farmerjohn1324 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I was arrested in 2009 when I was 22 years old for something I did when I was on drugs that I vaguely even remember doing. Since I've gotten out, I've noticed some girls will immediately disqualify you if you have ever been arrested. It was not violent and not sexual. What if I am financially stable and make a living renting homes, and I am actually technically retired at age 27. (I could retire if I wanted to, but I choose to buy and rent more homes). Would this one criminal incident be a disqualifier? If you must know, I was arrested for "cyberstalking." Basically, a girl made plans to meet me, then she backed out, and I got high on acid, and started typing 1000 messages online that I don't even remember doing. And I feel bad about it and all that, and of course don't do any drugs any more. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Im not a woman, but that type of arrest is going to scare the hell out of just about any woman...Outside from the drug use/abuse(which some eill have a problem with on its own)..Stalking reeks of controlling type behavior, which is probably the number one reason a woman will drop a guy-outside of infidelity... TFY 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Would this one criminal incident be a disqualifier? Some people would consider having a criminal record to be a deal-breaker, yes. I often find that it comes up in conversation (ie, the woman asks me) within the first half dozen dates, usually asking if I've ever been arrested. I don't think I've ever had friends or colleagues asking this, so I assume it's a dating-specific question in the sense that some of these women would make a decision about whether to continue dating me based on my answer. If you must know, I was arrested for "cyberstalking." Basically, a girl made plans to meet me, then she backed out, and I got high on acid, and started typing 1000 messages online that I don't even remember doing. And I feel bad about it and all that, and of course don't do any drugs any more. I can see how that information would discourage some women who may be concerned, or even frightened, that they could become a future victim of such activity. I expect you'll have to do some more explaining about the points you mentioned in your last sentence to give confidence to your future dates that such events aren't going to happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartDesires Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Would this one criminal incident be a disqualifier? Yes....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author farmerjohn1324 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yea I know. But I don't do drug any more, and you could contribute the whole thing to that. But I wasn't "stalking" in the sense of knocking on someone's window or anything like that. I would call it "typing under the influence." In 2009, I got high and started typing a bunch of crazy stuff for 18 hours in a row. I think the longer it is since it happened, the more it will go away, and all it really takes is to get one person to overlook it. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yea I know. But I don't do drug any more, and you could contribute the whole thing to that. But I wasn't "stalking" in the sense of knocking on someone's window or anything like that. Would you call it "harassment"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author farmerjohn1324 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yes....... Why would it be? Even if the person didn't do anything intentionally, they were just on drugs. And if they were different and didn't come across as threatening (which I don't), why would this be such a disqualifier? I have heard some say "they only date guys with records if they have a thriving business, or are financially set" or something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 If you must know, I was arrested for "cyberstalking.".....I got high on acid, and started typing 1000 messages online that I don't even remember doing. And I feel bad about it and all that, and of course don't do any drugs any more. And you were incarcerated for this....alone? No priors, no other acts, no aggravation? Assuming the truth of your story, the messages must have been inflammatory indeed....most likely highly specific and gruesome and plausible threats of assault or death, which terrified your victim...? Please clarify every act charged against you, and be specific. We really need to know to be able to answer your question. Even if the person didn't do anything intentionally, they were just on drugs. During your time in the criminal justice system, you may have learned that the law treats any acts done during your voluntary intoxication as your deliberate acts. Getting yourself stoned or bonkers on substances does not give you a free pass to misbehave in the eyes of the law. And people generally feel the same way. Also, drugs may lower your inhibitions, but they are less likely to create feelings and proclivities out of nowhere. So I would see your "cyberstalking" as a very dangerous indicator. Third thought: You won't be able to truly move past this episode until you take ownership of it. Right now, you're minimizing and also tending to put responsibility on another for your own acts. To me, this indicates you haven't learned and haven't changed. So you still have some serious work to do. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I think many could look past the drug conviction, esp. since you were young and dumb, but the stalking thing will raise red flags for any level-headed woman. I'm curious how this crime appears (like how it's phrased) on public records/databases. If the actual word "stalking" is in there, you've definitely got an obstacle. However, I will say that if you find an open-minded woman who experimented with drugs herself, she might be more willing to hear your story. Someone who knows firsthand just how dramatic the effects of acid can be would be more understanding of the irrational behavior you displayed. I dated a guy once who fessed up about Date 4 that he'd spent time in prison for drugs. When he was about 19, he stupidly mailed some acid to a friend. I looked it up extensively online and his story checked out. I was able to see past that; in fact in a way I appreciated the wisdom and experience it had given him. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Personally I wouldn't, but that's just because of my family history (or rather, the history of my father...). But I doubt that this will be seen as affront by all women; like already mentioned, especially when they had their own bad days in their youth you'll probbaly both just laugh over each others' childishness. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Im all for second chances, if he can come out of prison and stand on his own two feet. 1000 messages? You must have been on one helluva trip! