Thegreatestthing Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Boyfriend is upset with me because I won't move to the us to be with him,I don't have any excuse really as I'm currently not on a lease anywhere,I work for myself and can take my job anywhere,Ive got the money - though he has offered to pay for my ticket and let me live with him for free.I really want to be with him but my fear is that we won't get on or he won't like me,we haven't met in real life yet it's long distance/online but we skype everyday so I'm kind of use to him. He can't move to Me because of his job. I don't want to spend all that money to go there and we don't get on,then I don't have any money when I come home to get a place,I can only stay in the us for three months or so anyway then we have to sort out visas. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Thegreatestthing, This is always the proble with LDR - someone has to move eventually ,we haven't met in real life why not? Where do you live? Anyway, your on-line "boyfriend" is selfish. He expects you to up sticks and go and live with him on a promise of nothing. And what about your job ? Do not do this. IMO you have invested too much time in a relationship that is going nowhere, and it's time to find someone locally - sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 IMO you have invested too much time in a relationship that is going nowhere, and it's time to find someone locally - sorry. Not always true...this kind of thing is more common then people realize now a days..it can work but it has to be played out properly and it is a expensive and emotionally taxing venture... OP do not just up and move over seas to live with a man you have never met! Especially if you have no desire to go/live there other then for him? I know its expensive but one of you must make the trip to visit the other for a while and make sure you two are even compatible before ether of you uproot your life like that. Don't forget not only is it the "cost of a ticket" its the cost of immigration to stay in the country. Thats if you even have a good chance of being allowed to do so. All of these things must be researched before hand imo your not even to that point yet. If he wants to buy you a ticket to come visit him thats awesome go meet see how things go but no I do not recommend just jumping into something like that believe me you could end up regretting it big time... Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Boyfriend is upset with me because I won't move to the us to be with him,I don't have any excuse really Yes you do. It's on him to do that. That's how chivalry works. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 My best and only advice is to plan out multiple visits so you can spend time together face to face. There is no question that your relationship will be infinitely different once you're face to face. You appear not to have any excuses why you can't meet and visit each other and test the waters to make sure you are compatible in real life and yet you're considering uprooting your whole life on a few great Skype encounters and phone conversations? Seems very risky. LDR can be and are wonderful BUT you HAVE to take the proper steps to ensure you're a good fit. Virtual dating is very different than real life dating. And living together? Well, that's a whole other beast even in the best case scenarios. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 My best and only advice is to plan out multiple visits so you can spend time together face to face. Not for me. I'd fly over with all my plans so face to face would not be an issue. Fun adventures would be a certainty with both of us going. Link to post Share on other sites
readynow Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 What about going over for a holiday of 2 weeks or a month and see how it goes? That way, you'll get to spend time together and know if it's worth the big move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 (edited) What about going over for a holiday of 2 weeks or a month and see how it goes? That way, you'll get to spend time together and know if it's worth the big move. Fair enough. But in the end, it's up to your guy to make the permanent move if that's what you want. To do otherwise is just bad manners Edited October 26, 2014 by skydiveaddict Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Long distance hardly ever works. Skydiveaddicts, you don't do long distance, I take it? But you live in Denver, which is a big city, so I can't blame you. Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 How long have y'all been together? Link to post Share on other sites
readynow Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Fair enough. But in the end, it's up to your guy to make the permanent move if that's what you want. To do otherwise is just bad manners I disagree with this. It depends on what works and which location provides a better life for them both. if the guy is in USA and she was in some 3rd world country, it would make better sense for them to settle in USA... or if he's in a really good stable permanent job that can't move and she's in a mobile job, just like in this case, it's a no brainer. There's no one size fits all in this - it's whatever works for them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I love that today's technology allows people for all over the world to meet each other and get together. But if you have only ever had with this guy is online interaction (yes, even skype...), it's not the best idea to make the permanent move right away. By all means, go visit. Go on trips together. I am wondering why he is so eager for you to move to his hometown even though you've never met... Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Well, in LDR, yes, at some point someone's gotta move closer. I mean, Skyping and visiting now and then isn't the same as being in the same area as them. I had a sibling do the LDR and although they eventually moved in together, they divorced. Why? Well, he really didn't get to know her. When you "visit" it's not the same. I say that if you're gonna move, do it where you got your own place, job, friends and/or interests. That way if it doesn't work out - you don't lose much. But yea, while he wants to pay for your ticket and what not, that's not the same as him putting a ring on your finger and a date to marry you. You may pack up, relocate yourself, loose connections with family and friends, and if it doesn't work out, then you gave up so much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Why aren't you guys visiting each other at least once before doing all this talking about moving??? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 it's up to your guy to make the permanent move if that's what you want. Rubbish, in a long term relationship it should be discussed and the pros and cons of each party moving should be carefully considered. Mature discussion rather than applying a blanket rule. But if neither of you wants to move, it seems the relationship isn't going anywhere (no pun!). Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts