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I wish women would just tell the truth when they are not interested.


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That would remove so much headache that guys have to deal with.

 

Also when women go out of their way to think of a convincing excuse about why they can't get together, it makes it really hard for guys to tell when a woman actually has a valid reason.

 

I've had a few women be very blunt with me that they weren't interested and I greatly appreciated that. I actually thanked them because it was such a relief to hear that from a woman instead of getting the usual runaround.

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sdrawkcaB ssA

Well I never had an issue of women being difficult in saying no, but then again I don't go about asking for dates out of the blue. One ex had baby sat in a pinch for a gent, and he came back one day to request another favor. She could not say no, but never said yes. It went on for 30 minutes. I asked her why she couldn't flat out and say no. She told me she did not want to sound bad to him, as he needed a sitter desperately. I guess some women think saying no is harsh, and makes them look bad???

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CrystalCastles

Because by saying no, it makes you the b**** who rejected the guy. By saying no, you're outright bruising a guy's ego and I don't want to be the reason why someone who took a risk (like asking me out) feels down because he got rejected. I'm really not so special that someone should feel down because of me.

 

I don't like making people upset. So I've never said no directly, but made a reason as to why I'm unavailable. Guys have always seen straight through it because they didn't continue chasing me after that. However I think my way of rejecting them was better than a flat out "no" which seems more so like a slap to the face.

 

I see your point, but some people are more sensitive than others, and I do my best not to hurt a guy's feelings when I reject him, because I realize it already takes a lot of guts to come up to me and ask me out, as with any girl. So I make excuses because I don't want to hurt anyone by being blunt and I think excuses let the guy off more easily too.

 

Oh yeah, and there are guys who don't take no for an answer. So what are you supposed to say then?

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Also when women go out of their way to think of a convincing excuse about why they can't get together, it makes it really hard for guys to tell when a woman actually has a valid reason.

 

 

Why would you have trouble accepting a 'convincing excuse'? When you say 'think of' you mean you think she full of BS?

 

 

If she went 'out of her way' to think of it, she's doubly sure she's not interested. There's nothing to figure out. 'Too busy to date' means 'don't bother trying to get me to date you'.

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Johnny-Walker

I was once rejected, thanked my lucky stars, also found it easy to figure out ones interested or not, offer a date and either yes or no means they stay in the phone book or get crossed out, dating is dating, it is when they say yes constantly and have serious life or death issues preventing you from getting blown on the back row of the movies that makes you exclusive, now getting the run around in what is supposed to be an exclusive relationship i not tollerable at all!!!!

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littleblackheart

In my (admittedly not that extensive) experience, whenever I just politely say 'no thank you, I'm not interested' (a valid reason in itself IMO), too often the guy takes it as 'she's not interested today' and asks again until I give him an excuse. When I don't give any reason, he asks for one.

 

 

Avoiding persistence and relentlessness could be why some women feel the need to make elaborate excuses. That and trying not to hurt the guy's feelings.

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Because by saying no, it makes you the b**** who rejected the guy. By saying no, you're outright bruising a guy's ego and I don't want to be the reason why someone who took a risk (like asking me out) feels down because he got rejected. I'm really not so special that someone should feel down because of me.

 

I don't like making people upset. So I've never said no directly, but made a reason as to why I'm unavailable. Guys have always seen straight through it because they didn't continue chasing me after that. However I think my way of rejecting them was better than a flat out "no" which seems more so like a slap to the face.

 

I see your point, but some people are more sensitive than others, and I do my best not to hurt a guy's feelings when I reject him, because I realize it already takes a lot of guts to come up to me and ask me out, as with any girl. So I make excuses because I don't want to hurt anyone by being blunt and I think excuses let the guy off more easily too.

 

Oh yeah, and there are guys who don't take no for an answer. So what are you supposed to say then?

 

The problem is that in the end it's more upsetting to realize the person has been stringing you along with lame excuses.

 

Especially when the person stringing you along is a friend...

