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What do you girls/women think of PUA stuff?


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farmerjohn1324

Everyone knows about the book by Neil Strauss called "The Game" and how it talks about a character named "Mystery" who introduces himself by doing magic tricks, and a person named Ross Jeffries who tries to use hypnotism.

 

I know that nearly everyone has read these books and the online forums they suggest, and I also know that the guys on those online forums are generally pathetic.

 

I have heard girl in the real world say how awful it is when a guy tries to use that "pickup" stuff on them.

 

But is there any relevance to this at all, or do you think it's just all pathetic.

 

Honestly, I (27 year old male) can see how it's kind of corny, but some of the stuff in it is good, such as where it talk about Male = survival value, Female = reproductive value, which actually has some relevance.

 

What do you think about this stuff?

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farmerjohn1324

Yes, I know, but also for example I just posted asking good things to say other than the standard "where do you work" stuff, and I got a list of things I could say.

 

One might call this "canned material," right?

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One might call this "canned material," right?

No...broadening one's base of knowledge is called learning. In this case, also personal development, building conversational and relationship skills.

 

The stuff that suggests you need to "trick" or "hypnotize" or "glamour" (manipulate, coerce) someone to become romantically or sexually interested in you...is not the same as researching for sake of long-term betterment on best, most appropriate clothes, behaviour, activities, etc.

 

You know what really, really works? A guy who has taken the time to learn proper and a variety of sex techniques. But of course that's more something that the woman will find out for herself, in due course ;)

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It is really easy to pick up women and get there number. But then what???

 

You need to have relationship skills if you ever want to have a girlfriend for more than one week.

 

Also from all the post that you have written I gather that you should concentrate in graduating from grade school before you try becoming a mpua.

 

write now you are not even considered a AFC

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farmerjohn1324

Actually I have turned down 100 girls for every 1 that I've slept with. (and this is the truth)

 

But then I did something stupid, got arrested, and am now readjusting to society a few years later.

 

And I didn't mean to trick or hypnotize anyone. I meant to be genuine, but just how to expand a conversation to more than "what do you do for work, etc."... most people I can just look at and think "you wouldn't be someone I would want to make a baby with, so there is really no point in this is there?"

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I know that nearly everyone has read these books and the online forums they suggest, and I also know that the guys on those online forums are generally pathetic.

 

I highly doubt that nearly everyone has read them.

 

What do you think about this stuff?

 

If reading about PUA gives men confidence to respectfully approach women and ask them out then it's a good thing. If it results in encouraging men to believe they have an entitlement to dating then it's a bad thing.

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It is really easy to pick up women and get there number. But then what???

 

Use it. Call her and invite her out on a date. The invitation should be fairly specific as to activity/location/timing so that she can assess whether to accept the invitation.

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farmerjohn1324

I (a 27 year old male) find the people in that book to be a little offensive. Not that I take them all too seriously, but the "hypnotist" Ross Jeffries is pretty creepy, and the whole thing is pretty chauvinistic.

 

But basically my confidence was shattered after being released from incarceration and realizing that people don't want someone who was just in jail. It's off-putting to normal society folk.

 

I spent a few years locked up with violent criminals (which I am not a violent criminal) but nobody seems to care or be impressed.

 

It's just a readjustment thing.

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farmerjohn1324

It is really easy to get a girls number? Then how? Tell me how easy it is.

 

Back in the day, I just used to meet people, male or female, just by hanging out, selling/doing drugs, etc., and think nothing of it.

 

Please tell me how easy it is. How do you do it?

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It is really easy to get a girls number? Then how? Tell me how easy it is.

 

Engage in conversation. Ask for number.

 

Often you'll get no number. Sometimes you will.

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farmerjohn1324

That was simple. Perhaps I've been overthinking this. Or perhaps I've been spending too much time at home (on house arrest and such).

 

But here's the trick.... how to make the conversation not boring and dull "where do you work, etc." and not so probing, "so, do you ever want children? do you think you would make a good mother?"...

 

Some middle ground.... "what do you do for fun?"... it's not really as easy as it sounds....

 

go out and DO WHAT? For what purpose? To waste time? To eventually make babies, or potentially find out if you might want to make babies?

