Marriage/Family or Sex with Young Girls

[viccanadian]

Hi gang,

 

I am a 31 yo professional who recently finished school and now making big bucks (~400k/year). I am married to a very loyal, honest, loving woman who is 32 (one year older). We got married 1 year before I was done my education. She makes an ok living (~80k/year). Since I graduated, I've become somewhat more cocky/arrogant esp. when it comes to women. I get attention at work/life and now that I am older/richer, I think I can have tons of sex with multiple women. I used to be a bit of nerd and screwed up my earlier life but not sleeping around enough. I had a long-term gf for many years and missed out on lots of excitement. In fact, I've only slept with 5 women all my life and if I was single now, I could prob score at least 5-10 a year. Couple of my buddies who make much less $$, are using apps like Tinder and getting laid like crazy. This bothers me. I love my wife and was hoping to have a family but the lust for sex/girls has been strong. I feel really wrong because I have an amazing wife who's beautiful and very sexual but I keep focusing on the fact that she's actually older than me and will lose her sexual appeal over time whereas I will only get more attractive with time for the next little while. I sound like an *******, I know. Has anyone experienced this? Are all men doomed to eventually cheat with a younger woman esp. if they have the $$ and power?

[CarrieT]

I sound like an *******, I know.

Yep, you sure do.

 

Be honest with your wife now instead of cheating on her. Divorce her and go get your rocks off (not because you are wealthy, but because you believe you are entitled - whatever).

 

Save her from YOU because in a few years, you will be old and alone and regretting that you screwed up your life.

[GorillaTheater]

Are all men doomed to eventually cheat with a younger woman esp. if they have the $$ and power?

 

Not if they're men of integrity and honor.

 

Man, I'll tell you, it's hard to know what to say to you without being insulting. You have to decide what matters in your life, not me. The only advice I can offer at this point is that you divorce your wife before doing the "kid in a candy store" routine. Set her free to be with a man who'll treat her right. Tell her the truth of why you're divorcing her, because the pain the truth will cause will pale next to the pain you'll cause her by cheating.

 

Either that or grow up and value what you have.

[OwMyEyeball]

Do you feel that you have no calling in life higher than the pursuit of wealth and sensual pleasure?

[Gloria25]

I don't get people who have to try every flavor in the ice cream shop...

 

I also don't get GIGS (BTW, I finally figured out it means "Grass Is Greener Syndrome")

 

There's ALWAYS gonna be someone smarter, sexier, etc, than what you have. Also, yes, with age their looks are gonna fade.

 

If you are happy with what you have and she meets your needs/wants, why embark on some endless chase 'just to taste/see'?

 

I'm a simple chick. If a guy is meeting my needs, Bradley Cooper could invite me for a nite of wild sex and I'd turn him down ("maybe", I mean we "are" talking Bradley Cooper, right?).

[littleblackheart]

Why don't you show your wife this post instead of asking people's opinions on whether you are justified in cheating on her on the basis that you earn $ whatever / year, and let her decide for you?

[pteromom]

if I was single now, I could prob score at least 5-10 a year.

 

What would this do for you? You might have some good sex with a young woman, then what? What do you go home to? A lonely house that echoes with nothing but your own thoughts?

 

And you take risks too. Someone with your kind of money is going to attract gold diggers who may try to trap you with a pregnancy, claim you raped them hoping for a settlement, or some other kind of craziness. Not to mention STDs, clingers, psychos, stalkers...

 

Or you could have sex with a hot young woman, and fall head over heels for her, and she could be on LS asking whether she should settle for this rich old guy when he's going to be losing his attractiveness in a few years.

 

Couple of my buddies who make much less $$, are using apps like Tinder and getting laid like crazy.

 

Do you think they have as much sex in a year as you do with your wife?

 

I feel really wrong because I have an amazing wife who's beautiful and very sexual but I keep focusing on the fact that she's actually older than me and will lose her sexual appeal over time whereas I will only get more attractive with time for the next little while.

 

Yeah as you get older, you have to redefine "sexual appeal". It isn't about perky boobs and a tight butt anymore... but it is about truly knowing your partner and what turns them on. It's about trust and being vulnerable and feeling safe to share anything with them. That sounds like a better deal to me than rolling the dice and hoping for good sex when you aren't sure what you are going to get.