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I hate it when guys string me along with lame excuses, because it means they see me as an option, and not as a priority. I hate that. It's like, if he doesn't like me then for christ sake JUST SAY SO, so I can go out and date a guy who does like me. I think adults can be so childish. More childish than kids sometimes.

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If a guy is upfront with me and asks for a date and I know it is a date then I return the favour and will be completely clear as to whether I am interested or not.

 

If he is not clear and upfront then neither am I.

 

If I am very interested in him I will ask him out for a date -which in turn gives him the opportunity not to have to make any assumptions and to either show interest by accepting the date or decline it by turning me down.

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littleblackheart
The problem is that in the end it's more upsetting to realize the person has been stringing you along with lame excuses.

 

Especially when the person stringing you along is a friend...

 

A rejection is going to be upsetting (in various degrees) whatever you say in my experience, so any excuse could be seen as being lame. Once the person has said no, there's really no stringing along - just the asker not taking the hint. No should be enough, but it's not always the case.

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I am with Maleficent on this one. I prefer her telling me "not interested" on my face rather than giving me false hopes.

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That would remove so much headache that guys have to deal with.

 

Also when women go out of their way to think of a convincing excuse about why they can't get together, it makes it really hard for guys to tell when a woman actually has a valid reason.

 

I've had a few women be very blunt with me that they weren't interested and I greatly appreciated that. I actually thanked them because it was such a relief to hear that from a woman instead of getting the usual runaround.

 

Some people don't like confrontation, so they avoid saying "no".

 

The rule to remember is that a woman who is interested will say "yes" when you ask her on a date. "No" means no. "I'm busy" means no. Other excuses mean no, too, even the convincing ones, unless immediately followed by her proposing a specific alternative date.

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acrosstheuniverse

It's simple.

 

If someone's into you, you'll be physically around them fairly frequently (i.e. not weeks between dates).

 

If they're not into you, you won't see them.

 

Don't always be the one trying to set something up and make the date and get past someone's barriers to meeting.

 

Show interest, try to organise a date, and then chill. If they're busy with a genuine reason, they will get back in touch as soon as they're free. Meanwhile, be dating the women who are excited to be aorund you.

 

I am always bluntly honest with guys.

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Isn't it pretty obvious when someone is interested or not? Why does anyone really need to be blunt? I know it saves hassle but if I liked a guy and tried to get him to hang out with me and he sort of brushed me off a couple times saying "maybe next week" or "Let me call you back" and he never does. It's quite obvious he's not interested, why does he need to say it? Save face and move on.

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Because by saying no, it makes you the b**** who rejected the guy. By saying no, you're outright bruising a guy's ego and I don't want to be the reason why someone who took a risk (like asking me out) feels down because he got rejected. I'm really not so special that someone should feel down because of me.

 

I don't like making people upset. So I've never said no directly, but made a reason as to why I'm unavailable. Guys have always seen straight through it because they didn't continue chasing me after that. However I think my way of rejecting them was better than a flat out "no" which seems more so like a slap to the face.

 

I see your point, but some people are more sensitive than others, and I do my best not to hurt a guy's feelings when I reject him, because I realize it already takes a lot of guts to come up to me and ask me out, as with any girl. So I make excuses because I don't want to hurt anyone by being blunt and I think excuses let the guy off more easily too.

 

Oh yeah, and there are guys who don't take no for an answer. So what are you supposed to say then?

 

Regardless if you sugarcoat the no or not, you're still going to bruise his ego.

 

If your excuse actually sounds valid, some guys might believe you and then you've just given them false hope that they still have a chance. To me that's a lot worse the telling a guy you aren't interested.

 

If a guy doesn't take no for an answer, do you really think making excuses would work? Those guys you need to directly tell them no, and then ignore them from then on if they keep trying to pursue you. Being friendly and continuing to talk to them is the worst thing you can do.

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Isn't it pretty obvious when someone is interested or not? Why does anyone really need to be blunt? I know it saves hassle but if I liked a guy and tried to get him to hang out with me and he sort of brushed me off a couple times saying "maybe next week" or "Let me call you back" and he never does. It's quite obvious he's not interested, why does he need to say it? Save face and move on.

