Gosh, I never thought I'd have trouble with limited contact

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Here I feel that I'm not practicing what I've preached. It is very unsettling knowing that I'm not fully prepared for 6 weeks of limited contact only through email. I feel sad, a bit discouraged, and so in love all mixed into one big snow ball. As this is a combination of two separate events that played out back to back beyond our control.

 

At most we had 2 weeks but now coming close to 2 weeks, I feel so weighted down by my feelings, as I wanted to share things as we normally do. Plus I splurged in assisting peeps with issues, even if good happens my own feelings get tugged at in feeling alone like the few who are of recent are as well.

 

So, I am taking a break with reading posts, just moving along with my humor thread as it is a wee extension to my joy I have with my SM. Not that I can't write what I feel to her, just can't spend all my time thinking how much I love her and miss seeing and hearing her voice.

 

I know our connex is felt between each other, just having a wee IM just once would make all the diff in the world.

[TigerLilly78]

Im sorry hope it get easier for you soon...

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Im sorry hope it get easier for you soon...

 

Thanx for your kind thoughts, really dint think anyone would reply so soon. Though I tend to isolate more than mix, it be my nature. Still uneasy about showing my personal side.

 

I think I am mostly depressed by the suddenness of tacking on another 30 days of waiting. I was greatly looking forward to seeing her this coming week. Gosh I sound like a woman! Ha! No disrespect, just I think most can relate. Hehehehehe!

 

Excuse my hiding emotions with laughter, many get confused by seriousness taken lightly. Like don't I feel anything is important enough???

 

I can't believe I am so upset over such a wee thing, like as if we'd miss out on x-mas.

 

I just never felt so down in our relationship and its been over 3 plus years.

 

I've been burning the candle at both ends as we are 6 hours difference, lack of sleep and all... cripes, it is late enough, I better get to bed. To tired now to be sensable about my thoughts let alone do right in my correspondence. Too much thought all at once makes trouble that I will not burden her with

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I had woken to feeling my SM's thoughts, I do that time to time. Even though I was exhausted, I woke @ 5am and decided to check my email. Normally I don't bother on a work day morn, as she never sends emails that way, also we had our contact earlier in the night.

 

Low and behold she realized how deeply I felt so robbed by the sudden turn of events in my life that took away what little time we have in our weekdays to IM. It hit her as well, as she did not see it before her, as weekend time is her family time.

 

Being somewhat rested, and chipper from my mornings love email, I am forging on. Though I will be keeping away from too much here, as I feel sad from being sensitive to the members issues. Though there is one person I have quietly been waiting on in contact, and was hoping they'd respond by now, as I am obligated by mutuality on an issue that they seeked advice on. Maybe they forgot, who knows.

 

Anyhow I'm loosing my aggravation, but still feel somewhat saddened... as always, my emails to her will have added importance in holding extra thoughts from lack of time together.

 

Well that be my update.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

After a bit of email exchange, we both feel the same for the most part. Just I've been feeling tainted by negativity as of late, and guilt... well I always feel guilt, just in moderation. So, I must keep calm and believe if I can manage through the waiting, there be nothing else as difficult we'll ever have to deal with.

 

Right now I am better, since resting and allowing my aggravation to pass. Not that I was hopping mad, just felt so helpless to our needs. I just hope I can focus on each day flying by, as my SM puts it, instead of dwelling on marking off the calendar. No, I did not say making off with the colander. Hehehehehe! Bunch of daft pensioners you are!

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Well as another final update... my aggravation has not been a problem since Monday Morning. Though I greatly miss my SM, along with my emotions tugging at me time to time. So if anything I will be as random here as my SM is with me when on holiday.

 

I guess, what is really helping me most, is what we share in our emails. Knowing what ever we say will never be taken as clingy or needy in our time of being in limited contact. Maybe it is me, or just how smooth things are, that it would be easier to be NC. As each email brings feelings that makes for making more emotional ones. Like a constant feeding of our passions without stopping.

 

Though she does know how to put on the brakes when needed... as well as I, but it is the sadness we share that we cannot hold back. I don't think there is a proper way to go through missing someone you can feel you can grab in your arms, yet just out of fingers reach.

 

Right now I'd give up the rest of this month, to wake in November.

