Broke up with my girlfriend now i want her back

[islander3788]

Hey everybody,

 

I'm tony, new to the forum, hoping u can take a second to post your advice it will be greatly appreciated...

 

Started dating this girl 4 months ago... im 26 and shes 24... great relationship heres some key facts:

 

-A month into the relationship she told me she loves me

-shortly after she started talking about us getting married

-had sex in the 3rd month but wasnt good cuz i was wayyy too fast (my only problem she knew i was working on)

-introduced me to her family and they love me

 

About a month ago she went away for her last semester at college... we both agreed to give long distance a shot because we see a future together... we talked every night on the phone and everything seemed fine... two weeks in and she was telling me how shes stressed probably because she wanted to join the airforce and that recently fell through so shes uncertain about her future... she also occasionally asked if i was cheating and of course i wasnt... she has some insecurity issues... then she started acting weird on the phone and i got the vibe that she didnt want to continue the relationship (only a few days after she sent me $300 clothes and a birthday card telling me how much she loves me)

 

I facetimed her the following day and asked how she feels about us now that we are like 3 weeks into the long distance relationship... she kept saying "i dont know and i dont know what i want... im not a good girlfriend...at one point she said i dont look at the relationship with as much love and care as you do... that was a red flag to me so i said listen if ur not committed to making this work then we should end it... she said idk can i have time to think about it... i said no if u need time then forget it we are done... then she said fine bye and ended the facetime...

 

A week later i texted her "kegel exercises work!! (She knew i started doing them to last longer in bed) i had sex last night and lasted for an hour!!!" and included a screenshot from a girls text saying the sex was great (jealousy?)... she replied good for you happy for you leave me alone... i asked hows shes doing i still really care about you... she says good... a week later i text again and say i think the breakup was for the best and it would be a shame to throw away a great friendship... she said okay... i said id be lying ifi said i didnt miss u though i went out w 2 girls last weekend and it just wasnt tthe same as with u it sucked lol... she replies im busy right now doin homework i cant talk sorry... i said okay im going to sleep anyway got a big meeting in the morning to buy a store for my new cell phone business... she said okay goodnight

 

 

Its been almost 2 weeks of no contact since that text... what should i do? I really like this girl and shes the best girlfriend i ever had and i could see myself settling down with her... should i contact her again or let her contact me? What is she probably thinking? Please give me your advice....

[BlueIris]

 

...

 

I facetimed her the following day and asked how she feels about us now that we are like 3 weeks into the long distance relationship... she kept saying "i dont know and i dont know what i want... im not a good girlfriend...at one point she said i dont look at the relationship with as much love and care as you do... that was a red flag to me so i said listen if ur not committed to making this work then we should end it... she said idk can i have time to think about it... i said no if u need time then forget it we are done... then she said fine bye and ended the facetime...

 

A week later i texted her "kegel exercises work!! (She knew i started doing them to last longer in bed) i had sex last night and lasted for an hour!!!" and included a screenshot from a girls text saying the sex was great (jealousy?)... she replied good for you happy for you leave me alone...

 

....

 

 

That was so mean I gasped.

 

Leave her alone. Let her heal and find someone who isn't mean to her. And don't be so mean to people.

[No Limit]

Dude, she's been trying to brush you off the whole time. It doesn't matter if you want her back, SHE doesn't want YOU back. Leave her alone, and spare any girl you may date in the future from a friendship that includes telling her about you screwing around. It's totally insensitive and shows you aren't really into her and need a lot of maturity before you even think of marriage.

[Priv]

That was so mean I gasped.

 

Leave her alone. Let her heal and find someone who isn't mean to her. And don't be so mean to people.

 

Indeed, I would expect better from a 26y old.

[Emilia]

Its been almost 2 weeks of no contact since that text... what should i do?

I think you need a different kind of help. This is not a cheap dig, it's clear that you have massive emotional issues and you are not grasping how you are driving away people. You need to get professional help, I'm serious.

[kjohn]

Please tell me you did not seriously text your ex-girfriend one week after YOU broke up with HER to brag about sex with another women!!

 

Seriously, with all due respect, you should be ashamed of that one.

 

You sensed something wasn't right so you followed your gut instinct and ended the relationship. There was nothing wrong with your story up to that point.

 

Even if you had regrets about the breakup and wanted her back….you blew your chances with that text.

 

At this point, leave her alone. If at some point she decides to come to you, I would hope and pray that the first words out of your mouth would be a heartfelt apology for acting like an immature, insensitive jerk (sorry for being blunt here, but I think it needs to be said). If she does not come to you, it's over.

 

Please do not continue to go to her. At that point you would just be acting selfishly….not giving her the time and space that she needs to heal from the breakup, but only thinking of your own wants and needs. Don't be that guy.

[islander3788]

Should i apologize to her now i was thinking a text saying something like "just wanted to say im sorry if i hurt ur feelings with that text about having sex with that girl i just thought if we were gona get back together u should know our sex will be better bevause i can finally last longer"

 

Which is true... the reason i told her is because the only problem in our relationship was the sex not being good

[eye of the storm]

There are some things you can come back from...I'm pretty sure this is not one of them.

 

She may or may not have needed some time to work some things out in her head and she may or may not have come back if the door had been left open.

 

But instead of just saying ok, we can break up and leaving her with a good memory/impression of you you sent her a text a week later detailing your sexual exploits with another girl!

 

You didnt just end your relationship with her you, finished it with a nuclear blast.

 

If you want to be a nice guy, leave her alone. She doesn't want to know how sorry you are, and she no longer wants to have sex with you.

 

Continuing to contact her will only cause her more upset. Stop trying to get her back, you ended it and made sure it was final. You got what you wanted, you hurt her for breaking up with you.

[kjohn]

Absolutely not!

 

Do not try to apologize to her at this point. Just leave it alone and don't risk making it worse than you already have.

 

Leave. Her. Alone.

 

Also…just for future reference, a little advice…you ruin an apology when you try to justify what you did. A sincere apology would simply be "I am so sorry for being so insensitive."

 

When you add the explanation "I only did it because I thought you would want to know I can last longer in case we get back together" that makes it about you. When an apology becomes about you, it is no longer sincere or helpful.