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 OP, I took a look at our code (CPC 646.9) regarding what you were apparently convicted of and it provides a fairly low hurdle, especially with credible evidence like online messages, hence pretty easy to be convicted, especially with an assertive prosecutor. Couple things, based on life experience with women: 1. With a stranger, this kind of stuff, now that it's easy to find online, can certainly be an inhibition to even meeting such a man, much less getting to know him. Conventional wisdom says 'Well, he got caught for this. What else has he done?' 2. Such inhibitions can be mitigated by emotional attachment. Those women I met over the decades with arrest records/histories of questionable behavior were quite adept in meting out such disclosures over time as they observed emotional attachment. That sword cuts both ways, made a bit more difficult these days with readily available records online. Still, IME, a woman who is emotionally attached and attracted is more likely to minimize such past actions/consequences, especially if in the distant past, like in your case. I've known enough women married to men with known criminal records, both white collar and violent crimes, to accept that such disqualifications can have exceptions, and such exceptions are made on a routine basis. Everyone is different. That said, IMO it's reasonable to expect the average woman to be concerned if such evidence is discovered or disclosed. What results turns upon their personal perspective on such matters and the milieu of the relationship/dating interaction. If you're a smooth talker and attractive, your chances improve. Good luck with your land-lording and let the lesson from the past guide you in future interactions in that realm, with advice from legal counsel. A problem tenant can also have a field day with your past criminal record should you need to be assertive in resolving landlord-tenant disputes. Happens. Thanks for the head's up provided by researching this. Times, and thresholds, change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yes, it would be a deal-breaker. And since I know you will ask why, it is because I have never had trouble finding a good man who does not have a criminal record, so there is absolutely no reason for me to compromise on that requirement. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Having had past experience with a cyberstalker I would no more date one than jump off the roof flapping my arms. I wouldn't blame it on the acid. I've done acid, and I never had the impulse to stalk someone while doing it. That came from inside you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yes, it would be a deal-breaker. And since I know you will ask why, it is because I have never had trouble finding a good man who does not have a criminal record, so there is absolutely no reason for me to compromise on that requirement. What if you had found the very best man of all the good men you'd ever met and his one instant of delinquent behaviour came to light only after you had fallen for him? Say what you will for how you believe you would react. Maybe you would have the constitution to drop him then and there. But my experience has been that most people rarely behave in accordance with their professed principles when powerful emotions have taken root. There's a lot of psychology research to back this up. This isn't to say we shouldn't lay down rules through which to lead our lives, just that as much as we'd like to believe they are embedded in concrete, their foundations are surprisingly frail. OP - Have you learned from your experience? Do you understand how your actions were wrong and how they caused harm to others? Do you have a more intimate knowledge of yourself, who you are and what you want from life? Have you made strides to improve yourself and your standing, in your eyes and in others? Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I guess maybe because I've dated and met so many men that I'm a bit more open minded. I've met and dated some pretty terrible nice guy and Christian guys. I don't judge someone so much by their outside labels. A guy can be an excon and still be a wonderful boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 It would scare the crap out of me, for several reasons. Drug use, for one, is something I don't tolerate. I've been stalked before. Someone who actually has a criminal history directly related to stalking would seriously scare me. I'd never feel safe. Ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 This should come up long before there's any talk of reproduction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Depends on the crime. To be honest, I'd be more leery about the drug use issues and about whether or not that may become a problem again, more than simply the criminal record. I won't lie, any crime dealing with stalking or drug use puts my antennae's up and I'd fear a relapse. If someone was arrested for shoplifting though for example, I'd have an easier time seeing that kind of thing as a foolish mistake they once made whereas cyber stalking seems to be something that is a personality type and addictive personalities are also a type that I think is more likely (although doesn't have to) to relapse. Link to post Share on other sites
TayTay415 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Saying you were arrested when in reality you spent time in prison is like saying you lit a match when you actually blew up a barn. No one does hard time for sending a sh*t load of emails over 18 hours. What's the real story here? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TayTay415 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 This should come up long before there's any talk of reproduction. Best post all day. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Yea I know. But I don't do drug any more, and you could contribute the whole thing to that. But I wasn't "stalking" in the sense of knocking on someone's window or anything like that. I would call it "typing under the influence." In 2009, I got high and started typing a bunch of crazy stuff for 18 hours in a row. I think the longer it is since it happened, the more it will go away, and all it really takes is to get one person to overlook it. What would worry me the most is that you don't own up to what you did. You keep making excuses - blaming the drugs, trying to make it look as 'not so bad afterall'. If the woman went as far as to press charges, she must have been really ****ing scared by the content of these emails. If you were accused and recognized guilty, it means that according to the law, what you did was in fact cyberstalking. Man up, admit you did it, it was stupid, you regret it. You got older and matured in the last 4 years it's part of your past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author farmerjohn1324 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 When I say I "took some acid," I don't mean once. I mean about 1000 times over the course of 18 months, to the point where someone would talk to me, and I'd think it was god sending me a message. Typed 1000 messages, got restraining order, did it again. Nothing threatening, but yes angry ranting. Link to post Share on other sites
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