Absinthe Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 I've a close friend who has been with her boyfriend for 7 years (since we were all 19). She has always been open about wanting to get married, and how much this means to her. He, on the other hand, doesn't believe in marriage. "If I break up with him", she says, "he'll be married to some random chick within 6 months". I hear this A LOT (mostly in popular culture, truth be told) and it got me thinking: How often does it actually happen? Does anyone have any stories? And on the other side, what would YOU think if you dated someone and they popped the question within a short span of time despite having dated their ex for several years, maybe a decade? Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 I've read a few stories here on LS of couples marrying within months, I don't know any couple personally though that has done this. I would think the idea of marriage came too soon. 6 months can very well still be in the honeymoon phase and if that's the case, who knows if the couple will still stay together after it ends. It'd also be questionable if they are actually over their ex or not considering moving a fresh relationship extremely fast is often a bad sign and for dumpers, sometimes a method for convincing yourself you made the right decision in leaving your ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 this is why you don't date someone fresh out a long-term relationship... they are not emotionally ready. when someone proposes super fast to the next person after ending a long-term relationship, my opinion is that the new person is giving them something that the other person failed to, and they are soooo excited to get this new thing (compliments, emotional connection, intimacy, support, whatever) that they are over-the-moon excited by that difference and go forward regardless of any other issues. we have all been there - your former bf/gf never told you that you were handsome/pretty and the next person who does - WOW! - they are amazing, because you hadn't heard that in years, or felt good about yourself, etc. it's not that the person went and found a great match in a short time frame, but they found a match that was providing what the previous person did not, and whatever that thing is, the new person has it, and gets rewarded by a proposal. some of these marriages work out, some don't, just like other ones. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 My brother was with his ex 5 years and they had just gotten engaged. His ex ended the engagement. However, he proposed to his new girlfriend just after a year of being together. If marriage is so drawn out for some, they probably aren't the right person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 I have. My ex's roommate's ex GF ran off and married the first guy she hooked up with after their breakup. 6 months was about right.....they got divorced 8 months later lol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Yes. A guy proposed to me after dating someone else off and on for 10 years. I was only 18 at the time and barely knew him, so I said no. Moral of the story is if someone wants to marry you, they will. It does not take a decade of dating to make up ones mind except for people who started dating really young. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 That's actually the dream of every OW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 That's actually the dream of every OW. Not me................. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I can't speak what it is from a woman's point of view but men do not like to be pressured or pushed into things so if a woman is pushing marriage some men won't marry her on principal. When they might a new woman that gives them freedom then they are like that is who I want to be with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I have found that when this happens it simply means that you are a nice person but the person you are with isn't all that committed to you. They like you, they enjoy your company and all that but they don't really want to commit. They want to stay free "just in case". If a person knows that marriage is important to their partner and they are committed, they will get married/ propose regardless of their own feelings on the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Or, perhaps the person wanting to get married will stay with their partner, unmarried, regardless of their own feelings on the matter. I didn't want to get married when I did, but to please my now ex wife, I did anyway. I have since learned that if a woman wants a marriage more than she wants me, she can marry someone else. I fully agree. Watch for women who seem to want to use a man for a prop in the marriage and wedding thing rather than actually being in love with the man. They tend to be the ones who leave when they realize they were never in love with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I remember a story about some friends of my parents. This couple met while engaged to other people and married each other three months later. She is a nice, outgoing lady and he was always sort of an impulsive hothead. He almost tried to fight me one time while playing basketball with me and my dad and brothers. We were kicking the shlt out of them. LOL. Anyway, those two are married with grown children. Still together, must be 30 or more years. People break up and marry for all kinds of reasons. I know a girl who married a guy just to spite another girl. That lasted < 1 year. She was mature enough to admit it years later. I think people who fit the description in OP are ready to marry and settle down - they just don't see their current/past partner as a suitable option. When the suitable option comes along, they don't waste any more time I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 And on the other side, what would YOU think if you dated someone and they popped the question within a short span of time despite having dated their ex for several years, maybe a decade? Long engagement Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I have been proposed marriage...thank god I said no each time. Been happily unmarried for over 24 years. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 men do not like to be pressured or pushed into things so if a woman is pushing marriage some men won't marry her on principal. When they might a new woman that gives them freedom then they are like that is who I want to be with. Happened to George Clooney! Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I think people who fit the description in OP are ready to marry and settle down - they just don't see their current/past partner as a suitable option. When the suitable option comes along, they don't waste any more time I suppose. I totally agree. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I can't speak what it is from a woman's point of view but men do not like to be pressured or pushed into things so if a woman is pushing marriage some men won't marry her on principal. When they might a new woman that gives them freedom then they are like that is who I want to be with. If a woman has to pressure him, there is already something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Happened to George Clooney! What's sad is that everybody saw it but Stacy Keibler. She was just too plain for him. Take away the WWE and Stacy Keibler is barely above the average blonde girl. The new woman is beautiful, a diplomat, you name it. Clooney just didn't find Stacy exceptional enough to marry. George found a woman he considered a prize and married her. Let's not forget Johnny Depp either. He was supposedly in a situation in which both were happy to be unmarried for 14 years. Then he turned around and proposed to Amber Heard. We need to get real. Most men will get married, sometimes they don't want to marry YOU. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I think someone else nailed this pretty good... people who rush to get married after ending a long term relationship do so because they were probably at a point where they were ready to get married, just not to the person they were with so when someone else comes along that seems so great in the beginning (as most "new" relationships do) they rush to get married during that time period. I know I went through a period of time myself right after ending a long term relationship where I was still in "relationship" mode. It was really hard to switch over to "oh crap, I'm single now". Had I started dating right away, I might have gotten sucked into that too. So glad I didn't because I think you really need to wait and get to know each other very well before considering marriage. The OW in my situation though.... she was talking about being engaged to my ex within 2 weeks of he and I splitting up. Not sure where he was at with that but I know he and I had talked about marriage right before we split up. I think he was ready and if she hadn't acted like such a psycho, he probably would have rushed to marry her (instead of me) just because he was ready for it, not because she was the right one. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I've known two men who dated women 8 years or longer, broke up and within 2 years were married to other women. I tell women if you want marriage and the relationship has gone past 3 years with no engagement it's time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Yes. Moral of the story is if someone wants to marry you, they will. It does not take a decade of dating to make up ones mind except for people who started dating really young. Apparently it did with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie....10 years later they got married. "they want to celebrate how far they've come as a family, as a couple, and individually in just 10 years."In other words they wanted to make sure they were in it for the long haul. Good for them. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Apparently it did with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie....10 years later they got married. "they want to celebrate how far they've come as a family, as a couple, and individually in just 10 years."In other words they wanted to make sure they were in it for the long haul. Good for them. Yes, and we all should be Angelina Jolie!:lmao: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 George Clooney hit the jackpot with his fiance. Not only is she hot but she also has brains and seems like she has her head screwed on straight. Good for him for not settling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Apparently it did with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie....10 years later they got married. "they want to celebrate how far they've come as a family, as a couple, and individually in just 10 years."In other words they wanted to make sure they were in it for the long haul. Good for them. And how many times does that happen? Most of the time, if you date someone for 10 years, they probably won't marry you. I'm a firm believer that if he's not trying to marry you after 2 or 3 years, and you want to get marry, it's time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 If a woman has to pressure him, there is already something wrong. This! I'm kind of on the fence here. If I was with someone for years, have everything commitment related except the right, I don't see why I would worry about getting married. On the other hand, why would you stay with someone for years, have everything commitment related and still be stuck up on not getting married... ? Link to post Share on other sites
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