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That was simple. Perhaps I've been overthinking this. Or perhaps I've been spending too much time at home (on house arrest and such).

 

But here's the trick.... how to make the conversation not boring and dull "where do you work, etc." and not so probing, "so, do you ever want children? do you think you would make a good mother?"...

 

Some middle ground.... "what do you do for fun?"... it's not really as easy as it sounds....

 

Talk about what interests you. If that's the colour of her nail polish, or the weather, or what you saw on the news, or asking about her job, or whether you or she wants babies... talk about it. You can't predict whether she'll find it interesting enough to keep talking to you, or whether she'll find you attractive enough to want to keep talking to you. Asking about babies will probably be a bit too much for a complete stranger, btw.

 

go out and DO WHAT? For what purpose? To waste time? To eventually make babies, or potentially find out if you might want to make babies?

 

 

For the purpose of having an enjoyable time and getting to know someone, and perhaps also the last point about babies.

 

 

Just get a t-shirt that says "I want babies." It'll be a talking point.

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There is a lot of good PUA material which is very effective, but largely forms what is called 'common sense and basic social skills' by guys who've never had shyness or social anxiety or a general lack of success with girls. And of course there is a lot of cringeworthy advice too.

 

The thing is, if you take a bunch of socially awkward guys and try to teach them how to interact with women, with the best advice in the world they are still going to be socially awkward. So of course girls can spot these guys a mile away. Because you'd spot them a mile away whether they were trying to use PUA skills or not.

 

How many threads do you see in these forums from guys who never know when to kiss a girl, guys who are terrified of rejection when taking that first step, guys who genuinely don't know when they're getting a green light to make a move? It's happens constantly. And often from genuine guys with good intentions.

 

Now if you tell those guys to stand closer than normal, look into her eyes, play with her hair, give her a hug and see if she lingers or any one of a dozen other ways a socially competent person might try to see how comfortable a woman is with him, then you've just given the guy PUA advice.

 

Or have you just improved his social skills?

 

PUA is about a whole lot more than canned material and silly tricks.

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That was simple. Perhaps I've been overthinking this. Or perhaps I've been spending too much time at home (on house arrest and such).

 

But here's the trick.... how to make the conversation not boring and dull "where do you work, etc." and not so probing, "so, do you ever want children? do you think you would make a good mother?"...

 

Some middle ground.... "what do you do for fun?"... it's not really as easy as it sounds....

 

go out and DO WHAT? For what purpose? To waste time? To eventually make babies, or potentially find out if you might want to make babies?

Part of your readjustment difficulties may simply be that you haven't engaged yourself enough in meaningful hobbies and healthy habits.

 

What are you doing for yourself now that you feel very passionate about? What are some interests that you wish to explore? How do you care for yourself and your needs?

 

Another big question I'd be asking myself after getting out of prison is: How has that whole experience changed me? I'd ask people who know you well (prior to incarceration) to get some honest feedback on how you've changed. You may be surprised by what you hear. I wouldn't rule out some form of PTSD. It's not uncommon for men to shutdown a big part of their emotional selves to survive those kinds of situations. The difficult part is processing all that repressed pain and learning to reconnect with the original "you".

 

A huge part of successful dating and attraction is having a fulfilling life that you wish to share - short term or for the long haul - with others. It's much easier to have genuine relationships with others when launching from a solid foundation.

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Might as well answer the Q on PUA:

 

When it's seduction with openly honest intentions, no worries.

 

When it's manipulation with a hidden agenda, it's deplorable.

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todreaminblue

I think there's an underlying arrogance in pick up artist stuff that assumes women wont see through it.....theres also a web of deceit, bad behavior and ignorance that is embraced as being the way to "get " a woman.....

 

 

they call it mastery......its not mastery...women dont need masters to pick them up......just genuine sincere and honest guys who dont change after six months when the guy feels comfortable to reveal who he truly is........i think any book or plan that uses dishonesty, arrogance or ignorance to procure a date with a woman and keep her..........is not an honorable thing....and honor is a good trait from a guy to have,definitely not a pick up artist book sitting on his bedside table or coffee table freshly read and book marked....to me, it shows lack of true depth...i do notice when i go to guys house the books they read.....if i were to see a pick up artist book.....it would turn me off.......deb

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