tcd421 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I knew she did it but said she was only looking for friends. I gave her benefit of the doubt then I saw one of her profiles and just friends would not be all she is looking for I asked her to get rid of them but has not. So now what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Stop all wedding planning immediately. Find out when if you can get deposits back. She needs to delete all of her accounts. You two need premarital counseling. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Nobody does online dating for friends. That would be absolutely unacceptable to me. What's wrong with her current friends? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 You should call off the engagement IMMEDIATELY. She obviously doesn't want to be married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 There is no reason to find a damn friend on a "DATING" site. If you don't drop her like a damn hot potato, then unfortunately you're in for a looong turbulent ride that will end like a big rig mashing at maximum speed in pitch black during a torrential downpour smack dab into a concrete wall. People find friends on myspace/facebook/instagram/coffee shops/grocery stores/work NOT match.com Not directed at you OP, but its f*$#king ridiculous when people in relationships do this and their SO accept this behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 First, she committed a betrayal of the engagement. Then she lied about it. Now she refuses to do her part to mitigate any damage. I would end the engagement, seek refund of deposits, terminate any mutual contractual obligations (mortgages, bank accounts, etc), and break up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 End your engagement and take the ring from her. Her actions show you that she isn't ready to settle down and be a wife, be committed or mature. If she truly was joining a dating site for a friend she would have been up front with it and allowed you access anytime...In fact, it could have kind of fun, the two of you checking out the site, picking guys for her friend, but no, she ruined it all by hiding it and lying to you. Who knows what the real truth is but do put your engagement on hold. BE SURE before going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 No, DON'T go forward... Forget marital counseling - this is not a situation where there is a "misunderstanding"....she is clear that she 'wants what she wants' and you can't come back from that. I bet ya if you tell us about your relationship with her, there will be more instances where it's "all about her". Initiate launch sequence and be thankful she's not preggo.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I bet ya if you tell us about your relationship with her, there will be more instances where it's "all about her". I married an all-about-her woman and it led to wasting 25 years of my life, and a living hell for years before it finally ended. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I wonder if she's subconsciously trying to undermine––wanting out. The fact that she knows that you know she's on a dating site, and that the profile does not say friends only, is way too blatant for you to misinterpret. End it now. Sometimes you have to let your head overrule your heart for self-preservation. And I agree with Gloria... this one thing is probably the tip of the iceberg. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Break up with her. She's looking for someone else already, which means she is either looking for people to cheat on you with, or to have an exit affair with (in other words, cheating then leaving). Do not marry her. Ever. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Unacceptable, as everyone has already told you. She is having serious doubts about the marriage, and is looking on dating sites to see if she could do better - or perhaps to reassure herself that she can't do any better. Either way, it doesn't say anything good about her opinion of you! Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 You've heard it all from previous posters and I agree with them. Being engaged to be married and opening accounts on online dating sites are mutually exclusive activities that are wholly incompatible. My ex fiancee did that and it didn't end well. Key difference was that I only suspected it from some strange profile-like pictures I saw on the digital camera I didn't actually have proof that that was what she was doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 And you are a door mat for staying with her. Unless there are kids involved, you are acting like a fool for just... continuing with this immature excuse for a woman! Confident and sociable women know that you don't go on dating websites to meet "friends". Really? A person in a relationship who is due to get married someday, is really unaware that you are not supposed to go online, onto dating sites, when you are in a RELATIONSHIP? She really lacks social awareness if she IS genuinely after "friends". Who does that when they are in a relationship? Hello? There are MEETUP groups that can easily be located online. WHO doesn't know that? WHO, that knows about online dating, DOES NOT know about PLATONIC websites as a medium in meeting new people?! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I just want to say, when I moved to remote part of Canada with my ex, I had no friends. It was -50 and I alone. I communicated this with my boyfriend at the time. I set up a POF wanting friends only. I did state I was in a happy relationship. I made some friends. Girls also in relationships. Soooooo it can be done. However, it is bizarre and she won't remove it? If it caused hurt I would of shut it down immediately. Just trying to bring something different to think about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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