AnneT1985 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Hi y'all! How are you doing? I have a question about a friend but this can pertain also to ALL relationships. This friend has some very good qualities. The problem is I feel bad in her presence. She says some very rude and hurtful things on a regular basis. I don't know what her motivations are and when I've asked her to clarify she just says she didn't mean anything bad. But the remarks continue- and in my opinion they serve no purpose other than to make someone feel bad and are entirely unhelpful, kind of mean and distorted. Thus, I've really backed away from her. We used to get together regularly. I'm not looking for an enemy out of her as I do appreciate she has some good qualities but I was thinking of leaving the relationship at a distance as I've done with others- contacting her at holidays and her birthday etc and leave it at that. Does this sound reasonable with such a person? What would y'all do? Thanks so much! xx Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt. There must be some insecurity within you that makes you react adversely to her comments. You might like to learn to 'give back as you get' and shrug such inappropriate, tactless and insensitive remarks off. I see you have already put distance between you. A little more won't hurt, but think about where you are vulnerable, and why, and how to close that gap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Regardless, the people in your life should add value to it and she doesn't sound like she does. If you want the friendship to continue I would address the problem again and tell her to stop. If she doesn't then I would decide if this is really someone in my life. What she is doing is adding no value to anything or anyone and is just negative. That is her choice but it will not win friends and influence people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 To shrug off one or two comments, well.. we all do that but to have to shrug off a continual barrage of comments is having to do too much for a friendship. I dated a girl in my past that would make very crass and rude comments about her patients.. who were kids... After the first one or two couple with the fact she would say rude things about her neighbors I realized she will be saying rude things about me to other people and the relationship died quickly. I think you should weigh the relationship out and cut back the time you spend with her.. there is no reason you should be made to feel bad when around a friend. Aren't friends supposed to be nice to their friends... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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