't put up with him for long. Even his OWN friend says he doesn't know how to keep a woman.

 

I guess I just feel like I didn't want it to end like this. We always said if/when it ends; we want it to be on good terms.

[BlueIvy]

Huh, I guess I have a different take - I didn't really see that she was leading him on. He's a big boy and he apparently is the one who made the decision about the limits of their relationship, which she decided weren't for her. Nothing wrong with that. He knows that she wants kids/marriage, but he doesn't want those things; and yet he asked her to move in with him even though he wouldn't give her that. Then he taunted her by saying if they were closer in age he would marry her! WTF.

 

And the fact that he put her down when other men called her beautiful is just appalling. And now tells her he still loves her but doesn't want to get back together, gets upset when she reminds him that they're broken up, then decides to set up a birthday plan presumably as a gift but then goes silent when she displeases him by not acting like his girlfriend anymore...basically, he's a child in a grown man's body.

 

OP, end this. Nothing good will come of staying in touch. You need to move on from him, and that won't happen while you're still entangled. You are not friends, you are in some weird no-man's-land of not-dating, not-friends. He's not going to be the partner you want, but he's not going to let you go, either. So you really should end it.

 

Hey hun, thanks for the advice. You're right. Well anyway, after basically driving down my street, saying he loved me and wishing me a Happy Birthday. I reached out to him twice if he was gonna apolgogize. If not that, just to squash the nagativity. And he is ignoring me again.

 

I did nothing to him. I am a little hurt but I think this is finally it. It took me almost 2 years to realize he is emotionally abusive. And I can't deal with it anymore, as friends or otherwise.

 

So if you're pretty sure the friendship isn't working why continue on with it?

 

 

Two sides to every story but from what you write, he sounds very insecure. I guess some people never grow out of that. Do you really want to keep dealing with that, even just as friends?

 

 

Something to think about...Say you do in fact move on, start seeing someone else, is this person going to have a positive effect on your new relationship? By the sounds of it, me thinks no.

 

 

Dating is hard enough as it is, why have a negative outside influence like that lurking around?

 

Hey hun, just a little update. After wishing me happy birthday and I replied thanks, he said oh I am surprised you remembered my name. As if I haven't tried to reach out to him. I thought we could squash this. I never wanted it to end on a bad note and that's probably why I said we could remain friends.

 

I am a little hurt but I know I will be Ok. He's just draining and immature.

 

One thing I know for sure is I will never date a man significantly older than me. I still care for him but I don't think I like him right now.

[HurtGator]

I am not toying with him. The reason I didn't want to move in is because I am traditional, in that I don't believe in living with your partner unless you guys are engaged/married.

 

I never tortured him. I would break up with him because I felt he was trying to push me away because of his insecurities and guilt, so I didn't feel happy. But then I break up with him, and it's like he still wants to be with me. He even said it last week that he loves me and if he didn't say anything, the relationship would go on.

 

How does him expressing his insecurities mean he wanted to break up with you? I'm confused, did he say "I'm insecure, I am breaking up with you"? He wants to be back with you because he didn't initiate the break up to begin with.

[preraph]

Well, I am one of two younger women he has dated. That relationship didn't last long.

 

Also, I just don't wanna deal with this **** anymore so I haven't been reaching out to him. One of the last things I said is I don't think we can be friends anymore. I did send him birthday pics though.

 

Anyway, only thing he has been saying is my birthday pics are beautiful. And when I said thanks Mr. So-so. He said "I am surprised you remembered my name." But he never apologized or anything. So, it's like whatever. He probably thinks it will be like it always is, where we go on like nothing happened. It's pathethic but this was kind of a usual thing for this to happen.

 

I had a male acquaintance take me out to a nice restaurant and he gave me flowers,lol. I am not interested in him romantically but it was sweet considering on my actual b-day I had no plans to do anything.

 

 

Yeah, the way he reacted as you said in this post, not apologizing or acting interested in repairing anything, he's just another one of those guys who just looks for someone who will put up with him for as long as they will and has no intention of really putting any effort. Sounds like time to just cut him loose.

[BlueIvy]

How does him expressing his insecurities mean he wanted to break up with you? I'm confused, did he say "I'm insecure, I am breaking up with you"? He wants to be back with you because he didn't initiate the break up to begin with.

 

He's obviously insecure because his compliments became backhanded.

 

Well, last week he said that the relationship would have kept going if not fo him and he's doing it because he loves me.

