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An update to this thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/489982-i-m-going-out-my-mind

 

My situation just got a whole lot worse. I've been looking for a place to stay on airbnb and was hoping to move at the end of this week (I'm working all week). Thought everything would be okay because that crazy lady was supposed to leave today.

 

Today is the first day of my new job. I was running a little late and right as I was about to get in the shower this morning, the crazy lady lunged into the bathroom. I figured she'd be in there for ten, fifteen minutes tops. After almost half an hour I knocked on the door. No response. Ten minutes later I knocked again and said, "Sarah, I have to get to work. Please hurry." No response. A few minutes later she opened the bathroom and was applying makeup very slowly in front of the mirror. I walked by and said to her, "I really need to use the bathroom. I'm going to be late."

 

She told me she wasn't going to leave and started physically blocking the door. I told her that I could call the cops on her because she's a guest and I'm a tenant. She started stalking me down the hallway and yelling in my face, even touching me at one point. She kept saying over and over how I'm ugly as hell and how no guy would want to be with me. She also told me she had gone in my room while I was gone and saw that I was sleeping on an air mattress and how pathetic it is. I called the cops. Then I went downstairs to speak to the landlord but forgot my key. As soon as I left she slammed the door shut and yelled down "Haha, now I've locked you out!" I also tried calling my roommate but he didn't pick up the first time.

 

The landlord was sympathetic and let me hang out in their apartment while I called my roommate again. I explained to him what had happened and he indicated he didn't believe me and that his friend would never do that/say those things. He wasn't sympathetic at all and seemed to believe her version of the story (that she hadn't said anything to me or threatened me in any way). Thankfully, the landlord was on my side and told him, "Tuxedo has always been very respectful toward us."

 

Finally, the cops arrived. I showed them to the door and she refused to open it. One of the cops kicked the door, trying to break it down. It wouldn't budge because it's an old door. Finally she opened it. They escorted her out and told me I had been in my right and I could call them again if she returned. She is flying out tonight across the country--thank God.

 

I spoke to my roommate again later and he told me he had spoken to her and gotten the truth out of her (she had lied to him initially about what had happened).

 

The worst part of all this is I was two hours late for work and when I called my new boss to tell her what happened she sounded like she didn't believe me. I didn't go into much detail; I just told her that I had called the cops to remove an unwanted guest from my apartment. Right after we spoke I got an email from her saying that I could do my work from home for the rest of the week and indicating that I was now basically on a trial. She would decide based on my research at the end of the week whether to sign me on for more days. Our original agreement had been a month of work, although I didn't sign any contract.

 

I don't have the time to move until this weekend because I'm signed on for ten hour days all week.

 

I'm really shaken, and I'm terrified that I'm going to lose this job. The things this lady said about me also made me feel terrible. I'm trying to brush them off but it's hard.

Edited by tuxedo cat
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Can your boss call the police, and have it verified that it actually happened? Is there a way to check things like this? I know that when we were in a car accident, it was filed online.

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I'm concerned that might backfire by making it look as if I'm involved. I think it's definitely a possibility but I'm on the fence.

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Eternal Sunshine

I would be cautious to do that. People usually think there is 2 sides to every story and will wonder if you are partly responsible for the mess or if you are the type of person that will get into conflict with everyone.

 

Don't apologize again and just do your work the best you can and hope it will work out.

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What about the fact that the police told her that she was in the right?

 

That is a lot of drama, especially for a first day. I went through that sort of things for over two years, with my sister. It's awful, and I didn't know how I was supposed to be moving forward with my own life, when she was trying to ensure that I was crazy and left with no self-esteem.

 

I can't think of anything, except finding a safe place where you can get your work done, and get through the trial period.

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Do not tell your boss to call the police. Your boss doesn't care about you home life. No boss does, frankly. All bosses care about is that their employees show up for work and get their work done.

 

I agree with ES. Put today behind you and focus on getting your work done this week. Show your boss that she didn't make a mistake hiring you by pouring your energy into doing a stellar job researching etc. this week.

 

Always keep home and work life separate. If both cross, all hell usually breaks loose.

 

As for your douche bag of a roommate - make sure he knows that you have the landlord on your side, as your ally, if he tries any more of this sh*t again with his cuckoo friends. He can't let this weirdos crash (it's against the lease to have guests temporarily live there, any lease will state this) anymore b/c it's illegal. If he does it again IMMEDIATELY report any new guests he hoards in his apartment to the landlord. You have the power now. Don't forget that. You can get him evicted if his pulls this stunt again.

 

13 days to go until you're out of that hell hole. You can make it.

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What about the fact that the police told her that she was in the right?

 

That is a lot of drama, especially for a first day. I went through that sort of things for over two years, with my sister. It's awful, and I didn't know how I was supposed to be moving forward with my own life, when she was trying to ensure that I was crazy and left with no self-esteem.

 

I can't think of anything, except finding a safe place where you can get your work done, and get through the trial period.

