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When it's time to have sex?


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For me, after it's been established that you are in an exclusive, committed relationship. That would generally mean 2-4 months.

 

But I heard of sex on the first date that went on to become a long term relationship or even marriage. Not gonna try that myself though, for many reasons.

 

What are your thoughts/experiences on this one?

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I had to wait with the giril I married. First night with every other girl I got serious with. Generally waited no more than 5 dates. Looks played a large part.

 

I think the differentiator is that I'm a man, and if I had sex with a girl, and I ended up really liking her, and she ended up really liking me, then all the better.

 

If I really liked her, but she didn't like me (rare, but it happened) I never regretted the sex. That's where I think men and at least some women differ.

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I had to wait with the giril I married. First night with every other girl I got serious with. Generally waited no more than 5 dates. Looks played a large part.

 

I think the differentiator is that I'm a man, and if I had sex with a girl, and I ended up really liking her, and she ended up really liking me, then all the better.

 

If I really liked her, but she didn't like me (rare, but it happened) I never regretted the sex. That's where I think men and at least some women differ.

In which way looks played a part?

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For me, after it's been established that you are in an exclusive, committed relationship. That would generally mean 2-4 months.

 

But I heard of sex on the first date that went on to become a long term relationship or even marriage. Not gonna try that myself though, for many reasons.

 

What are your thoughts/experiences on this one?

 

The only successful relationships that I've had followed your rule (ironically, sex happened in ALL of them within 2-4 months after exclusivity). Most of the successful marriages that I've seen also followed this rule (they didn't have sex for AT LEAST 2-4 months, sometimes more).

 

As someone that has had sex on first dates before, I wouldn't recommend it if you are looking for something long-term with a quality person. It can happen, but I have personally never experienced or seen it.

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How long I'd wait.

 

Oh, it pains me to say that, but it is absolutely true.

I'm a bit dumb. So the more attractive the girl, the longer you'd wait or viceversa? I guess the more attractive the more willing to wait right? Interesting.

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I waited 1 year with my first husband. 3 months with the current boyfriend. Because I'm obviously not a virgin anymore :)

 

Solid, OP. You sound like wifey material to me. ;)

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I'm a bit dumb. So the more attractive the girl, the longer you'd wait or viceversa? I guess the more attractive the more willing to wait right? Interesting.

 

Yes, the more attractive the girl, the more I was willing to wait. Which really, when examined, makes little sense. Just because you look better doesn't mean you do it better. And just because somebody looks good doesn't mean you will like them more.

 

Still, that's how it went. Good looks are a form of currency.

 

I waited 1 year with my first husband. 3 months with the current boyfriend. Because I'm obviously not a virgin anymore :)

 

First husband. Interesting. :p I'll take it on faith you mean ex, rather than what "first" implies.

 

I think a whole lot depends on chemistry, frequency of dates, and how fast it moves. Time is not nearly as important as genuine interest, but that is hard to measure when you barely know somebody.

 

I have wondered if I'd be more careful if I was female. I'm not sure. I'd probably be a little slutty. Maybe not. Maybe I'd be more tactical about WHEN I slept with someone. Difficult to say.

 

I'm wondering. You seem like a nice girl, waiting a year, and 3 months and everything. Why do you ask this?

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A couple of weeks at least. Sex on the first day means you're not the first and likely won't be the last.
Chances are this is true regardless of how long you wait.
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Chances are this is true regardless of how long you wait.

 

True, but it is a red flag none the less.

 

Congrats on the baby! I know I already told you on your thread. :)

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Chances are this is true regardless of how long you wait.

 

Shouldn't you be feeding someone right about now? What happened? Boy? Girl? Waiting?

 

I don't follow your news, but I'm interested to know. I did hear about a false alarm.

 

I don't mean to hijack the thread.

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Shouldn't you be feeding someone right about now? What happened? Boy? Girl? Waiting?

 

I don't follow your news, but I'm interested to know. I did hear about a false alarm.

 

I don't mean to hijack the thread.

Fed and passed out on my lap/arm with her little fist up under her chin, doing the "thinking man".

