YelloJane Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 (edited) So, personally i won't have sex with someone unless is serious, i have literally been with one guy all my life and now thats officially over. Every guy even before my ex its always wanting to lay the first time. When i refuse obviously communication then stops. I just don't want to be physically intimate with someone unless i see it will go somewhere, i personally do not believe in one nights stands etc. i just wouldn't want to waste my time on something thats a nothing and end up regretting it like hell later because i just know i will. How long would you say its the right time to have sex with someone after meeting them? I am not brave enough to be honest to do it at all, not even kissing am such an old school type of girl even though i am in my mid twenties. is this bad? I mean idk. I guess i just don't want to rush in to sex and also never hearing from them again either. Edited August 30, 2014 by YelloJane Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 There is no objective "right time". It varies from person to person. Any guy who stops communicating with you because you won't have sex with him after the first date isn't a guy worth having in your life. Let them go hang around with the skanks on Baltic avenue. Meanwhile, you'll be hanging out on say, New York avenue, or even Ventnor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Being a virgin this is a topic I spent some time thinking about. Unlike most I'm everything but nervous about having my first time someday; but I won't give that away right on the first date. And not while in the "dating stage" either to be honest, rather when we're the official couple. But yeah, everyone that pushes for it and then ends contact when I refuse can definitely do it with someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 So, personally i won't have sex with someone unless is serious, i have literally been with one guy all my life and now thats officially over. Every guy even before my ex its always wanting to lay the first time. When i refuse obviously communication then stops. I just don't want to be physically intimate with someone unless i see it will go somewhere, i personally do not believe in one nights stands etc. i just wouldn't want to waste my time on something thats a nothing and end up regretting it like hell later because i just know i will. How long would you say its the right time to have sex with someone after meeting them? I am not brave enough to be honest to do it at all, not even kissing am such an old school type of girl even though i am in my mid twenties. is this bad? I mean idk. I guess i just don't want to rush in to sex and also never hearing from them again either. If this is how you feel, then stand your ground. Wait until you are pretty sure they plan on sticking it out with you long term. How long that takes is up to you and him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Go with what your values are. If having sex is a strong value that you believe should not happen until a certain point, then stick with that. I know people can change their thoughts on things like this over time, but go with how you are feeling right now. I hugged my recent ex girlfriend the first time we went out and we had tremendous chemistry from the get go. We started getting physical on the second date (kissing and touching), but did not have full on sex until about a month in. We wanted to get to know each other a little more, but it didn't stop us from having a lot of foreplay as we eased up to having sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I rather know a girl for at least a month before I have sex with her. If we meet online, then no sex until after the third date. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I would go with 3 weeks to a month...but seeing them on a very regular basis, like 3 or 4 times a week....I want to spend a lot of time with them before anything happens, none of this 3rd date business. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author YelloJane Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 (edited) you guys are awesome, great views on here. I feel like such a looser though, you would think i would learn by now but i just really do feel that not all guys are alike and that despite my failure in my almost 9 year relationship, i don't hold any resentment. I still believe strongly in love and i still strongly believe that there are guys out there that are worth it that are amazing and that will show respect as well. I guess i am just really disappointed since this one guy i was talking caught my interest right away and he was really into me too much i would say, i feel all insecure now but i just do not want to be added to that reputation we women have let ourselves take over. Now a days sleeping around or even so soon after meeting is such the norm that i guess that is what most of the guys feel it is what it is. Kinda disappointing really. This guy was really into me but he didn't even get a kiss from me other than on the cheek lol i just don't want to be rushed honestly, and i don't want to play games either. If having sex on the first - 3rd date means future relationship, then i am pretty much doomed now i feel i won't find anybody else and to be honest i am 26 and i feel scared that its me and that i won't find another chance and that my time is running out. He told me to text him once i got home to make sure i was safe and the next day i didn't hear from him again. I texted him he responded like once and then i never heard from him again, i asked him to hang out and nothing didn't hear from him at all communication stopped completely. I erased his number i am not naive either i get the hint. Edited August 31, 2014 by YelloJane Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Now here are some guidelines you can go by....flirt, flirt a lot to keep his interest, dress sexy not slutty. By letting him know you desire him will hold his interest, you don't need to open your legs for that. Kissing on the first date , why not?? You can't be frigid, you got to give him something....let the sexual tension build up.Going to his place, or yours? no not until you want sex. If you say yes to going his place, to him that mean you are saying yes to sex. If you are still struggling with your transition from being married to single, then don't try to jump into finding a relationship. Go out on dates to have fun, make friends, whatever, just keep it casual until you feel more comfortable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 There is no right time that is the same for everyone. Personally, I think all men should have a t-shirt that says how long a girl should wait to have sex with him. That time would be long enough for the man to not think she is a slut and not too long for him to think she is a a prude. Also, he should wear that t-shirt on the first date. No.More.Problems. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 When I was single I liked to at the very least wait till dinner on the first date I think as long as you both respect each others time frame then any time frame is good.. 3 dates to 3 months.... it's all good... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 hah most men would be wearing on the first date tshirts. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 It's a personal choice. I'd be willing to wait 2 or 3 months (probably not more), but in reality I've never had to wait more than 2 or 3 dates before SHE decided it was time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 I personally need at least 6 months. The first girlfriend I had I did not have sex with her until I got 10 months of time in. She said it's about time and asked me what took me so long? Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 hah most men would be wearing on the first date tshirts. GREAT! This would allow us to weed out the douchebags! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 GREAT! This would allow us to weed out the douchebags! Even if a man agrees to wait you don't know that he is not banging other chicks on the side while he waits for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 As early as the first date. My most recent, and really only, relationship was somewhere around a 2-3 week wait. I didn't feel the least bit put off by her request to take things slow since I was really into her. It's all very situational. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YelloJane Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Now here are some guidelines you can go by....flirt, flirt a lot to keep his interest, dress sexy not slutty. By letting him know you desire him will hold his interest, you don't need to open your legs for that. Kissing on the first date , why not?? You can't be frigid, you got to give him something....let the sexual tension build up.Going to his place, or yours? no not until you want sex. If you say yes to going his place, to him that mean you are saying yes to sex. If you are still struggling with your transition from being married to single, then don't try to jump into finding a relationship. Go out on dates to have fun, make friends, whatever, just keep it casual until you feel more comfortable. i wished i would have at least kissed him now, kinda sucks i didn't hear from him again. But i take it as a sign that obviously it was not meant to continue further and move it along. It bothers so much not knowing why contact stopped though i mean i have an idea but it would be so nice for them to just say it so i know but i guess thats just the way things are. I am so upset i kinda wish i heard back from him but i know it won't happen, and i hardly doubt now days people go a whole day without looking once to their phones. At least i don't have any regrets of the night we hung out together, since i made sure nothing happened. this goes for Life experience i guess for the future, still really disappointed i really liked him, can't help but admit am upset of the rejection, and glad all the same since now i know what his real motives were i guess i dodged a bullet regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YelloJane Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 It's a personal choice. I'd be willing to wait 2 or 3 months (probably not more), but in reality I've never had to wait more than 2 or 3 dates before SHE decided it was time. at least thats a little longer than the first day meeting, by 2-3 months at least you know more about the person and were things stand. Link to post Share on other sites
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