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Why is it such a bad thing for a woman to be insecure about her looks? Guys seem to think it's really bad for some reason. I don't understand why. I find that guys are attracted to my picture on an online dating site and say flattering things and that they want to meet. They seem to assume I know I'm attractive even if we do meet. I don't know any such thing or feel it. I am never sure how to take their compliments - are they just saying nice things because they are hoping to get laid and anyone will do, or do they really mean it?

 

Just recently because I expressed doubts about my looks a guy accused me of trying to put him off. I think I may have succeeded in putting him off, which is upsetting and confuses me all the more. Am I supposed to express total and utter confidence in my attractiveness? I am not that guy - how can I possibly know if he genuinely finds me attractive or why he contacted me in the first place? I feel like I'm missing a piece of a jigsaw here.

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i have been with a woman (few years a go)who insecure about her looks , she is so often to complain about her skin gettin' more tanned (it's just about stereotyped opinion about how white girl are more attractive ,here in my country) or how is her belly isnt flat , but to me she's still so special , one of the major reason is because she is so hot in bed :bunny:

"are they just saying nice things because they are hoping to get laid and anyone will do, or do they really mean it?".........if he is not so pushy to have sex with you earlier , than i would assume he is sincere..

 

"how can I possibly know if he genuinely finds me attractive or why he contacted me in the first place?" ........if i found a girl attractive i would show her some indirect signal (example:asking about how is she today, and other stuff showing that i care about her) rather than just said it to her bluntly that she's attractive , as for your second question , it's really depend on place and culture , i live in a place where most of woman are more submissive than dominant , if i dont try to initiate any contact with them i will be surely doomed as single forever , lol.

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Why would you ever express doubts about your looks - especially on a date? YES that's a turn off to everyone.

 

No you don't have to express total confidence in your looks because we all have flaws and crap we don't like. The point is to accentuate your positives, graciously accept compliments (NEVER disagree and say no or counter a compiment with a complaint about yourself) and be confident. Just say thank you. It's simple.

 

Work on your confidence. that's what's screwing with your mind when it comes to wondering why a guy is contacting you.

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Because it's trivial and shallow. It's annoying dating someone who is constantly comparing herself to other girls around her. Trust me I know. If someone decided to go out with you it is irrational to think they're not attracted to you in some way.

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Why would you ever express doubts about your looks - especially on a date? YES that's a turn off to everyone.

 

No you don't have to express total confidence in your looks because we all have flaws and crap we don't like. The point is to accentuate your positives, graciously accept compliments (NEVER disagree and say no or counter a compiment with a complaint about yourself) and be confident. Just say thank you. It's simple.

 

Work on your confidence. that's what's screwing with your mind when it comes to wondering why a guy is contacting you.

 

I appreciate your thoughts mammasita. We hadn't met and I only expressed that we didn't know if he would find me attractive in person. To me that is honest because people do not know how they feel until they meet in person. To him, it obviously put him off. I would rather not have false positivity, but be realistic.

 

I have tried to deal with my lack of confidence over the years but totally unsuccessfully. Some guys seem to find me very attractive, others don't, or at least don't contact me. It's just confusing.

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Because it's trivial and shallow. It's annoying dating someone who is constantly comparing herself to other girls around her. Trust me I know. If someone decided to go out with you it is irrational to think they're not attracted to you in some way.

 

Thanks for your thoughts on this. I do appreciate any insights. I can understand that being annoying. That wasn't what happened in my case but I can see it would seem self obsessed to be constantly making comparisons. Having doubts about your own attractiveness is not the same thing as making endless comparisons.

 

The problem with someone being attracted to you, is that you do not know why. Are they just looking for sex and they think you might be a soft touch or are they genuinely attracted? There is no way for a woman to know. We all know that guys will sleep with almost any woman if they are feeling randy. It doesn't mean they'll want to see her the next day though. Why is it irrational not to take that into consideration?

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Thanks for your thoughts on this. I do appreciate any insights. I can understand that being annoying. That wasn't what happened in my case but I can see it would seem self obsessed to be constantly making comparisons. Having doubts about your own attractiveness is not the same thing as making endless comparisons.