 

Are all men doomed to eventually cheat with a younger woman esp. if they have the $$ and power?

 

No, you aren't doomed to cheat. You control your actions. And to a certain extent, you control your thoughts. You can choose to look across the room at your wife and think "I am a lucky man" or you can choose to ignore your wife and look at all the hot young girls, and become the old pervy guy.

 

If you leave your wife, I guarantee there are guys lined up wanting to be with her. Why give away a diamond you can keep forever for a mere chance to have a few moments with rubies and emeralds now and then?

 

For a while anyway. Then when you get too old to pull the hot chicks, you'll get to watch your ex-wife and her new husband and her beautiful kids from a distance, wishing it was you instead.

[NJ123]

I'm just wondering how you could say 80k a year is only "okay". If your in the U.S. especially in this economy, if your making 80k a year that's amazing. Seems your one of those people who looks down upon people who don't make as much as you. And yeah I can tell you are cocky/arrogant just by your post.

[jay1983]

I'm just wondering how you could say 80k a year is only "okay". If your in the U.S. especially in this economy, if your making 80k a year that's amazing. Seems your one of those people who looks down upon people who don't make as much as you. And yeah I can tell you are cocky/arrogant just by your post.

 

It's really not that much, once you make it, you'll be like "where the hell'd all my money go"

[NJ123]

It's really not that much, once you make it, you'll be like "where the hell'd all my money go"

 

Well if we're talking before taxes than I see your point. But if she's making 80k after taxes, than that's quite a lot in most places. Exceptions being NYC, NJ, Cali where you need to be making at least 6 figures if you want to live good.

[lollipopspot]

Curious OP - what do you do for a living that gives you such a good income?

 

I think that if you're restless with your wife and thinking of cheating or leaving, then you ought best to end your relationship while you're both young, especially if she wants a family. She'll need to start looking for a new partner if she wants to bear children.

 

It's interesting to me that you ask if all men are doomed to cheat - there is a current thread about gender stereotypes on here where at least one man says he hates that stereotype and that it isn't true. But for some men it clearly is true - they want to go after the youngest, prettiest woman they can get. For those men - and it sounds as though you are one of them or aspire to be - probably marriage is not the best situation.

[BetrayedH]

Are all men doomed to eventually cheat with a younger woman esp. if they have the $$ and power?

 

No. It's entirely a choice.

 

In your situation, I envision a guy later in life that could have become a pussy hound but instead was wise enough to stay faithful and can stand with his wife before his family, having made millions and having done it all right.

 

Or you could be a cheater. And you can't unring that bell. It takes years to reconcile and even then, the marriage is never the same.

 

With all of the schooling you must have completed to accomplish your successes, you must've learned something about not compromising the long game for a short term win.

 

Challenge yourself to keep that sex life with your wife an exciting one for both of you. If you manage that, you will have won.

Edited October 29, 2014 by BetrayedH

[Woggle]

Trust me you are not missing much by being single. Sleeping with many women gets old and if you were wife is as great as you say she is it won't be easy to find another one like her. You have been with at least four other women. Isn't that enough? I swear people do not appreciate when they have something good anymore.

[anne1707]

You'll get more attractive in time? Really? Well I suppose it must be true as you couldn't be less attractive than you are now

[Ninjainpajamas]

No, you don't sound like an *******, just a normal guy.

 

Men often have questions and doubts about whether they're making the right choice setting down even if they even have an ideal partner/relationship without any issues...it's not really that uncommon at all.

 

I'd advise you to talk to men in real life about this because for one this is guy talk and needs to be discussed among men and two it's an anonymous forum where you're going to hear guys talking on the internet like they never would in real life because of the presence of women...it's that social conditioning of having to look and feel like the "good guy" so you're not like the "other guys" and avoid being the target..aka self-preservation.

 

So if this post is real, you'll need to really do some soul-searching and decide whether this is the life you want to choose. You're 31 now, which is a good age to be dating and having your freedom especially with your income...you can date younger and older alike, you don't need to have any attachments or obligations to a relationship. You also have to keep an eye out though for manipulative women who will see your money as the jackpot.

