If I tell a woman I need space it is a test

[Darren2013]

I can't speak for all guys but if I tell a woman I need space then it is usually a test on a subconscious level. Which means I am kind of hoping she knows to come after me anyway. I would get angry at her if she went ahead and "respected" my wishes. Because in my mind she doesn't really love me if she does not seem to have a problem giving me space or if she says she doesn't care if I talk to other women. My true soulmate would not make a statement like that. She would behave in ways that would discourage me from talking to other women because that means she wants me all to herself.

 

So that's one perspective for the ladies out there who have a boyfriend or FWB saying he needs space. Hopefully this will shed some light on another possibility to consider.

 

If I tell a woman I need space and she doesn't call me for a week after that I am not going to go after her. I will assume she gave up on me too easily.

[Raena]

Ok, so that's quite confusing. It's really unhealthy to chase after someone who doesn't want you to, so what you are saying is... you want a really unhealthy relationship with a woman who won't respect your boundaries?

 

Why not just tell her straight up what you need instead of trying to manipulate and give her "tests" that most normal people would fail?

[serial muse]

But then what about this, Darren? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/502266-people-limitations#post6005393

 

There you say that you absolutely want your space and that it's a dealbreaker if a woman doesn't respect this.

 

I don't know, despite all your threads here I get the sense that you actually don't really know what you want. Maybe the threads are your way of working it out "out loud", so to speak. :shrug:

[BlueIris]

I can't speak for all guys but if I tell a woman I need space then it is usually a test on a subconscious level. Which means I am kind of hoping she knows to come after me anyway. I would get angry at her if she went ahead and "respected" my wishes. Because in my mind she doesn't really love me if she does not seem to have a problem giving me space or if she says she doesn't care if I talk to other women. My true soulmate would not make a statement like that. She would behave in ways that would discourage me from talking to other women because that means she wants me all to herself.

 

So that's one perspective for the ladies out there who have a boyfriend or FWB saying he needs space. Hopefully this will shed some light on another possibility to consider.

 

If I tell a woman I need space and she doesn't call me for a week after that I am not going to go after her. I will assume she gave up on me too easily.

 

Huh. Well, it is a test, a mutual test. I would give him his space, because I believe my BF/husband. So he would be disappointed in me, leave me and that would be good because I'd never understand him any way or know the actual motives for what he said.

[Got it]

Good lord, and guys complain that women play games!

 

Darren, you are a head case for any woman to date. Goodness, what exactly do you think you bring to the table to override all of these neuroses and issues?

 

Therapy, my friend, extensive therapy.

[GemmaUK]

When I have told a guy I needed space I meant it.

 

 

With the rest of your theories I suspect that you wouldn't have the need to ask for space though.

You did post that you were just going to reject everyone. Hence you wouldn't be dating and needing space.

 

 

However, I am guessing that you must have a queue of women wanting you just now and these posts are how to handle it.

Why not just have fun and not get too involved though?

You appear to want to be passive aggressive and play all kinds of games.

What result do you actually want?

What kind of woman do you actually want?

If at all that is?

[Gloria25]

If someone needs "space" I give it to them...

 

Quite frankly, if I see their interest is waining and/or they're making connections with other women (i.e. keeping their OLD active, contact with exes - especially via Facebook) I'll even make up their mind for them and give them the space without them asking.

 

Do I hope deep down inside they come back to me after "hiatus"? Yes, who wouldn't? But still, I probably wouldn't feel the same about them not only cuz of my trust issues, but cuz there was "something" in them or about me that made them at some point feel that I wasn't what they were looking for. Why open myself to be stabbed in the heart when someone already is showing me they have doubts?

 

The saying "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours" has some truth.

 

In the past when I was younger and more clingy, I'd beg, plead, try to show the pro's/con's in hopes he'd "see the light" and to no avail. Shoot, I think my desperation may have even pushed them into the arms of the person I was trying to get them away from.

 

Truth is, people have to see things with their own eyes. You can't muscle someone into what you think is right. If they say they need space and they start seeing other people, then let them. But really, IMO, when someone says they need space, it's usually over. Maybe they ask for "space" cuz they just wanna test the waters with other people and keep you on the back-burner "just in case" it doesn't pan out and/or they are too cowardly to just end it with you.

