For anyone considering or starting an affair

[blue963]

Think twice, three times, four times. Ending it is so incredibly painful. Worse than any other relationship. Just my opinion, but the truth.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Your right... Though there are two sides, the one that hurts and the one that will get hurt.

 

I admit, I have something that falls into an affair. Though, what I have at home is not average to say the least. To be honest, it is a love hate relationship. So, if I leave, it will mean she will never have someone to be there for her. As bad as it sounds, it is true. So for me it is a matter of keeping from being torn from the inside out. Being appreciated more than having sex with a lover. There are many types of affairs, just which one hurts the most or should I say will hurt the most.

 

Believe me, no man wants to go have an affair, it is the last thing on their mind. Though, if you do not see who he really is from the get go, affairs is all he may be interested in. Others, find it easier to manage than confronting mate about issues.

 

I have no way to confront, as she finds inner stability too difficult to manage even with proper treatment. It was manageable but now it is both physical and mental, from an unexpected turn of events that forever changed her.

 

Maybe I am trying to make light of your subject, but in reality there are two sides, and not many are willing to accept that they are a part of it, let alone can do anything to make things better. To me it is a 50/50 crap shoot. WIll the partner hurt more knowing, or to know there is nothing that can be done to resolve issues, because their partner has grown away from them, yet loves them too much to give up.

 

So I will always be the bad guy here, not because I show myself, it is all because this is not to be accepted. Another reason why, I don't bother being accepted. So don't worry about saying what you feel about it, as I expect peeps to be open as I about what they see and feel.

[Popsicle]

Your right... Though there are two sides, the one that hurts and the one that will get hurt.

 

I admit, I have something that falls into an affair. Though, what I have at home is not average to say the least. To be honest, it is a love hate relationship. So, if I leave, it will mean she will never have someone to be there for her. As bad as it sounds, it is true. So for me it is a matter of keeping from being torn from the inside out. Being appreciated more than having sex with a lover. There are many types of affairs, just which one hurts the most or should I say will hurt the most.

 

Believe me, no man wants to go have an affair, it is the last thing on their mind. Though, if you do not see who he really is from the get go, affairs is all he may be interested in. Others, find it easier to manage than confronting mate about issues.

 

I have no way to confront, as she finds inner stability too difficult to manage even with proper treatment. It was manageable but now it is both physical and mental, from an unexpected turn of events that forever changed her.

 

Maybe I am trying to make light of your subject, but in reality there are two sides, and not many are willing to accept that they are a part of it, let alone can do anything to make things better. To me it is a 50/50 crap shoot. WIll the partner hurt more knowing, or to know there is nothing that can be done to resolve issues, because their partner has grown away from them, yet loves them too much to give up.

 

So I will always be the bad guy here, not because I show myself, it is all because this is not to be accepted. Another reason why, I don't bother being accepted. So don't worry about saying what you feel about it, as I expect peeps to be open as I about what they see and feel.

 

It seems like you have a lot to say but your post was too vague. It's hard to tell if it's directed to or about the W or OW. It's hard to tell when you are referring to the W or OW.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

It seems like you have a lot to say but your post was too vague. It's hard to tell if it's directed to or about the W or OW. It's hard to tell when you are referring to the W or OW.

 

Your right as well... I have an odd way of sorts with my comments. Just being vaguely honest, while knowing not everyone can understand me the way I intend.

 

As long as you can ponder about it, my message as clear as I wanted it to be, as it is not meant to be taken one side or another.

 

I did say she was right in her thoughts, so take what I said as the turmoil I live with.

[Popsicle]

Think twice, three times, four times. Ending it is so incredibly painful. Worse than any other relationship. Just my opinion, but the truth.

 

Why do you feel like the ending is more painful than any other relationship?

[carhill]

My only anecdote is I ended a M and an off and on multi-decade EA at about the same time and the emotional fallout from ending the M, even if my exW and I didn't love each other anymore, far exceeded that of ending the EA. Both were 'finished business' but the death of the M certainly affected me more profoundly and I definitely had loved the prior MW for many, many years.

 

That said, I'd join the OP in suggesting thinking long and hard before becoming involved in an extra-marital relationship, on either side, in my case OM/MM. Even though they're pretty common these days, at least where I live, they take their toll, on everyone. Healthier IMO to completely finish up one R or M and then move on, presuming it's irreconcilable. There are a subset of people who seem to do OK with them (affairs) but harsh life experience educated me that I'm not one of them. YMMV!

[No Limit]

No offense but, there are people who get caught in the act at home by their kids and they still wouldn't give up on their affair.

 

The moment people get infatuated with it, they'll go for it.

[dichotomy]

Think twice, three times, four times. Ending it is so incredibly painful. Worse than any other relationship. Just my opinion, but the truth.

 

 

When it comes to affairs and them ending - who's pain is greater....WS, AP, BS....the marriage, the affair, the kids, the.....

 

Assuming who knows about it ending...I guess.

 

[RedRobin]

I've had many opportunities to get into an affair.

 

 

I've counseled a few people on how to avoid getting into an affair.

 

 

My question to them, is always "How do you want this to end?"

 

 

Because it WILL end... your marriage, maybe. the friendship that will never be because they turned it sexual or romantic. It's not like the affair partner is necessarily any better either. They will likely lose the respect of colleagues and friends... along with family attachments they developed through their primary relationship. A lot of money might be at stake too. Really pretty stupid to be deceptive.

 

 

The times I've been approached for an affair, or had a friend tell me they were having an affair, all I could think of was how they just made me expendable as a human being. That they don't care how it ends. They don't really care about me at all.

 

 

Trying to engage someone in an affair has got to be one of the most disrespectful things you can do to someone you claim to care about. Same thing with sharing the fact that you are having an affair. If your disclosure is anything other than a request for help to stop it, you've made them an accomplice. Great.