reed49 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 is it fair , or even o.k. to ask your girl-friend to stop seeing or hanging out with certain friends of hers ? My girl-friend flat out lies to me to do things with her girl-friend ,if i offer to go or assist them with something i'm told ''no'' ,''we're o.k.'' . if we make plans and she agrees to the plan .BUT if later on her girl friend asks her to do something[ on the same night ] , or go somewhere .my girl will do whatever it is with her girl friend and leave me hanging . example- i asked my girl on Mon to do something together on Sat .she agreed 100% ...Thurs her girl-friend asked her to do something with her on Sat .Sat came and went i never saw my girl-friend ..she did whatever it was with her girl-friend [ who is a married woman ]. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Nope. Not okay to break up a friendship. But changing plans with you after-the-fact is also not okay. It would be okay to break up with her because she is rude. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Dating isn't to "mold" someone into what we want them to be. If her circle of friends are of bad character, morals, etc. Then, that tells you a lot about her. You gotta decide whether you want that kind of person in your life. There is some truth about "birds of a feather, flock together". That's why I cut off a lot of my friendships over the years. My gfs at some point exhibited conduct I am not cool with. If she is putting friends time over you, then I guess you're not a priority to her. So, why do you think "ordering" her to make you a priority is going to make this work? Link to post Share on other sites
Author reed49 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 k so if it's not o.k. to ask your supposed girl-friend to stop doing stuff with one of their girl-friends ,then what's the alternative ???? ignore it even though it bugs the crap out of you , break up , offer to go to some kind of relationship counseling ? i've even told her on numerous occasions hey do whatever with your girl-friend week days , one weekend day BUT keep the weekends for us [ she'll go with her girl-friend from morning till sometimes after 9 pm on a Sat night ] wayy to late to go for a dinner,movie etc [ and by time she's back she's to0o tired to do anything anyways ] Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 k so if it's not o.k. to ask your supposed girl-friend to stop doing stuff with one of their girl-friends ,then what's the alternative ???? ignore it even though it bugs the crap out of you , break up , offer to go to some kind of relationship counseling ? You express concern to her that she has repeatedly changed and cancelled confirmed dates with you and suggest that if it happens again, you see no alternative than to end the relationship since she obviously prefers her friends' companionship to yours. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 No, it's never okay to ask someone to stop seeing their friends. If she's standing you up, you can address that, but it's not her friend's fault she's doing it. It's her own rude behavior. So address that or stop seeing her. She may just not be that in to you or it may be she misses her friend and gets to see you all the time but rarely gets a chance to see her friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reed49 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 my situation it is the total opposite .i rarely see her , or do anything with her . mostly when i see her it's night time after work and she's tired so just ends up falling asleep . i was gone for a yr. and could have stayed where i was [ with family ] or gone somewhere else .i came back for her ,but going through this crap i'm thinking i've made the wrong decision . in the yr i've been back we did a total of 2 things together [ a movie , and a friends house] and i've asked and asked for us to do things together but theirs her married girl-friend over their waiting in the wings . fyi the girl-friend doesn't even know me ,i met her and her husband 1 time .i just thought my girl-friends girl-friend would have some respect and at least say ''oh it's Sat night maybe your guy wants to do something with you '' BUT nope hasn't happened Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Reed, This has nothing to do with your GF's friend. It is not her responsibility to remind your GF that she has a BF she never spends time with. Here is the thing, you can tell her if she wants a relationship with you she is going to need to spend more time with you. If she is unwilling to do that, then she is telling you with her actions that she does not want a relationship with you. You telling her that her behavior is unacceptable to you, but then continuing to accept her behavior, is showing her that what she is doing is, in fact, acceptable to you. In any relationship you need to listen to both words and actions. And when there is a conflict, you should listen to their actions. And you need to make sure yours match also. Because then you will not have to be dealing with this kind of situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Your GF does see you as a priority here. You can't ask a SO to give up old friends. In this case even if you tried, this GF would probably pick her friend anyway. You don't really have much of a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 24, 2014 Share Posted November 24, 2014 Sounds to me like the relationship isn't really even on. You're trying to blame everyone around her because otherwise you have to face it that you and her really aren't together if she's avoiding sex and only going out twice a year. She may feel bad you moved back and that may be the only reason she hasn't just told you it's completely over. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts