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my fiance claims that I'm "boring" really?


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I don't like to go out Monday-Friday. On the weekend I have chores and shopping to do for my home with my daughter. I can go out how ever it has to be planned and at a resonable time.

 

I dont know, but my friends think I am not being reasonable with my fiance due to the fact I also have a restriction for him ONLY to visit with me on the weekend. My landlord have a fix rent for me and my daughter if he starts coming during the week I would have to pay extra. I don't want my fiance to feel obligated to give me money for any such expencses. Instead I told my fiance (my landlord objects) and he cant come.

 

My fiance still have a alcholic adiction! I have no interest in going out with him when he drinks. He is NEVER sober. Yes I do love him, but I would keep him at a distance until he gets control of his life. I always wanted to find someone who loves me and make me feel like I am the only woman in the world. I found that man, he is an alcholic. I love my life, wish my fiance would be the man to add to my life instead making me feel like am the only responsible one in the relationship.

Any thoughts?

Edited by EverLastluv
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I don't like to go out Monday-Friday. On the weekend I have chores and shopping to do for my home with my daughter. I can go out how ever it has to be planned and at a resonable time.

 

I dont know, but my friends think I am not being reasonable with my fiance due to the fact I also have a restriction for him ONLY to visit with me on the weekend. My landlord have a fix rent for me and my daughter if he starts coming during the week I would have to pay extra. I don't want my fiance to feel obligated to give me money for any such expencses. Instead I told my fiance (my landlord objects) and he cant come.

 

My fiance still have a alcholic adiction! I have no interest in going out with him when he drinks. He is NEVER sober. Yes I do love him, but I would keep him at a distance until he gets control of his life. I always wanted to find someone who loves me and make me feel like I am the only woman in the world. I found that man, he is an alcholic. I love my life, wish my fiance would be the man to add to my life instead making me feel like am the only responsible one in the relationship.

Any thoughts?

 

I think you're quite right to impose firm boundaries for you and your daughter. Very sensible and smart; you're being a good parent. If that's "boring", in the highly questionable opinion of someone who's addicted to alcohol, then maybe the real issue here is whether he's really that good for you? It seems unnecessarily cruel and judgmental for a guy who doesn't have his shxt together.

 

He doesn't sound like a great influence for her - maybe not a terrible guy, but not such a great one either. Please consider whether he's really the right person to have around.

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Let his mom keep him. Why are you even considering having this guy in your life?

 

because of "love"! Yep she has no choice but keep him, I'm glad he home back with her ;) while I'm living my life independently.

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I thought you dumped him? Why are you back to being engaged to him?

 

He will never think you are not boring until you become a drunken lush like him.

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serial muse, you are right about him being so judgemenal of me while he has nothing going on for himself. I would again bring that to his atention when we speak again. He is a wonderful man, loving and caring. An Aquarius man! I been through lots in live already, married, devorce, single, now engage ... I Know what I am looking for, just not there for me yet. Thanks ;)

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because of "love"! Yep she has no choice but keep him, I'm glad he home back with her ;) while I'm living my life independently.

 

This doesnt read as what a stage a relationship should be at to be "engaged"......he doesnt respect your boundaries, you want more inderpendace and you guys are committing to marriage?

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I thought you dumped him? Why are you back to being engaged to him?

 

He will never think you are not boring until you become a drunken lush like him.

 

I did NC for a while. After I got control of my life again I was able to control when and when not I would have him in my life.

 

You right :) I'm not a drinker.

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He is a wonderful man, loving and caring.

 

...but not wonderful enough to quit drinking so he can prepare to be a husband and father.

 

Seriously. This is the best you can do?

 

You deserve more. Your daughter deserves more!

 

If he wants you and is so wonderful, he can prove it by going into AA or another program, and getting serious about his life.

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So many of these threads point out a symptom of a serious problem, as the problem. I don't know if it's willful or not.

 

OP you're engaged to an alcoholic. You are lucky if all you get is "you're boring".

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I don't like to go out Monday-Friday. On the weekend I have chores and shopping to do for my home with my daughter. I can go out how ever it has to be planned and at a resonable time.

 

I dont know, but my friends think I am not being reasonable with my fiance due to the fact I also have a restriction for him ONLY to visit with me on the weekend. My landlord have a fix rent for me and my daughter if he starts coming during the week I would have to pay extra. I don't want my fiance to feel obligated to give me money for any such expencses. Instead I told my fiance (my landlord objects) and he cant come.

 

My fiance still have a alcholic adiction! I have no interest in going out with him when he drinks. He is NEVER sober. Yes I do love him, but I would keep him at a distance until he gets control of his life. I always wanted to find someone who loves me and make me feel like I am the only woman in the world. I found that man, he is an alcholic. I love my life, wish my fiance would be the man to add to my life instead making me feel like am the only responsible one in the relationship.

