Gloria25 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Guys and gals, I'm just curious of your experiences knowing, being, and/or dating Miss Independent? She has her own home, vehicle, savings, stuff, does everything a guy would normally do around her home, educated, has career, never any kids, she's been/is single, and is in her late 30's. Would you see that as "off-putting"? Would you wonder why she's never married? Any other things you wondered and/or figured out about her? How did dating her go? Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Sounds like a female version of me! Except for the never married bit. I'd definitely want to know what her relationship history has been, only because I've had a lengthy marriage. She sounds like a great woman, one I would love to date, haha. Now if you also say she looks to her fitness and loves yoga, where can I find her?? Link to post Share on other sites
Mike B. Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I am not saying this is you but I would wonder if this is one of those women that "don't need no man." If you have that attitude then I would feel that maybe you don't need me. By the way, I have all of that except I have a kid. Some people come off as "too independent" and these people like to throw that up in your face every chance they get and they tend to not be fun to date. I would wonder why this person has never married because with all of this going on and being of a gender that practically fantasize about being marriage very early in life, why hasn't it happened yet? I am not saying that it is necessarily a bad thing because sometimes things happen but the thought would come across my mind. Usually, those with this sort of picture tend to be argumentative, difficult to get along with and easily dismissive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Would you see that as "off-putting"? Men who lack confidence in their own 'self' and their own 'masculine self' will of course see that as "off-putting"! As will wannabe so-called 'alpha males'...who lack confidence in their own self, etc., etc. But. Men who know who they are and what they stand for, and are self-assured that they won't compromise their own integrity/values for a woman or any other purpose or cause, will not see it as a threat or a caution. They will understand and accept it completely, and just enjoy the freedom that is an inherent part of what such a woman brings to the table. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I have a feeling that I'm going to become one of those women to be honest. Especially the "does what a guy would normally do around her home" part since neighbours seem rather uninterested in helping out, even when you offer them money for it. Only difference is career and house; although these two are in the making. Vehicle will be bought for me the moment I bring home my driver's license etc. It's not easy to 'know it all', and I don't know how long I could put up with it without having an outlet, or a few. Games, music, swimming and sport/stretching - not yoga or pilates though, I'm too advanced for that these days - are the best things to get your head free of troubles. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 She has her own home, vehicle, savings, stuff, does everything a guy would normally do around her home, educated, has career, never any kids, she's been/is single, and is in her late 30's. Would you see that as "off-putting"? Would you wonder why she's never married? Any other things you wondered and/or figured out about her? How did dating her go? None of those things you list would be relevant to my wanting to date a woman. My current crush has a degree, but is working a relatively entry level job and lives with her parents. One of my exes had a PhD, an MBA made 6 figures and owned multiple properties. Neither one is a better "catch" than the other (although women seem to really place an emphasis on those things). Those qualities are all pretty superficial. Here's what's important in my mind: Honesty Trustworthiness An ability to compromise Empathy and compassion A desire to communicate effectively If a woman has the qualities I listed, I will likely have my interest piqued. If a woman has the qualities you list, it's not going to matter one way or the other... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 It would boil down to her attitude. If she wore her independence on her sleeve, I would tap that but move along and allow her to wallow in her treasured independence. If she just didn't need much help because she was able to be self reliant, I'd find it an attractive quality and I might want to get to know more. I've dated girls who waved in my face that they didn't need any help from a man and they were awful to be around. All the time. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 I've always been very independent, and it was a factor in one relationship because I didn't need him. I mean, just because you're independent doesn't mean you won't appreciate a guy levelling an old door or driving you to work when your car craps out. I really don't see why capable women are a problem. The only difference is now these things are "optional" and if the man breaks a leg, the woman can take care of both of them for a little while. I mean, I've ALWAYS hoped some man would step up and make that call to the phone company when they're screwing me over or take my car to get the oil changed when I have an extra busy week or just anything at all to be supportive, but because they know I'm capable, they mostly do nothing. I have to hit them over the head with a newspaper to get their attention if I really need some help momentarily. In my peak years, I really was the strongest person I knew. Speaking only from personal experience, I attracted two types of men: Guys who didn't know they were gay yet and spectacular alpha male creative types who had more