Facebook; the root of all evils in a relationship

[Apaige]

Why is it that guys in relationships feel the need to have a Facebook page? Yes, I have one ( or had) but my page was for friendships only. Why does my mate for the last two years have one? Why is he constantly on it? Why does he make it seem like he's single? His profile picture is a picture of himself, he's not listed as being in a relationship....it drives me crazy. We have fought over Facebook many times. If he knows it bothers me, why does he continue using it? Why does he have to like certain girls profile pictures all of the time? Guys, feel free to give me your advice on this.

[blueskyday]

Ugh, facebook! I agree with you. He should at least have a pic of the two of you. A lot of people don't put up a relationship status, but if his says single, then I'd be wary.

 

Does he only "like" girls' pics? If so, tell him it bothers you because by doing that (and other things,) he seems to appear single and on the prowl.

 

Really, I don't date facebook addicts. I would hope the need to be on it would decrease once someone is in a face to face relationship.

 

Talk to him. If he doesn't respond and compromise in some way, then he might not care about how you feel. That's a bigger problem.

[salparadise]

It's not about whether or not he has a facebook page... it's his behavior. I guess young folks almost think of facebook as a dating site. I assure you that there are many thousands of happily partnered people who are active on facebook. Using it to chase skirt is different. I'll give you a hint... when I start obsessing over cars or motorcycles online, it's because I'm looking to upgrade.

[Apaige]

Looking to upgrade is my first thought! I am 41 and he is 44, we aren't old, but no spring chickens either! This whole dating thing is all new to me. I haven't dated in almost 20 years. I was married for 15, and before marriage I dated the same guy for 4. We didn't have social media back then. Ugh!! I just can't understand why if you're looking to upgrade, why keep the other person stringing a long! Makes no sense!!

[thefooloftheyear]

Looking to upgrade is my first thought! I am 41 and he is 44, we aren't old, but no spring chickens either! This whole dating thing is all new to me. I haven't dated in almost 20 years. I was married for 15, and before marriage I dated the same guy for 4. We didn't have social media back then. Ugh!! I just can't understand why if you're looking to upgrade, why keep the other person stringing a long! Makes no sense!!

 

 

When I read your first post I thought you were 16...

 

 

You are far too old for this crap....If you cant handle it, then dump the acct...FB is for many people that need some sort of validation, but it doesnt necessarily mean he is trolling for women, which is what your first post is implying..

 

If you dont trust him, then you need to figure out if this makes sense for you, or maybe you need to figure out why you have these insecurities and come to terms with it...

 

I wish you the best..

 

TFY

[mammasita]

Facebook isn't the problem - it never is. Facebook is just an extension of the person.

 

I promise you that if he didn't have a Facebook, he'd be trolling women in whatever shape or form was available.

[beatcuff]

Why is it that guys in relationships feel the need to have a Facebook page? Yes, I have one ( or had) but my page was for friendships only. ...

 

confused. so its ok for you to have one but not him? oh you can rationalize all you want: mind is for "friendships only". the truth is you are trying to control him. not convinced, i along with others thought you were a teenager from your first post.

 

my response would be different if you did NOT have one.

[Apaige]

To thefooloftheyear: although, I am not 16, this Facebook game is just that a game! And I am too old to be playing the game, which is why I deactivated my account! Yes, I asked for suggestions, but not finger pointing!

[Apaige]

Again, I DO NOT HAVE Mine ANY LONGER! When i realized that Facebook was not what I thought it was I deactivated it!! Geesh, you people are tough! I wouldn't have posted the question if I didn't need some clarification on the subject. I came on here looking for advice and suggestions, not accusations and finger pointing! I am a grown adult trying to figure things out!!

[Apaige]

Let's me back this thread up a bit, and then maybe it will make more sense to some:

 

I've pushed him away

I have been separated for almost 3 years, divorced for 17 months. I've been dating one guy for 2 years today, and I am afraid that I have pushed him away due to my insecurities, and jealousy. I was cheated on by my ex husband. This has left me very bruised and battered I suppose. My new boyfriend and I met accidentally. I didn't want to meet anyone, and after a few months of asking me to meet him out I did!! He fell for me, i was still guarded...we dated for a year when he asked what my feelings of marriage were, and I told him I'd never be married again. He broke things off shortly after that. Once again, I was crushed, another man walked out on me. 1 month later we got back together, and now all these emotions of distrust, and jealousy are plaguing me. I've become obsessed with his where abouts, need to know his every move!! I always suspect he's cheating...he's never done anything for me to think this...he broke things off with me again, and I am heart broken, and crushed. More so then my ex!! I accepted the break up, then I became hurt and angry, and I expressed this...we didn't talk for 3 days until he visited me at work. I visited him last night, but now I haven't a clue as to what we are. I am so confused, I can't eat, can't sleep!!! It's awful!! I don't even know what to do...

