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My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years. Today we went shopping and we were in a shop when he grabbed my shoulders to stop me from bumping into a woman in front of me, as I wasn't paying attention. He then went on to say (aggressively) "you need to watch where you're going" then I was trying to find a certain product and couldn't so I went to leave, I turned around to look for my boyfriend and he was stood 15 foot away holding the product I wanted. I smiled, went over to him and said thank you for finding it where was it? ... He then held it up in the air and goes (aggressively, again) go and find it yourself, if you were observant and used your eyes you would have seen it.

 

By this point I went rather quiet, I knew I had. Only because him grabbing me in public and the way he spoke to me was embarrassing. I felt belittled.

 

After that I was fine, I soon got over it. He was cuddling me on the way back to the car after too. We drove back to his house and as soon as we got in he loaded up his computer game. I sat down with his pet cat and I was chatting away to him, sort of thinking too "why are you on your game?" But I didn't say it. We were happy too, no more grabbing or speaking to me nastily. He was being nice. However I went and sat with him at the computer then he cancelled his game and to cut this part short - he wanted s*x and I didn't. As soon as I said no, he got in a mood and said "well what do you want to do you've just been sat there the whole time in silence" which I hadn't - (as previously stated).

 

Anyway he took off in a mood went straight back to the computer. I told him earlier that I was going to at some point pop home and get my leggings from my house (only a 10 minute walk round the block). So that's what I did. As soon as he sat back at that computer having his tantrum I put my shoes on and walked out of the house with only my house keys on me. I didn't say goodbye to him as he seemed angry and obviously needed space. However I left my shopping and mobile phone at his house (surely it would of been obvious to him I was coming back). I went home got changed into comfier clothes, came bac to his house and he had locked the door. I knocked the door and was knocking for half an hour until I eventually went back home again to use the telephone. He wouldn't answer. I walked back to his house and the door was unlocked, so I went in and all my belongings had been packed into my shopping bags. He wasn't there either.

 

I picked up my mobile and called his phone. He answered and accused me of storming off without saying goodbye and that he is fed up with my mood swings. What mood swings? He grabbed me and was rude to me earlier that day of course I'm not going to be happy about it.

 

He told me to leave him alone and that he didn't want to see me later that night. I think it's because I turned down s*x? He didn't want me to come meet him as he was 'having a walk with himself'.

 

He then goes on to interrogate me, over the phone. Saying "you have 10 seconds to tell me what's wrong with you.... 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2...." And "I know when something is wrong with you I'm fed up with dealing with your moods leave me alone" "tell me what's wrong with you" etc.

 

Hand on my heart the only point I was 'moody' was when he embarrassingly grabbed me in a shop. I don't know where his sudden aggression came from.

 

He has messaged me 4 times now in the past 3 hours saying "tell me whys wrong with you this is your last chance" .. "Tell me or forget it" .. "Fine don't reply" ... "Don't reply then".

 

I haven't replied to any messages as I'm not sure what to say anymore. I've explained and said why I was upset.

 

Should I meet him later, turn up at his house?

 

Need advice pronto, thank you all.

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From my experience, I learned that men hate to be made to feel guilty through our behavior. For example, my boyfriend hates it, when I go quiet when I am upset and not tell him anything. While it was not my intention to make him guilty, he felt guilty anyways. The part he really hates is me going quiet/not knowing what he did wrong/what he can do.

 

What I typically do now, is that I tell him exactly what I am upset about and what I need him to do differently next time in the simplest possible term. If I want him to be more affectionate, I would say "hug me more." (It's important to avoid using words that can be left up to interpretation, like saying "be more affectionate," or "show that you care.") It's simple and doable, and when my boyfriend knows exactly what I need, he is likely to give it to me.

 

What I feel like you should have done was to tell him how you felt when he grabbed you and talked to you aggressively after you got out of the store. It would have been ideal if you have said, "when you grabbed me in the store and said "XXX," I felt belittled. I need you to tap me on my shoulder instead next time" or something like that.

 

He is calling you and texting you, asking you what's wrong. He wants to know what he can do for you. So, the next time you see him, you can explain to him exactly what made you upset. It would be ideal if you can just pin point the moment of the problem and NOT generalize it to other issues (don't say things like "you are always aggressive.") Confine the issue to that specific incident. If he asks you why you didn't tell him right away, you can explain to him that you didn't know how to, or something like that.

 

There is information on "I" messages online (not the iPhone I message, it's a way of framing and expressing your concerns). I found it very helpful not only for my personal relationships, but also in the professional world.

