Domestic Violence Situation and it's really serious.

[Natsu21]

This incident happened two months ago, but I'm still at a loss. This will be a long thread so prepare yourselves. I wanted to post this on "Family" since this was a family issue, but families are a form of relationships and I figured I'd get more replies here.

 

On June 25th, 2014, I agreed to go with my sister on a vacation with her to Florida. It was me, my sister, my niece, and my brother heading 700 miles from my small town to the Tampa Bay, FL General Area(but I was actually in Polk County, near Davenport) She had the entire trip planned out, and since she was paying, she begged me to go to keep her company. I agreed, on the basis that my brother goes with me.

 

My mom works my autistic brother's butt off. He's 21 years old and never got to leave home. So I went just to get him to go.

 

Biggest mistake of my life.

 

During the trip down there, my sister had a series of irrational, emotional moments. It started off small...she went into a gas station and started yelling at me for telling her not to run over that turtle in the highway. (That was embarrassing. It was a 10 minute bitch-fest about how I could have gotten us killed) To constant complaining about how the feds have bugged her GPS, and saying the police are following her. After two days, we arrive in our resort.

 

The first house we get into was a mess. Not a HUGE mess, but still a mess. The air conditioner was broken, there was no wi-fi, and we had a small Tv. And there were a few toiletries missing. You know, small things that could be dealt with easily. That is, if you weren't my sister. She got on the phone and started yelling, screaming, calling people names and declaring death threats to management if they didn't come over and fix this, saying she's asthmatic. This went on for an hour, and we tried to calm her down but she ended up lashing at us too, so we walked away. The thing was, we only had a few dollars in our pocket. I was going through an I.D. issue with the state of New York(I live in Alabama) where I was born. So sadly, unless we wanted to brave the streets, I couldn't just up and walk away, at the time.

 

That night, a man came over, just a janitor, and tried to calm her down. She ended up throwing chairs and a remote, complaining that the stove was dirty(yes, the stove was dirty but that's no reason to destroy anything) and again gave death threats, saying that she was part of a gang and that at the blow of a whistle, they'd shoot up the place(with us in it, how conventient)

 

The next day, management was kind enough to give her a new place. She complained about flies being there(which I cleaned up, no biggie) and we stayed there the remainder of the vacation.

 

^That was Thursday.

 

Friday, I feigned sick when they wanted to go out to eat. In reality, my sister was making me miserable with her out of control attitude and that I didn't want to go out with her. I stayed in my room at the resort till they got back. My brother complained that my sister went up to management at Wal-Mart and threatened to sue over expired candy my sister had eaten.

 

According to my brother, she also throw a fit at Olive Garden cause the pasta didn't have enough sauce in it. Called my brother and niece the n-word children(I'm 23, my brother's 21, and my niece is 26 respective, my sister is 48) who should know their place. Glad I didn't go.

 

I starved myself, eating only snacks I had gotten and refused to eat anything from her. I felt bad at first for not complying but....the more I saw her act out, the more sure I was that avoiding her was the thing.

 

The day before the BIG INCIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I went to our neighbor's house after seeing them cooking meat. I went and chatted with them. Turns out they are an Egyptian family that moved to the states to escape the civil unrest in Cairo. I found their story so fascinating. It was going well until my sister barges in and says I'm trying to steal their daughters. At the time I didn't know them, or they had daughters. I just live in a small town and seeing people from other cultures is an extreme rarity.

 

They liked my company so much, and after hearing my story, they ended up sharing their food, which I brought back to my family since my sister was running hours late from whatever errand she was doing. They hadn't eaten in two days. Figured it would be nice for them. I said my thanks to the family and went on my way.

 

For the next few days tho, my sister kept jumping to and from the door, trying to see if the police was looking for her. Weird.

 

Then the day came that we were supposed to leave. It was around 9 in the morning, I just finished packing when I realized I lost my wallet. I ran around the place looking for it, and found it in my bottom drawer. My sister heard the commotion and told me to stop acting like a bunch of ****ing n**ger children. I told her that I was searching for my wallet and that it was important.

