Introvert-extrovert dating: your experiences

[WhatIsLove2014]

I'm not quite an extrovert but the guy im dating is a totally introvert through and through, which Ive never dealt with before.

 

What are you experiences? Which one are you, the introvert or extrovert?

 

As an introvert, did you want lots of alone time from your partner and they didn't understand or they were very accommodating?

 

As an extrovert, did you want more time talking and seeing your introvert?

 

You want to go out, he wants to stay in? Or he wants to be in a small group of people and you want to throw a huge party? Or the opposite.

 

Did the relationship last? If so, for how long? Or still going?

 

Thank you!

Edited October 19, 2014 by WhatIsLove2014

[Priv]

I can't claim to talk for all introverts (and I must say I am fairly heavy on that scale), but at some point being with an SO was basically the same thing as being on my own. So it was a moot issue.

 

 

None of my gf's ever complained about me being non talkative, because that really isn't the point is it? And I am all for going out, but I don't like big group outings where I am supposed to be social with everyone on a regular bases. Sometimes is fine, but you won't see me organising a huge party with me being the centre of attention. Luckily, none of my SO's were very very extrovert as far as I can tell, though they definitely weren't extrovert.

 

 

None lasted, or I wouldn't have joined this site

[Gloria25]

I guess you can say I'm an introvert...I can be social, but don't "need" to be social...and, I believe the men I've gotten involved with were pretty much the same.

 

When I'm looking at profiles on OLD, if I see any signs that he's an "extrovert" (i.e. he has pictures of him always here and there), then it's a turn off for me.

 

But, at the same time, I can't just sit at home...even if it's taking a walk outside, I gotta get up and do something.

 

While I'm not out every weekend and/or several times a week doing something "social" (i.e. parties, clubs, volunteering, eating out), I like doing those things every now and then.

 

With each guy I've dated, yes, we go out for a bite to eat, catch a movie...But, I also enjoy doing these things on my own.

 

I believe a couple should do things together, but do things on their own...You should have your own friends/interests.

[WhatIsLove2014]

I guess you can say I'm an introvert...I can be social, but don't "need" to be social...and, I believe the men I've gotten involved with were pretty much the same.

 

When I'm looking at profiles on OLD, if I see any signs that he's an "extrovert" (i.e. he has pictures of him always here and there), then it's a turn off for me.

 

But, at the same time, I can't just sit at home...even if it's taking a walk outside, I gotta get up and do something.

 

While I'm not out every weekend and/or several times a week doing something "social" (i.e. parties, clubs, volunteering, eating out), I like doing those things every now and then.

 

With each guy I've dated, yes, we go out for a bite to eat, catch a movie...But, I also enjoy doing these things on my own.

 

I believe a couple should do things together, but do things on their own...You should have your own friends/interests.

 

That's how I am too. I Get stir crazy...but yes, I agree that people in relationships need to have their own lives but that's not what I mean in this instance.

[todreaminblue]

i adapt to the situation...i am an introverted extrovert...so as long as i am spending intimate time with someone i connect with the place is not as important.......

 

i have dated extroverted and introverted guys.....one guy spoke a different language and i didnt...........he was introverted......we managed..i will say though it was a very physical relationship.....i enjoyed spending time with him and the silences were peaceful and not awkward..i prefer quieter guys anyway.....extroverted on the heavy side and i am drained........deb

[mammasita]

I don't think there's a difference in how an introvert/extrovert deals with their personal relationship. Another misconception in the terminology me thinks......introvert is more along the lines of steering clear of social situations.

 

For example: I can be with my BF and not want to go to a party thus flexing my introvert muscles. It's not me choosing him or not him, it's me choosing the social situation with him or avoiding the party with him.

 

The only thing that matters is if that person introvert, extrovert or whatever....wants to be with you.

[dj572]

I am an introvert and for some reason I always end up with extroverts. It has always caused problems for me. I prefer to stay home and I don't need to socialize much. I think it would be easier if I met an introvert but I don't know since I've never dated an introvert.

