Are there any men who are NOT bitter jaded woman haters "out there?"

[autumnnight]

I mean ,really. Are there?

[todreaminblue]

I think there are autumn...i think on loveshack across the board you see really hurt individuals........people who are hurt enough male or female to seek out support from others......and sometimes it comes out as anger or jadedness....

 

i think out of virtuality......good men exist....because even with men or women who come to love shack...not everyone is jaded......once they feel better they stop writing a lot of them,.....i feel this.....even then....good men and women...written to some awesome individuals....full of humor and compassion.....they also stay and write on here...its a positive outlook that they do,......want to help others....i will always believe in good men....and good women...good peoples.....because i have met so many who are just that........deb

[Anela]

There are men here who like women, and I'm sure there are more out in the world.

[sillyanswer]

I love women.

[ThaWholigan]

Of course there are OP.

[littleblackheart]

Cue a 783th thread posted in earnest giving us scientifically well researched and documented facts (based on hearsay mainly) on why

 

 

-near enough all women insist on a combination of David Beckham + Nelson Mandela + Jon Stewart + Richard Branson + Chris Hemsworth / Idris Elba / whichever celebrity who happens to have good genes (over 6ft tall, obviously).

 

 

-Short of this, out of the several thousand daily offers they are sure to be filtering through, women will settle for anyone else, will despise their partners because they are not the above and because women as a species have this inherent aversion for happiness (it's in the X chromosome).

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Oh come on, that's like asking "are there any women who aren't gold diggers out there?" Yes, obviously, and they're everywhere. Even on this forum.

[insert_name]

IMO, Bitter and jaded men are not born that way, they are made that way through their experiences. Some admittedly more justifiable than others.

 

An animal that is constantly beaten by those it looks up to will soon become wary of people, I don't think its much different with men who constantly feel that they have bad experiences with women that they were not considered good enough for. You soon become cynical and jaded and start to think that all women are like that so there is no point hoping for better because experience proves that it usually doesn't work out.

 

I'm not sure why this seems to be a particularly male situation, once again I can only surmise that it comes down to men having to fulfill the role of pursuer and they pursue women who have their pick of the men and they get rejected when they aren't bulletproof enough to cope with the rejection. I can definitely relate, its hard to meet someone then feel like you have built a connection and entertain the idea that this time its mutual only to be rejected and yet still keep an open mind and heart for the next time. The natural reaction is to take steps to make sure you don't feel that way again. The problem is that its not just your esteem that gets eroded each time, its your hope and the hope is the thing that kills you most. The more you lose hope the more bitter you get.

Edited November 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[littleblackheart]

I'm not sure why this seems to be a particularly male situation, once again I can only surmise that it comes down to men having to fulfill the role of pursuer and they pursue women who have their pick of the men and they get rejected when they aren't bulletproof enough to cope with the rejection. I can definitely relate, its hard to meet someone then feel like you have built a connection and entertain the idea that this time its mutual only to be rejected and yet still keep an open mind and heart for the next time. The natural reaction is to take steps to make sure you don't feel that way again. The problem is that its not just your esteem that gets eroded each time, its your hope and the hope is the thing that kills you most. The more you lose hope the more bitter you get.

 

But it's not a particularly male situation though - most people have felt like that one way or another, often more than once.

 

 

It's not because Bob, Jack and Paul rejected me that I'm going to feel entitled to hurt or manipulate Greg, Mark and Tony or find fault with the entire male population. That's mainly because I know I'm not the centre of the world and also that just like me, chances are others have gone through heartache and painful experiences so the last thing I'd want to do is add to it.

[Mister Zen]

IMO, Bitter and jaded men are not born that way, they are made that way through their experiences. Some admittedly more justifiable than others.

 

An animal that is constantly beaten by those it looks up to will soon become wary of people, I don't think its much different with men who constantly feel that they have bad experiences with women that they were not considered good enough for. You soon become cynical and jaded and start to think that all women are like that so there is no point hoping for better because experience proves that it usually doesn't work out.

 

I'm not sure why this seems to be a particularly male situation, once again I can only surmise that it comes down to men having to fulfill the role of pursuer and they pursue women who have their pick of the men and they get rejected when they aren't bulletproof enough to cope with the rejection. I can definitely relate, its hard to meet someone then feel like you have built a connection and entertain the idea that this time its mutual only to be rejected and yet still keep an open mind and heart for the next time. The natural reaction is to take steps to make sure you don't feel that way again. The problem is that its not just your esteem that gets eroded each time, its your hope and the hope is the thing that kills you most. The more you lose hope the more bitter you get.

