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DTR:: Define The Relationship


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WhatIsLove2014

I was wondering how many of you had to have the define the relationship talk or had it brought up to you? In your dating quest, did you bring up, did the person you were dating bring it up or was it not necessary to have?

 

Any of you were on completely different pages? How do you feel about the person you are dating bringing it up? Does it put you on the spot? How did it work out? How long were you dating before the DTR came up? Looking for experiences, not general advice.

 

TIA-whatislove2014

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Well dating, I have no experience. Seems that when I start a relationship we talk right away about things.

 

So I guess if one is not sure where they stand in dating, I would assume the best time to talk about defining, is best before sex becomes a factor. Unless that is what the date is for.

 

To me defining a relationship is not as bad as many think. I would think if I had a 2nd date with a person, I would be inclined to start with simplicities first as to allow deeper definitions to be shared along your relationships path.

 

I donno... I guess I prefer one on one openness easier than most. As most of the time I am not so open around others.

 

So with any relationship, defining the simplest things first, like emails over txts makes the next item in defining your relationship easier.

 

Note: My SM LDR and I always redefine our relationship. Not that we always have new things that need addressed. Just as with any relationship, growth with time allows deeper trust. As some definitions may need to be plucked or altered.

 

Oh, many think everything can be lain out and understood once you are BF/GF. Your expecting it to be, and it really is not what you think. Once you get passed dating, assuming you are in a full relationship, what items you planned out in defining may be skewed by expectations between each other. Many relationships have relied on expectations, and never clearly defined what one expects from the other. Thus great disappointment from believing the other shares mutually, as their expectations are not the others.

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That's such a broad question cuz "commitment", "exclusivity", etc. mean different things to different people, and IMO, with the changing roles of the genders in society I think there's even more confusion about the expectations in dating.

 

I tell people upfront that 'I'm looking for something casual, but if a serious situation came I wouldn't turn it down'. What does that mean? Well, I'm not looking for the white dress and white picket fence, but I don't wanna be sleeping around either. Confusing enough for you?

 

IMO, regardless of the gender roles and/or definitions in dating, everyone knows if they are looking to get married or just have company. And, IMO, that should be discussed no later than the 3rd date and/or before sex starts. I'm so tired of people just "dating" with the "let's see where this goes" statement.

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I was wondering how many of you had to have the define the relationship talk or had it brought up to you? In your dating quest, did you bring up, did the person you were dating bring it up or was it not necessary to have?

 

Any of you were on completely different pages? How do you feel about the person you are dating bringing it up? Does it put you on the spot? How did it work out? How long were you dating before the DTR came up? Looking for experiences, not general advice.

 

TIA-whatislove2014

 

Well when we first started dating, he asked me how I felt about dating more than one person. I said that I was okay with it, but not if we were sexually active...We weren't at the time...but I would never date and have sex with more than one person. At any rate, we were both on the same page with that. Two years into the relationship, and I asked what we were...He flipped. Was angry that after two years I would even have to ask. The thing is, things were just off for us, so I felt the need to ask. We broke up shortly after that. I guess it pissed him off...I'm sure that's not the only reason that we broke up, but It didn't help things any I suppose.

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WhatIsLove2014

Wow 2 years! That's a long time, I would be angry too.

 

Any more experiences? Past relationships, current relationships...how and when did you define it?

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