 

On another note, I am a little concern that your boyfriend acted aggressively and was mean to you. I hope it's a one time thing and not a pattern. If it is something that he does all the time, you have a bigger problem. No one should treats you badly. But if he is always sweet and caring, and what happened to you was confined only to this incident, it's worth letting him know exactly what you need changed. If your request is reasonable, and if he really loves you, he would comply. But he doesn't comply, then you know what to do.

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This guy sounds like an absolute dick.

 

I think you should consider leaving him, he has no respect for you and talks down to you. He is also aggressive of minor issues.

 

The whole you have ten seconds thing is so childish and moronic too.

 

Do not go around to see him, give him some time to cool off. Talk to your family and friends who know you both and garner opinions.

 

That whole your things in bags is a red flag for me. Was it your shopping or your random personal things like clothes and products? Sounds like hiding it from other visitors or being ready to get rid of you cleanly.

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He acted immaturely. I would have responded to his repeated questions by calmly saying "I'm upset because you've been rude to me tonight, and now you're speaking to me like I'm a child. Are you upset about something?".

 

Packing the stuff into a bag could be a potential red-flag. I did that once, when I was fairly certain that the relationship was at an end.

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From my experience, I learned that men hate to be made to feel guilty through our behavior. For example, my boyfriend hates it, when I go quiet when I am upset and not tell him anything. While it was not my intention to make him guilty, he felt guilty anyways. The part he really hates is me going quiet/not knowing what he did wrong/what he can do.

 

What I typically do now, is that I tell him exactly what I am upset about and what I need him to do differently next time in the simplest possible term. If I want him to be more affectionate, I would say "hug me more." (It's important to avoid using words that can be left up to interpretation, like saying "be more affectionate," or "show that you care.") It's simple and doable, and when my boyfriend knows exactly what I need, he is likely to give it to me.

 

What I feel like you should have done was to tell him how you felt when he grabbed you and talked to you aggressively after you got out of the store. It would have been ideal if you have said, "when you grabbed me in the store and said "XXX," I felt belittled. I need you to tap me on my shoulder instead next time" or something like that.

 

He is calling you and texting you, asking you what's wrong. He wants to know what he can do for you. So, the next time you see him, you can explain to him exactly what made you upset. It would be ideal if you can just pin point the moment of the problem and NOT generalize it to other issues (don't say things like "you are always aggressive.") Confine the issue to that specific incident. If he asks you why you didn't tell him right away, you can explain to him that you didn't know how to, or something like that.

 

There is information on "I" messages online (not the iPhone I message, it's a way of framing and expressing your concerns). I found it very helpful not only for my personal relationships, but also in the professional world.

 

On another note, I am a little concern that your boyfriend acted aggressively and was mean to you. I hope it's a one time thing and not a pattern. If it is something that he does all the time, you have a bigger problem. No one should treats you badly. But if he is always sweet and caring, and what happened to you was confined only to this incident, it's worth letting him know exactly what you need changed. If your request is reasonable, and if he really loves you, he would comply. But he doesn't comply, then you know what to do.

 

He took me out for dinner the other night and told me he doesn't deserve me and that he loves me. Met me for lunch the next day too and he said he just needs his space and that having that space doesn't mean he'd forget me. Fair enough.

 

However that night I went out with my friends and he picked me up. It turned aggressive again out of nowhere. He blames me and says I'm annoying.

 

I think there is something seriously bothering him and I think he's taking it out on me as I am the first and easiest thing to take his anger out on. If my friends were to describe me they'd probably say I'm too nice sometimes. My boyfriend said to me during the lunch we had that he hopes I still love him even though I've seen a new side to him. But now he's changed his mind again and says that I'm not giving him the space he needs, and he's thinking about finishing with me. He also told me that he doesn't want me to be around him right now because he's angry for no apparent reason and doesn't want to hurt me.

 

It's hard for me as I feel stuck.

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This guy sounds like an absolute dick.

 

I think you should consider leaving him, he has no respect for you and talks down to you. He is also aggressive of minor issues.

 

The whole you have ten seconds thing is so childish and moronic too.

 

Do not go around to see him, give him some time to cool off. Talk to your family and friends who know you both and garner opinions.

 

That whole your things in bags is a red flag for me. Was it your shopping or your random personal things like clothes and products? Sounds like hiding it from other visitors or being ready to get rid of you cleanly.

 

I'm his first girlfriend too, he is nearly 22.