 

The problem with someone being attracted to you, is that you do not know why. Are they just looking for sex and they think you might be a soft touch or are they genuinely attracted? There is no way for a woman to know. We all know that guys will sleep with almost any woman if they are feeling randy. It doesn't mean they'll want to see her the next day though. Why is it irrational not to take that into consideration?

 

That's why you take time to get to know someone before you jump in the sack. Their true intentions will eventually be known. If it's just sex, they won't be around long. Someone really into you for you, will wait.

 

There's a method to all the madness.

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Why is it such a bad thing for a woman to be insecure about her looks?

 

Depends how bad it is. When you can't compliment her looks without getting into an argumentative denial then it's bad. When there's no safe or right answer to "does my bum look big in this?" it's bad. When she can't choose an outfit for the evening (and consequently she doesn't go out) because "I hate my body" then it's bad.

 

I'm sure milder cases could be less problematic.

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TouchedByViolet

Maybe upload a picture for us to see.

 

If many different men are all complimenting you then it is probably true.

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In general being insecure about one's looks is considered unattractive for people of both genders.

 

Personally to me it's a bad sign when a girl doesn't know how to take a compliment.

 

All you have to do is smile sweetly and say thank you. Just believe that he means it and don't try to look for a deeper reason.

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Maybe upload a picture for us to see.

 

If many different men are all complimenting you then it is probably true.

 

I didn't say many but some. I think all women on dating sites get compliments, it's just the way guys make an approach isn't it?

 

I don't actually like the way I look so to me it's not rational for someone to fancy me, but some seem to. Then I worry about why and thinking maybe they are just looking for someone to use until they find someone better.

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I didn't say many but some. I think all women on dating sites get compliments, it's just the way guys make an approach isn't it?

 

I don't actually like the way I look so to me it's not rational for someone to fancy me, but some seem to. Then I worry about why and being used.

 

There in lies the problem. If YOU don't like you then nobody else will.

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There in lies the problem. If YOU don't like you then nobody else will.

 

Honestly, I don't think that's entirely true. People do seem to like me.

 

But seriously, all this stuff about liking yourself and being confident and all that is popular thinking but these kinds of issues are deep-seated and maybe irreversible. You can't just 'decide' to like yourself or feel that you are attractive. I've tried various self-help, popular culture-type methods of improving self confidence and none of it worked. It's all surface stuff ultimately.

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The media is largely to blame for this. Women feel insecure about their looks because of the picture painted by western culture and what is considered beautiful.

 

It's better to be a little more shy about your looks than too proud IMO.

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There's a line for everything. I have a friend who has so many insecurities about her looks she's halfway gone to anorexia city, and still complains about her body, her face, her hair... Every. Fricken'. Time. And once she starts, she's not easily put off.

 

 

I'm a girl and I can barely stand it. Why are guys supposed to endure this?

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I think everyone has insecurities. If they say they don't, they're lying. But most people don't parade them or constantly bring them to other people's attention. That's the difference.

 

You can have insecurities and still be confident. Negativity is what's really unattractive. Not insecurity. Most people want to build their SO's self esteem. We want to love you all better! But if you're always negative and unwilling to let us do so then that's what we don't like. That's really what is unattractive to us.

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I think everyone has insecurities. If they say they don't, they're lying. But most people don't parade them or constantly bring them to other people's attention. That's the difference.

 

You can have insecurities and still be confident. Negativity is what's really unattractive. Not insecurity. Most people want to build their SO's self esteem. We want to love you all better! But if you're always negative and unwilling to let us do so then that's what we don't like. That's really what is unattractive to us.

 

That makes sense.

 

I don't see why insecurity is considered unattractive. Because a woman has had bad experiences and isn't confident about her looks doesn't make her a bad person. There are far worse sins if you ask me.

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That makes sense.

 

I don't see why insecurity is considered unattractive. Because a woman has had bad experiences and isn't confident about her looks doesn't make her a bad person. There are far worse sins if you ask me.

 

People are going to think the way they're going to think but even they could meet someone who was considered "insecure" and still fall head over heals for them. You have to get to know someone before you can deem them an "unattractive" person.

 

We're all stinky smelly onions on the inside...with many, many layers.

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