[cerridwen]

We're both extroverts but he needs a bit more downtime than I do.

 

So, if I'm still being a mad woman and running in circles in the apartment, he'll shove me out to go play in the street while he catches a nap.

 

It works.

[Quiet Storm]

I'm an introvert, my husband is an extrovert.

 

We've been together since 1991.

 

We love each other's strengths, and minimize each other's weaknesses. It can work.

[ltjg45]

If I were in a relationship, I would easily be an introvert. I tend to avoid social interactions, have basically no friends, and people in general tend to annoy me.....often.

 

Given the nature of my current job, I do need a good amount of alone time and, while I won't turn down an invitation to a big social event, I definitely won't be anywhere close to being the focus there.

 

I am sure, if I do get into a relationship, I would be with a female extrovert since they tend to be more forward than introverts. I doubt I will get into a relationship with an introvert since, even if both is interested in each other, we won't be interested enough to approach each other.

[anika99]

I am an introvert and for some reason I always end up with extroverts. It has always caused problems for me. I prefer to stay home and I don't need to socialize much. I think it would be easier if I met an introvert but I don't know since I've never dated an introvert.

 

That's interesting because I'm an introvert right down to my very core and I have always gotten on best with extroverts. I suppose it's because I need someone who is willing to draw me out a little bit and give me a little push here and there so that I stay connected to the world.

 

 

I have only had 1 relationship with another introvert and it did pose some problems. It wasn't horrible, we had some good time and some great conversations (contrary to what some people believe, introverts do enjoy conversation and can be very good at it) and there was some comfort in being with someone who felt like me and understood me. I liked that we could be together and yet still do our own thing. However, we became to isolated together. I was slightly more social than him because not only was he introverted he had social anxiety which I do not have and he expected that we would spend all of our time together alone and at his house. I found him a little too uncommunicative and passive. We had problems because of this but I don't how much of it was due to him being introverted or if it was more to do with other problems he had.

[WhatIsLove2014]

I think a lot of people get introverts confused with loners. Its not the same thing. Introverts can be and usually are pretty social.

[writergal]

I agree with you WIL. Introverts aren't always loners. Extroverts can be that way too.

 

 

As an extrovert I always tend to date introverts -- the guy I'm dating now is an introvert. But so far, neither of us really fit the stereotypes because he can be really outgoing, and I (believe it or not ha ha) can have my quiet moments. I don't need to be around people all the time. I like to do things alone, but I'm still very outgoing. I think it's better to just focus on the person instead of the stereotype. Stereotypes aren't always true, or an accurate way to judge someone you're dating.

[Frank2thepoint]

I am both an introvert and extrovert. I enjoy my alone time, watching a movie, reading a book, naps, exercising at home. I even enjoy bicycling alone, not much for joining a bicycle group. I am outgoing and social with friends, such as doing fun activities. Playing board games, outdoors, even going to friends' weddings. But I hate bars, clubs, and lounges. Well what I really hate about them is how noisy they are; you can't have an intimate conversation. Concerning a relationship, when I am with my woman, I prefer intimate settings. Whether alone together, cuddling and talking, or cuddling and watching a movie. Even if we go out, I prefer the intimacy of us being together for the most part. But I also understand having some space apart, to recharge our batteries, and miss each other.

 

My first two ex-girlfriends were extroverts, that fed off of being with people, going out, partying. It was draining for me. Luckily I did that when I was much younger and had more energy. But often I was not included in their plans. My third ex was similar to me, so we had a good time together, while it lasted. My last ex was much more introverted and needed more time for herself. Thinking about my relationships, I realized the scales that tip too much toward one way (too extroverted or too introverted) is not good for me. I often get left out. So ideally a good relationship for me would be a balance of both.

[salparadise]

I agree with you WIL. Introverts aren't always loners. Extroverts can be that way too.

 

As an extrovert I always tend to date introverts -- the guy I'm dating now is an introvert. But so far, neither of us really fit the stereotypes...