 

Its a uniquely male situation because women are empowered through modern societal norms and laws that protect them. Everyone always rushes to protect women. They have more safety nets. Men are told to "man up" and deal with it.

 

Often a man who has lost a wife or lover not only suffers from the loss of that deep personal connection, but from a fairly comprehensive rejection by society in general. First you lose your wife, then your kids, and then even your own family turns against you in many cases (this is a lot more common than most people realize — men’s own mothers very often blame them and side with the ex in what is usually a futile effort to maintain contact with the grandchildren). The thrashing you get from the police and courts is just gratuitous abuse.

 

Men are starting to say, "Wait a minute. Why should my life be about struggle and self-sacrifice, working myself to death for people who regard me as a wallet? Why should I marry some 'blunt, outspoken' woman who will turn on me whenever the money stops coming in, who will nag me to death and take half my stuff, including any kids we have together, 10 years down the road?

 

Attacking the "bitterness" won't help it any. And I know women have their own struggles in society. But they seem to use that as an excuse to trivialize unfairness towards men. Which goes back to the one-sided gender double standards and sexist behavior many women participate in (yet whine when its directed towards them). But that's a whole other issue and I've said enough as it is.

Edited November 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[nofeelings22]

There certainly aren't many here.

 

Many of those here are sensitive, caring types who read people well. Why else would we be on here?

 

Where the normal guy would just say who cares to the girl that screwed him over, we guys who are a little more sensitive, end up really opening up and giving a relationship our all.

 

So, we get a little more butt hurt than the insensitive guy.

 

I personally don't hate women. I hate people and men more! ha ha ha

 

Seriously though, we have experience putting it all in and getting screwed. That can be overlooked, but in my personal case it's all women in my life, except a few guys that are my employees. I know the women in my life at a very, very deep level. Close friends, lovers or people who I've gone out with and had relationships with.

 

Sadly, they have all.... every single one, proven the man haters right at some point.

 

They have all cheated. They all don't like happiness and stability. They mistake that for boredom and start looking at the neighbor's grass... looks pretty green., They crave drama, excitement and chaos. Wild rides. Men don't usually like that stuff. This is where the sexes have their problem. Women I know also crave more. More of everything. They are not happy with their lives or even themselves. Never content to just enjoy what they have. Always need more.

 

These are some fundamental differences in the sexes I've noticed,

 

As a guy, I now just accept that this is how women are. You can't change the world. You can only change yourself.

[nofeelings22]

I'd also like to add that men are being marginalized by society as a whole. I'm one of the least marginalized by my appearance and demeanor, but men are considered basically worthless now and have been portrayed in the media this way for a while.

 

It's definitely a gynocentric society here in the States.

 

I saw this in 2006 and pitched one of my businesses that is normally something a man wants to do toward women, realizing that women are the actual decision makers of a family or couple. I was wildly successful compared to the competition and had many families and even groups of women clients while the others struggled.

[Els]

I love women.

 

Of course there are OP.

 

That's your question answered right there, OP.

[me85]

Absolutely. Men wonder the same thing about women too. If you meet someone who is jaded then best to probably leave them be until they come around in a positive way. Let those people heal.

[preraph]

There are, but they're probably already coupled up and have no reason to go do the opposite of griping about women like the unhappy ones do.

[Woggle]

There are plenty but most of them are with women who aren't bitter manhaters.

[insert_name]

But it's not a particularly male situation though - most people have felt like that one way or another, often more than once.

 

 

It's not because Bob, Jack and Paul rejected me that I'm going to feel entitled to hurt or manipulate Greg, Mark and Tony or find fault with the entire male population. That's mainly because I know I'm not the centre of the world and also that just like me, chances are others have gone through heartache and painful experiences so the last thing I'd want to do is add to it.