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Last edited by Apaige; Yesterday at 11:56 PM.. Reason: Spelling

[MidwestUSA]

A little late to tell you this, but you jumped into this relationship too quickly. Technically, you were still married. He's your first and only since your husband? Very few of these rebound relationships survive.

 

I recommend taking time to yourself. I divorced at 43 and tried to jump right out there. It wasn't a pleasant experience. I came to my senses and took the advice of a friend to take at least two years. He even recommended a book to me, which I never picked up and wish I had. If only I could recall the name of it, I'd read it now, just to see 'how I did', so to speak. After a 17 year marriage (nearly 20 together) two years is nothing!

 

I married again at 50. I wasn't looking, it just happened. Physically, I don't always feel like a spring chicken, but mentally I feel like a young, beautiful bride!

 

Go and find YOU! Eat right, exercise, get healthy. Get in the best physical, emotional and mental state of your life. If you think you're depressed, seek help. When you are where you want to be, everything else will fall into place.

 

Hugs and good luck!

[thefooloftheyear]

A little late to tell you this, but you jumped into this relationship too quickly. Technically, you were still married. He's your first and only since your husband? Very few of these rebound relationships survive.

 

I recommend taking time to yourself. I divorced at 43 and tried to jump right out there. It wasn't a pleasant experience. I came to my senses and took the advice of a friend to take at least two years. He even recommended a book to me, which I never picked up and wish I had. If only I could recall the name of it, I'd read it now, just to see 'how I did', so to speak. After a 17 year marriage (nearly 20 together) two years is nothing!

 

I married again at 50. I wasn't looking, it just happened. Physically, I don't always feel like a spring chicken, but mentally I feel like a young, beautiful bride!

 

Go and find YOU! Eat right, exercise, get healthy. Get in the best physical, emotional and mental state of your life. If you think you're depressed, seek help. When you are where you want to be, everything else will fall into place.

 

Hugs and good luck!

 

Take this advice^^^ well said...

 

And work on your insecurities...As a guy in your age group, I can honestly say that you will push just about ANY guy away by being overly untrusting and insecure/needy...Most middle aged guys want no part of any of that drama..as Id imagine most middle aged women wouldnt either...

 

TFY

[Apaige]

A little late to tell you this, but you jumped into this relationship too quickly. Technically, you were still married. He's your first and only since your husband? Very few of these rebound relationships survive.

 

I recommend taking time to yourself. I divorced at 43 and tried to jump right out there. It wasn't a pleasant experience. I came to my senses and took the advice of a friend to take at least two years. He even recommended a book to me, which I never picked up and wish I had. If only I could recall the name of it, I'd read it now, just to see 'how I did', so to speak. After a 17 year marriage (nearly 20 together) two years is nothing!

 

I married again at 50. I wasn't looking, it just happened. Physically, I don't always feel like a spring chicken, but mentally I feel like a young, beautiful bride!

 

Go and find YOU! Eat right, exercise, get healthy. Get in the best physical, emotional and mental state of your life. If you think you're depressed, seek help. When you are where you want to be, everything else will fall into place.

 

Hugs and good luck!

 

 

Thank you so much!! I appreciate your positive advice. Finally!! I know that I shouldn't have jumped into anything so quickly, it wasn't my intention. It just happened! Honestly, I didn't think anything would ever come of it! And I certainly didn't expect it to. If you can remember the name of the book, could you please pass the name along? I've been going I therapy, and I am trying to sort through things! The funny thing is; the first year of dating this guy, I felt nothing! I was too crushed! Now going into out second year, I am flooded with emotions, an triggers! It's crazy, even I wondered how I could have been doing so well after my ex blind siding me with his infidelities! Guess I just tucked all those hurtful emotions away!! Thank you again for your very positive comment!

[StanMusial]

Facebook isn't the problem - it never is. Facebook is just an extension of the person.

 

I promise you that if he didn't have a Facebook, he'd be trolling women in whatever shape or form was available.

 

I disagree to an extent. People are often much bolder behind a screen.

 

That being said, this is another example of a thread where the symptom is pointed out as the problem.

[MidwestUSA]

I know I'll never remember the name of the book, but I found a brief article with some key points. Some of it's just common sense, I know.

 

You're projecting your insecurities, suspicions and hurt onto any relationship you might form at this stage of the game. What are you going to do about your current relationship? This Facebook BS is just a symptom.

