Nice guys vs. Jerks.

[Natsu21]

I've seen this thread plenty of times but I'm bored and wanna discuss it again, lol.

 

All right. Ladies, and men....let's talk about women in their 20s.

 

How many of you guys have had your exes leave you for a guy you know has a reputation of being a "player" or a "jerk"?

 

How many of you called yourself the "nice guy" and him the "bad boy?"

 

Have you wondered why she was attracted to him and not you?

 

And more to the point, why you were attracted to her?

 

You call her a "bitch" a "terrible person" yet you want to bed her.

 

Truth is, nice guy and jerk is irrelevant. Good looks and confidence is what counts. People who literally don't give a damn about how others think of them, and can say and do what they want despite the consequences are seen as attractive. For guys whose girls left them for that, and vice versa, it's an eye-opening experience and a sigh of relief, because you realize that person is not your friend and you just got rid of a needless relationship.

 

However, I still see guys online and in real life complaining about how jerks get all the girls they want, and how they're such decent guys. I see girls doing the same thing on why they can't find a good man.

 

You can't help who you are attracted to folks, but it's a rule of life what you usually end up wanting, more often than not, does that fulfill you in the end.

 

 

 

So why does the nice guy vs jerk allegories exist? What do you guys think?

 

Is it an entitlement complex where a girl is a machine where you put in nice coins till sex falls out? Or that guys are caring complexes where "being there for him" makes him want you more than a sex doll?"

 

Or are we too afraid to say we like something that's bad for us because it's aesthetically or emotionally pleasing?

 

Women always have options. It may not be what they want, but they have em. Men tend to not have the same luck unless they are either very good looking, rich, or around that spectrum. Average guys gotta work harder to get the women they want.

 

So when those women they invest like someone else, it pricks their ego.

 

Either way, I want to discuss why "nice guys" feel like they are always "nice" and think that is attractive, and "good girls" feel like they deserve a "good man" but want to tame the "bad boy" into being the "good guy?"

 

These are generalizations.

 

Anyway, let's get to discussing a thread that's been discussed a thousand times already!

[Mister Zen]

Women generally want to date hot guys with high status. Period. So the closer a man is to being that.. the more women he will attract.

 

Women generally gravitate towards what is popular. Pop music, the latest fashion, etc. So whatever type of Hollywood guy is popular at any given time is what the 20-something women will chase most.

 

Women 30+ are more practical, but still very status focused.

[jcrew11]

Nah, its just about "being boring(lame,too nice)" or being "aggressive in courtship"

 

Girls end up dating whoever hits on them the most, and it usually is the confident arrogant guys that will hit on girls.

 

So called nice guys don't hit on girls or hit on them in such a weak way they are friend-zoned because the girl can't tell if he wants to be platonic or a loser.

 

Girls just naturally respond to testosterone, aggressive attention, and arrogance.

 

Nice guys just don't try hard enough or aren't seen as sexual-beings. just go after what you want, and she'll respond.

[Natsu21]

So essentially anyone who isn't rich or well off is screwed when it comes to women?

 

Thanks for the enlightenment.

[Cristo]

Women generally want to date hot guys with high status. Period. So the closer a man is to being that.. the more women he will attract.

 

Women generally gravitate towards what is popular. Pop music, the latest fashion, etc. So whatever type of Hollywood guy is popular at any given time is what the 20-something women will chase most.

 

Women 30+ are more practical, but still very status focused.

 

This depends on the woman.

 

I work in a field where I am surrounded by many highly intelligent women. In just about every case that I've seen, the men that these women are married to have neither good looks nor high status (and some of these women are very attractive).

 

What these guys DO have is persistence and confidence.

 

I've seen way too many cases IRL of what I've described to believe that it is coincidence.

 

As I said, though, these women are far more intelligent than average. The average female likely go for looks and status.

[Mister Zen]

So essentially anyone who isn't rich or well off is screwed when it comes to women?

 

Thanks for the enlightenment.

 

That's not what I said. I'm talking about women's first choice. The farther away you are from the top choice the less dating options you will have. In life, its not about what you want.. its about what you can get. The rule applies to women too. Regardless of what they want, they are mostly limited to the men who show interest (as another poster pointed out).

 

Its not complex dude.

[Mister Zen]

This depends on the woman.

 

I work in a field where I am surrounded by many highly intelligent women. In just about every case that I've seen, the men that these women are married to have neither good looks nor high status (and some of these women are very attractive).

 

What these guys DO have is persistence and confidence.

 

I've seen way too many cases IRL of what I've described to believe that it is coincidence.

 

As I said, though, these women are far more intelligent than average. The average female likely go for looks and status.

 

 

Right.. and you also have to remember that "status" is not a fixed term and it means different things to different women. To some women it means the guy who can win a fight with every other guy in the room. To another woman it means the rich guy. To another woman it means the best looking guy. To another woman it means the smartest guy.

 

But as far as "hot women" go.. it mostly for the handsome or rich men.

[quidproquo89]

I'm a good guy - not nice or a jerk.

[LoneIsland]

So essentially anyone who isn't rich or well off is screwed when it comes to women?

 

Wrong way round. Anyone who isn't rich or well off don't get many screws when it comes to women?

 

But there are plenty of loser type women available for men who are not rich or well off. These might suffer from mental conditions, physical conditions, emotional conditions, or are just plain butt ugly. But when the lights are switched off, they should be reasonably adequate.

[No Limit]

I'm a girl - not in my 20s yet, but 18 should do - and I'm actually pretty hung up on this. Of course confidence attracts, but so far all confident(/sometimes rather arrogant actually?) guys were rather... simple-minded. That doesn't mean that every shy guy equals Einstein, but without a nice chat that goes beyond shallow smalltalk I'm afraid I'll never find out.

Guess I'm even not part of the "wants what others want" group. Knowing the owners of that one club and going there with their daughter we're surrounded by the DJs and sometimes singers that usually end up talking to one or two girls at the bar during their break. Needless to say I get the occasional advance from them too, but I'm just not interested in already-drunk guys.

 

I'll just wait for a wonder to happen then, I guess.

Edited September 28, 2014 by No Limit

[Tayken]

Perhaps what the OP is getting at is good looking guys v average Joes?????

 

@ OP...has your experience been that the extremely good looking turn out to be Jerks? On the reverse, my experience has been that the women who are NOT all that (but think they are), have turned out to be the Jerks.

 

However, I am always quit to avoid / kick to the curb the ones that don't bring that certain all important charisma. The b00bs, a$$ and makeup don't impress me much...even worse is the hooker look

[NYWoman]

My first husband was a bad boy pussy hound when I met him. I had just moved into the apartment complex when I went for a walk one night and went by his apartment. From the screams that were coming from within I knew some gal was getting a royal screwing. A couple of nights later there was a repeat performance, but I could tell this was a different woman. Intrigued I made an effort to meet him. To my surprise, he was a short skinny guy, with just average looks. He loved women, and sex, and he was awesome in bed. But that was not the only thing he had going for him. He just stood out, he was different than any other man I have ever met.

I could understand why women were attracted to him. Confident, he just didn't care what anybody thought of him. Life was fun and he was out to have as much fun as possible.

Unless he was with someone, the doors to his place were always open, and the stereo on. Yes at times he was playing the pop music of the day, but one never knew, sometimes it was classical music, others old rock, old C&W. He had a Gene Autry tape he loved to play and sing to, yes Gene Autry, and we all loved it.

Outside of his door there were two trees perfect for hanging a hammock. The apartment managers hated the hammock, so every Sunday while they were gone, out would come the hammock and him and his Panama hat, and he would spend the day grilling on his Weber.

His fridge was always full of cool ones, and he was not afraid of sharing.

I could go on

By being different, he stood out and women flocked to him.

In away he was a nice guy, he was never a jerk, he just liked having sex with lots of women and they loved having sex with him.

[StanMusial]

Nah, its just about "being boring(lame,too nice)" or being "aggressive in courtship"

 

Girls end up dating whoever hits on them the most, and it usually is the confident arrogant guys that will hit on girls.

 

So called nice guys don't hit on girls or hit on them in such a weak way they are friend-zoned because the girl can't tell if he wants to be platonic or a loser.

 

Girls just naturally respond to testosterone, aggressive attention, and arrogance.

 

Nice guys just don't try hard enough or aren't seen as sexual-beings. just go after what you want, and she'll respond.

 

So essentially anyone who isn't rich or well off is screwed when it comes to women?

 

Thanks for the enlightenment.

 

 

I once heard a frustrated lady talking about the guys that would approach her and her friends at a bar. She said the good ones would hang back and the scuzzballs would hit on her and friends. "They have nothing to lose. They don't care," she said.

 

Very insightful. This lady was in her early 30's though, so she had figured things out a little bit. Most girls don't know any better - they don't really discern between arrogant/cocky and confident. Or even care, really.

[jay1983]

I'm an *******, but not over the top. Just the way I am, I think works pretty good.

[saz123]

What happens when at the start you've got the nice guy but a year or so later he turns into the jerk?

Edited September 28, 2014 by saz123

[Natsu21]

What happens when at the start you've got the nice guy but a year or so later he turns into the jerk?

 

You end up with me after I lost my fiancee.

 

But in that short instance, I was attracting women like CRAZY.

[Tayken]

My first husband was a bad boy pussy hound when I met him. I had just moved into the apartment complex when I went for a walk one night and went by his apartment. From the screams that were coming from within I knew some gal was getting a royal screwing. A couple of nights later there was a repeat performance, but I could tell this was a different woman. Intrigued I made an effort to meet him. To my surprise, he was a short skinny guy, with just average looks. He loved women, and sex, and he was awesome in bed. But that was not the only thing he had going for him. He just stood out, he was different than any other man I have ever met.