 

The bitter reaction is typically male and I stand by my supposition that its likely caused by men typically putting their esteem on the line more than women have to. No doubt women go through it too but dynamics between the sexes being what they are men are always the pursuers- there is enough testimony on this board alone from men and women to suggest that this is the case. Men always have to out themselves out there and if you suck at it then you will either foster a devil may care attitude or you will take it to heart and grow bitter and envious that others find easy what you find so hard, not helped by the fact that guys judge each other on our abilities with the opposite sex so is a sense of failing as a man when you struggle with the opposite sex- I'm sure its easy to appreciate that this is a recipe to leave someone feeling very jaded and frustrsted. As such its easy to slip into a very negative mindset to protect yourself. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

 

I actually managed to turn myself around a few months ago and had everyone commenting on how much I had changed simply because for a while I gave up on the idea that I will ever find love.....then I cracked and re-opened my OLD account and its been nothing but awful so the bitterness is creeping back in. Its a self defense mechanism but I also think it stems from a lot of frustrstion as well, that attraction is not under the control of the man. He can try his best to be awesome but its really not totally under his control whether he is successful. Bitterness is one way that a person can take some control of their situation and keep the ball in their court. You arent putting yourself out there when you are bitter and its a way of sticking two fingers up. Its not nice and really only hurts the guy, hence why I think its important to stop, but I do feel I understand the mechanics of it, its very hard to resist, speaking as a guy whose romantic endeavours have been prettymuch wholly negative for the last decade.

Edited November 29, 2014 by insert_name

[Imported]

Life would probably be better if I were gay. But I am not jaded towards women. Maybe bitter sometimes, but I have hope.

[star gaze]

Of course, there are. But if you go to infidelity forum and listened to men who have been recently betrayed and are ranting, it may not look so. That’s a very small and biased sample size to establish a view upon.

 

Remember, there are more than 6.5 billion people, around half of that men; each with unique psyche make up .

 

I’m a betrayed man, and I’m also slowly passing this gender bashing stage.

[littleblackheart]

The bitter reaction is typically male and I stand by my supposition that its likely caused by men typically putting their esteem on the line more than women have to. No doubt women go through it too but dynamics between the sexes being what they are men are always the pursuers- there is enough testimony on this board alone from men and women to suggest that this is the case. Men always have to out themselves out there and if you suck at it then you will either foster a devil may care attitude or you will take it to heart and grow bitter and envious that others find easy what you find so hard, not helped by the fact that guys judge each other on our abilities with the opposite sex so is a sense of failing as a man when you struggle with the opposite sex- I'm sure its easy to appreciate that this is a recipe to leave someone feeling very jaded and frustrsted. As such its easy to slip into a very negative mindset to protect yourself. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

 

I actually managed to turn myself around a few months ago and had everyone commenting on how much I had changed simply because for a while I gave up on the idea that I will ever find love.....then I cracked and re-opened my OLD account and its been nothing but awful so the bitterness is creeping back in. Its a self defense mechanism but I also think it stems from a lot of frustrstion as well, that attraction is not under the control of the man. He can try his best to be awesome but its really not totally under his control whether he is successful. Bitterness is one way that a person can take some control of their situation and keep the ball in their court. You arent putting yourself out there when you are bitter and its a way of sticking two fingers up. Its not nice and really only hurts the guy, hence why I think its important to stop, but I do feel I understand the mechanics of it, its very hard to resist, speaking as a guy whose romantic endeavours have been prettymuch wholly negative for the last decade.

 

I take your point, to an extent.

 

 

Just consider this (don't worry though, I'm not a raging feminist): men are still over-represented in politics, business and media, most senior figures in the legal professions are male, men get higher salaries than women for the same job, they get promoted quicker and higher, most school head teachers are male (even though education is traditionally female-dominated), most decision-makers at any level are male; so yes, times are (slowly) changing, but men are still naturally expected to be the pursuers, rightly or wrongly, for now anyway.

 

 

Besides, as has been demonstrated countless times here and elsewhere, few men in fact enjoy being pursued and somehow see it as a sign of emasculation. I used to have no issues approaching men but was told by many male friends that men find it intimidating (at best), and this has put me off.

 

 

For every man that 'puts his esteem' on the line there is a woman who feels inadequate for attracting the wrong type of guy: this is a two-way street, and I genuinely don't think one gender has it harder than the other. Some individuals have it harder than others probably, but I don't think it's a gender issue.

 

 

Most people 'suck' at it - you wouldn't know that because most people lie about it. I can see there being an issue amongst particularly competitive men though, and even then I would venture that there is a fair amount of truth-twisting in these situations. Sure, a number of people have a natural gift for these things, but that wouldn't be less ridiculous to envy them than to envy David Beckham for his footballing skills.

