Gloria25 Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Ok, not sure how many of you may have been around when the Sex and the City's 'he's just not into you' thing came out...and the guy made a book, and I think he even had a show about it... Anywho, if a guy isn't acting his possible attraction/interest in you - then he isn't that interested? Right? And, to waste your time trying to get him to come your way is also a waste of time, right? And, to be open to him coming your way "if" he does eventually comes your way is just pathetic and desperate, right? Cuz, think about it, regardless of his reasons for not pursuing you (i.e. shyness, getting over an ex, currently involved with someone...), at the end of the day whatever it is/was that is/was holding him back isn't enough for him to make a move on you AND, if he does come your way eventually, those things that were holding him back will probably result in him breaking it off with you? Also, if he does end up with you, you were Plan B or maybe even C or D... Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Gosh, so that's why I failed before even trying. Being shy does keep my feelings to myself. So I guess the nice thing about it is I kept married women from attempting an affair. Not that I am after them, just they have nothing to hide when getting to know them. Could be that they feel protected or just confident about themselves in a laid back way. Don't know how I can help with that question with shy guys who don't think they have much about them that is interesting on the outside. Though if anything friendship does open up doors as that was how my relationships started as. So that may shed some light. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 Though if anything friendship does open up doors as that was how my relationships started as. So that may shed some light. Agreed ^^ but what if the person who's attracted to you makes it difficult for you to even interact with them on a friendly basis? In other words, you're trying to get to know them on a friendly level, but they have that barrier up... Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I don't think the fact a person doesn't make a move means there is no interest. We basically have a bunch of people sitting around and no one breaking the ice. However, I do agree with most of the book that once the first move is made, both people make an effort to make things go forward. If one slacks off or is chronically busy and unavailable, then he/she isn't that into you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Agreed ^^ but what if the person who's attracted to you makes it difficult for you to even interact with them on a friendly basis? In other words, you're trying to get to know them on a friendly level, but they have that barrier up... Well if you are friendly, they should open up after getting to feel comfy with you. Once they open up, things are easier to see. No matter how hard they keep things to themselves, eventually you will see their character show through. For me, it works better person to person, not in a group. So I guess it is easier to find trust one on one, as you are not worried about others around you. Though there was one time, when I was one on one in a moment where we were just out n about as friends so to speak. She made a few comments that I did not think about and took as they are. Thinking about it I felt awkward because the time we stood not talking. I was not sure what to make of it because I could not tell. Thinking now of what I learned here, she was as shy as I was. So, she felt the same as I, wondering what we felt for each other. Being older at the time and really never getting to know who she was, made the belief of her being interested in me a problem in accepting. If she would have said it would be nice to do this again, I would have accepted and told her I would enjoy it as well. It is one of them things, trusting what may be there, and allowing acceptance, without any expectations. In a way it sounds simple, but we all are afraid of not being turned down. My fear was not being turned down, just making it difficult on her in knowing I liked her and being older without knowing her much if anything. Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Ok, not sure how many of you may have been around when the Sex and the City's 'he's just not into you' thing came out...and the guy made a book, and I think he even had a show about it... Anywho, if a guy isn't acting his possible attraction/interest in you - then he isn't that interested? Right? And, to waste your time trying to get him to come your way is also a waste of time, right? And, to be open to him coming your way "if" he does eventually comes your way is just pathetic and desperate, right? Cuz, think about it, regardless of his reasons for not pursuing you (i.e. shyness, getting over an ex, currently involved with someone...), at the end of the day whatever it is/was that is/was holding him back isn't enough for him to make a move on you AND, if he does come your way eventually, those things that were holding him back will probably result in him breaking it off with you? Also, if he does end up with you, you were Plan B or maybe even C or D... Shyness is one thing ... After my breakup I had opportunities, but was so overcome with anxiety and distress that starting a new relationship was the last thing on my mind. Besides, I had a major project to complete and had a move planned. If there was someone eyeing me up as a prospect my disinterest in her was created by my greater interest in getting myself and my affairs in order. I had my mind elsewhere. For a guy in a committed relationship, what would you expect? For him to break things off immediately just to start dating you? Are we talking about someone you've known for a while quite intimately or just someone you're trying to get to know? Sometimes a guy isn't that into you at present because he's that into dealing with other obligations, issues and commitments that have, for the time, become central to his life. Still interested in him for who he is rather than what he could be? Then continue to engage in conversation with him. Be friendly. What's desperate or pathetic about being decent? He may come around, he may not. You may end up with a good friend, which in the long run has immense value. If he continues to be cold and distant, then that's his problem; you don't need to chase. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Ok, not sure how many of you may have been around when the Sex and the City's 'he's just not into you' thing came out...and the guy made a book, and I think he even had a show about it... Anywho, if a guy isn't acting his possible attraction/interest in you - then he isn't that interested? Right? And, to waste your time trying to get him to come your way is also a waste of time, right? And, to be open to him coming your way "if" he does eventually comes your way is just pathetic and desperate, right? Cuz, think about it, regardless of his reasons for not pursuing you (i.e. shyness, getting over an ex, currently involved with someone...), at the end of the day whatever it is/was that is/was holding him back isn't enough for him to make a move on you AND, if he does come your way eventually, those things that were holding him back will probably result in him breaking it off with you? Also, if he does end up with you, you were Plan B or maybe even C or D... There's a difference between shyness, playing a game of cat and mouse, and being not interested. Bottom line is, if someone ain't into you, they won't react to anything you put out there, they won't make any effort to get together or talk to you (general you). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Saw it. Read it. As I've said a million times, if someone is interested in you they will move mountains to be with you. It's really as simple as that. Knowledge is power. Knowing this simple fact can be transformative whilst dating. Save your dignity. No need for the dog and pony show when you learn how to play the game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Saw it. Read it. As I've said a million times, if someone is interested in you they will move mountains to be with you. It's really as simple as that. Knowledge is power. Knowing this simple fact can be transformative whilst dating. Save your dignity. No need for the dog and pony show when you learn how to play the game. Not necessarily true.... Despite having a very active life with the opposite sex, I have never once asked a woman out, cold approached, or anything in my life.....Im not shy, just not comfortable with the process..Ill never "move mountains" on a strange woman-even if I am interested...If anything, i may give off a bland cryptic signal of sorts.but i have never heavily pursued anyone....Sometimes when I think of it I dont even know how I got involved, but it was always from them making an initial move... In this day and age, where its not politically correct(and can cost you your job or a trip to the police station) for men to compliment or hit on women. I think if you are a woman in 2014 and you see a guy you are interested in you better make a move, because even if he may be interested-it may very well be that he doesnt pursue due to shyness, aloofness, or fear of being labeled a predator..IME, it seems like the more "aggressive"(in an appropriate sense) women do better with getting what they want... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Saw it. Read it. As I've said a million times, if someone is interested in you they will move mountains to be with you. It's really as simple as that. Knowledge is power. Knowing this simple fact can be transformative whilst dating. Save your dignity. No need for the dog and pony show when you learn how to play the game. maybe it is me, but i find my shyness as a shield to protect me from being overly sensitive. So until i see something to show me that they have understood me in who i am and have interests, i will not bother in showing any interests. i guess i want someone who is willing to take the time ad see me for what i am, more than attraction. Even though i hide, does not keep peeps from seeing me. As a lot of who i am is in my actions and acceptance around me. Even though my words may throw them off at times. I rather have someone speak up and say why i said it than to hold on to and judge. as most of how i say things can be taken one way or another. Yes it can be sonfusing if you only look at negative side of thngs. there is always a positive side about me, and my words. just peeps expect when i want to know. one good point is if someone is interested, they will want to know you... that is for the most part, is what i do, but in a natural way, so i am not confused by emotions or expectations. I can get alomg and understand and accept peeps that some may feel a bit difficult around. so, being so accepting of peeps, i can't allow attraction sway how and learn from others. Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Saw it. Read it. As I've said a million times, if someone is interested in you they will move mountains to be with you. It's really as simple as that. Knowledge is power. Knowing this simple fact can be transformative whilst dating. Save your dignity. No need for the dog and pony show when you learn how to play the game. Move mountains out of interest? I see you're in Montreal. I think you've also mentioned Italian descent. Lots of burning passion where you live and in your heritage. Guys are more sexually assertive. With that in mind, I see your advice making a lot of sense. But I don't think that really applies as much to some regions and cultures. Women in those places, if they were to take that advice to heart, could find themselves quite lonely and frustrated. Link to post Share on other sites
rana-rana Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Ok, not sure how many of you may have been around when the Sex and the City's 'he's just not into you' thing came out...and the guy made a book, and I think he even had a show about it... Anywho, if a guy isn't acting his possible attraction/interest in you - then he isn't that interested? Right? And, to waste your time trying to get him to come your way is also a waste of time, right? And, to be open to him coming your way "if" he does eventually comes your way is just pathetic and desperate, right? Cuz, think about it, regardless of his reasons for not pursuing you (i.e. shyness, getting over an ex, currently involved with someone...), at the end of the day whatever it is/was that is/was holding him back isn't enough for him to make a move on you AND, if he does come your way eventually, those things that were holding him back will probably result in him breaking it off with you? Also, if he does end up with you, you were Plan B or maybe even C or D... LMAO u crazy mami! I like what u say and yea so true that if he not doing his part then he not into u. Move on to a better option. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Move mountains out of interest? I see you're in Montreal. I think you've also mentioned Italian descent. Lots of burning passion where you live and in your heritage. Guys are more sexually assertive. With that in mind, I see your advice making a lot of sense. But I don't think that really applies as much to some regions and cultures. Women in those places, if they were to take that advice to heart, could find themselves quite lonely and frustrated. The fact of the matter is, every.single.time. I gave 'excuses' to the men I liked when they were not making a move or at least not making any effort to see me (as in, oh he is shy, he is busy, he got hurt ect ect) the guy was just not interested. All the significant relationships I had, the guy was doing everything he possibly could to spend time with me. Once a guy hung out with me at my place until 3am and he had to get up at 5:30am to go to work. When I talked to him the next day, he said he was tired but that it was totally worth it. That's what she means by 'moving mountains'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 The fact of the matter is, every.single.time. I gave 'excuses' to the men I liked when they were not making a move or at least not making any effort to see me (as in, oh he is shy, he is busy, he got hurt ect ect) the guy was just not interested. All the significant relationships I had, the guy was doing everything he possibly could to spend time with me. Once a guy hung out with me at my place until 3am and he had to get up at 5:30am to go to work. When I talked to him the next day, he said he was tired but that it was totally worth it. That's what she means by 'moving mountains'. You guys must have some pretty small mountains where you're from Mountain moving where I'm from refers more to making major life changes or significant personal sacrifice. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 You guys must have some pretty small mountains where you're from Mountain moving where I'm from refers more to making major life changes or significant personal sacrifice. You are splitting hair. It's just an expression. Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 You are splitting hair. It's just an expression. I know, I know. Expressions and turns of phrase are tough for me to get a feel on when they're in text, especially when I take into consideration the international flavour of LS. It's no problem when I know the person. When I don't, all I've got is their words to go by. No tone, inflection, facial expressions, gestures, pauses, etc. Just the text. So I'll try for clarity. For me it's not so much splitting hairs as trying to arrive at a better understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
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