 

One day he tells me that he doesn't deserve me and the next he says I'm annoying and wants to break up with me.

 

Confused!

 

Also the bag with my stuff was just all my shopping from that day, I don't live with him.

 

He seems to be blaming me for everything (his anger). But admits that he'd never find someone as "kind and thoughtful" as me.

 

He keeps on about wanting space too because he's very angry lately and doesn't want to hurt me.

 

I'm in an awkward position.

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Would you say this is completely, utterly uncharacteristic of him?

 

On one hand I'm thinking, you need to bounce this *******. but if after two years this is an isolated incident, there's more to consider.

 

Is he on medication that maybe he skipped that day? If not on any prescriptions, does he engage in recreational drug use?

 

Have there been any other mood swings this abrupt?

 

Would he be willing to sit down with a doctor, either together or alone to help indentify any issues?

Edited by MoreCoffee
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Would you say this is completely, utterly uncharacteristic of him?

 

On one hand I'm thinking, you need to bounce this *******. but if after two years this is an isolated incident, there's more to consider.

 

Is he on medication that maybe he skipped that day? If not on any prescriptions, does he engage in recreational drug use?

 

Have there been any other mood swings this abrupt?

 

Would he be willing to sit down with a doctor, either together or alone to help indentify any issues?

 

I would say so, it's very different. Like he's 2 people. Dr Jekyll and mr

Hyde kind of thing.

 

It's only happened now which is why I think there's a lot more to it. But he is blaming me currently.

 

The other day he messaged me and said it isn't my fault or anyone's fault. It's just who he is. Apparently he thrives off of being by himself.

 

I'm wondering whether he's depressed, I know his work is getting him down. Whenever I ask what's wrong he says it's my fault, me being there when he just wants to be alone. He also said that it's not my fault though. It's hard for me to read into it all.

 

Personally I think he should speak to someone, not anyone close to him just someone like a doctor.

 

I'm giving him space currently after last night. He messaged me and said that last night was the last time, he doesn't want to argue anymore. The reason we argue is because of his anger.

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I am glad that you are staying away from him for now. I think it's a wise decision. I also completely agree with you about him needing to talk to a professional. I hope he can get to the bottom of this.

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Lernaean_Hydra

I won't go so far as to say he's a sociopath or emotionally abusive, however he does sound extremely childish and immature. Reading your post just left me with a deep sense of irritation. I don't know how you put up with him because he sounds so incredibly arrogant and annoying.

 

Someone hasn't told me I had x amount of time to answer a question then literally counted down since I was 5 years old. He found the product you were looking for then, instead of telling you where it was he rudely instructed you to do so on your own.

 

However, to be fair, you also sound bit ditzy. Not watching where you're going when you walk and overlooking things can be an issue and might cause some irritation to those who have to put up with it - I speak from experience because unfortunately I'm the same way at times - however there are ways to address this behavior without throwing a tantrum or forcefully grabbing you.

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I think you should give him plenty of space, permanently. Perhaps then he'll learn to stop being a complete ass.

 

You should be the one enforcing a firm boundary that you won't accept this kind of behavior and treatment (from anyone, let alone someone that loves you). Instead, you're sitting here wondering what you can do to keep this 22 year-old 5 year-old.

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I am glad that you are staying away from him for now. I think it's a wise decision. I also completely agree with you about him needing to talk to a professional. I hope he can get to the bottom of this.

 

Only problem is, he has asked to see me tonight.

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I have spoken to family and friends. I've told them everything...

 

He is demanding space all of a sudden, saying to me that I'm squashing him.

 

He sent me this message before taking me for dinner a few evenings ago:

"Im sorry for earlier your right i dont deserve you im sorry for crying, its nothing against you or anyone but there are periods every year when i have to be left alone because i get upset and angry for no real reasons i dont want you or anyone to be near me when im like that. When i ask you to leave me alone please do it and don't push me. I dnt know what's wrong with me i dont have emotions most of the time and then a couple of weeks a year i feel nothing but anger and spite."

 

Has something happened a few years ago in these 2 weeks... A relative dying in the past??

 

After apologising to me the next evening he did it again and was aggressive and grabbed me.

 

Is this just the start of an abusive relationship or is he too cowardly to leave me and wants me to do it?

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One day he tells me that he doesn't deserve me and the next he says I'm annoying and wants to break up with me.

 

 

This speaks volumes!

 

He doesn't deserve you = you're a lovely person.