 

 

Life After Divorce: 12 Ways to Rebuild Your Life | Lifescript.com

[preraph]

Every guy on facebook will get random internet ho's who are literally looking to be paid pretending to be "friends" hoping to work them up into lather enough to open the wallet. They don't care if they're married or not. Many many guys find this ridiculously tantalizing and use it as an ego boost. It is truly truly pathetic. If women did the same thing they're doing, they'd have a cow and call her a cheating whooooor.

 

Guys are mostly masturbating to texts online from what I can tell. I wouldn't like it either. And always remember that sites such as CraigsList you can go there and put in your location and have a prostitute waiting at the nearest hotel or at your office in 20 minutes. Why don't you do Facebook and list yourself as single too. And start going out with friends a lot. He is looking to see if he can upgrade. He's probably overly optimistic that he can because of the mercenary internet ho's everywhere, but he probably can't. Even 20-year old guys are having trouble getting dates with young ladies online.

[MissBee]

Why is it that guys in relationships feel the need to have a Facebook page? Yes, I have one ( or had) but my page was for friendships only. Why does my mate for the last two years have one? Why is he constantly on it? Why does he make it seem like he's single? His profile picture is a picture of himself, he's not listed as being in a relationship....it drives me crazy. We have fought over Facebook many times. If he knows it bothers me, why does he continue using it? Why does he have to like certain girls profile pictures all of the time? Guys, feel free to give me your advice on this.

 

 

This isn't about Facebook. It's about your boyfriend and his lack of respect for you. Plain and simple.

 

Facebook has no power over anyone's relationship beyond how they choose to use it. And that choice is about them and their personality and character...not the demon of FB which seduces them into doing disrespectful things on there.

 

It may also be about your own insecurities.

 

I have Facebook and so does my boyfriend and it has never been a factor in our relationship. My FB page does not list me as in a relationship and neither does his. I choose to have it that way. I choose to keep my relationship out of the eyes of social media. I use FB for school, for networking, for professional stuff and also for friends. I keep personal issues, relationship stuff etc off it for the most part and don't use it as my diary for my emotions. My bf has it but rarely ever uses it. Nothing on my FB is inappropriate or a cause for concern for my bf and since I also have some of my professors as friends on there and my parents, I definitely keep it PG and free from anything embarrassing.

 

So I really think it's about the user 100% and not FB itself. Truthfully, I can't tell what he's doing so wrong on there so I would advise you to also think about if maybe you give FB too much power and it's your own insecurities that make you paranoid about it?

[Absinthe]

There's nothing wrong with Facebook, I know everyone goes on about how "evil" it is. It isn't. It's simply a tool and it's the numpties using it who make it seem bad.

 

If anything, Facebook has done you a favour, as you're able to see what this guy is like upfront. Without Facebook, well, he'd just be flirting with other women and pretending he's single behind your back and you'd be none the wiser.

[Maleficent]

Why is it that guys in relationships feel the need to have a Facebook page? Yes, I have one ( or had) but my page was for friendships only. Why does my mate for the last two years have one? Why is he constantly on it? Why does he make it seem like he's single? His profile picture is a picture of himself, he's not listed as being in a relationship....it drives me crazy. We have fought over Facebook many times. If he knows it bothers me, why does he continue using it? Why does he have to like certain girls profile pictures all of the time? Guys, feel free to give me your advice on this.

 

The problem is not the Facebook page. The problem is your insecurity.

 

Why don't you try asking him to have his status as 'in a relationship' and promise to stop pestering him about his Facebook activity?

[YelloJane]

A little late to tell you this, but you jumped into this relationship too quickly. Technically, you were still married. He's your first and only since your husband? Very few of these rebound relationships survive.

 

I recommend taking time to yourself. I divorced at 43 and tried to jump right out there. It wasn't a pleasant experience. I came to my senses and took the advice of a friend to take at least two years. He even recommended a book to me, which I never picked up and wish I had. If only I could recall the name of it, I'd read it now, just to see 'how I did', so to speak. After a 17 year marriage (nearly 20 together) two years is nothing!

 

I married again at 50. I wasn't looking, it just happened. Physically, I don't always feel like a spring chicken, but mentally I feel like a young, beautiful bride!

 

Go and find YOU! Eat right, exercise, get healthy. Get in the best physical, emotional and mental state of your life. If you think you're depressed, seek help. When you are where you want to be, everything else will fall into place.

 

Hugs and good luck!

 

just have to say this is excellent advice that i will consider myself as well. Thanks for this!

[smackie9]

Tip: go by their actions not what they tell you. If you don't like the way they are acting or how they treat you, don't bother, just leave. Sure everyone can get vulnerable after a divorce, etc, but if it doesn't look right, it's not, and it has nothing to do with insecurity. It only increases your insecurity, lowering your self worth....that is what we call an unhealthy relationship. Just get out, refresh, rebuilt your self esteem move on, wiser and happier.