 

True, but it is a red flag none the less.
This is funny because I have sex when I want. When I feel comfortable, or when I simply want sex. There is no formula.
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Michelle ma Belle

In the words of Patty Stanger (Millionaire Matchmaker) "No sex before monogamy!"

 

Seriously, perhaps I'm a bit more old fashioned than most but I happen to agree with her :)

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Yes, the more attractive the girl, the more I was willing to wait. Which really, when examined, makes little sense. Just because you look better doesn't mean you do it better. And just because somebody looks good doesn't mean you will like them more.

 

Still, that's how it went. Good looks are a form of currency.

 

 

 

First husband. Interesting. :p I'll take it on faith you mean ex, rather than what "first" implies.

 

I think a whole lot depends on chemistry, frequency of dates, and how fast it moves. Time is not nearly as important as genuine interest, but that is hard to measure when you barely know somebody.

 

I have wondered if I'd be more careful if I was female. I'm not sure. I'd probably be a little slutty. Maybe not. Maybe I'd be more tactical about WHEN I slept with someone. Difficult to say.

 

I'm wondering. You seem like a nice girl, waiting a year, and 3 months and everything. Why do you ask this?

LOL yes, I hope to find the right person to eventually marry again, this is probably why I said first husband. Hope to have a second and last husband, although my value on the market is plummeting :p and who knows if I find someone compatible? Not gonna get just anyone.

 

I asked because it came up on several threads lately and I was too lazy to write on the topic on each of them.

 

I personally do not wait a set amount, but until we both have feelings that are at least somewhat solid. Sex is more intimate that way for me. And safer.

 

The looks thing...I guess you're willing to wait because you perceive a better looking woman as more of an worthy conquest. Less good looking. ...probably subconsciously thinking. ...you can get more like that. Probably not articulating these, but acting along these lines.

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I prefer to wait until there's a clear emotional attachment between me and whoever I'm dating. In my last relationship (which lasted 3 and a half years), we took our time and waited two months before having sex. By that time, we were really into each other and it was very special/way more intense than just ****ing on a first date would be.

 

I find that sexual encounters with women I have strong feelings for are far more satisfying than doing it every weekend, but that's just me.

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I could never feel comfortable enough to have sex on a first date with a stranger. I'd have to be very drunk, and i would expect not to hear from him again unless he wanted more sex. Once you have sex, the dynamics change, why not enjoy the flirty innocent bit at least for a LITTLE while?

 

I don't need to wait months, but def not the first date.

 

I haven't been single / dating in over 3 yrs now, but if I were to find myself single now, sex would probably be about a month out? I would establish exclusive dating prior.

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I was willing to wait a couple of months, but all my best relationships and my second (truly wonderful) marriage involved sex by the second or third date.

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There's no real rule for that. Funny, a friend of a friend is a girl who likes to grab a ONS every once in a while. It's happened a lot to her that guys she just wanted a funny night with later called her and asked for a date.

 

 

Can't tell of course whether those guys just wanted to get FWB going or had actual interest, but with the number of guys that had tried for another meeting (in public places!) it's hard not to believe at least 1 of them would have liked more.

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For me, after it's been established that you are in an exclusive, committed relationship. That would generally mean 2-4 months.

 

But I heard of sex on the first date that went on to become a long term relationship or even marriage. Not gonna try that myself though, for many reasons.

 

What are your thoughts/experiences on this one?

 

There is no written rule for this, and I consider myself a veteran when it comes to dating. However, one gender has the upper hand over the other. If a woman is not up for it, there is nothing a man can do about it, and trying any harder will just be foolish!

 

I have heard some women mention that their rule is 3rd date if it gets to that..I guess by their rules, this is enough time for them to gauge where things might be going.

 

Note: We are just talking sex as in intercourse here, and not fellatio, which happen more often by the 2nd date.

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Everybody is different. In my case, in every long term relationship I have been in, we had sex by the third date.

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Well, it was a whoopsie on date two for us. But we'd established monogamy on the first! ;)

 

Married eleven months later. No, I was NOT pregnant!

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