 

And, even if you let them go and they have it bad with the next person, there's still no guarantee they may come back to you. By then you may have moved on and/or it's awkward. You might not even want them back cuz you figure you're Plan "B" or "C". They may also have their ego bruised cuz they failed and had to come back crawling to you.

 

It sucks when you have to sit back and give space to someone - especially when you can just see them making a mistake. It's like watching a train wreck. But at the same time, I think of a song from La India and she says like 'my best revenge is that you have him'. And, often I adopt that belief. Sometimes I wanna just pull out some popcorn and watch them get f-d over by the skank they left you for. I'm getting to the point where if a guy shows interest in another woman besides me - who is no good for him - I'm gonna play matchmaker and put them together so the pain he causes me will come back full circle once he gets with her....So yes, my greatest revenge is that he gets wit her

 

So, in sum, if someone wants space...I'll give it to them. I may even suggest it for them if they're too scared to do it - but show me signs they want it. I "might" check in with them every now and then and be friendly....But, over all, they need to go and see for themselves and me begging, pleading, etc is not only pathetic, but isn't gonna convince them in the least.

 

No "test" here for this babe...

[Rejected Rosebud]

Are you joking! Whatever, all your posts add up to the same thing, you don't want to be in a relationship, you don't like women, and that's good for you because you are not going to have to worry about that anytime soon. So why go to all this trouble to think of ways to not have women in your life? You are already successful!

[Darren2013]

If someone needs "space" I give it to them...

 

Quite frankly, if I see their interest is waining and/or they're making connections with other women (i.e. keeping their OLD active, contact with exes - especially via Facebook) I'll even make up their mind for them and give them the space without them asking.

 

Do I hope deep down inside they come back to me after "hiatus"? Yes, who wouldn't? But still, I probably wouldn't feel the same about them not only cuz of my trust issues, but cuz there was "something" in them or about me that made them at some point feel that I wasn't what they were looking for. Why open myself to be stabbed in the heart when someone already is showing me they have doubts?

 

The saying "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours" has some truth.

 

In the past when I was younger and more clingy, I'd beg, plead, try to show the pro's/con's in hopes he'd "see the light" and to no avail. Shoot, I think my desperation may have even pushed them into the arms of the person I was trying to get them away from.

 

Truth is, people have to see things with their own eyes. You can't muscle someone into what you think is right. If they say they need space and they start seeing other people, then let them. But really, IMO, when someone says they need space, it's usually over. Maybe they ask for "space" cuz they just wanna test the waters with other people and keep you on the back-burner "just in case" it doesn't pan out and/or they are too cowardly to just end it with you.

 

And, even if you let them go and they have it bad with the next person, there's still no guarantee they may come back to you. By then you may have moved on and/or it's awkward. You might not even want them back cuz you figure you're Plan "B" or "C". They may also have their ego bruised cuz they failed and had to come back crawling to you.

 

It sucks when you have to sit back and give space to someone - especially when you can just see them making a mistake. It's like watching a train wreck. But at the same time, I think of a song from La India and she says like 'my best revenge is that you have him'. And, often I adopt that belief. Sometimes I wanna just pull out some popcorn and watch them get f-d over by the skank they left you for. I'm getting to the point where if a guy shows interest in another woman besides me - who is no good for him - I'm gonna play matchmaker and put them together so the pain he causes me will come back full circle once he gets with her....So yes, my greatest revenge is that he gets wit her

 

So, in sum, if someone wants space...I'll give it to them. I may even suggest it for them if they're too scared to do it - but show me signs they want it. I "might" check in with them every now and then and be friendly....But, over all, they need to go and see for themselves and me begging, pleading, etc is not only pathetic, but isn't gonna convince them in the least.

 

No "test" here for this babe...

 

 

I think begging and pleading is unattractive and so we agree on that. I wouldn't want a woman to beg me but I would hope she would call me up a week late and ask something like "Are you enjoying your break?" And that would be my opportunity to tell her I am not enjoying it and I am miserable. Or if she asks me if I am ready to come back home yet I would see that as an open door to tell her I would like to come home to her.

[Darren2013]

Are you joking! Whatever, all your posts add up to the same thing, you don't want to be in a relationship, you don't like women, and that's good for you because you are not going to have to worry about that anytime soon. So why go to all this trouble to think of ways to not have women in your life? You are already successful!