 

No it's not always obvious. People can be very push-pull, hot and cold, which creates confusion and frustration for the person on the receiving end. Being BLUNT does save the hassle. "maybe next week" or "let me call you back" could mean yes or it could mean no. Those are perfect examples of the push-pull game, the hot and cold attention that hundreds of LoveShack threads have been created about.

 

If people would just stop playing those stupid mind games with others, dating would be a helluva lot easier and more fun. Why does a guy/gal need be direct? Because that's the adult thing to do, that's why.

 

It's childish to hint around at rejection. All that does is create hurt and confusion and is worse than just saying no. If I like a guy and he strings me along, it's worse to endure that, than to endure a direct "sorry I'm not interested." There's no confusion for me. I don't take it as personally because I have invested nothing.

 

Yet if a guy strings me along for weeks on end, blowing up my cellphone with texts, calling me every night but then hems and haw about meeting up, THAT pisses me off because it's not necessary. Guys who chase and string women along like that are immature and shallow. Period.

Edited by writergal
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Some people don't like confrontation, so they avoid saying "no".

 

The rule to remember is that a woman who is interested will say "yes" when you ask her on a date. "No" means no. "I'm busy" means no. Other excuses mean no, too, even the convincing ones, unless immediately followed by her proposing a specific alternative date.

 

Honestly I can't imagine a woman immediately proposing a specific alternative date if she wasn't available. In my experience women are far too passive for that.

 

If a woman has trouble saying no to a guy she's not interested in, I really doubt she's going to tell a guy when she is available if she actually has a valid reason for why she can't get together.

 

This is how I see it.

 

I ask a girl if she wants to get together on Saturday.

 

Girl who is not interested: "I'm sorry I can't make it. I have to study for an exam."

 

Girl who is interested: "I'm sorry I can't make it. I have to study for an exam."

 

So how am I supposed to know which one is being honest? What makes things really suck is that sometimes a non-interested girl would even suggest getting together after the exam. And of course something comes up where she can't make it.

 

Just tell me no.

 

"You're a cool guy but I don't like you that way. I'm sorry."

 

 

The end.

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thefooloftheyear

Its done on both sides....

 

A woman will do it, because even though she wont want to necessarily date you, she is getting off on the attention....so she'll play it out as long as you want to continue to get your dick knocked in...Sure, some do it also because they dont want to wear the black hat, but an equal number string guys along because they just need the validation..

 

Guys do it, probably to a lesser degree, not because they necessarily crave validation, but more to have her hanging around for a potential sex opportunity if there is nothing else around...

 

Thats one good thing about living around here...Everyone is pretty blunt and forthcoming, and no one gets their feelings hurt easily, man or woman...Its just easier than all the crap that the OP is referring to...

 

Edit-(directly to the OP)...SD...A lot of what you are experiencing is unique to the immature little girlies you are chasing around...And potentially another reason to stop playing with them...As women mature, you will see much less of this annoying behavior)...

 

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
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No it's not always obvious. People can be very push-pull, hot and cold, which creates confusion and frustration for the person on the receiving end. Being BLUNT does save the hassle. "maybe next week" or "let me call you back" could mean yes or it could mean no. Those are perfect examples of the push-pull game, the hot and cold attention that hundreds of LoveShack threads have been created about.

 

If people would just stop playing those stupid mind games with others, dating would be a helluva lot easier and more fun. Why does a guy/gal need be direct? Because that's the adult thing to do, that's why.

 

It's childish to hint around at rejection. All that does is create hurt and confusion and is worse than just saying no. If I like a guy and he strings me along, it's worse to endure that, than to endure a direct "sorry I'm not interested." There's no confusion for me. I don't take it as personally because I have invested nothing.

 

Yet if a guy strings me along for weeks on end, blowing up my cellphone with texts, calling me every night but then hems and haw about meeting up, THAT pisses me off because it's not necessary. Guys who chase and string women along like that are immature and shallow. Period.

