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Can Men and Women just be friends?


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I am just curious of the forums thoughts on this.

 

Can Men and Women be just friends?

 

My Boyfriend (well now ex) had this female friend, they seemed a little too close, and I know he would be kinda secretive about hanging out with her, but I was trying to be understanding and thought maybe he thought I would just be jelous. But then I noticed he would go out of his way to do all these things for her and part of we felt like he would talk about our relationship with her, and I know he would tell her things he doesnt even tell me. He also never invited me when the two of them would hang out alone.

 

what do you think are boundaries in female friendships when a guy is in a committed relationship, whats appropriate and not appropriate?

 

My other question is this, say that things in current relationship was not going well, do you think it justifies cultivating the female friendship with the other girl, so that its a easy break up with the current girlfriend, and can can just slip into the next. Honestly that is what i think happened, but I didnt want to come across as being jelous or insecure. I just want the forums thoughts.

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Yes, they can but it depends on the people. In general, women have no problem being "just friends" with any number of men, but a lot of men, in the back of their mind, IF they find the woman at all attractive, are thinking "what if" and a lot of them, as evidenced by the posters on this board, are playing a game of pretending to be just friends because they mistakenly think they can wear the girl down to the point she jumps into bed with them.

 

I've had lots of male friends. I'm not saying there was no attraction there, but in a case where both the man and the woman have someone else they're more into, it's pretty easy to be platonic friends. In the case where you just have a lot in common with them, but maybe one or the other of you isn't the other's physical type, which happened to me and from me more than once, it can be a little turbulent if one falls in love. But one doesn't always fall in love if one has other options, so if you want to be platonic friends with the opposite sex, be sure you have plenty of other options and people you're interested in dating.

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my bf of 12 years is a guy. 1,000% platonic and we never liked each other as more than friends. we have flirted here and there via text or a remark from time to time. but he is happily married with 2 kids and it's just a friendship. someone has to be completely disinterested romantically imo so that the level of intimacy never increases beyond a certain point. for us, that person is me. i know, deep in my heart, that he is not the guy for me and never would be or never would have been, so there is zero temptation, and zero chance of us making anything more of it. it's a great friendship and has been strong for 12 years.

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I am just curious of the forums thoughts on this.

 

Can Men and Women be just friends?

 

 

Yes, they can, I'm living proof. My very best, oldest friend of over 30 years is a drop, dead, knockout and never once has there ever been a sexual component to our relationship

 

My Boyfriend (well now ex) had this female friend, they seemed a little too close, and I know he would be kinda secretive about hanging out with her, but I was trying to be understanding and thought maybe he thought I would just be jelous. But then I noticed he would go out of his way to do all these things for her and part of we felt like he would talk about our relationship with her, and I know he would tell her things he doesnt even tell me. He also never invited me when the two of them would hang out alone.

 

what do you think are boundaries in female friendships when a guy is in a committed relationship, whats appropriate and not appropriate?

 

 

Boundaries? Easy-If he can't tell you what he's doing with her, or better yet, include you in their relationship, you should be wary of what is (or hopefully isn't) going on with them.

 

My other question is this, say that things in current relationship was not going well, do you think it justifies cultivating the female friendship with the other girl, so that its a easy break up with the current girlfriend, and can can just slip into the next. Honestly that is what i think happened, but I didnt want to come across as being jelous or insecure. I just want the forums thoughts.

 

 

If it truly is a platonic relationship, he's not gong to 'slip into the next' with her. Sounds to me like you should talk with him about how you're feeling.

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Yes. I am friends with both guys and girls.

 

There is no interest between me and any of my male friends. I have never dated or slept with any of them. Many of them are married.

 

We simply have similar interests or hobbies that make spending time together doing things or just chatting, pleasant.

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Yes guys and girls can just be friends, but certain boundaries need to be established between them to keep a friendship in place.

 

Mainly, I do not believe that a man or a woman should spend time alone with a friend of the other gender.

 

In other words, I wouldn't want my girlfriend to be hanging out one-on-one with a guy friend.

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If there's sexual attraction on one side, than absolutely not. It seems it usually always ends bad. But if there's no sexual attraction on either side than yeah, sure.

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Yes, but its rare for there to be no sexual attraction on at least one side.

 

In situations where there is no sexual attraction on either side, men and women rarely become friends. Why? Allow me to explain...

 

First off..men don't approach women for friendship in the first place. If he approaches a woman, its because he is attracted. This is how many male/female friends start in the first place. In situations where the woman approaches, the man will rarely make any effort to maintain the relationship unless there is some attraction. If there is no attraction, the woman is required to make a lot more effort and most women have too much pride to bother. If the woman does chase the man, its usually because there is some sexual attraction there... otherwise it wouldn't be worth the hassle.

 

Are the exceptions? Sure. Just like three legged dogs exist.

