How many times a week should you see your SO?

[saz123]

Hi!

 

My SO and I have been together for nearly 2 years. Let me just say it hasn't been easy - it's probably been the most bumpiest rollercoaster ever! Ups and downs. Arguments. You name it. Normal though right

 

We went through a stage of seeing each other pretty much every day (and let me just state that this is not healthy – couples should never get into this habit!). We both worked part time and could easily make time for each other as we had many days off and evenings where we could stay up late without worrying about getting up early. He plays football most evenings and sees his friends (when we had part time jobs he’d pop over to see me before or after doing these).

 

Now however we have full time jobs, you know the 9 til 5 kind of day. With hobbies in the evenings and soon enough after this there isn’t time to see each other after all of this because it’s time for bed to get up again early the next day!

 

To be honest as I stated above I don’t think seeing each other every day is healthy, it nearly killed off my relationship. We starting arguing a lot and not appreciating each other and our great relationship. Now I just don’t understand couples that see each other every day, unless you live together, but even then surely you need your own space?

 

Seeing each other every day is a habit - you just need to crack out of it (and it is hard to do it).

 

Because we have full time jobs now we can only really see each other on weekends. Usually though he’ll see me for a bit on an evening and go to his friend’s house (his friend needs him at the moment for company due to his girlfriend breaking up with him 3 weeks ago – I guess my boyfriend is very caring for giving up extra quality time with me for his friend).

 

What do you all think – 2 times a week at weekends is enough to keep your relationship alive?

 

Discuss

Edited November 24, 2014 by saz123

[almond]

I can't support your statements that spending a certain amount of time with one's partner is to be stopped in all cases, as though it's a universal rule. It's a broad, sweeping generalisation that may apply to some, but certainly not all. I definitely don't agree with it being labelled as "unhealthy" either. You are basically trying to apply your experiences to the entire population, expecting every human relationship to fit within the same tiny box.

 

To be honest, it seems that what you should be addressing and focusing on re: your relationship is the possibility of compatibility and/or communication issues, as opposed to the frequency you see each other. The pattern of arguing that you describe isn't particularly healthy, or in any way conducive to a happy long term relationship.

 

Anyway, to answer the thread:

 

My boyfriend and I were good platonic friends for around two years, frequently catching up in group situations and sometimes for lunches etc. alone. That changed eventually, and here we are. We have been living with each other since the 6 month mark, and prior to that spending as much time together as we pleased right from the get-go. We have both always maintained very active social and professional lives, and all was and is good.

 

Seeing each other every day never caused any issues or frustration between us. It felt natural and we both just went with the flow, and luckily, we were both flowing at the exact same pace. It just worked really. And here we are six years later still chugging along

 

People are unique, and the dynamics of two people in a close relationship is even more so. What works for one won't work for all that's for sure!

 

Edited November 24, 2014 by almond

[saz123]

I can't support your statements that spending a certain amount of time with one's partner is to be stopped in all cases, as though it's a universal rule. It's a broad, sweeping generalisation that may apply to some, but certainly not all. I definitely don't agree with it being labelled as "unhealthy" either. You are basically trying to apply your experiences to the entire population, expecting every human relationship to fit within the same tiny box.

 

To be honest, it seems that what you should be addressing and focusing on re: your relationship is the possibility of compatibility and/or communication issues, as opposed to the frequency you see each other. The pattern of arguing that you describe isn't particularly healthy, or in any way conducive to a happy long term relationship.

 

Anyway, to answer the thread:

 

My boyfriend and I were good platonic friends for around two years, frequently catching up in group situations and sometimes for lunches etc. alone. That changed eventually, and here we are. We have been living with each other since the 6 month mark, and prior to that spending as much time together as we pleased right from the get-go. We have both always maintained very active social and professional lives, and all was and is good.

 

Seeing each other every day never caused any issues or frustration between us. It felt natural and we both just went with the flow, and luckily, we were both flowing at the exact same pace. It just worked really. And here we are six years later still chugging along

 

People are unique, and the dynamics of two people in a close relationship is even more so. What works for one won't work for all that's for sure!

 

 

Yeah to be honest I totally agree and it was wrong of me to say it's "unhealthy" to see your SO all the time.

 

Every one's relationship is different. But I also think every couple argues etc and every couple goes through at least 1 really bad rough patch, probably not all couples (some are just lucky!). But it's whether you want to fight to stay together or go your separate ways!

 

My friend only sees her boyfriend of 3 years at the weekends due to work. She's perfectly happy.

 

It's just personal opinion etc

 

I've stayed with my boyfriend at his house for a week once, we've been on various vacations together and we got on with each other like a house on fire. We just click. Sometimes I guess it's just about reigniting that spark?

 

Thanks for your post almond. some space is good sometimes too right?

[Els]

I don't think meeting every day is 'necessary', and I do absolutely think that a R can work fine seeing each other 2 days a week.

 

That being said, you seem to pin all of your relationship problems on the fact that you were seeing each other daily. Now, unless you intend to date your entire life and never cohabitate or marry, this is not going to be a good scapegoat. Plenty of people who live together see each other daily and have for years, and their Rs or marriages are going strong. Sure, time to yourself is necessary but it doesn't usually involve hiding in your cave for several days at a time - people usually take an evening off to do their own thing but still see their partner for dinner or before bed, etc.

 

There is likely a deeper issue here that you will need to tackle eventually, but for now if weekends-only works well for you, then I don't see anything wrong with that either.

