NJ123 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 (edited) So women & men, the person you want to settle down with, is that person someone you would have went out with in the past, or are you mainly looking for someone who has the qualities of being a good provider & good parent but not the type of person you would normally go out with? Edited October 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I have no preconceived notion of who my life mate will be. Each relationship teaches me harsh, sobering or uplifting realities about myself that I would not have come to notice on my own. I can't predict how the next one will change me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I don't think the question really fits. Not in all situations, but I think the relationship mistakes we make in the past help us grow and make better decisions in the future. I think going through the ups and downs of good and bad relationships also help some come to a better realization of the kind of person they want to settle down with. I don't think I could fully love and appreciate the relationship I have now without the bad relationships I've been through in the past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 I don't think the question really fits. Not in all situations, but I think the relationship mistakes we make in the past help us grow and make better decisions in the future. I think going through the ups and downs of good and bad relationships also help some come to a better realization of the kind of person they want to settle down with. I don't think I could fully love and appreciate the relationship I have now without the bad relationships I've been through in the past. True, but there's some people who settle down with people they normally don't view as someone they'd want a relationship with. Due to biological clock, or strictly knowing they'd be a good provider for them, among some other things. I just think it's a harsh thing to do to someone since no woman or guy wants to be considered the "settle man" or "settle woman". There's someone on here who flat out admitted they don't view the provider as an alpha, but as a beta. No one wants to be with someone who has that mentality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 True, but there's some people who settle down with people they normally don't view as someone they'd want a relationship with. Due to biological clock, or strictly knowing they'd be a good provider for them, among some other things. I just think it's a harsh thing to do to someone since no woman or guy wants to be considered the "settle man" or "settle woman". There's someone on here who flat out admitted they don't view the provider as an alpha, but as a beta. No one wants to be with someone who has that mentality. Agreed, they rather be with a "ho-hum" person than what they'd really want to be with....Some people don't wanna be lonely I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 So women & men, the person you want to settle down with, is that person someone you would have went out with in the past, or are you mainly looking for someone who has the qualities of being a good provider & good parent but not the type of person you would normally go out with? I would say it would be someone a lot like my exW, except that the person genuinely found me attractive, which would align with your 'someone from the past' choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I thought about this before, when I had the opportunity to date somebody who was perfect on paper. Great guy, shared ideals and values, great job, hard worker, had interests, objectively attracted, mid to late twenties, ready to settle down. There was no spark. I realised that I would rather be single the rest of my life than be with somebody I wasn't excited to get home to. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I don't really have any ideas on it. As long as the person is kind to me, loves me, and I love him, things can work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 I thought about this before, when I had the opportunity to date somebody who was perfect on paper. Great guy, shared ideals and values, great job, hard worker, had interests, objectively attracted, mid to late twenties, ready to settle down. There was no spark. I realised that I would rather be single the rest of my life than be with somebody I wasn't excited to get home to. So what type of guy would get you excited to come home to? Seems from what you said you likely date guys with more aggressive personalities instead of someone more laid back. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 My mindset was something along the lines of - if it happens, it happens. I was never in a rush to get married and/or have children. Marriage/baby thoughts only enter my mind after falling in love and believing the individual would make a good husband/father. Having said that, I will never be one of those individuals who settle for someone that looks good on paper. Don't care if I am 80 years old and alone (well, maybe ask me at that point and I'd have a different opinion. ). Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 So what type of guy would get you excited to come home to? Seems from what you said you likely date guys with more aggressive personalities instead of someone more laid back. There really is no formula, other than being musicians most of the men I've had relationships with have been very different from one another. It's just chemistry. You've never been on two dates with two different girls and felt nothing for one, despite her being perfectly lovely, but tingled with excitement at seeing the other? I've never dated men with 'aggressive' personalities in a violent way, but yes in a forthcoming about dating me way, usually. To be fair my current boyfriend has all of the things this guy had (although the perfect on paper guy had a much better job), it's just that with my boyfriend it feels natural, never awkward, never run out of things to talk about, I just instinctively feel that drive to be around him and talk to him about exciting stuff, and to touch him. I never had any of that with the other guy. Sometimes it just feels right. And when it doesn't, NOTHING in the world can change it. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 So women & men, the person you want to settle down with, is that person someone you would have went out with in the past, or are you mainly looking for someone who has the qualities of being a good provider & good parent but not the type of person you would normally go out with? Personally, I've only pursued women that I felt at least had long term potential. So I never really considered someone that I didn't at least think had those qualities at first. Many times it just didn't pan out for any number of reasons. You don't know until you try. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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