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Nope.

Ive mostly given up trying to be just friends with men. I got tired of being hit on and tired of their sexual outbursts. I can be platonic with a guy, but it seems more difficult for men I have met.

 

A lot of times a man will choose women he is attracted to as friends. If youre spending time together, its easy for feelings to develop on at least one side.

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thefooloftheyear

Most of my friends are into construction, business, sports, finance, cars, etc...Thats the common bond of my friendships...None of this stuff really twists the knobs of any women i know, so whats the point? I do have one female "friend"...She has worked for me for years..Very attractive, but I see her more as a sister than anything else...

 

I know this is probably going to rile up some of the female posters, but what the hell.??..Most of the guys I know that have female "friends" are just friends with them in the hopes of catching them at a weak moment....While they wait around like idiots, they proceed to fix their cars for nothing, fill their oil tank, help move, lend money, etc.....Its kinda dumb...

 

TFY

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Being friends is a choice. So is it possible? Yes. Is it natural? Nope, far from it. Is it common? Probably not.

 

Truth is men don't approach women without some interest. Now let me be more specific.

 

As little kids, we rarely saw girls that way. In fact, we probably approached girls cause they did cool things and the like. Then we had our little playground crushes and all.

 

We grow up with these females as friends. Then, we get into high school, and we start REALLY noticing women, and all of a sudden, your little female friends turns into a regulation hottie in your eyes.

 

It's not us consciously making that decision, we're subconsciously doing it.

 

Truth is that men and women can be friends. But that is far, FAR from what nature intended. Nowadays, many men, including myself, use friendship as a stepping stone to sex, but you find that you might have wonderful friendships with people of the opposite sex.

 

But these days, that's all mired in a pride-fueled, validation seeking need to screw as many women as possible, or else you don't feel like a man. This level of thinking tends to ruin friendships.

 

Men and women can be friendships, but more often than not, one or more parties is attracted to the other. That doesn't mean that the friendship can't last, it's just not a fully platonic friendship.

 

But, on that note, I've had physically attractive friends who I had no desire to sleep with. I can name one off the top of my head.

 

It's possible, but for a man to be physically attracted to a woman and not act on it in the sake of a friend is probably a true friend, and that is a rare sight to see nowadays.

 

A man who likes a woman but loves her friendship more.

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Yes.

 

I have some wonderful male friends.

 

One of the people I can be most honest with and open with is an ex. I may not always like what he has to say but he is saying it for a reason and I trust his reasons to be sound. That said our "relationship" very nearly destroyed our friendship.

 

As long as there is no sex, and any attraction is worked through and dealt with there is no reason at all why not.

 

Sex complicates everything and can really screw up situations and friendships.

 

In general I am far more comfortable around men than women. That said my two best friends who are the people I refer to as true friends and not just acquaintances are both female.

 

I don't know what it is but generally women tend to get a bit funny around me and I don't know why... I am not threatening or anything... Dunno... for that reason I am always a bit wary around women as they are not as straight forward as men when it comes to friendships. With guys if you pee them off they tell you that you have they tell you why and then get over it. With women its all cloaks and daggers and not so easy. Probably why I love my best friends as much as I do because they are about as straight forward as you can get and I adore them for it. If I stink they tell me!

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Frank2thepoint
Can Men and Women be just friends?

 

One of my good friends is a woman. We've known each other over 5 years. I can joke around with her, be blunt, and get her female point of view on things. She is engaged and will be getting married next year. I'm happy for her. I also have several other female friends that I am not as close with but still friends. So the answer is yes, men and women can be friends. I do not have any intentions of sexing up any of my female friends.

 

 

what do you think are boundaries in female friendships when a guy is in a committed relationship, whats appropriate and not appropriate?

 

Don't grab your female friend's ass as if she was your girlfriend. Don't look down her shirt, smile, and say "oh hi boobies".

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Yes you can be platonic friends, but when you're in a relationship its inappropriate to hang out 1 on 1 with your co-ed friends because perception is everything.

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I know this is probably going to rile up some of the female posters, but what the hell.??..Most of the guys I know that have female "friends" are just friends with them in the hopes of catching them at a weak moment....While they wait around like idiots, they proceed to fix their cars for nothing, fill their oil tank, help move, lend money, etc.....Its kinda dumb...

 

TFY

 

What you describe is not friendship.

 

Any man who accepts that is pathetic, and any woman who acts like that is a bitch.

 

Like I said in my previous post, my male friends and I have common interests that brought us together. Many are married or taken. None of them want sex, and I have never borrowed a penny from anyone.

 

We get along. Plain and simple.

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thefooloftheyear
What you describe is not friendship.

 

Any man who accepts that is pathetic, and any woman who acts like that is a bitch.

 

Like I said in my previous post, my male friends and I have common interests that brought us together. Many are married or taken. None of them want sex, and I have never borrowed a penny from anyone.

