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Ignore what they say, you must 'play the game' [Update]


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It seems no matter how much the girlfriend fights to have you around more and all to themselves, to talk with you everyday on skype or stay at theirs everynight etc etc.. you can't give in.

 

In my experience, when you give them what they want, which is all of you, when you finally give it to them, they then resent you for it.

 

It seems no matter what, you must 'play the game' of limiting yourself to someone in order to keep attracting no matter how close you are to each other and no matter how much they fight to have more of you (in whatever way you want to interpret 'limiting yourself' to be)

 

In my 2 relationships i've given in to the womans wants to have more of me and it has only ever ended in them losing interest despite them convincing me it's a good thing and its what they want.

 

I honestly feel like its a bit of a common relationship trap..

 

 

What are peoples thoughts on this?

Edited by Chatmonkey
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jackinthebox1

The theory is right but It shouldnt be a game. You should have enough going on in your life to mean that you cant be round their house 7 nights a week. That they can see you as a successful person, growing in your career and life and want to be part of that.

 

If someone is staying at home 4 nights a week playing video games, is not playin the game!

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Copelandsanity
You just chose the wrong women to give all of yourself to.

 

Either that or his all wasn't all it was cracked up to be! :eek: (I kid, I kid)

 

But seriously, I have the exact opposite experience. Usually it's the feeling that we cannot get enough of each other and constantly want to get physical :bunny:

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I'm a fan of spending quality time, but still insisting we have our time apart.

 

It's healthy for a relationship, having other things to do.

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It's only a game if you have to fake being unavailable for the sake of power or manipulation.

 

I like the concept of inner game... enriching your life with cool stuff that YOU love for the sake of yourself... this will both take time away from a relationship and simultaneously enrich the relationship because you have lots of awesome interesting new fresh things to give.

 

Inner game, aka, a fulfilling life of your own, also seriously pads the blows when things go south in a relationship.

 

It's strongly advised after a breakup to do more of your own thing and rediscover yourself... but ideally, you'll never lose yourself in the first place. :)

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OP you are 100% correct. People saying otherwise are living in Disney la la land.

 

The bottom line is women need a constant "challenge" otherwise they lose interest and stop respecting you. Women believe the man they are with should be stronger than them (physically and emotionally). Otherwise they can't trust him.

 

Female logic dictates that if she can get you to "give in" to her then so can other women. Therefore, she can't totally trust you. Female logic also dictates that if she can get you to give in, then you are weaker than she is.

 

This is why most marriages are unhappy and most women have nothing but hatred and contempt for their husbands behind the fake smiles and obligatory half hearted BJs :laugh:

 

Most men are in relationships with women that despise them.....the men are just too stupid to see this...so they act like women are "mysterious".. they are not.

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Maybe you should find women that are actually seeking a relationship with companionship, not an endless push and pull of power over each other.

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Frank2thepoint

If you give yourself to someone, and the person freaks out, then they couldn't handle you at all. No need to get bitter about a single person's immaturity.

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Maybe you should find women that are actually seeking a relationship with companionship, not an endless push and pull of power over each other.

 

Have you actually known many women like this or are you just theorizing that they must exist?

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Thegreatestthing

Yes it's completely true ,my bf does everything for me always avail.etc Etc.(he has a history of girls leaving him) last night for the first time he just said I'm going to bed it was earlier than usual,he wasn't going to be available,I got a shock he's never done that before it's always me going,i was suddenly more attracted to him,worried,leaving him lots of messages.

 

It's essential.

 

 

OP you are 100% correct. People saying otherwise are living in Disney la la land.

 

The bottom line is women need a constant "challenge" otherwise they lose interest and stop respecting you. Women believe the man they are with should be stronger than them (physically and emotionally). Otherwise they can't trust him.

 

Female logic dictates that if she can get you to "give in" to her then so can other women. Therefore, she can't totally trust you. Female logic also dictates that if she can get you to give in, then you are weaker than she is.