 

So I packed and sat down, waiting for her. She wanted to inspect our rooms so she can take pictures of it. Our beds were a little wrinkly. Just a little, but my sister stomped down the stairs and said "You better go up there and make those damn beds up or I'm gonna leave ya'll ungrateful asses here!" So reluctant, I went up there as to not cause a fuss and fixed it. She went up there and said the same thing. From it came more insults, more slurs, more insults, saying that Mom should have never adopted us, you're useless and a bunch of n-word children and she wishes we were never born.

 

So after hearing her bitch and moan for a while I said "You know, I'm not going up there."

 

She said "What did you say?"

 

"I'm not going up there. I made up my room, cleaned it up, stop being such a perfectionist. We need to go before they see us here and we're in trouble. We're already behind."

 

My sister walks up to my face, threatens that if I don't shut up she'll hurt me, then pushes me down, saying "Oh what you gonna do, huh?"

 

I was irritated, but I sat down.

 

And lo and behold, she said she couldn't leave because I had gotten her all riled up and that if she drives, she'll have an asthma attack, lose her focus and crash.

 

I said to her "Then let us go to Kissimme, catch a bus and all go home." She refused. So I said "Look, I'm not getting in a car with you like this. I'm going to find my own way home." Truth is, I only had 25 bucks in my pocket, no I.D.(refer to I.D. issues above. Long story) and just my backpack with my laptop on it and some clothes. That's all I had on my back. No cell phone.

 

So I got up and started walking out the door. Or so I thought.

 

The door was jammed, so I couldn't get out, my sister yelled for my niece and brother to grab me and keep me from leaving. I pushed them off of me and tried to get out....then my sister tackled me and wouldn't let me go, starting choking me. I wiggled myself free, stepping on her toes in the process and ruining her heels. By the time I got free, my brother and niece had blocked the doors as per my sister's orders, and refused to let me out, feeling like if they didn't do what they were told, they were going to be left here.

 

I was trapped, my sister started dialing up the police and said that the entire time I was beating on her, kicking her and calling her a cunt. She claimed to them that I was a dangerous individual who was trying to kill her, all while I was sitting down, being as calm as possible. I knew more than likely, I was going to jail, and I had long to accept it. Before the officer arrived, I was contemplating taking my laptop with me or not. In the end, I didn't trust my brother enough to keep it away from my sister, and I had no other way of contacting people. When he arrived, he gathered stories, said that he had no choice, and arrested me. I complied, and thanked me for at least taking the time to listen to our stories. My niece had sided with her mother and said that I had punched my sister(being that it was her daughter, I'm not surprised) my brother said that a fight had broken out and I was defending myself.

 

I was arrested. While I was in the back of a police car, my brother and my sis got into it and he refused to go with her back home. She smacks him and drives off, leaving the poor autistic guy stranded in a resort. Luckily the man running the place was kind enough to hold him over till mom got him. My sister ends up getting in a car accident a few hours later.

 

So I spent the night in county prison....and got out on a Pre-Trial release the next day, being charged with domestic violence(In Florida, just touching a person can get you arrested)

 

As a result of the jail taking my money, I was flat broke...and ended up homeless for a week in Lakeland, Florida, where luckily, I found a homeless shelter. Stayed there and worked a bit till I found the bus station in town and went home. The man who ran the place said that he could only get me to Atlanta originally, but, I told him my story and he made an exception and gave me an extra ticket to get back home.

 

Thank you Greyhound. I got back a week later and it turns out, my sister was arrested for public lewdness and public disturbance. Her apartment was destroyed(in a fit of rage) and she was promptly kicked out. She lost her home.

 

The state of Florida later dropped the case due to lack of evidence, but when I got back home, when asked what I should do about the case, mom told me to completely ignore it, and if a warrant was placed on me, to ignore it and just hope I don't go back to Florida.

 

Luckily, I didn't listen to her. I still followed the advice of the Pre-Trial people and called in to keep myself clean until the case was dropped. So now I'm warrant-free. Thank God.

 

But then this happens.

 

My sister gets back from her month long stint in a psyche ward, and since she had no place to stay, mom makes her stay with us, in the same house.