 

We get along. Plain and simple.

 

 

No argument...but what can I tell you??...Its real...

 

Gotta wonder about the friends with a married guy scenario...Knowing what I know of women, there arent many I know that are going to be so keen on that..But If it works for you, go for it..

 

 

TFY

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No argument...but what can I tell you??...Its real...

 

Gotta wonder about the friends with a married guy scenario...Knowing what I know of women, there arent many I know that are going to be so keen on that..But If it works for you, go for it..

 

 

TFY

 

What are you saying, that their wives aren't okay with it?

 

Their wives are fine. It's not like I'm spending one on one time with these men or texting them or calling them. We all hang out in groups, it's a big social circle.

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littleblackheart
No argument...but what can I tell you??...Its real...

 

Gotta wonder about the friends with a married guy scenario...Knowing what I know of women, there arent many I know that are going to be so keen on that..But If it works for you, go for it..

 

 

TFY

 

I've got to agree with that. Since I've become single, two of my close friends aren't as close as they used to be - one of them told me straight that's because his wife put a veto on him seeing me.

 

 

It stings because we've been friends for over 13 years (longer than he's known his current partner), we became friends at uni when neither of us were single, I went to his wedding, he met my boyfriends, we've helped each other through ups and downs, he was there for me when my relationship broke down and now I have to keep my distance. His wife comes first, and I completely respect that, but it's not a nice feeling.

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CrystalCastles
What you describe is not friendship.

 

Any man who accepts that is pathetic, and any woman who acts like that is a bitch.

 

Like I said in my previous post, my male friends and I have common interests that brought us together. Many are married or taken. None of them want sex, and I have never borrowed a penny from anyone.

 

We get along. Plain and simple.

 

Well said, Phoe.

 

I've got a workout buddy who is 10 years my senior and married. He's not interested in me and I'm not interested in him. I've also got quite a few other guy friends, I hang out with them one-on-one, we're just friends, and remained so even when I was single and so were they.

 

Men aren't these insanely sexual animals who can't control their urges and therefore want to bang anything that moves. They are capable of having friends, female and male. Anybody I know personally who is incapable of being friends with the opposite sex has serious issues.

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Jealousy isn't an issue in my social circle.

 

It's a mix of men and women. Some are single, some are not. Some peoples SO is part of the social circle, some SO's are not in this social circle (their choice).

 

Nobody cares. Nobody has problems. Everyone behaves appropriately and respectfully.

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thefooloftheyear
Well said, Phoe.

 

I've got a workout buddy who is 10 years my senior and married. He's not interested in me and I'm not interested in him. I've also got quite a few other guy friends, I hang out with them one-on-one, we're just friends, and remained so even when I was single and so were they.

 

Men aren't these insanely sexual animals who can't control their urges and therefore want to bang anything that moves. They are capable of having friends, female and male. Anybody I know personally who is incapable of being friends with the opposite sex has serious issues.

 

 

Thats great for you guys.....

 

But do you really know how they feel about it? I mean I am quite sure you never actually asked them how they feel about their husband going out with a single woman "one on one"....

 

All I am saying is that there arent too many women I know that would be kosher with it...It has nothing to do with whether or not they can maintain a friendship with the opposite sex...Most guys just dont want to make their wife/SO feel insecure about it...so they just avoid it...even if she puts on a happy face and says she is cool with it...

 

TFY

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thefooloftheyear
I've got to agree with that. Since I've become single, two of my close friends aren't as close as they used to be - one of them told me straight that's because his wife put a veto on him seeing me.

 

 

It stings because we've been friends for over 13 years (longer than he's known his current partner), we became friends at uni when neither of us were single, I went to his wedding, he met my boyfriends, we've helped each other through ups and downs, he was there for me when my relationship broke down and now I have to keep my distance. His wife comes first, and I completely respect that, but it's not a nice feeling.

 

He's respecting his wife's boundaries...As much as he probably misses the friendship to some degree, he is doing the right thing by putting his wife's needs over yours...And its good and mature of you that you respect that...

 

TFY

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All I'm saying is that it's possible to be friends in a group setting, involve the wives, girlfriends, husbands, boyfriends, fiancées, have EVERYONE be friends with each other, behave maturely, have boundaries, and everyone gets to be happy.

 

Mature, fair, reasonable, healthy and happy people can do this without issues.

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Seems like we get this thread once a month.

 

The short answer is YES.

 

Many of the men and women I know, dating all the way back to grade school, had friends of both genders. And yes, some of those friends were quite attractive. As far as I know, it was rarely an issue. And for those who are or were in relationships, having opposite sex friends usually wasn't a big deal as long as boundaries were respected. Having a partner that's not insecure about this does help.

 

Having good friends of both genders is healthy and a good sign of self-control.

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