 

I think you are missing the point. The point of this thread was to address a new angle on men who claim they want their space and why. This has nothing to do with whether you think I have a chance with a woman or not. That's not the issue we are talking about in this thread. If I wanted to talk about what kind of chances I have with women I would have started a thread with that kind of subject.

[Got it]

I can't speak for all guys but if I tell a woman I need space then it is usually a test on a subconscious level. Which means I am kind of hoping she knows to come after me anyway. I would get angry at her if she went ahead and "respected" my wishes. Because in my mind she doesn't really love me if she does not seem to have a problem giving me space or if she says she doesn't care if I talk to other women. My true soulmate would not make a statement like that. She would behave in ways that would discourage me from talking to other women because that means she wants me all to herself.

 

So that's one perspective for the ladies out there who have a boyfriend or FWB saying he needs space. Hopefully this will shed some light on another possibility to consider.

 

If I tell a woman I need space and she doesn't call me for a week after that I am not going to go after her. I will assume she gave up on me too easily.

 

So what part of this post is about other men and/or the topic in general? Honey this is all about you, not other men. Other men don't think like this, not normally. That begs the question, do you think most guys think like you do? Read your threads, I think you need to recognize you really are in the minority.

 

Look how many times you say "I" or "me". This is riddled with you.

[Darren2013]

So what part of this post is about other men and/or the topic in general? Honey this is all about you, not other men. Other men don't think like this, not normally. That begs the question, do you think most guys think like you do? Read your threads, I think you need to recognize you really are in the minority.

 

Look how many times you say "I" or "me". This is riddled with you.

 

Just because I am in the minority doesn't mean it does not warrant presenting another angle on this subject. I should not be discouraged from doing that. Maybe most men do not think like I do but that doesn't mean I am the only one who thinks this way. Minority doesn't mean just one person. Any chance that women on this board are dating someone who thinks like me and doesn't know it yet? Yes there is no matter how slim that is. I don't want them missing the signs.

 

Someone else already started a thread asking what it means when a man needs space. I am just as welcome as anyone else to share my own angle on this whether it is in the minority or not.

Edited November 22, 2014 by Darren2013

[Maleficent]

You know what they say; treat a girl like crap and she will chase you. Treat a woman like crap and she will replace you. It applies here.

 

The last who tested me by telling me he needed space got so much space when I ended up dating someone else.

[Got it]

Just because I am in the minority doesn't mean it does not warrant presenting another angle on this subject. I should not be discouraged from doing that. Maybe most men do not think like I do but that doesn't mean I am the only one who thinks this way. Minority doesn't mean just one person. Any chance that women on this board are dating someone who thinks like me and doesn't know it yet? Yes there is no matter how slim that is. I don't want them missing the signs.

 

Someone else already started a thread asking what it means when a man needs space. I am just as welcome as anyone else to share my own angle on this whether it is in the minority or not.

 

But you have ZERO evidence that any man is sharing this sentiment. No man has come on to support your view and I haven't seen it in any other post. Have you?

 

And that is fine, but don't write that you are speaking for others if you have no idea if you are. You are saying why you do this/think this and that there MAY be others who do. But that is it.

 

And if someone is dating a man like you, you are right it may help them see how unhealthy this person is and how unsuccessful the relationship will be.

 

Both sexes can and do play mind games. But the likelihood of a successful happy relationship is slim. This type of person is just not going to be satisfied nor do they have the coping mechanisms in place to handle life's issues in a relationship in a team work mentality.

 

It just isn't healthy. For anyone.

[Brooke02]

Are you joking! Whatever, all your posts add up to the same thing, you don't want to be in a relationship, you don't like women, and that's good for you because you are not going to have to worry about that anytime soon. So why go to all this trouble to think of ways to not have women in your life? You are already successful!

 

Darren is this before, after or same time your gonna reject them? (Your previous post).

 

Obviously you like to write, how about coming up with a different topic?

[serial muse]

Just because I am in the minority doesn't mean it does not warrant presenting another angle on this subject. I should not be discouraged from doing that. Maybe most men do not think like I do but that doesn't mean I am the only one who thinks this way. Minority doesn't mean just one person. Any chance that women on this board are dating someone who thinks like me and doesn't know it yet? Yes there is no matter how slim that is. I don't want them missing the signs.

 

Someone else already started a thread asking what it means when a man needs space. I am just as welcome as anyone else to share my own angle on this whether it is in the minority or not.