Any thoughts?

 

I have a lot of thoughts...

 

I'm wondering why you are even dating this guy at all. No amount of you wishing he got his life together is gonna make it happen - especially not if you put up with it.

 

If I were you I would walk away and not take him back unless he takes steps towards sobriety.

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Never heard of a landlord having any say over when you have visitors, only other people moving in. So that sounds fishy. That said, your fiance doesn't sound like a good person to marry -- and honestly, neither do you unless you can manage to find some time to devote to a man.

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Never heard of a landlord having any say over when you have visitors, only other people moving in. So that sounds fishy. That said, your fiance doesn't sound like a good person to marry -- and honestly, neither do you unless you can manage to find some time to devote to a man.

 

when my fiance comes over he spend the night ... not just for few hrs. In the past when he was doing that I had to pay more. I'm holding off on marriage. Not thinkging about that anymore. Thanks for your insight ;)

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So, you want a guy who can make you feel like you're the only woman in the world, but he can only see you on the weekends? Then, when the weekend does roll around, the most he can expect to do with you is go shopping or run errands? How can that be a fulfilling relationship for any man?

 

I'm not going to say that his drinking all the time is ok, because if he really is drunk all the time, that's bad. Still, that doesn't change the fact that you expect a man to make you feel like you are the only woman in the world, but you don't offer much of anything in return.

 

You are right, sound really mean what I am doing. We went throught all that before from him staying nights, until he moved in with me while we were planning our wedding etc. He just mess everything up due to his drinking. I do love him with all my heart, I understand he has a sickness that he has to be willing to help himself. He loves me and treat me wonderful but being a life partner couple he is not capable of doing that so I only offer to him what will make my life easier, I have my daughter to take care of and I would not let his drinking habits ruined my life style. I forever live up to a standard in life, hopefully one day he can with me.

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I have a lot of thoughts...

 

I'm wondering why you are even dating this guy at all. No amount of you wishing he got his life together is gonna make it happen - especially not if you put up with it.

 

If I were you I would walk away and not take him back unless he takes steps towards sobriety.

 

Thank you for your thoughts :)

I can explain why he still in my life. I was single for 8 years until I was introduced to him from a family member. He is very respectable loveing and carin. My daughter loves him they get along very well. I love this men when I found out he drinks over the limit I try to help him with AA classes doctor appointments etc nothing works YET! I realize he has to want to help him self, until when he is ready I hope I still have the same love for him that I do right now. I try walking away, but that just made him worst. His heart was broken and he just drink more and more.. thanks again!

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I try walking away, but that just made him worst. His heart was broken and he just drink more and more.. thanks again!

 

I don't mean to sound cruel, but that isn't your problem.

 

You have a daughter to think about, and she needs to come first. She doesn't need an alcoholic father figure in her life. You don't want her to grow up to date alcoholics, do you???

 

When his heart was broken and he drank more and more, he may have been on his way to "rock bottom" where he realized he needs help. But you swooped in and enabled him to just keep drinking.

 

The guys who are worried about you not spending enough time with him are on the wrong track here. You shouldn't be spending ANY time with him.

 

You say you love him - love him enough to let him go so he can go find some help. And keep you and your daughter safely AWAY from him.

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I don't mean to sound cruel, but that isn't your problem.

 

You have a daughter to think about, and she needs to come first. She doesn't need an alcoholic father figure in her life. You don't want her to grow up to date alcoholics, do you???

 

When his heart was broken and he drank more and more, he may have been on his way to "rock bottom" where he realized he needs help. But you swooped in and enabled him to just keep drinking.

 

The guys who are worried about you not spending enough time with him are on the wrong track here. You shouldn't be spending ANY time with him.

 

You say you love him - love him enough to let him go so he can go find some help. And keep you and your daughter safely AWAY from him.

 

My daughter always first pirority, believe you me she already on the right track I spend 8 years raising her alone. She never complains about my fiance they gets along very wll. I am the one that have the problem about the drinking. May be one day things will change.

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I spoke to my fiance today, he claims that I am being selfish. He dont like the fact he can see me only on weekends. Also we dont go too many places together. He is a good man, No lyes & No cheating . He needs to be responsible for his life so he can be in my life.Dont know when that is but I explain to him I have a child and responsibility to handle on my own.

Edited by EverLastluv
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I spoke to my fiance today, he claims that I am being selfish. He dont like the fact he can see me only on weekends. Also we dont go too many places together. He is a good man, No lyes & No cheating . He needs to be responsible for his life so he can be in my life.Dont know when that is but I explain to him I have a child and responsibility to handle on my own.

 

HE's the one being selfish. If he wants you to spend more time with him, he should stop drinking, and you will gladly spend more time with him.

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