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If her figure has changed


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I suppose this is a question for either sex really ...

 

What if you had a friend that you were really interested in and attracted to, but she didn't reciprocate at that time? Suppose you crossed paths again later and she'd put on some weight, would you still have that original interest in her or would it disappear? I'm assuming here that you don't already hate her for not reciprocating originally.

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If her figure has changed for the worse, I would be thankful I never got involved. I would not be resentful at all. The lack of interest would be because I am not attracted. But we could still be friends.

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Always Pondering

If she put on a significant amount of weight, that would in more cases than not speak for how well she takes care of her overall health and well-being (unless she was going through a rough patch and just happened to decide to change her lifestyle not too long before the meet-up). This is naturally a turn-off for me. Along with this, my interest in her appearance-wise would be lower if not gone.

 

It varies on the amount of weight I suppose for myself but I'm assuming you're not talking about a small number.

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It'sallnewtome

Wouldn't it be dependant on whether the attraction was still there.

 

I am a girl and I am 65kg.. I don't feel an attraction to a man over 90kg.

 

It's just my own attraction limit.

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IWhat if you had a friend that you were really interested in and attracted to, but she didn't reciprocate at that time? Suppose you crossed paths again later and she'd put on some weight, would you still have that original interest in her or would it disappear? I'm assuming here that you don't already hate her for not reciprocating originally.

 

I've had it and also a couple of friends. The answer is no. Lots of people wont give such a person a 2nd chance even if they had not put on weight, unless they had a good reason for knocking you back originally. If it was because they were under a lot of stress & depression at the time or not emotionally recovered from a bad relationship at the time, then its feasible. If it was strictly a case of chasing better options or having fun enjoying the nsa life with hotter prospects, then no way. You're just a back up option, and times that by 2 now that they have gotten fat and their options less bountiful. The person will likely still have the same cool personality, but you totally being settled for in the 2nd case.

In a couple of our situations the relationship potential was down graded to fwb. Not totally because they put on weight, but also also because they mostly had nsa relationships in the meantime, so 'we'll also have one of those too thanks'. They were a bit cheesed off, but we weren't naive.

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todreaminblue

if i am interested in a guy it wouldn't have been his weight that attracted me in the first place.....if he had gained weight.... wouldn't make a difference...because my interest would have been in him as a person and having known him or want to get to know him better, or who i would call as a friend would still be a friend whether he rejected me or not....as long as it was a rejection that was compassionate and not disrespectful to me....deb

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Regardless of reciprocated interest, once or twice over the last few years I bumped into guys whom I used to like and who got significantly larger. It's always a sad sight to see.

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I'm curious as to why this guy is plan A all of a sudden OP? Is it merely coincidence that the change of heart occurs after the increase in weight?

 

So no, I cant see many guys accepting being turned down by a girl only to have their interest returned after she has put on weight. The sub text tells the guy just where he is the food chain. Unless of course the guy himself has low enough esteem/lack of options that he is willing to return the interest, not an entirely unlikely outcome. Personally, if I were the guy, I would much rather stay single.

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I'm curious as to why this guy is plan A all of a sudden OP? Is it merely coincidence that the change of heart occurs after the increase in weight?

 

So no, I cant see many guys accepting being turned down by a girl only to have their interest returned after she has put on weight. The sub text tells the guy just where he is the food chain. Unless of course the guy himself has low enough esteem/lack of options that he is willing to return the interest, not an entirely unlikely outcome. Personally, if I were the guy, I would much rather stay single.

 

The guy is not necessarily Plan A at all, just someone reconnected with. There was an issue originally as he was quite a few years younger but genuinely interested. At the time, he could have found someone younger and had kids. I felt he should have this opportunity. This hasn't happened but he has probably lost interest anyway now.

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Not likely, though it depends on what the basis of the attraction was. If we're talking about a really good awesome super friend who I got along with really well? Probably.

 

If we're talking a "friend" in the casual "I see you a few times a year when I hang out with 'X' and you always look great" then no.

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It depends on why I was attracted to her in the first place. My high school dream girl bloated up by at least a good 75 pounds and I'd probably still go out with her. There was a weird, unique connection there. Another situation where the attraction was more based on her physical attributes would be different though.

 

You aren't going to get a lot of guys admitting they'd date a fat woman. Even if they would.

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There was a girl I had a big crush on in my late teens. Stunning figure. She fancied me too. We never got together as we saw each other only rarely and one or other of us were normally not single.

 

Saw her again many years later. She's married and has blown up to the size of a house. I'm not remotely attracted to her any more, and feel more like I dodged a bullet than anything else.

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The guy is not necessarily Plan A at all, just someone reconnected with. There was an issue originally as he was quite a few years younger but genuinely interested. At the time, he could have found someone younger and had kids. I felt he should have this opportunity. This hasn't happened but he has probably lost interest anyway now.

 

Quite a lot of people wont give a person a 2nd chance if they were rebuffed. Also the desire may have dimmed a bit with your gain in weight.

So it seems you have reconnected after a bunch of years. He used to be genuinely interested you say. What sort of vibe are you getting from him now?

You seem to be writing your chances off but not based on anything concrete in terms of change in demeanor from him. If you still ger on well with him and he's single try and drop it into the conversation why you didn't pursue more strongly before and see what response you get.

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Was very attracted to a guy a couple of years ago; and with very attracted I mean merely seeing him could make my day.

 

Well, today he's got piercings in the face and just like that all attraction was gone. Guess it doesn't even need to be weight to turn someone off.

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The guy is not necessarily Plan A at all, just someone reconnected with. There was an issue originally as he was quite a few years younger but genuinely interested. At the time, he could have found someone younger and had kids. I felt he should have this opportunity. This hasn't happened but he has probably lost interest anyway now.

 

Aah, fair enough. I still would think it would be difficult to spark the attraction if the guy knew the girl when she was more 'in shape'. Of course, not everyone is as cynical as me- the guy may not be motivated by looks, if he genuinely was interested in personality then it might not be an issue.

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I love how everyone pretends to only date physical specimens and shun all others. Yet, when I look outside a huge percentage of the population is overweight. A huge percentage of the overweight have partners too!

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TigerLilly78
I love how everyone pretends to only date physical specimens and shun all others. Yet, when I look outside a huge percentage of the population is overweight. A huge percentage of the overweight have partners too!

 

You noticed this to? to answer the OPs original question prob the fact there wasn't any original attraction would be more a deal breaker for me..

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