 

So now here's the situation...

 

7 people in one trailer...all over the age of 21. In a small town where the nearest urban area is 50 miles away. We live on one single budget....and a small one at that. None of us have jobs. I also am going through a pretty horrible identity situation(no birth certification, license, or state I.D. Should be getting all of that by November)

 

The day after she came to our house, I went to grab some breakfast, my sister saw me and completely lashed out.

 

Tried to grab the phone and call the police, but mom stopped her.

 

I am literally at my wit's end. Every day here, our family seems to fall more and more apart.

 

I'm poor, no money, no car, nothing. My small town has only 600 people in it and there are no jobs to be had. Nearest city is 50 miles away.

 

So tell me guys, what should I do? You think once I get my I.D. back, I should make arrangement to move out despite my lack of materials?

 

I want a job and sadly, there is none to be had here, and my family has lost it.

 

Suggestions on what to do?

 

I'm freshly out of college.

Edited September 2, 2014 by Natsu21

[amaysngrace]

I'd contact some of your friends from college and see if any of them are going to need a roommate around November and hang in there until then.

[Natsu21]

I'd contact some of your friends from college and see if any of them are going to need a roommate around November and hang in there until then.

 

Sadly, that isn't as easy as it sounds.

 

I've come to grips that I might very well have to start off being homeless.

 

But it's the only way for me to have a shot at finding work.

[sid3]

Your sister sounds like a meth head. I'd find a way out of your current environment, whether it be through church, school, whatever. I doubt you'll have to go the homeless route. Find a cruise ship to work on, or some hotel/ resort that offers room and board with employment. I'm sure there are even government jobs in some of the national parks that provide housing.

[amaysngrace]

Your sister sounds like a meth head.

 

I was thinking schizo. But your ideas are good ones. Especially the cruise line.

[preraph]

You need to be writing down a log of these incidents and see if you can get your sister to write any of her bile down or put it on voicemail or text and then go to the cops and get a restraining order. Also, you might try to find a women's shelter, not just a homeless shelter, and they can maybe guide you or find you a safe house.

[Natsu21]

In case anyone needs to know.

 

I'm a GUY.

 

Currently without I.D.(no birth certificate or state-given I.D.)

 

 

Natsu is actually a character from one of my favorite animes.

 

He's awesome.

 

But yeah, the fact is getting out of that situation is only part of the problem.

 

My town is so small they offer absolutely no services that could help people like me.

 

Getting out of town and going to the nearest city is also the next step I want to take.

[Natsu21]

I was thinking schizo. But your ideas are good ones. Especially the cruise line.

 

I like that idea too. I'll look into it.

 

So far, the best idea I have is to first arrive in the nearest city, and use its programs as an advantage to get me out.

 

But still, I'd like some suggestions.

 

What can a 23 year old guy with little job experience(or none) do? I need to leave home and my town as well.

 

Keep the suggestions coming. Thanks.

[Natsu21]

I was thinking schizo. But your ideas are good ones. Especially the cruise line.

 

Actually, she is schizophrenic.

She hears voices in her head, she thinks the feds are out to get here, and she's only calm when she takes her medicine.

[preraph]

I'm sorry I assumed you were female. Yes, it makes your situation even harder to deal with. She's schizophrenic and they're not usually violent, but she is so you're going to have to get her out of your life. And don't worry what your mom thinks about it. She's a mother. She can deal with her but you don't have to. I think you should contact the police. Do it from a bus if you have to to have privacy and tell them what is going on and how she falsely accused you and that she is schizophrenic and how she will call the police anytime she thinks you're going to to beat you to it. Go there and make a complaint if necessary. It may be that you can call in Health and Human Services or Adult Services or whatever it's called in your area for a home visit. She needs help. But she's dangerous so get out of there OR get her out of there. I think you mentioned a landlord earlier. Why don't you go to the landlord and try to get him to evict her but not you.

[somedude81]

You should be recording every time your sister goes on one of her rants. Do it secretly if you have to.

[amaysngrace]

Actually, she is schizophrenic.

She hears voices in her head, she thinks the feds are out to get here, and she's only calm when she takes her medicine.