 

This is why most marriages are unhappy and most women have nothing but hatred and contempt for their husbands behind the fake smiles and obligatory half hearted BJs :laugh:

 

Most men are in relationships with women that despise them.....the men are just too stupid to see this...so they act like women are "mysterious".. they are not.

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Thegreatestthing

That would be nice.

Maybe you should find women that are actually seeking a relationship with companionship, not an endless push and pull of power over each other.
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travelbug1996

Sounds like you need to improve your judgment in terms of who you give yourself to. Sounds like you've given to the wrong people. You can't not be all in or else how are you supposed to ever move in or get married to someone?

 

Examine you boundaries and the type of people you've been attracting.

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travelbug1996

 

Female logic dictates that if she can get you to "give in" to her then so can other women. Therefore, she can't totally trust you. Female logic also dictates that if she can get you to give in, then you are weaker than she is.

 

 

 

This has to be coming from a man. Its totally ridiculous. Maybe a girl thinks like this but not a woman.

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This has to be coming from a man. Its totally ridiculous. Maybe a girl thinks like this but not a woman.

 

Yeah? Prove it.

 

I really don't see any evidence of what you just said and you haven't provided much of an explanation.

 

Nice work. :laugh:

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Mixed views on this as it can go either way.

 

I feel if you have to completely alter your natural dynamic and way of relating when in a relationship with a woman/man, then it's the equivalent of building your house on a sandy land. Unless the relationship is specified as temporary for the time being and used by both parties as a period of growth and intimacy, but generally it tends to be more messy and less defined by that.

 

Saying that, most relationships thrive on a bit of friction. Manufactured and artificial friction can only go so far - if there bouts of frustration between the two parties, it's not the death knell - can even be something that helps the relationship go. Builds tension, tension can be good. If it's too comfortable, too boring, then a lot of people won't stick around that long. Best bet then would be to find someone who prefers a nice comfortable relationship.

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Yes, being too available and spending every waking hour together to me is suffocating and does make you take someone for granted - I mean, who wants someone without a life who's at your beck and call?

 

So yes, I do believe you shouldn't be soooo available. I just don't see is a some "game". It's just something you gotta "do". Same way you do other things in a RL (i.e. setting up date nites, establishing boundaries) - you have intentionally not "helicopter" your SO - and this goes not just for dating, but even married people and/or people who live together. I can't stand people who can't do a thing w/o their SO's approval/presence/etc.

 

But yea, I agree with the others, maybe you need to pay attention to who you date. If someone is demanding you spend time with them - then/and/or sit around like a pouty/bored child when you're around, yes IMO, they are immature and need to get a life. Those kind of people are unhappy and are looking for another person to "complete" them. You can never make those people happy. Reminds me of those ditzy chicks guys in the military pick up. They have no life, they are not strong, and as soon as the husband is out in the field/training/deployed - they get "bored" and go seeking male attention.

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Interesting responses guys. Cheers for your insight!

 

Something else I have seen recently on a few occasions in real life (and on LS) is a woman leaving their man because they make more money than them.

 

This fascinates me. Reason being women are always fighting for equal pay, rights etc etc (which I support)... HOWEVER, if they are fighting for this and then they are with a man they indeed make more money than, this seems to lead most women to be unhappy and feel as if the man is not man enough. That the man indeed should be making more than them and pay for more, provide more etc.

 

So when I see women wanting equal pay and privilege (which again i support) but then can't be with a man they earn more than... It kind of infuriates me and seems incredibly contradicting!

 

 

Bit off topic but I thought i wouldn't start another thread for it... thoughts?

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Interesting responses guys. Cheers for your insight!

 

Something else I have seen recently on a few occasions in real life (and on LS) is a woman leaving their man because they make more money than them.

 

This fascinates me. Reason being women are always fighting for equal pay, rights etc etc (which I support)... HOWEVER, if they are fighting for this and then they are with a man they indeed make more money than, this seems to lead most women to be unhappy and feel as if the man is not man enough. That the man indeed should be making more than them and pay for more, provide more etc.