 

It is an individual's prerogative to get caught up in or avoid the push-pull. Once you know the pattern, just disengage after the push.

 

We can't control how other people engage, but we can learn how to read signs and save ourselves the agony.

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.

 

This is how I see it.

 

I ask a girl if she wants to get together on Saturday.

 

Girl who is not interested: "I'm sorry I can't make it. I have to study for an exam."

 

Girl who is interested: "I'm sorry I can't make it. I have to study for an exam."

 

So how am I supposed to know which one is being honest? What makes things really suck is that sometimes a non-interested girl would even suggest getting together after the exam. And of course something comes up where she can't make it.

 

Just tell me no.

 

"You're a cool guy but I don't like you that way. I'm sorry."

 

 

.

 

I agree with TFY that more mature women would handle it differently. I'd definitely suggest an alternative if interested!

 

But you, too, could suggest an alternative. If the answer is always no, it's no.

 

You can ask a woman out more than once. Just don't get your hopes up unless/until the answer is a clear, enthusiastic yes.

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It is an individual's prerogative to get caught up in or avoid the push-pull. Once you know the pattern, just disengage after the push.

 

We can't control how other people engage, but we can learn how to read signs and save ourselves the agony.

 

Ah but the push-pull pattern is different with EVERY guy. There isn't one way guys push and pull. Each has his own technique. Calling/texting every day with me for 3 weeks was intense and misled me to believe he was interested in meeting me. So, am I to assume that if any guy does that to me again in the future, he's just stringing me along?? Every guy is different. What if that actually leads to something?

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Honestly I can't imagine a woman immediately proposing a specific alternative date if she wasn't available. In my experience women are far too passive for that.

 

They will if they are interested.

 

Girl who is not interested: "I'm sorry I can't make it. I have to study for an exam."

 

Girl who is interested: "I'm sorry I can't make it. I have to study for an exam."

 

Girl who is interested will say 'I'm sorry I can't make it. I have to study for an exam that night, are you free on Wednesday?'

 

However, if you look at the bigger picture here....you ended up having a random, spontaneous lunch and she has the same interest as you - salsa and goes to your classes.

 

If I am into rock climbing and after a class I go for lunch with a guy from the class - that is all fine.

If he then makes the next class into a planned 'to do together' thing this is kinda OK. However, in my mind I like rock climbing so I want to go to that class but I am not interested romantically in this guy. I will see what happens and what vibe I get in between now and the next rock climbing class.

 

So, he starts to text me and I do get the vibe that he perhaps is interested in me romantically and that maybe he is seeing teh next rock climbing class as a date?

This means that if I go to that class he might think I am there because of him - when actually I just like rock climbing, was fine going to lunch as he seemed harmless and we have a shared interest.

 

He hasn't been direct and asked me for a date date

so I don't have anything real to say no to but I don't want to give him the wrong impression and making things awkward by going to the next rock climbing class if he thinks I am only there for him.

 

So I need an excuse to get out of that class - if this hadn't all happened I would go as normal but now if feels awkward as he hasn't been totally clear so I can only assume things.

 

The other side of the scenario - she is studying for an exam and would have known right when you asked whether she was free to attend that class or not.

It's the contact in between that has made her think again and I think teh study is an excuse.

She thought you were just being friendly initially and she was OK with that.

She isn't attracted to you but gets the vibe from you that you are attracted to her so she needed a get out clause and she has realised all this from the texting in between.

 

Not everyone who you talk to, share a coffee with or have lunch with is interested in you romantically. This is how it is for us all.

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Ah but the push-pull pattern is different with EVERY guy. There isn't one way guys push and pull. Each has his own technique. Calling/texting every day with me for 3 weeks was intense and misled me to believe he was interested in meeting me. So, am I to assume that if any guy does that to me again in the future, he's just stringing me along?? Every guy is different. What if that actually leads to something?

 

The pattern should be steadily increasing interest and contact. Intense contact in the beginning should always be viewed with a wary eye.

 

At first sign of push, willfully disengage.

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