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WHY does he contact me?


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My first love, my first everything, was 35 years ago.

 

We were best friends for three years and then dated exclusive for 5 years. He was five years older than I was. He was friendly, great looking, talented, popular in a good way, kind........ Everyone thought I wasn't good enough for him because I was just average. But he loved me and things were perfect.

 

As the years went by, I knew he was pulling away and he wanted to experience other women. Other women were always hitting in him but until the end, I think he was faithful. I think he loved me and what we had.

 

We broke up and went our seperate ways. We lost touch.

 

Eight years ago, he called me out of the blue to wish me a happy birthday and see how my life was going. I had just found out three weeks prior to his call, my husband had cheated on me. I never told him. I was married with two children and had moved to Indiana (from Maine).

 

He told me he was happily married to a beautiful woman and had two amazing kids. I was happy for him and wished him the best. End of call.

 

Enter FaceBook. I was a late joiner in Facebook because of my ending marriage and work, kids, and night school. I didn't care about FB.

 

I finally joined in 2010 or 2011. I make facebook friends and my first love sends me a friend request and I accept.

 

My first love looks great, hasn't aged, has a stunning wife........ And I don't care. I knew he was the kind of person that was good at life so I expected his life was great.

 

My life, not so great. I had a bad accident that left me somewhat paralyzed. I can still drive and get around but it sucks I can't do the things most can do.

 

My kids keep me busy and I am a happy person in general. I have many interests in life so I'm not super great or popular but I am comfortable with myself.

 

So every six or seven weeks (almost clockwork) my first love sends me a facebook message. A joke, news about his dad or mom, a place we went to that closed.....nothing heavy...

 

I reply accordingly. No love talk or feelings talk, just light casual stuff.

 

I honestly think he is just that kind of a guy who is friendly.

 

He recently told me his wife wanted to seperate and they are now headed for a divorce.

 

I think my ex-love is devastated and really loves his wife very much.

 

He still never waivers from contacting me every six weeks but has never said anything inappropriate or indicated any feelings for me.

 

My girlfriends think he has feelings for me but doesn't want me back. They think he just wants to know I'm "out there" and will answer when he messages me.

 

He does not call me. Only a facebook message or a text every four to eight weeks.

 

A part of me likes to think he still thinks of me but another part thinks it just feeds his ego. I'm telling you, this guy can get tons of women.

 

He's my friend so I always reply. I wish him the best because he has been good to me. BUT part of me thinks, "you made your choices years ago about me so why do you care now". We will never be together so what is the point? What is his point if there is any?

 

Thoughts?

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acrosstheuniverse

I dunno, I think you're reading too much into it to be honest. I have mates I contact maybe once every month or two. Maybe he just values the time you spent together and sees you as someone he can trust and who he wants in his life in a peripheral kind of way. I don't see any evidence that it's anything more than that on his part. Sounds like maybe wishful thinking on your part, an ego-boost that he's still into you perhaps?

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Ahhh...you're starting to get your hopes up a little I'm afraid. Just a tiny bit because if you weren't you simply wouldn't care at all. It wouldn't make you wonder why in the first place.

 

BEEN THERE! lol

 

You have a history with him. He keeps in touch with you because the two of you have a history together. I'm sure he has a love for you and misses your friendship. That means something. It means he really cares about you more than you were just an ex gf of his.

 

If you have any feelings for him romantically at all, then address them now. Find out if you're just lonely or whatever or if your feelings for him are sincere. If you don't have romantic feelings for him then GREAT! Just make sure you understand he isn't doing anything wrong, he's just being friendly so just be a friend back. You won't get hurt in this situation if you don't have any expectations of him or his intentions.

 

Just go with the flow for now.

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