 

See, at the peak of our relationship, we spent almost evey day together, called regularly,etc. Then slowly I felt he kinda of didn't put as much effort When I called him out on this, he would either go back to putting in effort or mention how I need to be with a younger man. I think he started feeling guilty because of age difference. Despite him being the one who initiated the relationship, introducing me to his daughter, family and friends. So, I would break up with him and then he would lure me back in.

 

For instance, when we broke up, he was going out of state. He called me to baby sit his house and I stupidly said ok. While giving me his house key, he asked if I deleted all his pics, if I miss him and tried to kiss me. When he came back, I tried to give him his key and he said it's mine to keep.

 

So, I feel it's just been a lot of mind games. Wanting me but not wanting me.

Yeah, the way he reacted as you said in this post, not apologizing or acting interested in repairing anything, he's just another one of those guys who just looks for someone who will put up with him for as long as they will and has no intention of really putting any effort. Sounds like time to just cut him loose.

 

We were I thought friends, but this to me is the final straw. I told my cousin and friends and they think this is a cycle. As I said before, he's done the silent treatment in the past and after a few days he replies back making it seem like the situation was my fault/nothing happened.

 

I don't understand this though because a few weeks ago he mentioned how he missed me and missed having me as girlfriend. And he said he loves me, to which I didn't respond back. So, it's like how do you go from 1 extreme to another?

 

Anyway, I deleted his #. I am moving on. Thanks for the advice. I am half his age yet way more mature.

[BlueIvy]

Yeah, the way he reacted as you said in this post, not apologizing or acting interested in repairing anything, he's just another one of those guys who just looks for someone who will put up with him for as long as they will and has no intention of really putting any effort. Sounds like time to just cut him loose.

 

 

Hello again,lol.

 

Merry Christmas

 

So, yeah he hasn't reach out to me at all. The last thing he said to me was "I am surprised you remembered my name" and that was a week ago. And last time I saw him was about 2 weeks ago.

 

I haven't reach out to him either.

 

I alternate btw feeling a little hurt and feeling Ok.

 

It's like just last month he asked me to run errands with him. Even a few months ago, he asked me that we can still go to DC at his friends house, if I don't have a new bf. Just 3 weeks ago, he said he loves and doesn't want anyone else...stalked me for a day ha ha and offered to take me for a trip outside the state.

 

It's like wtf is this? But I mean I deleted his #. IDK if he expects me to grovel back or like me considers it truly over. I was expecting an apology, something.

 

Anyway, all my friends and even his friend felt I made the right decision; they all felt he was emotionally controlling and manipulative.

 

I was considering saying Merry Christmas, because at least he wished me a happy birthday but now it's like **** it. He's dead to me.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I really thought we were friends. I mean we don't really hang out anymore, maybe 2-3 times a month. I went on a date with a guy a few months ago. I even tried to hook him up with a few older women I know so it can force me and him to move on. But he would be or act hurt and say he doesn't want anyone but me. Also, we haven't had sex in awhile either.

 

I still love him so I guess that's why I held on. But he held on too. When I would go NC or distance, he would say something to lure me in and I got weak.

 

Hanging out two or three times per month isn't 'not really hanging out', unless you're the kind of person who spends every night with friends usually. I see my best friends less frequently than that because of busy lives! If I saw someone that frequently when I used to date them, there'd definitely be something else going on underneath the surface.

 

Neither of you have moved on. The fact that you still love him, means that you cannot be friends, not right now.

 

I have an ex I dated for half a year back in 2010, also twice my age. We are still good friends, always will be I think. I see him maybe three, four times per year, for a lunch or a coffee, this year since I've been with my boyfriend I've invited him along too although he's chosen not to come, thinking it'd be a bit weird. But we've both moved on, it's been several years, we have new partners and it's great to still have him in my life. I'm normally not an advocate of friends with exes, but this wasn't a traditional, exclusive, 'in love' with a future relationship if you catch my drift.

 

You must be into drama to continue seeing him.

[BlueIvy]

Hanging out two or three times per month isn't 'not really hanging out', unless you're the kind of person who spends every night with friends usually. I see my best friends less frequently than that because of busy lives! If I saw someone that frequently when I used to date them, there'd definitely be something else going on underneath the surface.

 

Neither of you have moved on. The fact that you still love him, means that you cannot be friends, not right now.