 

Anela as much as I respect your advice, you're wrong in this case to advise the OP to tell her boss to call the police. It won't work in the OP's favor. If the OP gets her boss involved, she WILL lose her job. This is New York after all. People are quickly replaced.

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Anela as much as I respect your advice, you're wrong in this case to advise the OP to tell her boss to call the police. It won't work in the OP's favor. If the OP gets her boss involved, she WILL lose her job. This is New York after all. People are quickly replaced.

 

I realized that once I'd posted. It's just unfair, but I understand that's a lot of drama for a first day.

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Decide the following: Is your priority feeling safe, both physically and emotionally, or is it impressing this particular boss with your work ethic? Both options are legitimate. It just depends what you need most right now.

 

Do you want to feel safe? If so, I suggest you thank your boss for being understanding and giving you a chance. Work the week so as to not leave her in a lurch with research, but tell her you need to sort out your home situation and will be dedicating the week after that to doing this. On that week, maybe you could go spend time at your parents until you can sort out your living situation in New York. You just need a safe place to live until you can move into your new place right? That's in September or October right? Maybe you could work on a project back home in the meantime. Certainly, you could take some needed rest from the drama.

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I think you should leave the apartment immediately for your mental and physical safety. If it were me, I would stay at a friend's place and aggressively search for a permanent new living situation.

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The situation is getting worse.

 

I had a long conversation with my roommate tonight. He isn't on speaking terms with his friend after what happened but he is actually really concerned about my safety. He tells me that his friend is from the hood and that he wouldn't be surprised if she had one of her friends stalk and knife me in the street.

 

Not just that but she's a major player in the fashion industry (bizarrely as she comes off as obnoxious with no social skills or boundaries), and he is worried she may email everybody she knows about me. He said she is very vindictive if somebody crosses her.

 

So yeah I need to move out ASAP but I'm also concerned about my professional future. I feel like this industry is overrun with sociopaths. Before my roommate told me how powerful she was I assumed she was a nobody because she comes off as so ratched and unprofessional.

 

I don't understand how it is that in all of my years working at jobs while I was in school I never got into drama with anyone but since I moved to NY I've had horrible experiences with just about everybody in my industry.

 

I'm starting to really loathe this city.

Edited by tuxedo cat
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The situation is getting worse.

 

I had a long conversation with my roommate tonight. He isn't on speaking terms with his friend after what happened but he is actually really concerned about my safety. He tells me that his friend is from the hood and that he wouldn't be surprised if she had one of her friends stalk and knife me in the street.

 

Not just that but she's a major player in the fashion industry (bizarrely as she comes off as obnoxious with no social skills or boundaries), and he is worried she may email everybody she knows about me. He said she is very vindictive if somebody crosses her.

 

So yeah I need to move out ASAP but I'm also concerned about my professional future. I feel like this industry is overrun with sociopaths. Before my roommate told me how powerful she was I assumed she was a nobody because she comes off as so ratched and unprofessional.

 

I don't understand how it is that in all of my years working at jobs while I was in school I never got into drama with anyone but since I moved to NY I've had horrible experiences with just about everybody in my industry.

 

I'm starting to really loathe this city.

 

Move to L.A. or the UK? Sorry to be glib. Yeah your situation sounds precarious from every angle. But this week you need to prove to your boss that you can work under pressure and turn in good work.

 

Don't let the idle threats of some fashionista sociopath worry you. Major player doesn't mean people respect her. Please she's from the hood? Pffft. How long have you known your roommate? He sounds just as goofy and highly untrustworthy for what he's put you through.

 

The fashion industry has a LOT of players. She sounds like a nutcase. She's probably all bark and no bite as they say. She intimidates people she views as vulnerable b/c she's hollow inside and has nothing of substance to offer anyone.

 

I highly doubt anyone would listen to her rants and raves about you anyway, as she barely knows you. Don't let that irrational fear (that your roommate planted in your head) side track you right now as it's not a reality. It's just your concerned roommate worrying out loud. He's not helping your situation by concocting scenarios that are unlikely to happen.

 

Is there any way you can finish your work while you stay at this apartment this week? If not, then I think you're alternative is to find a hostel, or friend or friend of a friend and stay with them and pull a couple of all nighters if that's what it takes. I don't trust your roommate either. I think he's one sandwich short of a picnic as we here in the Midwest say. :p

 

Tomorrow grab your stuff and go stay somewhere else - anywhere else - so you can feel safe and get your work done. Otherwise, if you stay there you risk more harm coming to you. But again, your roommate sounds about as reliable as a career politician.

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Your roommate also could be trying to instill fear into you about this crazy woman b/c he wants her to move back in, and kick you out. Like I said, I don't trust him based on the way you describe him here. It's probably in your best interest to get the heck out of there tomorrow if you can swing it.

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There is way too much drama in that housing situation.

 

You could look into emergency housing. Contact NYU, CUNY or Columbia's housing offices. You probably don't qualify for their emergency housing, but they will likely be able to refer you to local agencies who deal with non-students.