You're annoying and he wants to breaks up with you = you're too nice and you let him get away with being aggressive etc without calling himout right then and there on it.

 

He does like you but he needs you to stick up for yourself more.

He is up for having you put him in his place when he is disrespectful to you.He wants a 'woman' who can take care of herself and stand up forherself. Not a girl who never reacts nor values her own opinions enough to voice them.

 

I think his asking you for sex, locking you out and the 10,9,8 thing were all to see if you would stick up for yourself and not take his sh*t.

 

He knows full well that how he stopped you from bumping into someone was OTT....but and as another posted said you seem a little ditzy. Does he look out for you like that often? Or does he trust when you go somewhere that you will be fine and won't get lost en route?

 

Being aware of your surroundings is something we all need to do these days for personal safety more than anything else.

I do think though that he could cope with that a little better and make light of it if only you would step up and stick up for yourself.

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I have spoken to family and friends. I've told them everything...

 

He is demanding space all of a sudden, saying to me that I'm squashing him.

 

He sent me this message before taking me for dinner a few evenings ago:

"Im sorry for earlier your right i dont deserve you im sorry for crying, its nothing against you or anyone but there are periods every year when i have to be left alone because i get upset and angry for no real reasons i dont want you or anyone to be near me when im like that. When i ask you to leave me alone please do it and don't push me. I dnt know what's wrong with me i dont have emotions most of the time and then a couple of weeks a year i feel nothing but anger and spite."

 

Has something happened a few years ago in these 2 weeks... A relative dying in the past??

 

After apologising to me the next evening he did it again and was aggressive and grabbed me.

 

Is this just the start of an abusive relationship or is he too cowardly to leave me and wants me to do it?

 

OK, change of thought..per his text..

 

There's is something called the male hormone cycle. Women have hormone cycles once a month where we can experience mood swings - as you already know.

Men have hormone cycles daily but also some are affected with a yearly cycle too.

 

There's something about it here:

What Your Doctor Won?t Tell You about Male Hormonal Cycles

 

It might be an idea for him to get his hormones checked out.

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This speaks volumes!

 

He doesn't deserve you = you're a lovely person.

You're annoying and he wants to breaks up with you = you're too nice and you let him get away with being aggressive etc without calling himout right then and there on it.

 

He does like you but he needs you to stick up for yourself more.

He is up for having you put him in his place when he is disrespectful to you.He wants a 'woman' who can take care of herself and stand up forherself. Not a girl who never reacts nor values her own opinions enough to voice them.

 

I think his asking you for sex, locking you out and the 10,9,8 thing were all to see if you would stick up for yourself and not take his sh*t.

 

He knows full well that how he stopped you from bumping into someone was OTT....but and as another posted said you seem a little ditzy. Does he look out for you like that often? Or does he trust when you go somewhere that you will be fine and won't get lost en route?

 

Being aware of your surroundings is something we all need to do these days for personal safety more than anything else.

I do think though that he could cope with that a little better and make light of it if only you would step up and stick up for yourself.

 

 

Could be right about trying to make me stand up for myself....

 

He has been on about the fact he doesn't think I have any self confidence. Could this be his weird way of trying to make me confident and stick up for myself and be more independent?

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After apologising to me the next evening he did it again and was aggressive and grabbed me.

What were the circumstances of this incident? Did he grab you forcefully out of anger or was he trying to direct you out of the way of something again?

 

Is this just the start of an abusive relationship or is he too cowardly to leave me and wants me to do it?

 

I don't think he's wanting you to leave him. He seems to be having moments of clarity in which he's trying to help/save the relationship. I don't think he'd do that if he simply wanted to break up.

 

I also think he's been somewhat clear about what's going on and how you can help.

"...its nothing against you or anyone but there are periods every year when i have to be left alone because i get upset and angry for no real reasons i dont want you or anyone to be near me when im like that. When i ask you to leave me alone please do it and don't push me. I dnt know what's wrong with me i dont have emotions most of the time and then a couple of weeks a year i feel nothing but anger and spite."

 

Is this an unreasonable request? Judging from his ups and downs, I think he's honestly trying to tell you that he's on-edge and he needs to be left alone -- not because he's selfish, but because he's trying to protect the relationship from further damage from his behavior. It's up to you as to whether or not you feel you can tolerate such a request.

 

He has also made it clear that these "moods" only last a few weeks. So, give him that time. If, in 2 weeks, he is still acting this way, then it might be time for his family and friends and you to come together and talk to him about getting some help. If he's 22, he could be experiencing the onset of a mood disorder and the episodes for these, characteristically, get longer and more disruptive as time goes by. Certainly, if there are people in his family who are also moody or have anger issues, this would be a strong indicator that he is genetically predisposed to such things.