 

They make shots for that where the person only has to go once a month or something. Without medication she can be a danger to be around.

 

You don't want to mess around with that illness. It's incurable and your sister isn't the person you once knew her to be.

 

Why did you say okay to go away with her? And why is she allowed to be living around all of you if she isn't medicated?

 

What does your mom say?

[Maleficent]

You should be recording every time your sister goes on one of her rants. Do it secretly if you have to.

 

Good idea. Prove her that her paranoïa that she is being watched are true. That'll work.

 

OP, if your sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia, she should be under medication constantly. However, when they are entering a psychosis period, there isn't much you can do but let it pass.

 

If she becomes a danger to herself or others you will have to contact authorities.

[Natsu21]

They make shots for that where the person only has to go once a month or something. Without medication she can be a danger to be around.

 

You don't want to mess around with that illness. It's incurable and your sister isn't the person you once knew her to be.

 

Why did you say okay to go away with her? And why is she allowed to be living around all of you if she isn't medicated?

 

What does your mom say?

 

It was my mom's vehicle: her car was taken away(apparently she missed out on payments and it was re-possessed.

 

Mom had warned me not to go with her, because my sister was bossy and we'd have a miserable time. She didn't know my sister was mentally ill. We found out on the trip after I was jailed. Till then we just thought she was just a bitter woman.

 

We were wrong. I went on vacation with her in an effort to cheer her up. None of us REALLY realized how crazy she was after the truth. Before it was revealed, she had told my mom that I had hit her, and my mom BELIEVED her, and left me there to fend for myself in Florida, at least until mom realized she was lying.

 

As for what you guys think, it's me, my two brothers, my sister, and her two children all living in mom's double-wide trailer. That's 7 people.

 

Because she was crazy, she got arrested and as a result, she was kicked out of her apartment. Because she had no where to go, mom took her in. Her kids(all of them grown) are already living with us.

 

Till the case was dropped, I had a court order stating that I wasn't allowed to be 500 feet near her. Mom refused to listen to it though.

 

I'm going to follow my gut. My house is a potential danger zone period.

 

I already talked about it to mom.

 

once I get my I.D. situated, I'm moving out ASAP and pursuing work in other places.

 

I'm going to a city. Small towns are terrible for work. I may not have a home but I'll figure it out on the way. At least I'll have a chance at working.

 

And yes, I'm a male. And that is what makes this whole ordeal 10 times hard. Just because I was a male, I was instantly charged with domestic violence by hearsay. Thank God the case was dropped.

[MidwestUSA]

Goodness, I just want to hug you. How horrible.

 

I love that cruise ship idea, not sure how you feel about it. At your age, you could really hustle.

 

 

Best of luck whatever you decide.

[somedude81]

Good idea. Prove her that her paranoïa that she is being watched are true. That'll work.

 

OP, if your sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia, she should be under medication constantly. However, when they are entering a psychosis period, there isn't much you can do but let it pass.

 

If she becomes a danger to herself or others you will have to contact authorities.

 

If he was recording the conversation at the resort, he wouldn't have been arrested and gone to jail....

[Natsu21]

If he was recording the conversation at the resort, he wouldn't have been arrested and gone to jail....

 

Resorts typically have security cameras watching your every move.

 

I don't need a recorder. House already has one.

[Natsu21]

I'm sorry I assumed you were female. Yes, it makes your situation even harder to deal with. She's schizophrenic and they're not usually violent, but she is so you're going to have to get her out of your life. And don't worry what your mom thinks about it. She's a mother. She can deal with her but you don't have to. I think you should contact the police. Do it from a bus if you have to to have privacy and tell them what is going on and how she falsely accused you and that she is schizophrenic and how she will call the police anytime she thinks you're going to to beat you to it. Go there and make a complaint if necessary. It may be that you can call in Health and Human Services or Adult Services or whatever it's called in your area for a home visit. She needs help. But she's dangerous so get out of there OR get her out of there. I think you mentioned a landlord earlier. Why don't you go to the landlord and try to get him to evict her but not you.

 

What bus system? I we live in a village like setting, lol.