 

Personally my R has run the gamut - years when we saw each other only every 6 months because we lived in different countries, years when we lived together and saw each other daily, and over a year of seeing each other only on weekends due to jobs. Of the three, living together was the easiest part, though weekends-only wasn't too bad.

Edited November 24, 2014 by Elswyth

[Got it]

I agree with the others and you need to look at why you were fighting, the frequency was only a part of it.

 

I do think some might be age, when I was younger and dating my first husband, we had a similar issue where seeing each other every day was actually tied to being codependent and was tied to many other issues. So less frequency, once we graduated college and working full time, stopped/diminished the fighting but never solved the underlying issues, issues that surfaced when we married.

 

I do agree that each person needs to have a full life where their significant other is not their sole purpose/existence. But keep pulling back the layers to look at why you were fighting and what it means/why.

 

I enjoy my second marriage and we do have some space tied to each traveling for work. It is nice to be able to have a chance to miss each other. But we are fine when we are seeing each other every day.

[saz123]

I agree with the others and you need to look at why you were fighting, the frequency was only a part of it.

 

I do think some might be age, when I was younger and dating my first husband, we had a similar issue where seeing each other every day was actually tied to being codependent and was tied to many other issues. So less frequency, once we graduated college and working full time, stopped/diminished the fighting but never solved the underlying issues, issues that surfaced when we married.

 

I do agree that each person needs to have a full life where their significant other is not their sole purpose/existence. But keep pulling back the layers to look at why you were fighting and what it means/why.

 

I enjoy my second marriage and we do have some space tied to each traveling for work. It is nice to be able to have a chance to miss each other. But we are fine when we are seeing each other every day.

 

Yeah this exactly. In all honesty my boyfriend LOVES his own space - probably a bit too much. And sometimes if I get in the way of him having his space, we argue. But I guess that's just a minor fault in our relationship and it's something I have to deal with.

 

I know he loves me very much and that's all that matters - unfortunately out of habit we got into a rut of seeing each other every day and we were slowly killing it - but that's just our personal relationship and it's different for every one! It's nice to get a chance to miss each other, you're right. But as I said we've spent days together due to holidays etc and got on brilliantly.

 

I think he finds it hard sometimes to keep up with his life as he's always so busy and barely gets time to himself as he's making time for me (when he can), his friends, football, work, etc.

 

I don't think arguing is a bad thing though, having your differences is good. But it's the really really bad arguments where one of you storms out on the other which are BAD. We barely have those, just have our differences about things. I think I know best he thinks he knows best kind of thing.

[autumnnight]

In answer to your to you question:

 

How often should you see your SO?

 

As often as works for both of you.

[GemmaUK]

After 2 years I saw mine daily.

We moved in together after 8 months.

 

 

We didn't argue at all though.

I would be wary of moving in with someone who I argued with aside from what pizza toppings to have - we agreed on that though!

We would disagree on occasion but not argue.

[acapelo_dp]

I have been with my boyfriend 1 year and 3 months and on average we see each other twice a week. I don't feel like it is quite enough, so I had a chat with him the other night and told him ideally I would be very happy with 3 times a week and he agreed. We both work different schedules - he works Mon-Friday 8am-6pm and I work Tues-Sat rotating from evenings to day shifts (we do not live together). We both like our own time alone so I think our time together now is perfect for us. Although every couple is different. As long as a couple has their own hobbies and time to themselves, no amount of time is too much.

[Gloria25]

I say maybe once or twice a week and it doesn't have to be the entire weekend. Shoot, if they spent a weekend or so without me, I wouldn't be upset - unless they gave me reason to believe they were with another chick instead of me on the weekends...

 

I'm gonna try my best to explain how I see the difference between: seeing each other when dating vs. seeing each other when you live under the same roof.

 

When you are living under the same roof. You have no choice "but" to see that person. But IMO, the interaction isn't made with the same effort as you jumping in your car and driving to your SO's house and/or having to think of activities to do when you visit your SO.

 

So, when people expect you to uproot your routine to see them when you are just dating, that is exhausting to me and raises a red flag. I mean, don't you have a life?

 

But, even people who live together (married or not) start getting into a place where they just 'can't do a thing w/o the other', IMO, that is also a recipe for disaster.

[GemmaUK]

Yeah this exactly. In all honesty my boyfriend LOVES his own space - probably a bit too much. And sometimes if I get in the way of him having his space, we argue. But I guess that's just a minor fault in our relationship and it's something I have to deal with.

 

I know he loves me very much and that's all that matters - unfortunately out of habit we got into a rut of seeing each other every day and we were slowly killing it - but that's just our personal relationship and it's different for every one! It's nice to get a chance to miss each other, you're right. But as I said we've spent days together due to holidays etc and got on brilliantly.

 

I think he finds it hard sometimes to keep up with his life as he's always so busy and barely gets time to himself as he's making time for me (when he can), his friends, football, work, etc.

 

I don't think arguing is a bad thing though, having your differences is good. But it's the really really bad arguments where one of you storms out on the other which are BAD. We barely have those, just have our differences about things. I think I know best he thinks he knows best kind of thing.

 

Sorry, just read back a bit.

Your OP may just be a general question but in relation to your relationship it's pretty significant just now.

 

 

Have you seen each other since your last text correspondence?

All is OK again?

 

 

It could be relevant to this particular relationship is all.

[mammasita]

As much as works for the couple involved IMO.

 

But I also went back and read your threads OP, you guys broke up and then he needed space? Is this question stemming from that?

 

In any case, for my relationship - we're both single parents with full 40 hour work weeks so we see each other on weekends but communicate daily and that's been perfect for the last year.