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I can't seem to get over the things she said about me. I still struggle with some body dysmorphia. To make matters worse I confided in my roommate about that and he said some things that only made it worse. At one point I laughed and said how some ppl find me ugly but then some guys find me beautiful and he said "yeah but how attractive are those guys." I was taken aback by how insensitive it was and then he said " I just meant that I never trust flattery." I really need to get out of here.

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I feel so depressed today. I've been working hard on this job but I see no happiness or future for myself. This really shook me up.

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Eternal Sunshine

TC keep working, don't quit your job. You can get through this.

 

As for your roommate :sick::sick::sick::sick: He is so sick and twisted, he enjoys planting these seeds of fear in your mind and hitting your insecurities and then watching you suffer. Then he says something vaguely nice just to make sure you trust all his negative comments. If anyone is a sociopath, your roommate is.

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I can't seem to get over the things she said about me. I still struggle with some body dysmorphia. To make matters worse I confided in my roommate about that and he said some things that only made it worse. At one point I laughed and said how some ppl find me ugly but then some guys find me beautiful and he said "yeah but how attractive are those guys." I was taken aback by how insensitive it was and then he said " I just meant that I never trust flattery." I really need to get out of here.

 

Your roommate does not sound like a very decent guy at all. He's dragged this unpredictable, nasty woman into your life and he should be trying to make amends to you, not scare you.

 

I suspect there are lots in the fashion industry who are obsessed with looks. Obsessives are not objective, they focus on minor details which are irrelevant when it comes to attraction. An obsessive will notice the crumb on your carpet but miss that you are a warm, caring human being. Do not allow these kind of people to judge you. Everyone is unique and has their own attraction and emotional/physical/scent/everything presence. No-one has the same presence as you, no matter how you view yourself. That uniqueness is what will draw people to you and love you. This roommate is a shallow idiot - why would you respect the views of someone like that?

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I feel so depressed today. I've been working hard on this job but I see no happiness or future for myself. This really shook me up.

 

Sorry about how you are feeling today. You have been through a traumatic experience and it is bound to have an impact for a while. I know your job is very important to you but I think others don't really understand the impact of shock on a person like this. Really, you need some time off work to find a safe place and recover. It's a real pity you cannot do this at the moment. Please don't be hard on yourself if you are finding it difficult to concentrate. Is there any way you could get some respite and just get a different job somewhere else?

 

Hugs to you xx

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I agree with what the gals have said to you Tuxedo Cat. Your male roommate is just as bad if not worse than that horrible woman he's friends with. He's not a good source of emotional support ofr you right now, thats clear. I'm so sorry you are stuck in this bizarre situation. Don't let it ruin your perception of NYC as a whole. It's great city. Once you get away from this weirdo roommate and into a better roommate situation you'll be able to appreciate what NYC has to offer.

 

But I do think you need to get the hell out of that apartment as soon as possible. Definitely before October 1st if you can swing it. Is there anyone you know in NYC who would let you temporarily stay with them until October 1st? Or Airbnb I guess is an alternative if you're not comfortable staying in a youth hostel (I can see why when you're a grown adult how that might feel weird).

 

Hang in there. We're all here for you anytime you need to post.

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Call the police and ask where you can pick up a copy of the police report and take a copy to your boss. If she fires you, maybe you can use that report with the EEOC when you file a grievance there about getting fired while you were dealing with an emergency. That same boss probably lets parents off the hook all the time just because they have to do some kid thing or another. Fight it. Don't go in there being apologetic. Tell her you're getting her a copy of the police report.

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Wow, thanks for all the support guys! You have no idea how much it's helped me get through the day.

 

Things are looking up a bit. My new boss complimented me on my work, said I was "rocking it." She also recommended me to a friend of hers who needs help with a gig in a few weeks. I did some damn good research for her considering the circumstances. I decided not to show her the police report--good advice.

 

The only iffy thing is that she's still being vague on whether she'll need my help next week but I think that might actually be because they're in such good shape right now research wise, partly through my efforts (she has another assistant helping who is working full time that she has been using for years).

 

I just need to get through two more days and then I'm off, thank god.

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You've done incredibly well considering the background circumstances. You really do deserve to succeed and def to meet a better breed of roommate!

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Tuxedo my friend that is great news! Positive feedback from your boss already AND a professional referral from her to her colleague. I think you just

;)
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I met with the lady and got the job! It starts mid next week and continues for two weeks during fashion week. I'll be paid well for a starting assistant -- 3500 -- and my duties will more like an associate's. She told me I came highly recommended. I will probably be working for this other lady that I started with at the beginning of next week but she's in really good shape with her client so she says she can release me for her friend.

 

I keep worrying one of them will talk to my old boss whom they both know, but it's probably pointless to fret over.

 

I'm still looking for a one or two day a week internship that is more film related. Film is more my interest and I just accidentally kind of fell into this fashion thing, but the experience I've gotten so far is great and very transferrable.

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