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Your Top 5 Absolute Red Flags????


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Old 20th September 2014, 4:49 PM   #1
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Your Top 5 Absolute Red Flags????

As some of you might know, the true definition of insanity is: Repeating the same mistake over and over, whilst expecting a different result.

For those that have been married before or been in LTRs that end....it will be a no brainer to have lessons learned, and to want to emulate what you had.

So with that said, your red flags should be what guides you moving forward. As a divorced man (I ended my relation by the way...just to point this out), who is moving forward, here are my absolute top 5:

1. Needs to have a professional career i.e. earning potential and not just a job. Why is this important? Think alimony / spousal support and the divorce act rules that govern it

2. Absolute no smoker / drug user (yes that includes weed etc), heavy drinker, vulgar/swearing, bipolar, flaky

3. They are officially divorced or plain single (no separated business) i.e. no unfinished business with an ex or still go over there

4. If they have kids (not more than 2 by the way, as I have only 1), they have them 50-50. As someone who was made to fight for the 50% time, I now have a clear understand of how family law works, and realize some people want sole for table amount, and the law also allows for a woman to double dip from a step parent if new relationship breaks down. I narrowly escaped this...phew

5. They have dogs/cats...this won't work for me, and I realize that 1 in every 2 women have dogs/cats as evident in profiles and on the street. I don't want to be diversifying funds towards a vet, have a dog jump on my bed/couch, stink up the house, annoying the neighbours etc.

My list in longer than this, but these are the 5 as mentioned

What are your 5 absolute deal breaker red flags??????
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Old 20th September 2014, 4:56 PM   #2
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I don't have 5, just three.

Insecurity.
Hating all of their ex's.
Taking no responsibility.
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Old 20th September 2014, 5:02 PM   #3
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Three in a bed, when I never invited her....

Buying a pair of diamond earrings - and I don't have pierced ears....

Coming home and finding all my belongings in tea chests....

My keys not working in the locks...
Or worse still, finding total strangers have bought my house.....

A 'Congratulations! You're single again!" greeting card. From him.


The above are just attempts at humour.

To be serious?
  • Dishonesty, be it verbal or actioned.
  • Animal cruelty.
  • Abuse - verbal or physical
  • A superiority complex, or prejudice of any kind.

Those four just about cover everything, but even just one of those would make me sit up and take notice....
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Old 20th September 2014, 5:06 PM   #4
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What I can't stand about online dating is the amount of lies told in the man's online profile (probably the same for women too).

For example, if you are a recovering drug or alcohol addict, better to make reference to it in your profile ahead of time rather than drop that bombshell over coffee talk.

I just recently got back into OLD and the first guy I metup with and went on 2 dates with (first one was pre-date coffee talk so it was short and sweet, the 2nd was like a scene from the movie Psycho that I need to visit Total Recall to have my memory wiped permanently for, or I think I"ll have PTOLDS - post traumatic online dating syndrome).

Here's my top 5 red flags:

1. Unemployed and lives at home with his parents (in his 40s).

2. Has a history of money problems and substance abuse and isn't in AA or NA for ongoing treatment or recovery, and brags about run-ins with drug dealers.

3. While employed, used the state healthcare system to get free benefits and not report an income change; as a result, owes $20K to the state government! (Big Brother's always watching!)

4. Has a mental illness and is on multiple medications.

5. Driving with a suspended license and has a DUI and DWI on driving record.

My list is way longer than these top 5, but those are my iron-clad deal breakers. Yikes!
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Old 20th September 2014, 5:31 PM   #5
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^ Yes...as someone who sees it from the other side, I can assure that there are a lot of lies in women's profile. The major one is reduction in age, followed by physique (average = heavy, curvy = slightly heavy, a little extra = really heavy)
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Old 20th September 2014, 5:49 PM   #6
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I don't know how people make these lists so easily, it can really depend on the situation.

General deal-breakers

1) Smoking (this I just don't personally like)..but drug, alcohol issues and/or very serious psychologically/emotional problems/issues

2) Very unhealthy eating habits/ lifestyle

3) Poor history with men - constant self-victimizing/complaining

4) Lots of other life drama/baggage and baby daddy drama

5) Women who completely seem to lack self-control/reason/intelligence
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Old 20th September 2014, 5:53 PM   #7
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Tayken your list is similar to mine, at least 1-4

1. Needs to have a professional career i.e. earning potential and not just a job. Why is this important? Think alimony / spousal support and the divorce act rules that govern it

Earning potential is a great yardstick of life competency, forget divorce tactics, a bum on her luck loser is no fun to be around... And there are legitimate people who are a little artsy, do not earn much, but for me, I must value evidence of a career.

2. Absolute no smoker / drug user (yes that includes weed etc), heavy drinker, vulgar/swearing, bipolar, flaky

Definitely, may I add, past smoker either. I would be heartbroken if she has a bad period of time and goes back to it.

3. They are officially divorced or plain single (no separated business) i.e. no unfinished business with an ex or still go over there

Depends on the country laws, I'd say so, at least apart a year... We are people, not tools for validation.

4. If they have kids (not more than 2 by the way, as I have only 1), they have them 50-50. As someone who was made to fight for the 50% time, I now have a clear understand of how family law works, and realize some people want sole for table amount, and the law also allows for a woman to double dip from a step parent if new relationship breaks down. I narrowly escaped this...phew

Many women in the 20's-30's will either 1) want kids by us, 2) have kids, 3) be so career centric that they are not thinking of kids.
I vote for them brining a kid or two and not making, don't think we'll find too many who just don't dig the kid thing.