 

I have recently been spectacularly hurt by someone I gave everything to (not for the first time) and can't see myself even considering going into a relationship at this point, but I know the problem is mine, not that of all the male population.

[Mangina]

I take your point, to an extent.

 

 

Just consider this (don't worry though, I'm not a raging feminist): men are still over-represented in politics, business and media, most senior figures in the legal professions are male, men get higher salaries than women for the same job, they get promoted quicker and higher, most school head teachers are male (even though education is traditionally female-dominated), most decision-makers at any level are male; so yes, times are (slowly) changing, but men are still naturally expected to be the pursuers, rightly or wrongly, for now anyway.

 

 

I used to a feminist. I used to believe that was because of descrimintion but it is not. The reason for this is because of personal choices. Women make different choices in career and they do not work as much over time. The big boss jobs are very stress full and unessacary so women choice not to do that and i do not blame them because i can not under stand why any one would want to work like that.

[Frank2thepoint]

Are their any men who are NOT bitter jaded woman haters "out there?"

I mean ,really. Are there?

 

Yes, they exist. It may seem hard to believe, because the bitter, angry men draw the most attention.

 

 

I'm not sure why this seems to be a particularly male situation, once again I can only surmise that it comes down to men having to fulfill the role of pursuer and they pursue women who have their pick of the men and they get rejected when they aren't bulletproof enough to cope with the rejection. I can definitely relate, its hard to meet someone then feel like you have built a connection and entertain the idea that this time its mutual only to be rejected and yet still keep an open mind and heart for the next time. The natural reaction is to take steps to make sure you don't feel that way again. The problem is that its not just your esteem that gets eroded each time, its your hope and the hope is the thing that kills you most. The more you lose hope the more bitter you get.

 

I agree with this very much. I am no woman hater, nor a bitter man, but I am definitely frustrated and exhausted. I took 7 years off from active pursuit of finding a girlfriend. Some of that time off was for self-improvement, some was out of sheer frustration of the dating world and the women I've met. I did manage to build a connection with a woman, and have a relationship recently. Unfortunately it was short-lived because it turns out my ex-girlfriend is insecure, and was lacking trust in men in general from her own bad experiences. So what I thought was going to be a fruitful and promising relationship, went bust when she ended the relationship.

 

Now I've been slowly building a connection and had two dates (the first was a four-hour phone conversation, the second was a four hour date) with a woman, only to get that she is really busy, is not ready for a relationship, and wants me to back off a bit with the flirting and contact. So I'm in a confused state, wondering how to proceed, and I am once again frustrated and exhausted. I'll probably move on, find another woman, ostensibly have good chemistry between us, only to get the typical "Sorry, I'm not looking for anything serious right now" line. Lather, rinse, repeat. So I have not lost hope, because I am big f*cking fool that keeps trying, but I'm 35, and I am really thinking what is the point.

 

 

Besides, as has been demonstrated countless times here and elsewhere, few men in fact enjoy being pursued and somehow see it as a sign of emasculation. I used to have no issues approaching men but was told by many male friends that men find it intimidating (at best), and this has put me off.

 

It's a sad world that some men are so controlling and frustrated about dating, that their asinine advice is heeded. How does a woman taking the initiative emasculate a man I wonder. I as a man can not fathom this. Only way I see it is clear, unambiguous interest when a woman has the courage to make the first move. Makes the whole process of dating, and building a connection, much more easier for both genders. I support and encourage both men and women to pursue without shame or criticism. Even endure past a few rejections as well. But I know I'm in the minority with this.

[Mangina]

i know some girls do not have a lot of guys who want them because of their looks so i try to talk with them and they also reject me. it is a terrible feeling.

[somedude81]

IMO being a bitter jaded misogynist is only a temporary condition.

 

I believe that most men love women, but struggling with attracting woman can make a man frustrated. Overtime that frustration can build up to ugly levels.

 

Though as I said, it's just temporary. As soon as the jaded guy starts getting some positive attention from a woman, all the netative feelings he has will vanish.

 

Just think of those guys as children. Like a child, they really want positive attention. But if they can't get positive attention, they feel that negative attention is almost as good. It's still attention.

[thefooloftheyear]

Posing a question like this is on this site is like going to an AA meeting and asking if there are any truly sober people out there....

 

 

 

I love women....They dont eat too much, have fun bodyparts to play with and some can make a great sandwich, too!!....Just don't let them use your car...

 

 

 

 

......Relax....of course I am kiddin'...

 

TFY