miketp82 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 years and I love her with all my heart but she recently told me she was going to start dieting and plans on losing a lot of weight she is 5'2 and about 290lbs I dont want her to gain I'm not in to that but I am and always have been attracted to bigger girls I don't find skinny girls attractive at all. She knew this about me from day one and now I'm scared that if she loses the weight I won't find her sexually attractive. I love her just the way she is she id is perfect to me. I love her personality her sense of humor she is my perfect match but I feel like physically you have to be attracted to the person as well can someone please give me some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Cross that bridge when you get there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 OP, her health should be paramount in your relationship. At her height and weight she is morbidly obese and headed toward an early grave. Don't be selfish and discourage her because you're putting your sexual needs before her physical well-being. By the way, she has a lot of weight to lose before she comes anywhere close to being "too skinny". Even if she lost 100lbs she'd still have quite a bit of meat on her bones and that day is likely a very long way off. I for one applaud your girlfriend for her efforts and truly hope she succeeds. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miketp82 Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 In case you haven't understood my dilemma I haven't discouraged her at all I haven't said a word to her regarding her decision. I love her and want her to be happy but at the same time I feel that a relationship is built on two things mental and physical mentally she is perfect and physically she is perfect for me but my issue lies with if the physical changes what do I do stay with her and be unsatisfied or what I didn't post this question to be criticized I am truly asking for advice so if u could please give me sound advice not acusing me of strictly looking at her as a piece of meat for my sexual pleasure we love each other very much but I'm trying to seek help in figuring out if this is something I will be able to get pastor not. When two people meet you don't automatically know their personality its a physical attraction that draws you in. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Mike you have gotten sound advice. First and foremost, cross that bridge when you get to it. You are "borrowing worries" right now. You are afraid that you won't be attracted to her IF she were to lose a lot of weight but it is based on a number of assumptions. One, that she will actually lose the weight and two that it will change the way you view her sexually. You may find that you are still attracted to her even with weight loss. Because you love her based on more than her physical appearance, this could be a very positive event in your relationship. Furthermore both of your physical, mental and emotional health is paramount and should be received with positive reactions from the other party. But could you lose attraction for her? Sure, it does happen. I am not sure of your weight and personal appearance but I wonder if there is more to this, more about you, than just her weight loss. If you start seeing her differently, talk to a mental health provider. They may be able to help you through it. But regardless, just wait and see. This could be all about nothing and you find that you love and are attracted to her even more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miketp82 Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it. I feel like you are right I'm jumping way ahead of my self. I guess it just got me all worked up cause I have been basing all this on my past interests in women but who knows maybe it will work out for the better. Plus it also made me wonder why would someone want to change their appearance to something way different than what their significant other loves about them like maybe she is trying to push me away for some reason. I guess I just need to chill out and like you said cross that bridge when I get there. But to answer your question I'm 6'1 and about 165lbs. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 She may not like her heavier self. Just like it's unfair for people to dump their SO's because of weight gain, you need to take in the whole person & still love her because she is still her when she loses weight. Her current state is unhealthy. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Well this is a first. Weight is hard to lose. I wouldn't worry about her being too skinny. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it. I feel like you are right I'm jumping way ahead of my self. I guess it just got me all worked up cause I have been basing all this on my past interests in women but who knows maybe it will work out for the better. Plus it also made me wonder why would someone want to change their appearance to something way different than what their significant other loves about them like maybe she is trying to push me away for some reason. I guess I just need to chill out and like you said cross that bridge when I get there. But to answer your question I'm 6'1 and about 165lbs. I think you might be putting too much emphasis about yourself in her thinking. This is about her personally and her body. She wants, for probably a variety or reasons, to be smaller. This may be due to health concerns, appearances, social pressures, etc. I think you should ask her, why does she want to? As her SO, you should know these whys because they are going to be very important to her. You can help and encourage her in these areas when you learn them. She may want to do more with you physically. This may be a great opportunity you guys can start doing more things together like hiking, rock climbing, a sport. I didn't ask you your stats, what I stated was her changing her appearance and potentially becoming more desirable to others, is causing you to "trigger" on your own self concerns. Some people like their SO to be overweight, unattractive, etc. because it makes them feel better or less challenged and that the other person needs them more. It is more a reflection of their neuroses. I am not saying this is the case with you but something to consider. Loving my husband, I love him at all weights but because I love him I want him to be healthy. It is better for him in all areas and allows him to live a longer and healthier life. I would not wish an unhealthy lifestyle on my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
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