... Must not hold extreme opinions, it is wiser to have a gentle opinion and justification, than some extreme broadcast without facts.

The insecurity, clingy, or free agent with many male friends are also extremes that I would not attach to. Lastly know their parents. Both physical and behavioural clues are present right there, the parents might not be mimicking you, or making a show, the parents are the evidence.
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Old 20th September 2014, 5:55 PM   #8
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arrogance


self entitlement

belittles others( is mean to the waiter, check out chick...whoever .....)


prejudice

doesnt believe in god.....
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Old 20th September 2014, 5:57 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
As some of you might know, the true definition of insanity is: Repeating the same mistake over and over, whilst expecting a different result.

For those that have been married before or been in LTRs that end....it will be a no brainer to have lessons learned, and to want to emulate what you had.

So with that said, your red flags should be what guides you moving forward. As a divorced man (I ended my relation by the way...just to point this out), who is moving forward, here are my absolute top 5:

1. Needs to have a professional career i.e. earning potential and not just a job. Why is this important? Think alimony / spousal support and the divorce act rules that govern it

2. Absolute no smoker / drug user (yes that includes weed etc), heavy drinker, vulgar/swearing, bipolar, flaky

3. They are officially divorced or plain single (no separated business) i.e. no unfinished business with an ex or still go over there

4. If they have kids (not more than 2 by the way, as I have only 1), they have them 50-50. As someone who was made to fight for the 50% time, I now have a clear understand of how family law works, and realize some people want sole for table amount, and the law also allows for a woman to double dip from a step parent if new relationship breaks down. I narrowly escaped this...phew

5. They have dogs/cats...this won't work for me, and I realize that 1 in every 2 women have dogs/cats as evident in profiles and on the street. I don't want to be diversifying funds towards a vet, have a dog jump on my bed/couch, stink up the house, annoying the neighbours etc.

My list in longer than this, but these are the 5 as mentioned

What are your 5 absolute deal breaker red flags??????
I had to make comment about #5... I find it a wee humerus to see that of all things listed.

You did not say a gent could name off 5... so here I go.

1 - Open, and does not hold back what they think or feel.
2 - Strong in their beliefs and in will.
3 - Outgoing
4 - Sensible
5 - Passionate

Most men probably would refrain from such a fire cracker being #1 and #2 being strong, but when all needs and understandings are met, they become brilliant never ending sparklers.
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Old 20th September 2014, 5:59 PM   #10
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1.If she has a misandrist attitude and is incapable of empathizing with a male point of view

2.If she has a history of cheating or no moral compass when it comes to thinks like that

3.If she seems addicted to drama or men who are not good relationship partners

4.If she is a snob obsessed with status

5. If she has no self control over her impulses.
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Old 20th September 2014, 6:16 PM   #11
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One of my top red flags would be someone who has a problem with pets, such as OP #5. An inability to interact well with animals, or even empathize with those who do have animals, just seems somewhat cold and detached , almost robotic in nature.

Then comes things such as a history of violence or criminal activity, and history of cheating. History of problematic drug use, and frequent drinking.

Lack of intelligence, lack of any desire to have intelligent thought or conversation, or a disdainful or ignorant attitude towards those who do value intelligence and thought provoking conversation. Like when someone says "Books? You like books? **** books. Reading is stupid. Nobody reads anymore." - when people say something like this to me, it turns me off so ridiculously fast.
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Old 20th September 2014, 6:55 PM   #12
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Quote:
An inability to interact well with animals, or even empathize with those who do have animals, just seems somewhat cold and detached , almost robotic in nature.
Not wanting pets in your life is hardly the same as not empathizing with those who have pets. Most people that own pets, just like kids shouldn't have them to start with.

I mean yes pets / kids can be cute, but is that really a genuine reason for going out of your way to acquire one? Nothing more annoying than hearing someone complain about Vet fees, or how they can't find someone to look after their pet while they go away.
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Old 20th September 2014, 6:58 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Not wanting pets in your life is hardly the same as not empathizing with those who have pets. Most people that own pets, just like kids shouldn't have them to start with.

I mean yes pets / kids can be cute, but is that really a genuine reason for going out of your way to acquire one? Nothing more annoying than hearing someone complain about Vet fees, or how they can't find someone to look after their pet while they go away.
......this sounds so cold hearted
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Old 20th September 2014, 7:05 PM   #14
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I have a child which in itself can be tasking at times being a single professional father with a full time job with nobody paying me child support, taking him to activities and finding time for myself in the midst of all this.

Where does a pet fit into all this?????? Exactly
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Old 20th September 2014, 7:27 PM   #15
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I would add that my red flags would include if they're already married or in a r/ship, that wouldn't be my type as I need and honesty, trust, and intimacy between just me and him and not a third person.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sdrawkcaB ssA View Post
I had to make comment about #5... I find it a wee humerus to see that of all things listed.

You did not say a gent could name off 5... so here I go.

1 - Open, and does not hold back what they think or feel.
2 - Strong in their beliefs and in will.
3 - Outgoing
4 - Sensible
5 - Passionate

Most men probably would refrain from such a fire cracker being #1 and #2 being strong, but when all needs and understandings are met, they become brilliant never ending sparklers.
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