I could understand why women were attracted to him. Confident, he just didn't care what anybody thought of him. Life was fun and he was out to have as much fun as possible.

Unless he was with someone, the doors to his place were always open, and the stereo on. Yes at times he was playing the pop music of the day, but one never knew, sometimes it was classical music, others old rock, old C&W. He had a Gene Autry tape he loved to play and sing to, yes Gene Autry, and we all loved it.

Outside of his door there were two trees perfect for hanging a hammock. The apartment managers hated the hammock, so every Sunday while they were gone, out would come the hammock and him and his Panama hat, and he would spend the day grilling on his Weber.

His fridge was always full of cool ones, and he was not afraid of sharing.

I could go on

By being different, he stood out and women flocked to him.

In away he was a nice guy, he was never a jerk, he just liked having sex with lots of women and they loved having sex with him.

 

 

So knowing all this, you still thought you could change him then? I guess we now know why is your ex

 

I bet he is back to his old ways since and living the life. Typical example that you can't change someone, even if you think in your head that you can

[Natsu21]

So knowing all this, you still thought you could change him then? I guess we now know why is your ex

 

I bet he is back to his old ways since and living the life. Typical example that you can't change someone, even if you think in your head that you can

 

When has that stopped them from trying?

[Mister Zen]

What happens when at the start you've got the nice guy but a year or so later he turns into the jerk?

 

You become even MORE attracted to him.

[tpham18nm]

During high school I was more of a bad boy. I didn't really care about anything that was going on. I would drink in class, do drugs, just anarchy in my actions. That's when I got the most girls and started dating my ex at the time. I always had a romantic side when I was with her, but when i was alone or with my friends I was completely different and she knew it.

 

We broke up after 4 years and that's when I stared chasing women to fill an empty void and I was angry at the world so I continued to drink/ workout/ ride motorcycles recklessly while attending school. I was still getting very attractive girls.

 

Now, in the present, I'm completely straight. I don't drink/smoke/ride recklessly/ party. I'm just finishing up school to get my BA and looking forward to my masters in counseling. I'll still seek thrills and excitement but have kept away from partying and any wild scenes. Now I come off as a total nice guy. My jerkiness and carefree attitude left. I don't attract any women anymore. I went to a raunchy club recently, (filled with hot women I use to get) with my new nice guy attitude and I repelled them, haha I stopped trying after that.

[writergal]

Here's a perfect example of "jerk" behavior from a guy (happened to me):

 

Friday he calls me. Says he wants to see me on Sunday, but doesn't make any solid plans for Sunday. Says he'll call me at a certain time on Sunday. Never calls me on Sunday. Instead, sends an email on Sunday to say he doesn't have time to see me.

 

Jerk.

 

Nice guys: make dates ahead of time and show up. If something comes up, they call you, apologize, then reschedule the date.

 

Jerks: say they'll make a date without actually making the date, leave you hanging, then act like you're the crazy one when you react confused and irritated.

 

That's crazy-making behavior that is.

[Mister Zen]

Here's a perfect example of "jerk" behavior from a guy (happened to me):

 

Friday he calls me. Says he wants to see me on Sunday, but doesn't make any solid plans for Sunday. Says he'll call me at a certain time on Sunday. Never calls me on Sunday. Instead, sends an email on Sunday to say he doesn't have time to see me.

 

Jerk.

 

Nice guys: make dates ahead of time and show up. If something comes up, they call you, apologize, then reschedule the date.

 

Jerks: say they'll make a date without actually making the date, leave you hanging, then act like you're the crazy one when you react confused and irritated.

 

That's crazy-making behavior that is.

 

But you still love it. The jerk gives you something to talk about. Nice guy is boring.

[writergal]

LoveShack, I have set my love life upon a cast of OLD men,

And I will [with]stand the hazard of the jerks:

I think there be six nice guys in OLD total.

Two [jerks] have I slain to-day instead of him [OLD nice guy whomever he is]

A nice guy! A nice guy! My kingdom for a nice guy!

 

 

But you still love it. The jerk gives you something to talk about. Nice guy is boring.

[tpham18nm]

But you still love it. The jerk gives you something to talk about. Nice guy is boring.

 

That's the miss conception that girls have. Nice guys aren't boring. What about those bad boys who turned nice. They learned ways to properly communicate, yet still has a wild side without all the drama. Nice guys finish last because women suspect that they are boring. Perhaps women like the drama. I sometimes like bad girls. Just because they take off their clothing quicker.

[writergal]

^^I second that: nice guys are NOT boring. In fact they are the good communicators who have that edge/wild side, who don't play games with your heart.