Things look more promising with Kentucky woman

[Darren2013]

I spent some quality time with her last night on Facebook and FaceTime playing some card games. Then we talked on the phone for about 7-8 minutes. I ended the conversation first as it was getting late and I needed to get to bed.

 

Things are looking more promising with her than the crush lady at work. Even though I am not as keen on the Kentucky woman I feel like she is really the one I should focus more of my energy and thoughts on because there's alot of potential on paper.

 

That being said it is okay that my interest level is lukewarm at best since we haven't even met in person. Once we meet then I will get a better idea of what is happening to both of our interest levels.

 

Sometimes we watch movies together on Netflix and I follow along while she plays the movie from her laptop.

 

I don't plan on having sex when I meet her in January as I am not going to push for anything. But if it happens it happens. I'll be sure to pack some condoms for my trip just to be prepared. Like preparing for a potential snowstorm it is better to be prepared and then nothing happens than to be caught off guard and having to stop what we are doing just so I can drive to the nearest Walmart and get condoms. When it comes to her I am under a winter storm watch and not a warning. A watch means only the potential but not definite that a snow is coming.

 

I have looked up the driving directions. I am going to meet her at a Starbucks first. The drive will be 8.5 hours.

 

At least with this woman I feel more relaxed with her and I'm not nervous talking to her like I was with my crush coworker.

[eye of the storm]

Darren, I wish you the best of luck. Drive safely. Have an emergency kit in your car.

 

Since you don't feel so nervous with her, would you maybe try to be a bit open and honest about how you feel to different situations?

 

And I agree with having condoms. It is always better to have them and not need them than need them and not have them.

 

I hope it works out and this develops into something you both enjoy.

[GemmaUK]

You need to meet before you have any idea whether there is any attraction.

 

 

Don't invest so much and don't put the cart before the horse.

 

 

Plus, I didn't think you liked/wanted sex?

[Darren2013]

You need to meet before you have any idea whether there is any attraction.

 

 

Don't invest so much and don't put the cart before the horse.

 

 

Plus, I didn't think you liked/wanted sex?

 

 

True but I don't just go meet anyone in person. They have to look interesting on paper before I would even consider meeting them in person. I would not have considered her if she didn't have a majority of what I am looking for on paper.

 

Number 1 she is long distance and I have said before that I don't like the idea of seeing my girlfriend often even if things do get serious. I intentionally seek out long distance because that gives me a valid excuse to not have to see her everyday or every week. That's one thing that makes her a more fit candidate for me than the crush at work. Even if my crush felt the same way I would still have to see her at work all the time for the next 4 months.

 

Number 2 this Kentucky woman is older than me. I am attracted to older women. She says she doesn't want to marry again and neither do I. Most women in my age group are in the prime of biological clock that is driving them to want marriage and kids and so that if nothing else makes me incompatible with women my age.

 

Number 3 we share the same outlook on life and death from a spiritual perspective. She is not afraid to talk about death like most people are.

 

I can think of other things but those top 3 are important enough. If those things didn't exist with her on paper then no I wouldn't consider even meeting her. I don't meet people locally.

 

As far as not wanting sex you understood me right in one sense. I do not care for the kind of sex that is standard missionary style. It never did satisfy me. I have weird fetishes that if those aren't fulfilled I probably won't be getting off.

 

I don't know to what extent she is willing to engage me in specific fetishes but it seems like she is more into the standard missionary style. This is one of the reasons I am not too keen with her and my attraction level is lukewarm right now. But the only reason that's a moot point for now is because we haven't met yet. My attraction may rise or fall during that meeting. Besides that I'm not primarily going over there for sex. If she is up for it on her own initiative then whatever but I'm not going to encourage it.

 

She isn't really my ideal race to be dating as I prefer white women. She is black but that I am willing to look past because what if we really click in many other ways? I can't get always get what I want so I either have to take the whole package or forget about it. If I like 80% of the package then I just accept the other 20%. She may be a rare find and this may be as good as it gets. It is all about priorities. The sex thing is not that high on the priority list because realistically it is unlikely any woman is going to be willing to meet my specific sexual fetishes so I can either learn to come to terms with that now or later. It would make more sense to come to terms with it now.

[FitChick]

What are your fetishes? If they are peculiar, why not find a woman on a fetish dating website or forum. It would eliminate one problem.

 

What happens if you don't like her or she doesn't like you? Are you prepared to spend the night in a motel?

[Darren2013]

What are your fetishes? If they are peculiar, why not find a woman on a fetish dating website or forum. It would eliminate one problem.