 

As you get older that kind of lifestyle will be questionable unless you're like a celebrity and by 40 women will expect you to be "mature" and know what you want, which basically means settling down with them...so it's better you do it now than later.

 

So I'd say if this is a real strong passion of yours to be with other women before you get old/and or die, you'll have to sacrifice your relationship now and then pursue what you feel is right for you.

 

But don't think that's going to be the easy-route either, women are usually more attracted to men while they're in relationships because they carry themselves differently...once you start sticking your nose out and come off like Mr. Man with very eager intentions, that might turn off a lot of interest and you may find that some of that flirtation or interest before was just inconsequential and not really that pot of gold you might have thought it was...it still takes "skill" and competence/experience for you to sleep with women which you don't have anymore being married, you're not in the loop with the dating world or life, and many won't just roll over for you because of your money, and this arrogant/cocky attitude because your full of yourself and have these expectations is sure to turn off a lot of decent women and pull in the insecure/clueless ones who don't know any better either way.

 

You're like a lot of guys who is probably "lucky" to have the woman he has now but he just doesn't know it...expect yourself to come crawling back after a few wild runs through the local garbage can, you're going to realize that a lot of other women are lacking qualities that you were used in your marriage and woman, it's going to be difficult for you to adjust to that being alone phase...you're likely to fall in love with a new vagina and find yourself in a new relationship because of what you're used to. Because even when you casually sleep with people and have your "fun" it doesn't really provide or substitute that other part that you're not even really aware of or noticing right now because you are so used to your wife and this relationship, you're just thinking about all that new blissful vagina.

 

So realize you're trading one set of experiences and pleasure for another, but you're not getting the whole cake and eating it too...it is a sacrifice.

 

If you do end up cheating on your wife that's going to burn that relationship down once it comes out and break the trust there forever, and that'll just leave a bad experience for everyone to remember down the road and lots of trouble for you. It's not going to be worth it, and although a lot of married cheat they're usually being smart about it and making sure it doesn't interfere with their normal family life, which is likely the path you'll be on if you have children and such. But eventually they usually make a mistake eventually and become found out, which of course makes everything go down hill fast. Not to mention the guilt that may come if you have a conscience or mind to think about it.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas

[sid3]

Pretty sure Steve Jobs made a lot more money than you and obviously he's no longer around at what 53 or 56. Yeah I doubt the amount you're making can guarantee an extra ten years. How you live your life is up to you and you alone. Sounds like you have an illusion as to what good sex is all about.

[viccanadian]

Thanks for your replies.

 

Yes, I am actually serious about this post. I strongly believe I have an outstanding wife who will make a great mother. She is the type that will be there on my death bed holding my hand. She's humble, low maintenance, kind, and warm. She is very honest (i don't know if I can find anyone more honest!). She has no complexes, which i find rare for a woman. Despite all this, my testosterone takes over sometimes and I lose track of what is really important. I see buddies sleeping around and it makes me wonder if I am missing out. Funny enough, I asked my pig of a buddy for advice and he told me to not be an idiot and focus on my great marriage. However, this will sound very arrogant again, the market out there is amazing for mature educated fit men with lots of fish in the sea. I guess sometimes I look at women (just like some women look at men) like commodities. Principle of supply & demand i guess. I'd be interested to hear more from you guys. First world problems!

[Woggle]

You have what a lot of men would love to have and you want to just throw it in the garbage. Just amazing.

[lollipopspot]

Again - curious - what do you do for a living that gives you that salary?

 

I personally think you should get a divorce. I think that you have it in you to explore something different than your marriage offers you, and that it would be most fair to the both of you to end it and let her find someone who is committed to a partnership, and let you sow your wild oats. I don't believe that this is going to go away until you actually try to experience this thing that you are wanting, for good or for bad.

Edited October 30, 2014 by lollipopspot

[OwMyEyeball]

You'd throw that all away for sex?

 

And not just throw away, but cause tremendous grief and misery towards.

 

What you're considering is little different than quitting a dream job to take up heroin.