 

It's not just that other men don't think like you do, it's that *you* don't think like you do. As I said upthread. Seems to depend on the day.

[Tayken]

Someone else already started a thread asking what it means when a man needs space. I am just as welcome as anyone else to share my own angle on this whether it is in the minority or not.

 

You Sir ....are correct, and as the saying goes "opinions are like private parts, we all have one"

[Darren2013]

But you have ZERO evidence that any man is sharing this sentiment. No man has come on to support your view and I haven't seen it in any other post. Have you?

 

And that is fine, but don't write that you are speaking for others if you have no idea if you are. You are saying why you do this/think this and that there MAY be others who do. But that is it.

 

And if someone is dating a man like you, you are right it may help them see how unhealthy this person is and how unsuccessful the relationship will be.

 

Both sexes can and do play mind games. But the likelihood of a successful happy relationship is slim. This type of person is just not going to be satisfied nor do they have the coping mechanisms in place to handle life's issues in a relationship in a team work mentality.

 

It just isn't healthy. For anyone.

 

That doesn't mean there are not other men out there who think like I do. Loveshack is not a representation of how the world works. There may be men who think like I do but have not found a reason to join loveshack and talk about it. The world is alot bigger than what goes on a message board.

 

I never was speaking for others. I was presenting a different angle. I really do not see the issue you have with this or me personally.

 

The majority view is not always right. And my view shouldn't be given any less consideration just because it is in the minority.

 

The majority view says I should move on from my crush but that doesn't mean it is the right decision for me. I will move on when I am convinced it is time to move on and not because a bunch of strangers on the internet tell me to move on. People have to feel at peace within themselves about whatever decision they make and not because someone else tells them. Well meaning people can dish out advice and while it may be good advice the one thing nobody can do when giving advice is that they can't make anyone feel at peace with their decision to follow it or not.

 

Whatever decision I make I have to live with the outcome whether I follow what the majority of posters say I should do or not. That majority is not going to be there to live my outcome for me whether I take their advice or not.

 

So it really shouldn't matter if I present a minority view on a subject matter of dating and relationships because each person is their own person and they are going to do what they want to regardless of what I or other faceless strangers on the Internet say.

 

As you can see you don't see me going on the other thread titled "when a man needs space" and criticizing other viewpoints about what space really means.

Edited November 22, 2014 by Darren2013

[MissBee]

I can't speak for all guys but if I tell a woman I need space then it is usually a test on a subconscious level. Which means I am kind of hoping she knows to come after me anyway. I would get angry at her if she went ahead and "respected" my wishes. Because in my mind she doesn't really love me if she does not seem to have a problem giving me space or if she says she doesn't care if I talk to other women. My true soulmate would not make a statement like that. She would behave in ways that would discourage me from talking to other women because that means she wants me all to herself.

 

So that's one perspective for the ladies out there who have a boyfriend or FWB saying he needs space. Hopefully this will shed some light on another possibility to consider.

 

If I tell a woman I need space and she doesn't call me for a week after that I am not going to go after her. I will assume she gave up on me too easily.

 

If someone did this to me and expected me to read their mind and "know" I shouldn't respect their wishes...I'd be happy they decided to end things as in the end I have no time for nonsense and we'd not be a good match. So it would all work out in the end.

 

I prefer a man who is a STRAIGHT SHOOTER. Not one who plays games, expects me to read into clues, says things and means another, expects me to read his mind. NO THANKS! Many men hate when women do this and many act like passive aggressive tactics are a "woman's thing" when evidently many men also behave in such passive aggressive ways. I frickin hate passive aggression and would prefer a man to be clear and honest.

 

If you don't want me to leave you alone then don't tell me to. I am not gonna chase after you and decode your games and I won't do it to you either. If that doesn't work for a man he is free to find a woman willing to play his game, after all dating is finding people whose style of communicating, values etc are compatible and complement yours.

[MissBee]

Are you joking! Whatever, all your posts add up to the same thing, you don't want to be in a relationship, you don't like women, and that's good for you because you are not going to have to worry about that anytime soon. So why go to all this trouble to think of ways to not have women in your life? You are already successful!

 

 

This is a good point!

 

I suppose it is preemptive to ensure continued success?