 

What happens if you don't like her or she doesn't like you? Are you prepared to spend the night in a motel?

 

Well it kind of goes without saying that I will be spending the night alone in my own motel room regardless since I just met her. I have never slept in a stranger's home even if they invite me to stay whether it is a romantic interest or meeting a pastor or meeting a friend or coworker or family member. I always like to have my own private space anyway. Even when I travel on business I like to get my own room.

 

But to answer the question about the fetish it just isn't the highest priority right now to do a thorough search online and my fetishes are very case sensitive.

[almond]

As far as not wanting sex you understood me right in one sense. I do not care for the kind of sex that is standard missionary style. It never did satisfy me. I have weird fetishes that if those aren't fulfilled I probably won't be getting off. ... The sex thing is not that high on the priority list because realistically it is unlikely any woman is going to be willing to meet my specific sexual fetishes so I can either learn to come to terms with that now or later.

 

Come on Darren, spill the beans. You've got a few of us quite curious I'm sure..

[Darren2013]

It's kind of hard to really explain and quite frankly I'm probably the only guy in the world who thinks the way I think and I question my own mental sanity.

 

Let's just say that I get off on receiving physical pain to some extent. Because of that I might need a psychiatrist instead of a sex therapist to figure out why.

[almond]

That's not all that unusual bud - masochism is hardly unheard of. My boyfriend has some of these tendencies himself...he likes things rough, but also enjoys more vanilla sex frequently.

 

It's nothing to be ashamed of, and I hope you can get yourself balanced and relaxed enough to start exploring and have some fun!

[Gloria25]

That's not all that unusual bud - masochism is hardly unheard of. My boyfriend has some of these tendencies himself...he likes things rough, but also enjoys more vanilla sex frequently.

 

It's nothing to be ashamed of, and I hope you can get yourself balanced and relaxed enough to start exploring and have some fun!

 

I think we all have our "preferences"....I think that as long as you're not hurting others, yourself and your partner is ok with it, no harm no foul.

 

But I think that when your preferences take over reality and/or your ability to connect with others - that may be a problem. I have my "preferences", but it doesn't stop me from having sex - even though I'd prefer to indulge my "preferences". Actually, that's another reason why I go into droughts at times...why get naked if I've "been there, done that". I can pretty much get the same from masturbation.

 

I'm just very cautious with whom I will tell my "preferences" to. After being called a ho for wearing platform heels to the bedroom, I am more reserved when it comes to expressing what I would like to do.

[almond]

I think we all have our "preferences"....I think that as long as you're not hurting others, yourself and your partner is ok with it, no harm no foul.

 

But I think that when your preferences take over reality and/or your ability to connect with others - that may be a problem. I have my "preferences", but it doesn't stop me from having sex - even though I'd prefer to indulge my "preferences". Actually, that's another reason why I go into droughts at times...why get naked if I've "been there, done that". I can pretty much get the same from masturbation.

 

I'm just very cautious with whom I will tell my "preferences" to. After being called a ho for wearing platform heels to the bedroom, I am more reserved when it comes to expressing what I would like to do.

 

I think if sexual preferences "take over reality and/or ability to connect with others," then there is probably something else that needs to be addressed, mental health wise. It would be more likely that this is a symptom of something else, and not solely due to sexual preferences. If it were, that would be an extreme case and quite unusual.

 

If someone caalled you a "ho" for wearing heels to the bedroom, then you're definitely hopping into bed with the wrong kind of people. Again, nothing to do with your sexual preferences, more so your choice of partner.

[eye of the storm]

Darren, you are a bit more normal than you realize. More than a few people are into giving and or receiving pain. If you live near a large city, I would bet they have a BDSM group. I know near where I live there is a dungeon where you can go and take classes in all kinds of things such as rope work, how to whip your partner so they get the max pain without damage, how to find partner, etc. And it is not the only dungeon in the country, they are all over.

 

I will tell you this, and it is going to make you cringe...but open communication is essential to a BDSM scene. Esp if you are the one receiving pain. Tops/Doms or whatever else you wish to call them are not mind readers. They don't know what your limits are, when you are close or if they are so far off the mark you are thinking about cleaning out your fridge. Lots and lots and lots of open honest communication.

[Darren2013]

After careful thought and in light of some new personal developments in my life the meeting is being postponed indefinitely and has received a downgrade on my priority list. I still plan to take a trip in January but it will be somewhere else by myself. I haven't taken a vacation by myself in 10 years. I think it's long overdue.