 

I have an ex I dated for half a year back in 2010, also twice my age. We are still good friends, always will be I think. I see him maybe three, four times per year, for a lunch or a coffee, this year since I've been with my boyfriend I've invited him along too although he's chosen not to come, thinking it'd be a bit weird. But we've both moved on, it's been several years, we have new partners and it's great to still have him in my life. I'm normally not an advocate of friends with exes, but this wasn't a traditional, exclusive, 'in love' with a future relationship if you catch my drift.

 

You must be into drama to continue seeing him.

 

Well, compared to when we were a couple, in the beginning, it was every day or nearly every day. I got busy from school and work so it went to a few times a week or I would stay the night on weekends.So, in comparison it doesn't seem a lot to me.

 

Well, I thought we could be friends. I mean I did go on a date with someone else....

 

I don't like drama,lol. When I have a problem with someone I care about, I want it squashed. But he on the other hands likes to play the silent treatment. Or ignore me then respond like nothing happened.

[ktya]

There are several dynamics simultaneously at play here.

 

The biggest dynamic is that you have a much older man (probably in his 40s) dating a much younger woman (probably early 20s). He knows hes landed a prize but he also knows if he locks it down (ie. Marriage) its going to blow up badly. When he turns 60 shell be 40 and thats a huge difference. Hell be getting sized for Depends and she will be wanting to sow her wild oats before its too late, as a long term thing this is doomed.

 

The next dynamic is his insecurity. This wouldnt be uncommon for an older man dating a young woman. Ive dated girls 18 years my junior and its no easy task. You hate most of their music, you have a hard time relating to their pop culture, and the girls babble on about stuff you find meaningless because in your 40s you want to talk about something of substance. The only way.to make this kind of thing work is to be teflon and very.confident.

 

He knows theres an expiry date and after 2 years he is wondering why its still going. Hes hooked on the hot little bod and cant let go despite trying.

 

My advice to OP:

 

Either grind him for marriage, kids, full relationship - or walk away and never look back. If you grind him for the full enchilada he may walk and never look back, or he may bite and go for it. After 2 years hes hooked, afraid of going back to lumpy bitchy women his own age.

[BlueIvy]

There are several dynamics simultaneously at play here.

 

The biggest dynamic is that you have a much older man (probably in his 40s) dating a much younger woman (probably early 20s). He knows hes landed a prize but he also knows if he locks it down (ie. Marriage) its going to blow up badly. When he turns 60 shell be 40 and thats a huge difference. Hell be getting sized for Depends and she will be wanting to sow her wild oats before its too late, as a long term thing this is doomed.

 

The next dynamic is his insecurity. This wouldnt be uncommon for an older man dating a young woman. Ive dated girls 18 years my junior and its no easy task. You hate most of their music, you have a hard time relating to their pop culture, and the girls babble on about stuff you find meaningless because in your 40s you want to talk about something of substance. The only way.to make this kind of thing work is to be teflon and very.confident.

 

He knows theres an expiry date and after 2 years he is wondering why its still going. Hes hooked on the hot little bod and cant let go despite trying.

 

My advice to OP:

 

Either grind him for marriage, kids, full relationship - or walk away and never look back. If you grind him for the full enchilada he may walk and never look back, or he may bite and go for it. After 2 years hes hooked, afraid of going back to lumpy bitchy women his own age.

 

The age gap is bigger than 18 years,lol. Also, I'm not sure I want kids or to get married. My mindset right now is career oriented.

 

Also, I don't talk about mindless things, we would talk about a variety of topics. I don't even follow or care for pop culture. And we actually like some of the same music. He isn't that mature to be honest so it balanced out lol.

 

Well, IDK we haven't had any communication for a week now. I was a little hurt but I am doing ok now.

 

I don't think we expected any of this to happen, he's the first man I dated significantly older and I am the first woman he has dated a lot younger than him. He would mention marriage and said I was his ideal woman and if not for the age difference he would marry me. But I never brought it up. But I think because of guilt, he would never marry me and he doesn't want kids. His kids are grown so. I think he was really insecure with me because sometimes he would question "why is a beautiful young woman with a older man when he's not rich." I think that's a big part of why he did certain things.

 

Logically I know it doesn't make sense, what it was, but I followed my heart like a dumb ass,lol.

 

Perhaps, he did say he won't let go until I do. I mean he did drive by my house a few times to see if my car was there, because it wasn't that means I slept over "my new boyfriend's house."

 

I am not cocky but I don't think he can do better than me. And he himself said it. His friend even said he was lucky to be with me.