[spiderowl]

Darren, I was with a guy who said he needed space. It was the precursor to him splitting up with me. We weren't right for each other so it was inevitable, but it hurt like hell when he did. If a guy ever tells me again that he 'needs space', he will be out of my life before he can blink. I wouldn't risk going through that uncertainty and pain again.

 

If you are using that as a test, expect to be dumped!

[Rejected Rosebud]

Darren no offense, I really mean that, but all of this is just plain silly. It's good to be honest and straightforward in life. You should try that!

[GemmaUK]

It's not just that other men don't think like you do, it's that *you* don't think like you do.

 

 

100% agree.

 

 

All these threads you have been posting are one thing and then the thread about the spilled drink is nonsensical in relation to all of these other threads.

 

 

There is something for a person being too personally involved for them to see what is staring them in the face but most folk can appreciate this and see what is going on pretty quick.

Posts like this and the rest of the batch are completely not matching up with the spilled drink episode.

 

 

But then also you post that you want to reject everyone and not date and then post about saying needing space is a test.

 

 

Do you want to date or don't you?

 

 

Have you perhaps read a bit too much on tinterweb about dating guidelines because you have this crush on your co-worker?

A bit like when people search the net for medical problems and convince themselves they have some awful rare incurable disease which would kill them in minutes if they don't get a shot. he following day they are still alive but go to accident & emergency anyway and it turns out to be indigestion.

Sometimes google is best avoided.

 

 

I don't mean to be offensive but relax and take a step back Darren.

You are creating stress in yourself by over-analysing things.

Your beliefs about dating etc are also not un-stressful because in practice you are going to worry about when is the right time to do 'xyz' to fit with your plans and dating guidelines.

[Darren2013]

100% agree.

 

 

All these threads you have been posting are one thing and then the thread about the spilled drink is nonsensical in relation to all of these other threads.

 

 

There is something for a person being too personally involved for them to see what is staring them in the face but most folk can appreciate this and see what is going on pretty quick.

Posts like this and the rest of the batch are completely not matching up with the spilled drink episode.

 

 

But then also you post that you want to reject everyone and not date and then post about saying needing space is a test.

 

 

Do you want to date or don't you?

 

 

Have you perhaps read a bit too much on tinterweb about dating guidelines because you have this crush on your co-worker?

A bit like when people search the net for medical problems and convince themselves they have some awful rare incurable disease which would kill them in minutes if they don't get a shot. he following day they are still alive but go to accident & emergency anyway and it turns out to be indigestion.

Sometimes google is best avoided.

 

 

I don't mean to be offensive but relax and take a step back Darren.

You are creating stress in yourself by over-analysing things.

Your beliefs about dating etc are also not un-stressful because in practice you are going to worry about when is the right time to do 'xyz' to fit with your plans and dating guidelines.

 

As far as medical complications go it is better to be overcautious than under cautious. There's not enough emphasis on preventive care such as getting preventive checkups and stuff. Do you realize how often cancer gets missed and underdiagnosed until it is too late? That was the case with Michael Douglas. He was misdiagnosed 3 times before finding the cancer. And cancer symptoms sometimes mimic other bengin conditions too. So while hypochondriacs do exist the opposite extreme happens too where patients are told they are fine and sent home with antibiotics and little did they know their symptoms were underdiagnosed.

 

People need to really listen to their own body. You are the only one living in your body and know it better than anyone else does and how it tries to communicate to you when something is seriously wrong. I think it is more common for doctors to downplay symptoms maybe unintentionally.

Edited November 22, 2014 by Darren2013

[GemmaUK]

As far as medical complications go it is better to be overcautious than under cautious. There's not enough emphasis on preventive care such as getting preventive checkups and stuff. Do you realize how often cancer gets missed and underdiagnosed until it is too late? That was the case with Michael Douglas. He was misdiagnosed 3 times before finding the cancer. And cancer symptoms sometimes mimic other bengin conditions too. So while hypochondriacs do exist the opposite extreme happens too where patients are told they are fine and sent home with antibiotics and little did they know their symptoms were underdiagnosed.

 

 

 

My question was do you want to date?

 

 

The rest was just observation of things which seem to play way too much on your mind and that perhaps you google too much.

If all of the theories you are posting on you are right now putting into practice and they are all working for you then great!

If that is the case though surely your mind would be totally taken off your work crush as you have way too much else going on women wise.