spiderowl Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 (edited) I wonder what you wise people think of this guy's behaviour. It has me baffled! Guy contacts me on dating site and we exchange messages then texts. He seems nice, looks nice, has a busy, responsible job so things look promising. Working long shifts in his job, he is often tired, which I understood. He suggests we talk on the phone one evening and suggests a day. The day comes and I'm assuming we'll talk and he mentions in text he's tired and puts it off. This happened a couple of times but I put it down to shifts and childcare responsibilities. When he put it off a third time, I felt a bit irritated. I hadn't bothered him and waited for him to suggest it. I'm not pushy in any way, but try to respond in a friendly manner. Anyway, by this time I was beginning to feel we weren't getting anywhere and a little bit like he was messing me around. I said that maybe there was not much point talking later as he didn't seem very interested. At this point, he got cross (by text), told me he was interested and that I seemed difficult. It seems he felt I was too difficult because then he decided I was hard work and said he was going. We had a brief exchange where he came across as a bit angry and his final parting message was 'Goodbye!'. I don't usually get this reaction from guys and something about the putting off made me feel things weren't quite right. I never pursued the guy just responded so it seemed odd he couldn't get round to talking. Anyway, that aside, I just put him down as a rude, angry sort of guy and left it at that. That was the end of him I thought. About four weeks later, a guy sent me a friends request on Facebook. He looked nice and vaguely familiar but I couldn't think where from. His profile sounded nice so I added him. Shortly afterwards, bits of information started to add up and I realised it was the cross guy. Of course I was puzzled by this friends request, given what had happened. I thought of removing him but was interested to see what he'd got to say. When I accepted the friends request, I didn't say anything, like 'welcome' or anything, just accepted it. He didn't message. Three days later, I am on Facebook. I look to see if he's online but can't see his thumbnail pic. Eventually I realise he's removed me as a friend and is no longer in my friends list. I am annoyed because I was interested to hear why he wanted to be friends after what had happened. I don't know how he found me on Facebook as he only knew my first name, but that's another question. So, what do you think was going on? It feels like the guy is playing games. I hope he's gone now, but it does seem bizarre. Thoughts welcome! Edited October 22, 2014 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 IMHO, he friended you to see if you would chat him up. If you did, then you accepted his previous behavior and he could now escalate the crazy. You did one smart thing and one not smart thing. It is never smart to friend someone you do not know. But you were smart to sit back and see what he was up to once you realized who he was. Be glad you got off the crazy train before it got too far from home. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 (edited) Thanks for your thoughts. It wasn't smart to add him but he did look familiar and sounded nice so I thought he was someone I'd met somewhere with friends. I didn't chat to him or welcome him so I guess that's why he left. I don't know - it's odd! It does concern me that he found me on Facebook. I don't have an unusual first name and he didn't know my last name, just that I lived in a medium-sized city. It would take a bit of detective work to find me and I'm surprised he bothered. I don't think there was any info on Facebook that would have given away my location, though he must know my surname by now as it's on there (hmm). Edited October 22, 2014 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 He can't keep a promise. He's either not responsible or organized enough to follow through on a threat. So he's not anyone you want to keep. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 SpiderOwl, there are apps that can help you find people. It really isn't that hard if you are determined. I am queen of finding people who don't want to be found. I honed my skills during my divorce. I have one child who has a very very low profile online because he is aware of how easy it is to cyber stalk someone. I would view it like this, you got lucky that you had a brief brush with someone that is probably not a nice man. Keep this in your file of close call stories. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 1. don't befriend people you don't know on Facebook. Dangerous sport that one! 2. don't worry - he sounds a bit like a fruit loop to be honest. Be glad he is gone... Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 I agree it was a mistake but I was curious to hear what he had to say. He'd already found me on Facebook and I hardly ever visit it so there is nothing on there of use to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 I think he's rude and inconsiderate.... I've put off dating at times cuz I've been to busy to give someone the time/attention that I guess "normal" people have in a RL... It got so bad with me at times, that even having time for a FWB got difficult. I mean, I'd initiate contact with someone, share a few emails - even calls. Then, just get so wrapped up in what I got going on that by the time I try to start contact with them again, I figured they probably lost interest anyways. But, I did not go yelling at them and blaming them for them losing interest in me...that's just rude and doesn't make any sense. I empathize with the guy, I mean, that's why I've had casual RLs over the years - cuz of the amount of time I could be available (and my intimacy issues), but just like him, it's hard to find someone to tolerate such infrequent contact. But, that still doesn't give him the right to be rude to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 I think he's rude and inconsiderate.... I've put off dating at times cuz I've been to busy to give someone the time/attention that I guess "normal" people have in a RL... It got so bad with me at times, that even having time for a FWB got difficult. I mean, I'd initiate contact with someone, share a few emails - even calls. Then, just get so wrapped up in what I got going on that by the time I try to start contact with them again, I figured they probably lost interest anyways. But, I did not go yelling at them and blaming them for them losing interest in me...that's just rude and doesn't make any sense. I empathize with the guy, I mean, that's why I've had casual RLs over the years - cuz of the amount of time I could be available (and my intimacy issues), but just like him, it's hard to find someone to tolerate such infrequent contact. But, that still doesn't give him the right to be rude to you. Er, well I have to say, I was the one who said he didn't seem to be interested, because he'd suggested talking several times then didn't get round to it. If he's too busy, he's too busy. He got angry because I said that and he pretty much pushed me away, saying goodbye. I thought that was the end of it, but then got the FB invite. So that's the story. A guy with a different temperament might have asked why I thought he wasn't interested, rather than getting all angry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Er, well I have to say, I was the one who said he didn't seem to be interested, because he'd suggested talking several times then didn't get round to it. If he's too busy, he's too busy. He got angry because I said that and he pretty much pushed me away, saying goodbye. I thought that was the end of it, but then got the FB invite. So that's the story. A guy with a different temperament might have asked why I thought he wasn't interested, rather than getting all angry about it. Yes, I do believe better communication is at hand here...I kidd you not, I was gonna mention that he should have upfront let you know he's a busy person and was hoping to meet someone that could handle him not being available. But then again, that's why the initial stages of dating is dicey...Sometimes signals get mixed up/crossed. People misinterpret things... I mean, you probably figured he had no interest, when he just probably is a busy person. That's why when I would get busy after initiating contact with someone, I just would let it fade cuz I figured they probably moved on and/or if I come around after disappearing or being hot/cold they'd probably think I had low interest. Maybe if you said something like "Hey, just wanted to check in with you, seems like we've been doing phone/text/message tag and I'm really interested in getting to know you", it could have went a different way. But I'm not gonna put it all on you, cuz IMO, he should have taken more responsibility in communicating to you what's going on with him cuz he was the one setting up chats then canceling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 He seems to have removed himself as a friend now. All very strange! Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 You'd been texting him prior to him adding you on fb right? I'm guessing he found your fb page through your cell ph no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Possible, I suppose, though why he sent a friend's request after being rude to me by text is anyone's guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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