 

For now, though, you might think about telling him you're hoping he starts feeling better soon and that you'll be there when he's out of it. Tell him you're not angry, you don't want to break up, you're there if he needs you, but, for the sake of his happiness and your relationship, you're going to let him be for a couple weeks.

 

Then, actually let him be. Don't call, don't go over to his house, don't go out with friends and then leave with him. If he confronts you and demands to talk to you, then ask him to write you a letter and get all his thoughts and feelings out -- that way, you're not interrupting him and there isn't the potential for a major argument. If, after he writes it, he feels the need to give it to you, then he can and you will respond in kind. But, keep him at arm's length until such time as both he and you know he's back to feeling 100%.

Edited by laurelin
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We tend to quickly overlook small acts of disrespect because they are about something so trivial that we can't imagine we should make a big deal out of it. But those little things he did to you out shopping are a huge red flag and he is now letting this side of him come out and is seeing how much you will put up with. You shouldn't put up with any belittling. It's abusive and indicative of a much bigger problem which is he needs to put someone down to make him feel like a man -- hence, why his game was to continue the disrespect right up to when he wanted to have sex, because all that turns him on if he thinks you're putting up with it.

 

I'm afraid he is simply not a keeper. Don't stick around for it to get worse because it will get worse, not better.

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What were the circumstances of this incident? Did he grab you forcefully out of anger or was he trying to direct you out of the way of something again?

 

 

 

I don't think he's wanting you to leave him. He seems to be having moments of clarity in which he's trying to help/save the relationship. I don't think he'd do that if he simply wanted to break up.

 

I also think he's been somewhat clear about what's going on and how you can help.

 

 

Is this an unreasonable request? Judging from his ups and downs, I think he's honestly trying to tell you that he's on-edge and he needs to be left alone -- not because he's selfish, but because he's trying to protect the relationship from further damage from his behavior. It's up to you as to whether or not you feel you can tolerate such a request.

 

He has also made it clear that these "moods" only last a few weeks. So, give him that time. If, in 2 weeks, he is still acting this way, then it might be time for his family and friends and you to come together and talk to him about getting some help. If he's 22, he could be experiencing the onset of a mood disorder and the episodes for these, characteristically, get longer and more disruptive as time goes by. Certainly, if there are people in his family who are also moody or have anger issues, this would be a strong indicator that he is genetically predisposed to such things.

 

For now, though, you might think about telling him you're hoping he starts feeling better soon and that you'll be there when he's out of it. Tell him you're not angry, you don't want to break up, you're there if he needs you, but, for the sake of his happiness and your relationship, you're going to let him be for a couple weeks.

 

Then, actually let him be. Don't call, don't go over to his house, don't go out with friends and then leave with him. If he confronts you and demands to talk to you, then ask him to write you a letter and get all his thoughts and feelings out -- that way, you're not interrupting him and there isn't the potential for a major argument. If, after he writes it, he feels the need to give it to you, then he can and you will respond in kind. But, keep him at arm's length until such time as both he and you know he's back to feeling 100%.

 

I'll be honest with you, he grabbed my shoulders in the shop but when I say he grabbed me on the other occasions I mean out of anger.

 

He has been on about wanting to have a few evenings to himself instead of seeing me so he can do his own thing as he loves to be by himself.

 

I've told him I'm going to give him the space he needs and he can see me when he feels up to it. He is going to the pub tonight with friends and asked to see me after he sees them. I agreed at first but have now messaged him asking "do you still want to meet later" and he has messaged back saying "it's up to you bub but it will be late" so I kindly said "yeah I know I can see you tomorrow for definite then so you don't have to worry later and you can go straight to bed"

 

He called me bub like he usually does and he also text me last night saying "I love you lots" with a heart icon.

 

I just hope he isn't falling out of love with me though.

 

I'm so happy to have your help and advice and everyone else's advice. I'd probably still be chasing after him by now, which is so wrong.

 

Also to add - he said to me that I need to leave him alone due to the fact he's worried that he will hurt me if Im in his way. Pretty scary thought to be honest :/

 

I just need to be a woman about this and grow up.

Edited by saz123
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Great job of postponing seeing him until tomorrow. What are some of the things you want to talk about with him tomorrow?

 

Just want to thank you too for all your great advice :)

 

And I'm not entirely sure to be honest - where would I start?!

