Mr Scorpio Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 So I "met" a gal via an online discussion forum. We infrequently gave each other slightly-flirty messages over a period of many months. She commented that I seemed like her type. She then requested a pic of me, which I provided. Her response was a positive one. I replied with a thanks and a little joke. She replied with nothing. I figured that was the end of that. However, I have no objection to just maintaining a platonic "relationship", someone to converse with on a deeper level than I would the general public. So, despite having received no reply to my prior message, I sent a "getting to know you" message relating to things she had written about on the forum. She replied with nothing. I see no way to interpret the situation other than her not finding me physically attractive. That is fine. Can't win them all. What bugs me is her response to the photo. I consider the reply downright patronizing in retrospect. Sure, she didn't tell me that she found me ugly. At the same time, she could have steered the conversation in a different direction with her reply, or even said "you look ok but I'm into guys with traits 'X' and 'Y'." I would have found that preferable to false hope. I didn't expect much of anything to come of it. Nevertheless, I will ashamedly admit that I was rather disappointed by it. It was the first interest that has been thrown my way in many years. I don't doubt that she was trying to be gentle in her rejection. It didn't work. One minute I'm interesting enough to justify asking for a photo. Then I'm not even worth carrying on a conversation with. Harsh. General thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Well you do look a little jaundiced in your avatar.... What exactly did she say that seemed patronizing, Mr. Scorpio? G 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Well you do look a little jaundiced in your avatar.... What exactly did she say that seemed patronizing, Mr. Scorpio? G I was going to ask for a picture of Scorpio so I could critique him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I don't think there's any real gentle way to be rejected. =/ It burns thoroughly no matter how it's done once you start getting your hopes up. One of the reasons I like weirder/less attractive avatars and pictures is it sorts out the real shallow people at the onset. If they can put up with a bald marble head or my picture of proximo on facebook they always end up pleasantly surprised when they find out what I actually look like. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 How do you even know it's a chick? It is the internet you know. Could be dude posing as a chick too. If as such then this person is doing a favor. Or if it is a girl, how do you know she's not ugly, crazy, possessive, a gold digger, got a venereal disease, a big slut, or a whole slew of other negative issues? You don't even know this person. I wouldn't get bent over someone on the internet. Better to meet people in real life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Giggle Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I continue my interesting conversations irregardless of my thoughts on their attractiveness or not. A 50+ guy I play a game with currently has a crush on me. Not sure how that happened since I have never talked to him much personally, but I'm not going to stop being my flirty self just because I'm completely unattracted to him. Sooooo, she couldn't have been that interesting an individual. I'll have interesting conversation with you scorpio =o) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 ^^^ She's cute scorpio. Check her profile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Giggle Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Lol thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 If it wasn't sad it would be amusing why any adult would be concerned about rejection from an Internet entity when they have zero idea whom they are dealing with. This could be a 12 year old in his pajamas....or some great grandma in a nursing home. I'm reminded of the Simpsons episode when Bart was sending Mrs Crabapple love messages on a dating site. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Lol thanks Be gentle with him. Scorp's a good guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Scorpio Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 Well you do look a little jaundiced in your avatar.... What exactly did she say that seemed patronizing, Mr. Scorpio? "Wow! You're such a cutie! You must have no problem getting women!" How do you even know it's a chick? It is the internet you know. Could be dude posing as a chick too. I cannot know for certain. However, it seems to me highly unlikely that someone would post dozens of "selfies" and thousands of messages discussing their trials and tribulations under an assumed identity. Is it possible? Sure. But it would be an extreme waste of time. If it wasn't sad it would be amusing why any adult would be concerned about rejection from an Internet entity when they have zero idea whom they are dealing with. I suppose my "concern" is whether or not this is normal behavior? To express interest and then, when you find you aren't attracted to someone (which is fine), to give them a dishonest compliment and then subsequently ignore them? Why not be more direct? Why lead someone on at all? I assume it was simply her way of being polite. Maybe it is common and I simply hadn't experienced it yet? Granted, it isn't as though my life changed. But for a 24 hour period my imagination got away from me. I thought "wow, this beautiful and intelligent woman thinks I'm interesting and attractive? Bwaa? Maybe I need to reassess my self-image." Beyond that, the one relationship that I have had began in much the same way, anonymously over the internet. My ex found my personality interesting and we became friends w/o any romantic complications. I eventually broke my way out of the friend-zone and that was that. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 (edited) She then requested a pic of me, which I provided. Her response was a positive one. I replied with a thanks and a little joke. She replied with nothing. What bugs me is her response to the photo. I consider the reply downright patronizing in retrospect. I'm confused. What did she actually say? You said it was positive but then said downright patronizing... Edit to add: "Wow! You're such a cutie! You must have no problem getting women!" I think you're reading into it. Or thinking there's some malicious intent there when there isn't. She is expressive. Trust me if she thought you were ugly she wouldn't say what she said. Edited August 1, 2014 by whichwayisup 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I think you're reading into it. Or thinking there's some malicious intent there when there isn't. She is expressive. Trust me if she thought you were ugly she wouldn't say what she said. Most people would lie like that. =/ It's pretty normal. And it's happened to a lot of people before. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Mr S, i doubt it was meant as patronising. I don't know anyone who would reply in a negative way. Your a cool guy with a ready wit and an obvious intellect. Maybe she will contact you again? Ive told girls they look nice when they are clearly not my type. If she had said something negative then i think it would be worse. Keep your end up and don't put yourself down my friend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 "Wow! You're such a cutie! You must have no problem getting women!" I cannot know for certain. However, it seems to me highly unlikely that someone would post dozens of "selfies" and thousands of messages discussing their trials and tribulations under an assumed identity. Is it possible? Sure. But it would be an extreme waste of time. I suppose my "concern" is whether or not this is normal behavior? To express interest and then, when you find you aren't attracted to someone (which is fine), to give them a dishonest compliment and then subsequently ignore them? Why not be more direct? Why lead someone on at all? I assume it was simply her way of being polite. Maybe it is common and I simply hadn't experienced it yet? Granted, it isn't as though my life changed. But for a 24 hour period my imagination got away from me. I thought "wow, this beautiful and intelligent woman thinks I'm interesting and attractive? Bwaa? Maybe I need to reassess my self-image." Beyond that, the one relationship that I have had began in much the same way, anonymously over the internet. My ex found my personality interesting and we became friends w/o any romantic complications. I eventually broke my way out of the friend-zone and that was that. Gee's man, she complimented you then went quiet right? Did you continue to message her? She might be thinking the same about you! Did she go offline? She could've had any number of reasons to stop messaging all of a sudden. That's the trouble with OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Well i dunno, she stopped replying so I agree with OP on this one. But it may not necessarily be because of the photo. that is a damn good compliment so she must be pretty fake so say that and not mean it. And silence can be just as hurtful a rejection BUT in some ways better to not know what they really think. Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 Did she also send you a pic and how did you reply to that, OP?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Scorpio Posted August 3, 2014 Author Share Posted August 3, 2014 Mr S, i doubt it was meant as patronising. I don't know anyone who would reply in a negative way. Agreed. She doesn't seem the sort who would be rude. Moreover, let me emphasize that my goal here isn't to cast blame or garner sympathy. I just want to learn from the experience. Did you continue to message her? She might be thinking the same about you! Did she go offline? She could've had any number of reasons to stop messaging all of a sudden. That's the trouble with OLD. I sent her a reply to her response to the photo, and then a subsequent message three days later. Anything further at this point would be unwelcome, and I don't want to be rude or harassing. No, she did not go offline. Did she also send you a pic and how did you reply to that, OP?? She did not send me a pic. Her avatar was a pic of her. I randomly wrote her one day to compliment the pic. She replied thanking me for the compliment, then wrote back again a month later asking for my pic. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 Some women can be like vampires, sensing guys who might be a little vulnerable and getting a kick out of flicking them a little attention and watching how they bite. I've seen that happen before. =/ It never ends well for the guy. They should just defrost, get over it already and get that energy out in the bedroom instead but they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 I just saw this thread. Oh my god. Maybe if you want her to be direct, you could be more direct rather than posting a thread? Maybe she had really bad experiences with message board things before and didn't want to go down that route again? Maybe she was still sincere with complimenting your pic without a desire to take it further? Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 If it wasn't sad it would be amusing why any adult would be concerned about rejection from an Internet entity when they have zero idea whom they are dealing with. This could be a 12 year old in his pajamas....or some great grandma in a nursing home. I'm reminded of the Simpsons episode when Bart was sending Mrs Crabapple love messages on a dating site. Yes that type of rejection when sending someone a picture didn't bother me because I had no idea who they were so I just moved on. Like you said it could have a been a 12 year or a man. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Yes that type of rejection when sending someone a picture didn't bother me because I had no idea who they were so I just moved on. Like you said it could have a been a 12 year or a man. lol Yep Or a Nigerian prince wanting a kidney. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Yep Or a Nigerian prince wanting a kidney. you have me screaming right now:laugh::laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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