 

Tell you what: Go and rub one out. I'm serious. Then come back immediately afterward and reflect on what you've written here. Let those words sink in when your hormone stew is temporarily flushed out. Hopefully your rational senses will be able to clue you into how utterly dangerous your horny musings are to your future.

[lollipopspot]

You'd throw that all away for sex?

 

And not just throw away, but cause tremendous grief and misery towards.

 

What you're considering is little different than quitting a dream job to take up heroin.

 

Tell you what: Go and rub one out. I'm serious. Then come back immediately afterward and reflect on what you've written here. Let those words sink in when your hormone stew is temporarily flushed out. Hopefully your rational senses will be able to clue you into how utterly dangerous your horny musings are to your future.

 

That seems like a good idea, but the combination of youth, sex, and variety are very powerful motivators for some guys, and I think he's at a high likelihood to cheat unless he experiences this thing that he is dreaming about. It will be worse for the wife if she already has a family or squanders her 30s and then he decides he needs to experience this or cheats. Since no children are yet involved, this is the time to get out.

[ascendotum]

OP - if you only earned ay 80K a year do you think you would have the same mindset and would be willing to divorce your wife and throw yourself into the Tinder dating market? How much of the hot stuff factor do you think your salary brings to the hookup market compared to looks & charisma? No doubt about it when it comes to the marriage/LTR market the salary will make you a good catch, but A. - that is not the market you are going to promote yourself in for the next 5 yrs and B. - that's a pretty crappy way to fish for great quality woman...based on your wallet.

 

For sure you'll attract pretty & younger woman who are looking for 'successful & generous older gentleman who knows how to spoil a lady' types. How much do you care if the women love you for the $ you throw around compared to you as a person. You can live that life for a while and have good memories and then dial it down and quite possibly find another genuine cool woman like your wife...maybe, maybe not. In a recent thread on GIGs I mentioned how I knew of a number of people (both sexes) who had ditched their partner when their life took a turn for the better and they thought they could do better now. I thought it was a ****ty thing to do and felt sorry for their exes, but its their life and people these days live or leave relationships based on their self fulfillment.

[Woggle]

My life has taken a turn for the better and that just makes me more loyal to the woman who was loyal when things were rough.

[CaliGypsy]

You already have what all your money could never buy you.

 

Don't throw it away for nothing. It will be the mistake of a lifetime.

[MissBee]

Hi gang,

 

I am a 31 yo professional who recently finished school and now making big bucks (~400k/year). I am married to a very loyal, honest, loving woman who is 32 (one year older). We got married 1 year before I was done my education. She makes an ok living (~80k/year). Since I graduated, I've become somewhat more cocky/arrogant esp. when it comes to women. I get attention at work/life and now that I am older/richer, I think I can have tons of sex with multiple women. I used to be a bit of nerd and screwed up my earlier life but not sleeping around enough. I had a long-term gf for many years and missed out on lots of excitement. In fact, I've only slept with 5 women all my life and if I was single now, I could prob score at least 5-10 a year. Couple of my buddies who make much less $$, are using apps like Tinder and getting laid like crazy. This bothers me. I love my wife and was hoping to have a family but the lust for sex/girls has been strong. I feel really wrong because I have an amazing wife who's beautiful and very sexual but I keep focusing on the fact that she's actually older than me and will lose her sexual appeal over time whereas I will only get more attractive with time for the next little while. I sound like an *******, I know. Has anyone experienced this? Are all men doomed to eventually cheat with a younger woman esp. if they have the $$ and power?

 

 

All men aren't "doomed" to a life of cheating if they have money and power.

 

In the end though money and power has never saved anyone, lots of men with money and power (far more than you I might add) are lonely as hell despite the fleeting superficial romances and sexual relationships they have and some even commit suicide even though they are affluent or famous and women love them.

 

In any event, it seems like you're quite emotionally immature. Your wife is also a year older...please be real....she isn't "older" in the grand sense of there being a huge age gap. I suggest you admit your feelings to her and see where it goes from there.

 

If you want to be single and frolic go ahead, let her be free to be with a more mature man whose ego isn't out of whack. Meanwhile you can follow your ego to your heart's delight and see where it leads you...