 

I'm not going to meet him with a :( kind of face. I need to show him I'm still happy regardless. I know that would make him happy to see me happy.

 

I obviously need to speak about spending less time together, but to make it sound less negative I would say "it would only mean the times we spend together would be more special" or something. And it genuinely would. I need him to know that I'm concerned about him so therefore whenever he needs his own space he only needs to say it. I would also need to speak about him grabbing me due to his anger - I would need to say I'm not standing for it the next time it happens.

 

I'd also tell him that he can speak to me about anything. I liked a previous idea in a post about writing his feelings in a letter, I might ask him to do that as he's done it before and he felt better.

 

I'd need to tell him that I don't hate him for what he's done and what he's being like.

 

Also need to tell him that I've been promoted at work, woo! He has been concerned about me and my job situation for a while and my self confidence too. Spending this time away from him and being by myself has brought back my confidence a little and I feel better.

 

I don't want to say "I think you should see a doctor, I think you're depressed" as I don't want to kick off his anger. I just wouldn't know how to say that to him.

 

Would you suggest I talk about anything?

 

Anything I shouldn't say?

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You are so welcome! I hope sometime you would take the time to go back and look at your thread and your own posts. It really shows the amount of reflecting you have done in short period of time. Great job!!

 

I think your plan for tomorrow's discussion is good. It frames the "need for space" in a positive way. I am also glad that you are going to tell him about your feelings about the incident that happened at the store. This takes guts, but it needs to be done, and I am glad that you are taking the step to address it. I also agreed with you about the benefit of asking for a letter in case your guy gets too emotional. This would also be a part of a good exit plan in case he explodes.

 

It's great that you took the time to plan what you are going to talk about. Planning keeps things from getting too emotional and avoids the potential of the important points getting lost in the heat of the moment. One thing I would suggest is to have some sort of exit plan in case he gets really agitated. Like I said before, asking for a letter would be good. Knowing what to say ahead of time can help you from saying something you would regret later.

 

Be careful and good luck! Keep us posted!

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You are so welcome! I hope sometime you would take the time to go back and look at your thread and your own posts. It really shows the amount of reflecting you have done in short period of time. Great job!!

 

I think your plan for tomorrow's discussion is good. It frames the "need for space" in a positive way. I am also glad that you are going to tell him about your feelings about the incident that happened at the store. This takes guts, but it needs to be done, and I am glad that you are taking the step to address it. I also agreed with you about the benefit of asking for a letter in case your guy gets too emotional. This would also be a part of a good exit plan in case he explodes.

 

It's great that you took the time to plan what you are going to talk about. Planning keeps things from getting too emotional and avoids the potential of the important points getting lost in the heat of the moment. One thing I would suggest is to have some sort of exit plan in case he gets really agitated. Like I said before, asking for a letter would be good. Knowing what to say ahead of time can help you from saying something you would regret later.

 

Be careful and good luck! Keep us posted!

 

I will take all of this into consideration.

 

 

 

Just wanted to add something that I haven't said about in previous posts.

 

About 5 days ago he began to be extremely harsh to me saying I'd be better off without him as he thought he was holding me back. He felt as though he pressured me (to do with what I wear etc) and felt he was being too controlling. He thought that by breaking up with me I'd do better with my life.

 

I obviously said no to all of this and said it was ridiculous. He said to me "fine then the only way you're going to progress with your job and life is that if you don't start trying then I'll stop coming to see you, you'll have to work for my affection". I thought this was even more ridiculous! And harsh.

He said "it's the only way you'll learn".

 

He asked me to leave and I wouldn't leave because I wanted to sort out whatever was bothering him, he said it was me. 2 hours later and a huge fight later he started crying in my arms saying he isn't made for having a girlfriend and isn't compatible with anyone.

 

That same night after I left he messaged me asking me out for dinner and that's when he sent me that text message I posted in a previous post. Apologising for his actions and saying he doesn't deserve me.

 

We had a fight the next night too as he got extremely angry again. Earlier that day he was saying to me "are you sure you want to be with me now you know what I'm really like" .... "I love you" ...... And cuddling me too. Being affectionate I guess.

 

And later that night when we had that fight he said "this is the final straw I'm seriously thinking about finishing with you"

 

I haven't seen him since then but he's text me "I love you" and he obviously asked to see me but I declined, as you know.

 

What can you get out of this, what's going through his mind? I know he wants space but is he trying to get me to finish with him so he doesn't have to?

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