[TigerLilly78]

Thanx for your kind thoughts, really dint think anyone would reply so soon. Though I tend to isolate more than mix, it be my nature. Still uneasy about showing my personal side.

 

I think I am mostly depressed by the suddenness of tacking on another 30 days of waiting. I was greatly looking forward to seeing her this coming week. Gosh I sound like a woman! Ha! No disrespect, just I think most can relate. Hehehehehe!

 

Excuse my hiding emotions with laughter, many get confused by seriousness taken lightly. Like don't I feel anything is important enough???

 

I can't believe I am so upset over such a wee thing, like as if we'd miss out on x-mas.

 

I just never felt so down in our relationship and its been over 3 plus years.

 

I've been burning the candle at both ends as we are 6 hours difference, lack of sleep and all... cripes, it is late enough, I better get to bed. To tired now to be sensable about my thoughts let alone do right in my correspondence. Too much thought all at once makes trouble that I will not burden her with

 

Your welcome anytime...I don't know your situation fully but its always sad being separated from those we love if even for a short while. The only thing that makes up for it is when you get to hold them in your arms again. Heres hoping time is kind to you two ive always found keeping my mind busy is a great way to counter stress LS can be a good place for that...anyhow take care Tiger

[Frank2thepoint]

I don't know what an "SM" is. Is it some new Internet slang for "boo" or "squeeze" or "girlfriend"?

 

It is only six weeks of emails. Writing and reading emails can be fun if you look at the positive. Bit of catharsis in my opinion. Also you've taken technology for granted, used it as a crutch for communication. Back in my day, us neanderthals used telephone or wrote letters that took weeks to return for reading.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Your welcome anytime...I don't know your situation fully but its always sad being separated from those we love if even for a short while. The only thing that makes up for it is when you get to hold them in your arms again. Heres hoping time is kind to you two ive always found keeping my mind busy is a great way to counter stress LS can be a good place for that...anyhow take care Tiger

 

Thank you again for your reply... Well, I thought I had allowed myself to share details about my relationship, enough to make some puke their guts out. Hehehehehe!

 

I guess, I get too many mixed feelings here, that I must play down what I have, as it seems to be a battle of beliefs here. Meaning that I am being so kind in sharing what I see is different but not perfect, and accept it so deeply. I'll condense what I have, so you can see what I have.

 

My 3 plus year LDR SM started off quite simple and innocent. Each year we got deeper and deeper, yet understood the odds of seeing each other were against us. Since we had no intensions in relationships, our meeting was by chance, and under disguise, so we fell in love by seeing each other from the inside out. Since we are both shy, it took time to go from PM to email, then to txt IM, then voice clips, and voice chats for the 3 years. Until the beginning of the year, she told me she was married and had a family, along with being older. She had allowed me to see her and know everything about her, and it gave me so much to hold on to. Not just about her, but our love being so deep as to allow acceptance in having her give everything to me, when so uncertain about how I would deal with it. It was as deep as having her in my arms looking into my eyes, and it has never left me. Even though it is not a years time in knowing her from head to toe, I feel like I have lived a lifetime with her. So, in the 3 plus years, we never had a wait not quite like this for so long as well. Just thinking about it makes me feel it is an eternity.

 

Since I am sensitive, many things here tug at my feelings, though I can manage well on my own. It is right now that my joy and happiness, is best when I am taking time to think of her and send my thoughts to her when I can.

 

If anything, this thread is for the peeps here, to see deep feelings and sadness does effect even the most different of peeps all the same, just we all have different ways of showing it.

 

I have made it clear to most, that I am distant in forums... though I probably should have just used that in my sig and been done with it. Mainly that I have trouble with time and understanding too many peeps at once. Like it is easier for me to come and go without expectations then to be accepted. Not that I have acceptance issues, just one cannot be sure of peeps in general. Which makes me wonder how on earth did my SM and I ever break through in finding each other. That is an enigma that will never be understood.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

OK, 3 weeks have passed... and I'm at half way mark. Pft!

 

The first 2 weeks shouldn't count, as I was unaware of our contact change up. But still, 3 weeks without hearing her voice, seeing her smile and laugh, let alone just be with her, makes each week seems like a bloody month. No, I'm not talking about period time, geezo I be a man! Ha!

 

All I can say is we both feel the same, so I know that I am not alone. Can't wait to get the weekend done and gone, so I can start counting down another week.