 

So when I see women wanting equal pay and privilege (which again i support) but then can't be with a man they earn more than... It kind of infuriates me and seems incredibly contradicting!

 

 

Bit off topic but I thought i wouldn't start another thread for it... thoughts?

 

Because all this "equality" talk can't rid us of our psycho/biological make-up. Men hunt, women gather. Men want to provide and protect. Those "roles" if you say are built into us. I think that's a big reason why guys fall for the "damsel in distress" - cuz it taps into their need to "provide and protect" women. I mean, read the threads here of independent women who remain perpetually single. Then, women who fall for the "bad boys", again, an example of misplaced need to be with a man who shows "strength and confidence"

 

Yes, I hear the stories all the time on my podcast. Woman wants to be the one in charge and/or the breadwinner and she marries a "pet"...but after a while she bores/tires of the "pet" and ends up losing sexual desire for him. She may even envy him cuz he gets to stay home with the kids while she works.

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Have you actually known many women like this or are you just theorizing that they must exist?

 

Yeah, some friends from my social circle actually. And me, I'm just too lazy to put up with stuff like that. I never really had the drive to demonstrate my power to anyone though.

 

Of course, you could also try to find totally submissive women who don't have their own opinions on any topic and will just do whatever you want with a shrug and "Yeah, sure". Those relationships tend to be boring though.

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Interesting responses guys. Cheers for your insight!

 

Something else I have seen recently on a few occasions in real life (and on LS) is a woman leaving their man because they make more money than them.

 

This fascinates me. Reason being women are always fighting for equal pay, rights etc etc (which I support)... HOWEVER, if they are fighting for this and then they are with a man they indeed make more money than, this seems to lead most women to be unhappy and feel as if the man is not man enough. That the man indeed should be making more than them and pay for more, provide more etc.

 

So when I see women wanting equal pay and privilege (which again i support) but then can't be with a man they earn more than... It kind of infuriates me and seems incredibly contradicting!

 

 

Bit off topic but I thought i wouldn't start another thread for it... thoughts?

 

A lot of women don't actually "believe" in anything or support any cause except what gives them maximum power and control in a situation. Think about it.. with men having the physical strength advantage women had to find a way to thrive in a world where they basically have no natural power. So they developed the ability to manipulate men. There is actually a book about this written by a woman.

 

Men don't see this essential opportunism in women...because men are constantly trying to shag them and we find them too cute to be cunning and cold.

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littleblackheart
Interesting responses guys. Cheers for your insight!

 

Something else I have seen recently on a few occasions in real life (and on LS) is a woman leaving their man because they make more money than them.

 

This fascinates me. Reason being women are always fighting for equal pay, rights etc etc (which I support)... HOWEVER, if they are fighting for this and then they are with a man they indeed make more money than, this seems to lead most women to be unhappy and feel as if the man is not man enough. That the man indeed should be making more than them and pay for more, provide more etc.

 

So when I see women wanting equal pay and privilege (which again i support) but then can't be with a man they earn more than... It kind of infuriates me and seems incredibly contradicting!

 

 

Bit off topic but I thought i wouldn't start another thread for it... thoughts?

 

A previous ex left the relationship because he wasn't comfortable with the fact that I was furthering my education and salary prospects; one of my friends recently left her husband because he was making their lives a complete misery since she got promoted at work, hence earning more money than him - he felt inadequate and couldn't handle it.

 

 

The women I know (this one included) have no problem whatsoever being the main breadwinner, and some have been lucky enough to have found secure partners who don't see it as an issue either. Where I live, stay-at-home fathers are very common and no-one bats an eyelid; in fact, they seem to attract a lot more respect than women for doing the exact same thing, which is baffling.

 

 

Incidentally, they also seem to be pretty relaxed and open-minded individuals who don't have gender war for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

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