 

The difference between introverts and extroverts is that extraverts tend to be energized by social situations, whereas introverts tend to be drained and need a respite to recharge. The stereotypes we're speaking of apply to few. In this case, the labels tend to perpetuate simple stereotypes when the reality is that most personalities are much more complex.

 

Also, introversion/extroversion exists on a continuum with the mid-point being where the label changes... so it's quite possible for there to be less difference between an I/E, when each is near the mid-point, than within either type if one is near the mid-point and the other at the extreme end of the scale. The five factor personality model doesn't even use the term introversion; it refers only to degrees of extraversion.

 

I am an introvert and I prefer to date mild extroverts. I have dated both. I find that I like someone who is a bit forward when it comes to initiating interaction, someone who gets that I appreciate being engaged, someone who doesn't need to fill all the silence with chatter. Sometimes it would be hard to tell who is the introvert and who is the extrovert. We're all unique, even when classified.

[serial muse]

I'm an introvert, but a relatively social one. I like alone time and will seek it out and do tend to get drained at parties after a bit. But I have a lot of friends and have always in particular gravitated to very extroverted friends.

 

I also used to date very extroverted guys, but my H is very introverted - more so than I am. I think that when I was younger I was looking for someone to complement me - fill in what I saw as my weaknesses. But it was a strain to connect on an emotional level. Now it feels more like my H and I are more on the same page, so to speak. And I don't really see the same things as weaknesses that I once did.

[most_distant_galaxy]

Im more of an introvert, but Im a bit of an extrovert too. I love spending time with myself doing creative things. But I also love being a part of a group and doing fun activities together. I dislike partying and noise though, I prefer calmer settings.

 

When in a relationship, I need a lot of space, and I gladly give it to the other person. But I still crave quality time together. For me, quality is more important than quantity.

 

I have been with both introverts and extroverts. Being with a very introverted person felt very limiting, because he wanted to stay at home mostly. But he was a really sweet man, and we had a very good connection, he is the only boyfriend who was like family to me. I always remember him with affection.

 

On the other hand, being with a really extroverted person was tiring. He wanted to see me and his friends, all together, every day. It was a lot of fun, but very tiring, and he didnt understand I needed time for my solitary activities.

 

My ideal is someone who is balancing between both. Someone who will understand my need of space and also wont turn into a nag when we go to a restaurant or turn into a bitch when we go out with a group of people.

[anika99]

I think a lot of people get introverts confused with loners. Its not the same thing. Introverts can be and usually are pretty social.

 

 

Yes I agree but I think people also have to realize that people are introverted or extroverted to varying degrees. I love to socialize but only for 1-2 hours at a time so I wouldn't say I'm usually pretty social. I am strongly introverted and prefer my own company over the company of others. However I am not shy and I do not have any kind of anxiety in regards to socializing. Too much socializing just makes me tired and I don't enjoy it beyond a certain point. I live alone and I work alone and I don't get lonely. I have a couple of friends who say they are also introverted but they are really only mildly introverted in that they like to spend an hour or two alone each day but mostly prefer to be in the company of others, whereas I prefer to be alone for many hours every day and I often have many days in row where I do not see other people at all and I am still content.

[newmoon]

i am the extrovert and prefer extroverts as well. but, i usually end up with the quiet, introverted guy. it's fine, as long as when it comes to talking about us, the relationship, or problems they can be open and communicative. i was with a serious loner/introvert for 2+ years and it died because he wasn't open with feelings. socially introverted is ok, but a closed-off, emotional introvert.. not worth the hassle.

[Shepp]

I'm an extrovert... As is my wife - most people would put her as even more of an extrovert than me, she's always centre of the party! But she can equally go a whole week where she'd be perfectly happy to see no living person but me, the kids and read through a stack of book. Which is cool, I couldn't do that, I need to see my family, my mates, people, but that works fine - she'll stay in for her down time and I'll go play footie with the lads or biking with my bro.

 

Life would be boring if you were exactly the same after all!