women than anyone could ever need. I always thought maybe I'd eventually find a guy strong man who was also motivated to be monogamous who was just enough of a leader to get my respect and allow me to occasionally feel like following and who not be threatened by my strength, but it truly never happened. My advice is become as strong as you can, ladies, but if you meet a man you really want to hang onto who seems to need to be needed, just find some facet to need him about and let him feel like he's doing his job. Because their urges go back years. But men, please realize that just because we can doesn't mean we want to all the time and always remember that even the strongest woman loves some pampering and will never be insulted if you want to do that for her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 (edited) None of the men I've dated would have had a problem with this and I think a big reason is because most of their moms were also this way so for them that is the model of what a PARTNER is...not a damsel in distress they are rescuing but a woman who has goals, ambitions, a life of her own and can meet them half way and where they can build a life together. They are also educated and so the women they are around and have become friends with and date are also women who are educated so that is the norm for them. To be honest, the men I've dated seem to be more into the idea of being a "power couple" and seemed to be a bit turned off by the notion of having a traditional house wife scenario. However, being self-sufficient doesn't mean you have no need for what a romantic relationship and partnership offer...it means you aren't in it ONLY for financial gains or to improve your social or economic position but that you are primarily there for love, support and pooling your resources, be they economic or otherwise. Certainly a relationship where the two people are self-sufficient is less burden than where you're supporting the other. The other night my bf was saying to me that he was telling his coworkers about how he took me to look at houses with him (he's on the market to buy a house) and they were all joking about how I'm gonna get house fever and all this crap and he'll never get rid of me if he ever wants to blah blah and he said that when we went to look at houses one of the things that he admired and told his coworkers about me was a comment I made when we were looking at a house way out of his price range and I was saying I loved it and wanted it and he said: "Maybe one day..." and I responded "Not maybe, I know I will own a home like this, regardless of if we're together or not" He said he was impressed with that attitude, where I didn't NEED him to buy me a house and wasn't with him to upgrade my life but am with him because I want to be. My bf doesn't need to pay my rent, my bills etc and I'm not at all dependent on him to sustain me. My lifestyle will remain the same whether we're together or not. I don't go around saying I don't need a man or anything like that but I think to my bf it is apparent that I like having him around and what I get from him is not about material or economic gains and for those things I'll be just fine. I do however ask him to undertake certain "manly" duties and request his assistance in other things and I'm sure he feels WANTED and appreciated but not like I am dependent on him. I think that also keeps a relationship interesting and keeps folks on their toes when they know you have options versus when they believe you aren't going anywhere because you're dependent. Edited September 18, 2014 by MissBee 2 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 (edited) Don't assume things. Get to know her better before you start judging. I'm "miss independent" but I liked being in RSs. I loved my guys and liked them taking care of me. I let them know I needed them…mostly as my handy man…but…lol totally kidding Edited September 18, 2014 by me85 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 These kind of women can do great in their love lives as long as they don't make a man feel disposable and that he matters in her life. It's the take it or leave it men are useless mentality that is a turn off and not a woman taking care of herself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Would you wonder why she's never married? Any other things you wondered and/or figured out about her? How did dating her go? Haha, this is so not how men (or at least I and those men I know personally) percieve and judge potential mates. Very woman like to wonder about that kind of stuff. But you are missing the point. Being too independent can be a turnoff to some, but that has nothing to do with being how independent you are with stuff, but how independent you are emotionally. Not promoting codependency here, but a little emotional dependency can make a person feel like they have value in your life and not some filler to be disposed of at will. Also, while not precisely being discussed, there is a fine line between confidence and (percieved) arrogance. The latter would make me walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 I am this woman, just older at almost 50. And I am not really handy around the house so I have to pay a handy man for some things. It's not that I don't want to do them, it's that no one ever taught me to do these things (my father was not handy at all). For the rest I am just a sensitive, kind woman who has been in couple of relationships but was also single for longer times. I prefer to be single rather than in a relationship where there is no real communication and intimacy, and if you ask me why my relationships failed it is because of this lack of communication and a lack of integrity. I am not worse or better than women who have been married and/or have kids but I simply have not found that guy with who I can be happy in the long run. It is a fact that I am emancipated in the sense that I expect a guy to help with household chores. I could certainly never be in a relationship where I am expected to wash a man's dirty clothes and iron his shirts. Maybe that is my problem? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 However, being self-sufficient doesn't mean you have no need for what a romantic relationship and partnership offer...it means you aren't in it ONLY for financial gains or to improve your social or economic position but that you are primarily there for love, support and pooling your resources, be they economic or otherwise. Certainly a relationship where the two people are self-sufficient is less burden than where you're supporting the other. This sums it up nicely. And about "pooling your resources": I honestly don't understand men who don't like a woman with a good job and/or a good income because it makes an enormous difference in your material wealth if you marry a woman who is financially independent. Your life will be SO MUCH EASIER if your wife has a good income because you will be able to buy and invest in things with a higher value but you will also be able to support each other should one of the two lose your job, consider a career change or go back to college. It honestly totally escapes me why any man would still want a SAHM, it seems to me that this is the most stupid thing a man can do because if the relationship will go bust, you will have to pay your a§§ of for that woman. Not that material wealth is everything but honestly, life is a lot easier when you have money and can spoil yourself from time to time. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Save for the childless and never married part, the description in the OP was fairly typical of the women I dated as a younger man. They were quite capable of taking care of themselves and their kids and living independently but liked having a man and relationship in their lives. Personally, having been married for the first time at 41, I wouldn't have seen 'never married' as a deal breaker but rather a topic of discussion in the realm of relationship history, on both sides. As people all live individual lives, such matters are necessarily individual. If minds met, they did. If not, not. If I could identify one negative factor in 'independence', gender-neutral, it would be the tendency for such individuals to default back to that perspective, mitigating the bonding characteristics of loving relationships. It's easier to 'give up' the bond when one has no qualms nor fears of going it alone in life, rather, in fact, is quite comfortable and confident about doing so. Bonds tend to be more transitory. I find people who really 'need' each other in elemental ways, especially when such interdependence is expressed in a compatible manner, to be bonded more tightly and in a longer-lived fashion. It's more difficult to break those bonds if things go sideways in the relationship. Personally, other than my female best friend of many years when I was younger who was unmarried but had a long-term (multi-decade) boyfriend, I've never met nor dated a never married woman in my life, after age 18-20 anyway. They were all married. All the women, as far as I know, were divorced, save for the ones who lied about not being married (they were) at the beginning. Some, like my exW, had been married twice. That's probably demographic-dependent. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 This sums it up nicely. And about "pooling your resources": I honestly don't understand men who don't like a woman with a good job and/or a good income because it makes an enormous difference in your material wealth if you marry a woman who is financially independent. Your life will be SO MUCH EASIER if your wife has a good income because you will be able to buy and invest in things with a higher value but you will also be able to support each other should one of the two lose your job, consider a career change or go back to college. It honestly totally escapes me why any man would still want a SAHM, it seems to me that this is the most stupid thing a man can do because if the relationship will go bust, you will have to pay your a§§ of for that woman. Not that material wealth is everything but honestly, life is a lot easier when you have money and can spoil yourself from time to time. You can blame the male bashers who preach the fish and bicycle stuff for making men want a woman who still needs him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 You can blame the male bashers who preach the fish and bicycle stuff for making men want a woman who still needs him. Totally. Being capable of being independent is an attractive quality. Wearing it on your sleeve is a complete turn off. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 These kind of women can do great in their love lives as long as they don't make a man feel disposable and that he matters in her life. It's the take it or leave it men are useless mentality that is a turn off and not a woman taking care of herself. Men become disposable for women if they make her life miserable. Some men are pretty good at that. Why do so many mid-life women divorce their men? Because they have enough of having to pamper them and never getting any love and affection in return. If a man is good company there is no reason why a woman will not show him that he matters in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Men become disposable for women if they make her life miserable. Some men are pretty good at that. Why do so many mid-life women divorce their men? Because they have enough of having to pamper them and never getting any love and affection in return. If a man is good company there is no reason why a woman will not show him that he matters in her life. Some cases are like that but it's not as black and white as you make it seem. Link to post Share on other sites
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